Before you skip past this to what I wrote about Max Starks, I'm not conducting a witch hunt and I'm also not condoning what Bill Belichick did. I'm simply answering a question.
(By the by, my official stance on Spy Gate is that I don't think it really helped the Patriots, but any way that can be found to punish them is okay by me. If they did get a bunch of help by videotaping the Rams walkthrough the Saturday before the Super Bowl, then you've gotta take that out of their trophy case. Not literally, but you have to consider them to be 2-2 in Super Bowls in this decade. That still makes them far better than any other team in the '00s, so they're still the team of the decade, but that makes them about as cool as the '70s Cowboys... which is another team that I like to see suffer. So, the circle is complete.)
I've heard this question a few times since Senator Arlen Specter (take a bow, Pennsylvanians!) started sticking his nose into the Spy Gate incident.
The question is: "What the fuck is Congress doing messing with the NFL? Don't they have more important things to do?"
Well, the answer to the second question is, "Yes. They probably do have more important things to do." The answer to the first question is a little longer.
The NFL, NBA, MLB, and NHL are all monopolies. Specifically, the NFL is the only entity that produces a product of its kind: NFL football. However, the NFL is made up of 32 teams. In normal business situations, all 32 teams would negotiate with networks as individuals and TV contracts would vary. In a normal business situation, if all 32 teams decided to negotiate together, TV contracts would be fatter, because there would be no competition. That would be an Anti-Trust issue, which falls under the jurisdiction of Congress. To put it in simpler terms, if Dell, HP, Compaq, and Gateway all got together and said, "As of today, all laptops cost $2,000 and all desktops cost $1,500," no one would be questioning why Congress was getting involved, because that would be a bunch of big companies getting together to form a monopoly and fixing their prices.
(Editor's Note: Toshiba and Sony would have declared that they don't compete on price and would have left themselves out of the above conversation.)
The NFL is allowed to negotiate as one entity without Anti-Trust ramifications because of an agreement they signed with Congress in the 50's. The agreement states that the NFL is exempt from Anti-Trust laws so long as their product is readily available to the masses. The DirecTV Sunday Ticket thing and the black-out date thing are knotty areas in this agreement and Congress is pushing for black-outs to go away and Sunday Ticket to be available to anyone.
One of the implicit parts of that agreement is that the NFL is an entertainment entity that produces professional football games that are fair, played on an even field, and free of cheating. So, Spy Gate makes it seem like that last part isn't true. If that last part isn't true, it's in violation of the Anti-Trust laws, and it's the business of Congress to look into it.
Baseball has the same basic agreement (though it's a little sweeter in some areas), so that's why Congress is talking to Roger Clemens and Mark McGuire.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
News on Starks, Other Stuff
I think that I mentioned somewhere in this blog that I believed the Steelers were going to let Max Starks walk in free agency. Well, I'm dumb. They placed the transition tag on him. In my defense, they're dumber than I am, because the transition tag isn't worth anything.
Anyone that has the transition tag placed on them gets paid the average of the top 10 players at their position. Tackle is not broken up into left and right tackle, so we're basically paying him like the 10th best left tackle in the game. And he's not worth that.
Plus which, the transition tag only gives the Steelers right of first refusal on a contract offer made by another team. If they let him walk, they get nothing. If they are forced to let him walk, they get nothing. You may recall the transition tag from the 2006 offseason. The Seahaws placed it on Steve Hutchinson shortly after they lost Super Bowl XL to the Steelers (yep, that's right, we won that Super Bowl). Minnesota came along and offered Hutchinson a contract with what lawyers like to call "poison pills" in it. It said that the contract was voided if Hutchinson didn't play half of his games in the state of Minnesota that season, that he'd be due huge roster bonuses if he played half his games in the state of Washington, stuff like that. Seattle couldn't match the contract, so they lost him and got nothing.
While they were busy getting nothing in return, they were on the salary cap books for paying Hutchinson top-10 money for a guard. Since that time, no one has used the transition tag on anybody. You'll also remember that the Bungholes (I find it interesting that spell check underlines Bungles in red, but leaves Bungholes alone) also lost Takeo Spikes to the Bills because they designated them as their transition player.
The interesting thing is that, by doing this, the Steelers can prove just how a dumb a move it was to risk paying Starks about $8.5 million for just this season by sitting around and doing nothing. I think it's pretty unlikely that anyone's going to offer him a contract, since the only type of contract another team would offer is a big one that the Steelers wouldn't match... and no one's going to pay top dollar for a back-up right tackle that lost his job to a dude named after part of your ass. They'll end up either having to sign him to a long term deal or eating that big cap number and watching him walk away next offseason. If they don't franchise him, that is.
Wiki does a better job of explaining the transition tag than I did, so here's that: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transition_tag.
I also heard that Kevin Colbert said he used the transition tag on Starks because he thought the Steelers wouldn't be able to match any offer that Alan Faneca got on the open market. Really, Kevin? You're sure about that? I thought the Steelers front office wrote off all chances of Faneca suiting up for the Steelers in 2008 in July 2007 (if not earlier) like the rest of us did. So, that's another level of stupid.
At any rate, they're probably going to sign Starks to a long term deal. Max Starks. A guy who pretty well stunk in 2006, was benched at the beginning of 2007, and somehow ended up playing left tackle towards the end of 2007. Maybe Marvel Smith is hurt worse than we think and the Steelers brain trust believes Starks can be a good left tackle. I don't believe that, but I've been wrong before -- like in 2004 when I thought the Steelers were dumb for drafting Roethlisberger, 2005 when I thought they were dumb for drafting Heath, and when I thought that the Duce Staley and Cedrick Wilson signings were both "good pick-ups."
By the way: This is only the beginning. I foresee a very busy offseason for our favorite team. (Mark this one down, too. It could end up being a tremendously dumb statement.)
Anyone that has the transition tag placed on them gets paid the average of the top 10 players at their position. Tackle is not broken up into left and right tackle, so we're basically paying him like the 10th best left tackle in the game. And he's not worth that.
Plus which, the transition tag only gives the Steelers right of first refusal on a contract offer made by another team. If they let him walk, they get nothing. If they are forced to let him walk, they get nothing. You may recall the transition tag from the 2006 offseason. The Seahaws placed it on Steve Hutchinson shortly after they lost Super Bowl XL to the Steelers (yep, that's right, we won that Super Bowl). Minnesota came along and offered Hutchinson a contract with what lawyers like to call "poison pills" in it. It said that the contract was voided if Hutchinson didn't play half of his games in the state of Minnesota that season, that he'd be due huge roster bonuses if he played half his games in the state of Washington, stuff like that. Seattle couldn't match the contract, so they lost him and got nothing.
While they were busy getting nothing in return, they were on the salary cap books for paying Hutchinson top-10 money for a guard. Since that time, no one has used the transition tag on anybody. You'll also remember that the Bungholes (I find it interesting that spell check underlines Bungles in red, but leaves Bungholes alone) also lost Takeo Spikes to the Bills because they designated them as their transition player.
The interesting thing is that, by doing this, the Steelers can prove just how a dumb a move it was to risk paying Starks about $8.5 million for just this season by sitting around and doing nothing. I think it's pretty unlikely that anyone's going to offer him a contract, since the only type of contract another team would offer is a big one that the Steelers wouldn't match... and no one's going to pay top dollar for a back-up right tackle that lost his job to a dude named after part of your ass. They'll end up either having to sign him to a long term deal or eating that big cap number and watching him walk away next offseason. If they don't franchise him, that is.
Wiki does a better job of explaining the transition tag than I did, so here's that: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transition_tag.
I also heard that Kevin Colbert said he used the transition tag on Starks because he thought the Steelers wouldn't be able to match any offer that Alan Faneca got on the open market. Really, Kevin? You're sure about that? I thought the Steelers front office wrote off all chances of Faneca suiting up for the Steelers in 2008 in July 2007 (if not earlier) like the rest of us did. So, that's another level of stupid.
At any rate, they're probably going to sign Starks to a long term deal. Max Starks. A guy who pretty well stunk in 2006, was benched at the beginning of 2007, and somehow ended up playing left tackle towards the end of 2007. Maybe Marvel Smith is hurt worse than we think and the Steelers brain trust believes Starks can be a good left tackle. I don't believe that, but I've been wrong before -- like in 2004 when I thought the Steelers were dumb for drafting Roethlisberger, 2005 when I thought they were dumb for drafting Heath, and when I thought that the Duce Staley and Cedrick Wilson signings were both "good pick-ups."
By the way: This is only the beginning. I foresee a very busy offseason for our favorite team. (Mark this one down, too. It could end up being a tremendously dumb statement.)
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Pro Bowl Review
I realize that it was an exhibition game. I realize that it didn't matter at all. I understand that the players were, in theory, playing for game checks... for roughly $40,000 a pop for the winners. And these are Pro Bowl guys. $40,000 is a long night at a club or half a night at a strip bar if you're Pacman Jones. As I mentioned in my Super Bowl Review, it's all about pride and determination at this point.
And, in my opinion, there were a lot of proud guys out there today. A lot more players than you'd expect were actually trying in the game. It was fairly intense for an All-Star game. Though I believe that the NFC cheated because they didn't play everyone they could have and kept Adrian Peterson in at tailback for almost the entire game (and that guy is, hands down, the greatest player in the NFL, and it's not even close. Everything that I had seen from him was subjective, thinking about how to stop him. But, really, the only way to stop him is to have two or three guys in his way. If he gets one-on-one with another player, even if it's one of the best in the league, like it was today, he's going to win. He's... he's just amazing. Best. Player. In. The. NFL. Period. That fucking guy is unbelievable. I honestly wish I had had recorded the Pro Bowl so that I could watch him play against the best and utterly humiliate the best repeatedly.)
So, I noticed two things Steeler-related in this game.
We drafted a 4-3 linebacker in Lawrence Timmons and a 4-3 end in Lamar Woodley in the last draft. We're going to draft some more guys like Woodley and Timmons in this year's draft. The change is coming.
I knew it was coming, but it really hit me full-force today.
And, in my opinion, there were a lot of proud guys out there today. A lot more players than you'd expect were actually trying in the game. It was fairly intense for an All-Star game. Though I believe that the NFC cheated because they didn't play everyone they could have and kept Adrian Peterson in at tailback for almost the entire game (and that guy is, hands down, the greatest player in the NFL, and it's not even close. Everything that I had seen from him was subjective, thinking about how to stop him. But, really, the only way to stop him is to have two or three guys in his way. If he gets one-on-one with another player, even if it's one of the best in the league, like it was today, he's going to win. He's... he's just amazing. Best. Player. In. The. NFL. Period. That fucking guy is unbelievable. I honestly wish I had had recorded the Pro Bowl so that I could watch him play against the best and utterly humiliate the best repeatedly.)
So, I noticed two things Steeler-related in this game.
- If the Steelers want to move to the 4-3 defense, they need to trade Casey Hampton. He was forced to work as an "under" tackle in the 4-3 defense today and was completely lost. Really. They can't even keep him on the roster if they move to the Cover 2.
- James Harrison looked about as lost. He signed a contract extension before the 2007 season, so the Steelers have three options:
- Release him and take the cap hit.
- Trade him.
- Have him gain some weight and become a defensive end.
We drafted a 4-3 linebacker in Lawrence Timmons and a 4-3 end in Lamar Woodley in the last draft. We're going to draft some more guys like Woodley and Timmons in this year's draft. The change is coming.
I knew it was coming, but it really hit me full-force today.
Thursday, February 07, 2008
Super Bowl Review
I was hungover for about two days after the Super Bowl. I'm pretty sure I wrote an e-mail to a sports columnist on Sunday night that used the word "douchebag" 26 times. And, then, it was kinda like, "The Super Bowl was soooooo Sunday."
At any rate, I have to say that I was pretty much right about everything. The Giants did what I said they needed to do. And then some. I've never seen Brady that harassed. I've never seen him that frustrated. I've never seen him that confused. It's a lot like the look someone has on their face when they dominate a video game on Easy for four months, then decide, "How much tougher can Moderate be? Fuck it. I'm gonna try Expert." They constantly glance down at the controller, they furiously pound on the buttons, they stare wide-eyed at the TV and anyone that happens to be watching, then they ultimately hit the re-set button. The Patriots couldn't hit the re-set button on Sunday and I think it left them shell-shocked.
But, the big thing I didn't foresee was Eli Manning and the Giants offense coming through in the clutch and the Patriots choking. All the breaks that went the Patriots way during their run -- especially during the 2001 season and during the course of this season -- they all went the Giants way in the Super Bowl. Some dude named David Tyree made an impossible catch on a ball that's picked off 9 times out of 10 thrown by a guy that's about as mobile as Half Dome after he escaped three linemen simultaneously. On third down. The bounces went their way, the Patriots dropped a couple of sure interceptions, and, really, the Giants just wanted it more.
Ever have one of those days where you're so tired that you're basically trying to think of all the things you absolutely, positively need to do before you're allowed to sleep? Everyone on the Patriots had that look about them halfway through the third quarter.
I just still can't believe that, basically, the Giants out Patrioted the Patriots. I read this on a message board somewhere and I think it sums everything up nicely:
"On the Patriots final drive, when defensive tackle Jay Alford busted through the line absolutely smacked Tom Brady, dropping him for a sack, he had a dazed look about him. It was as though, in the past four months, he had forgotten he was playing football and was rudely awakened."
So, really, there's only one thing that still needs to be covered...
Belichick and a good number of the guys on the Patriots, including Junior Seau and Tedy Bruschi, who needed to play defense, left the field with one second left.
Now, in the grand scheme of things, this isn't a huge deal. No one's really making a huge deal out of it. PTI and Around the Horn probably had three minutes devoted to it, but it's pretty much been swept away. The popular excuse is that no one from the Patriots knew that there was one second left and, by the time someone informed them, none of them cared.
From an objective prospective, how important is it that every guy on the Patriots stays on the field and congratulates every guy on the Giants? These guys are professionals, right? So long as there are enough people left to finish the game, that's all that really matters. For official purposes, there were 46 guys active for the game and 7 inactives. Belichick could've run out the same 11 guys out there and had them play both offense and defense the whole game and there would have been nothing illegal about it. And, he could've had them take the field and said, "Good luck, boys. I'm going to the bar." All the NFL needed, for official purposes, was that 11 guys were on the field on offense and defense for the whole game.
It's not like anyone for New York had their feelings hurt or that Belichick refused to take the team out for banana splits at Dairy Queen because his players didn't line up, slap five with the Giants players, and say, "good game, good game, good game," repeatedly. There was nothing illegal or emotionally scarring about it. And, I'm not even going to go the route of, "They set an absolutely horrendous example for kids growing up and playing sport. I had to explain to little Jimmy why they left the field early and didn't congratulate the other team on the victory." This isn't the first time your kids going to be disappointed by sports. If he is irrevocably damaged by something he saw on TV at the end of the Super Bowl, he's got bigger fish to fry psychologically.
What the Patriots did shows a lack of respect and a complete lack of class.
When a bunch of guys beat the shit out of each other and attempt to kill each other for three hours, they form a kind of bond. They know, somewhere deep in their psyche that this is just a job, but most of their motivation comes from pride and determination. Especially in the post-season, when a game check is far less than what they make during the regular season. So, other than Brady or Manning or Strahan, who are all marketable and would stand to make some money endorsing products with some championship hardware behind him (seriously, is Justin Tuck going to start doing Mastercard commercials? Did the thought of that motivate him in any way? No.), other than those few players, no one was motivated by money. Just pride and determination.
What did the Giants get for their tremendous showing of pride and determination? Well, shit yeah, they got rings, t-shirts, hats, and nice, shiny Lombardi Trophy, but they didn't get the respect and humility of the team they played against.
Is that scarring? Do they care now? Probably not. They're not a bunch of whining assholes like Mike Holmgren and the Seahawks (I heard something on the radio where someone was still bitching about Super Bowl XL -- which we won, btw -- and, shortly thereafter, I read an article that said Holmgren was still pissed about having his General Manager responsibilities taken away in 200-fucking-3. Seriously. Give it up.) At any rate, the Giants could probably give two shits about it right now.
It's not life-altering, but it is a move that is fraught with douche baggery.
Look, I have to say that I'm glad the Patriots finished the season 16-0. There. I said it. In a regular season that had a lot of pitfalls and some pretty shitty storylines -- one of which involved the Browns (get it? Shitty? Browns?) -- New England gave us something to watch. And someone to hate.
Think about it. Can you remember anything better from the regular season, anything that got more coverage and spurred more debate than the weekly quest for perfection? Cleveland's a great story, but you can't talk about it much. "Hey, Bill. Cleveland's kicking ass. Did you see that coming?" No, Ted. No I didn't. End of conversation. "But, say there, Bill. The Packers are a terrific story and Brett Favre is playing like a kid again." Yep. He sure is. He's the Brett Favre of football, alright. "What about the Patriots?" Oh, well, they're a bunch of dicks. I think they're overrated and... what about this Spygate thing? Think that's gonna blow up in their faces during the Super Bowl? What about in the offseason? I think Brady's going to hit 55 touchdowns. He's slowed down the last couple of weeks, but he'll come back around. Did you see what they did to Joe Gibbs and the Redskins...?
That got us through the regular season. Then, all the post-season games rocked (admit it, if your favorite team wasn't involved in the Jacksonville game, you'd have said it was a hell of a game). And the Super Bowl was one of the all-time best. I'd put it right up there with the Broncos-Packers Super Bowl and the Bills-Giants Super Bowl.
But, enough about the good things the Patriots did. One of the reasons that they spurred on so much conversation and debate is that they were so hated throughout the entire season. Every non-Patriot fan wanted them to lose. And, no doubt, there were some serious Concern Rays at work in the Super Bowl.
So, they go through every game of the regular season, thumbing their noses at the Spygate situation, blowing out overmatched opponents and generally acting like douche bags. They were douche bags to such a great extent that it proliferated to their entire fan base, made fans out of people that turned in their Boston Douche Bag Fan card years ago, and made it so that you couldn't talk to someone about the Patriots until you were absolutely positive that they weren't a Pats fan.
Teams starting gearing up for them at the midway point of the season. Every game became their Super Bowl. They wanted to be the team that knocked the juggernaut off its mighty perch. But, the Pats kept winning. They kept being snide, arrogant bastards, and they kept empowering their fan base to do the same. And, if there's one thing that's worse than an insufferable douche bag, it's an insufferable douche bag that can back it up.
For eighteen straight weeks and about two months of playing against opponents that treated the game like the only game of the season that mattered, the New England Patriots backed up their insufferable douche baggery with stellar play. A good deal of luck was involved, but, for the most part, they were just better than everyone else. They were so much better, everyone forgot that the Colts were the defending champs and Indy snuck their way through the season at 13-3 with half a roster.
Here's the thing. They fucked up the ultimate revenge by walking off the field early. If Bruschi and Belichick and Moss and Brady and Harrison and every single one of those cold-hearted, motherless, baby punching bastards had gone up to every single member of the Giants and, whole heartedly (or at least gave the appearance of sincerity) said, "Great job. Congratulations."... most of us would've said, "Huh. I guess they aren't such douche bags after all. They really were just better than everyone and they were playing to win. They came up short this time. They'll be back strong next season."
Instead, they walked off early and everyone had the right to say, "HA! You lost, bitches! That's right, run away! You were douche bags before, but now you're just loser douche bags!" And the biggest, most insufferable douche bag of them all lead the charge. And didn't acknowledge the douche baggery in the post-game press conference.
And, that, my friends, is why the 2007 Patriots will go into the record book as an incredibly talented group of insufferable douche bags. I, for one, am glad that we don't have to deal with these fuckers for the next 40 years like we've been addled with the Dolphins. After all, they weren't douche bags to start with: They just got surly with age and champagne.
Here's the worst part:
I really, really, really, really wanted to hate Randy Moss after this game. In the past, he's quit on his teammates, he's left games early, he's been a locker room cancer and he ran over a meter maid. Prior to the 2007 season, the man was just a colossally acerbic dick. During the 2007 season, everyone started praising him. First came the stories out of the Patriots camp. Randy's doing well, he's a smart guy, he's not quitting on routes. Then stories from the regular season. Look at Randy blocking down the field, here he's acting as a decoy is going all out even though he knows he's not getting the ball, he's so humble, giving the ball to a teammate after scoring a touchdown. Then the post-season. Randy's not getting catches but he doesn't care, he's happy to be winning, he wants to retire as a Patriot, he's still blocking downfield and finishing every route strong. I saw him starting to give up, as all the New England players did at one point or another in the Super Bowl and I thought, "There's the true Randy. You can take the douche out of the bag, but you can't take the douche bag out of Randy Moss' soul." When Belichick rushed off the field with time still remaining on the clock, I actually looked for Moss (HD is awesome), hoping he'd be scurrying away as well. But, there he was, on the sidelines, looking around confused, as if to say, "Hey... uh... we still have time on the clock. Everyone sees that, right? Uh... guys?" And he stayed on the field. And he congratulated the Giants.
Ah, well. I suppose my faith in humanity was restored in that moment. So... that's good, I guess.
One other thing: The officiating was simply amazing in this game. It wasn't perfect, but it was damn-near perfect. Great job by the zebras in this one. We're too quick to criticize them and we usually don't say anything nice when they win.
Great job, boys. Way to make me look like an ass by saying that the officiating could play a factor in the game.
At any rate, I have to say that I was pretty much right about everything. The Giants did what I said they needed to do. And then some. I've never seen Brady that harassed. I've never seen him that frustrated. I've never seen him that confused. It's a lot like the look someone has on their face when they dominate a video game on Easy for four months, then decide, "How much tougher can Moderate be? Fuck it. I'm gonna try Expert." They constantly glance down at the controller, they furiously pound on the buttons, they stare wide-eyed at the TV and anyone that happens to be watching, then they ultimately hit the re-set button. The Patriots couldn't hit the re-set button on Sunday and I think it left them shell-shocked.
But, the big thing I didn't foresee was Eli Manning and the Giants offense coming through in the clutch and the Patriots choking. All the breaks that went the Patriots way during their run -- especially during the 2001 season and during the course of this season -- they all went the Giants way in the Super Bowl. Some dude named David Tyree made an impossible catch on a ball that's picked off 9 times out of 10 thrown by a guy that's about as mobile as Half Dome after he escaped three linemen simultaneously. On third down. The bounces went their way, the Patriots dropped a couple of sure interceptions, and, really, the Giants just wanted it more.
Ever have one of those days where you're so tired that you're basically trying to think of all the things you absolutely, positively need to do before you're allowed to sleep? Everyone on the Patriots had that look about them halfway through the third quarter.
I just still can't believe that, basically, the Giants out Patrioted the Patriots. I read this on a message board somewhere and I think it sums everything up nicely:
"On the Patriots final drive, when defensive tackle Jay Alford busted through the line absolutely smacked Tom Brady, dropping him for a sack, he had a dazed look about him. It was as though, in the past four months, he had forgotten he was playing football and was rudely awakened."
So, really, there's only one thing that still needs to be covered...
Belichick and a good number of the guys on the Patriots, including Junior Seau and Tedy Bruschi, who needed to play defense, left the field with one second left.
Now, in the grand scheme of things, this isn't a huge deal. No one's really making a huge deal out of it. PTI and Around the Horn probably had three minutes devoted to it, but it's pretty much been swept away. The popular excuse is that no one from the Patriots knew that there was one second left and, by the time someone informed them, none of them cared.
From an objective prospective, how important is it that every guy on the Patriots stays on the field and congratulates every guy on the Giants? These guys are professionals, right? So long as there are enough people left to finish the game, that's all that really matters. For official purposes, there were 46 guys active for the game and 7 inactives. Belichick could've run out the same 11 guys out there and had them play both offense and defense the whole game and there would have been nothing illegal about it. And, he could've had them take the field and said, "Good luck, boys. I'm going to the bar." All the NFL needed, for official purposes, was that 11 guys were on the field on offense and defense for the whole game.
It's not like anyone for New York had their feelings hurt or that Belichick refused to take the team out for banana splits at Dairy Queen because his players didn't line up, slap five with the Giants players, and say, "good game, good game, good game," repeatedly. There was nothing illegal or emotionally scarring about it. And, I'm not even going to go the route of, "They set an absolutely horrendous example for kids growing up and playing sport. I had to explain to little Jimmy why they left the field early and didn't congratulate the other team on the victory." This isn't the first time your kids going to be disappointed by sports. If he is irrevocably damaged by something he saw on TV at the end of the Super Bowl, he's got bigger fish to fry psychologically.
What the Patriots did shows a lack of respect and a complete lack of class.
When a bunch of guys beat the shit out of each other and attempt to kill each other for three hours, they form a kind of bond. They know, somewhere deep in their psyche that this is just a job, but most of their motivation comes from pride and determination. Especially in the post-season, when a game check is far less than what they make during the regular season. So, other than Brady or Manning or Strahan, who are all marketable and would stand to make some money endorsing products with some championship hardware behind him (seriously, is Justin Tuck going to start doing Mastercard commercials? Did the thought of that motivate him in any way? No.), other than those few players, no one was motivated by money. Just pride and determination.
What did the Giants get for their tremendous showing of pride and determination? Well, shit yeah, they got rings, t-shirts, hats, and nice, shiny Lombardi Trophy, but they didn't get the respect and humility of the team they played against.
Is that scarring? Do they care now? Probably not. They're not a bunch of whining assholes like Mike Holmgren and the Seahawks (I heard something on the radio where someone was still bitching about Super Bowl XL -- which we won, btw -- and, shortly thereafter, I read an article that said Holmgren was still pissed about having his General Manager responsibilities taken away in 200-fucking-3. Seriously. Give it up.) At any rate, the Giants could probably give two shits about it right now.
It's not life-altering, but it is a move that is fraught with douche baggery.
Look, I have to say that I'm glad the Patriots finished the season 16-0. There. I said it. In a regular season that had a lot of pitfalls and some pretty shitty storylines -- one of which involved the Browns (get it? Shitty? Browns?) -- New England gave us something to watch. And someone to hate.
Think about it. Can you remember anything better from the regular season, anything that got more coverage and spurred more debate than the weekly quest for perfection? Cleveland's a great story, but you can't talk about it much. "Hey, Bill. Cleveland's kicking ass. Did you see that coming?" No, Ted. No I didn't. End of conversation. "But, say there, Bill. The Packers are a terrific story and Brett Favre is playing like a kid again." Yep. He sure is. He's the Brett Favre of football, alright. "What about the Patriots?" Oh, well, they're a bunch of dicks. I think they're overrated and... what about this Spygate thing? Think that's gonna blow up in their faces during the Super Bowl? What about in the offseason? I think Brady's going to hit 55 touchdowns. He's slowed down the last couple of weeks, but he'll come back around. Did you see what they did to Joe Gibbs and the Redskins...?
That got us through the regular season. Then, all the post-season games rocked (admit it, if your favorite team wasn't involved in the Jacksonville game, you'd have said it was a hell of a game). And the Super Bowl was one of the all-time best. I'd put it right up there with the Broncos-Packers Super Bowl and the Bills-Giants Super Bowl.
But, enough about the good things the Patriots did. One of the reasons that they spurred on so much conversation and debate is that they were so hated throughout the entire season. Every non-Patriot fan wanted them to lose. And, no doubt, there were some serious Concern Rays at work in the Super Bowl.
So, they go through every game of the regular season, thumbing their noses at the Spygate situation, blowing out overmatched opponents and generally acting like douche bags. They were douche bags to such a great extent that it proliferated to their entire fan base, made fans out of people that turned in their Boston Douche Bag Fan card years ago, and made it so that you couldn't talk to someone about the Patriots until you were absolutely positive that they weren't a Pats fan.
Teams starting gearing up for them at the midway point of the season. Every game became their Super Bowl. They wanted to be the team that knocked the juggernaut off its mighty perch. But, the Pats kept winning. They kept being snide, arrogant bastards, and they kept empowering their fan base to do the same. And, if there's one thing that's worse than an insufferable douche bag, it's an insufferable douche bag that can back it up.
For eighteen straight weeks and about two months of playing against opponents that treated the game like the only game of the season that mattered, the New England Patriots backed up their insufferable douche baggery with stellar play. A good deal of luck was involved, but, for the most part, they were just better than everyone else. They were so much better, everyone forgot that the Colts were the defending champs and Indy snuck their way through the season at 13-3 with half a roster.
Here's the thing. They fucked up the ultimate revenge by walking off the field early. If Bruschi and Belichick and Moss and Brady and Harrison and every single one of those cold-hearted, motherless, baby punching bastards had gone up to every single member of the Giants and, whole heartedly (or at least gave the appearance of sincerity) said, "Great job. Congratulations."... most of us would've said, "Huh. I guess they aren't such douche bags after all. They really were just better than everyone and they were playing to win. They came up short this time. They'll be back strong next season."
Instead, they walked off early and everyone had the right to say, "HA! You lost, bitches! That's right, run away! You were douche bags before, but now you're just loser douche bags!" And the biggest, most insufferable douche bag of them all lead the charge. And didn't acknowledge the douche baggery in the post-game press conference.
And, that, my friends, is why the 2007 Patriots will go into the record book as an incredibly talented group of insufferable douche bags. I, for one, am glad that we don't have to deal with these fuckers for the next 40 years like we've been addled with the Dolphins. After all, they weren't douche bags to start with: They just got surly with age and champagne.
Here's the worst part:
I really, really, really, really wanted to hate Randy Moss after this game. In the past, he's quit on his teammates, he's left games early, he's been a locker room cancer and he ran over a meter maid. Prior to the 2007 season, the man was just a colossally acerbic dick. During the 2007 season, everyone started praising him. First came the stories out of the Patriots camp. Randy's doing well, he's a smart guy, he's not quitting on routes. Then stories from the regular season. Look at Randy blocking down the field, here he's acting as a decoy is going all out even though he knows he's not getting the ball, he's so humble, giving the ball to a teammate after scoring a touchdown. Then the post-season. Randy's not getting catches but he doesn't care, he's happy to be winning, he wants to retire as a Patriot, he's still blocking downfield and finishing every route strong. I saw him starting to give up, as all the New England players did at one point or another in the Super Bowl and I thought, "There's the true Randy. You can take the douche out of the bag, but you can't take the douche bag out of Randy Moss' soul." When Belichick rushed off the field with time still remaining on the clock, I actually looked for Moss (HD is awesome), hoping he'd be scurrying away as well. But, there he was, on the sidelines, looking around confused, as if to say, "Hey... uh... we still have time on the clock. Everyone sees that, right? Uh... guys?" And he stayed on the field. And he congratulated the Giants.
Ah, well. I suppose my faith in humanity was restored in that moment. So... that's good, I guess.
One other thing: The officiating was simply amazing in this game. It wasn't perfect, but it was damn-near perfect. Great job by the zebras in this one. We're too quick to criticize them and we usually don't say anything nice when they win.
Great job, boys. Way to make me look like an ass by saying that the officiating could play a factor in the game.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Non-Super Bowl News
The Bungles just signed a quarterback to the 2008 roster. His name? Jordan Palmer, brother of cornhole afficiando Carson Palmer.
So, since the team's current nickname is the Bungles and they now employee two known cornholers, the new official name for the Cincinnati Bengals is: the Bungholes.
Effective immediately.
So, since the team's current nickname is the Bungles and they now employee two known cornholers, the new official name for the Cincinnati Bengals is: the Bungholes.
Effective immediately.
Super Bowl Preview
Here's my issue with this game. If you look at the match-ups, the Giants actually have a chance. I'll go on record as saying I think the Patriots will win, but I think there isn't much of a chance that they'll cover. The Giants just present too many problems for them.
Look at the teams that gave New England trouble this year (not including the Giants, obviously): Philly, Indy, the hated Ravens, and the Chargers. In all other games, the Patriots either had a very comfortable lead and pulled away, or they had a big lead and blew the other team out. All four teams have something in common: They all can run the ball and they all can pressure the quarterback. Lots of analysts have talked about the fact that the hated Ravens, Eagles, and San Diego all did a great job of mixing up coverages, but the fact is that they fucked with Tom Brady by pressuring him. The Eagles and hated Ravens did it by sending five or six guys several plays in a row, then laying off and rushing two or three guys. The Colts and Chargers did it the old fashioned way, by rushing four. I know, I know, people will say the Chargers blitzed on every play because they have a three man defensive line and they were rushing four guys. But, Shawne Merriman rushes the QB so often, he may as well be a lineman.
The Colts held New England to 24 points (and 10 points through the first three quarters) by pressuring with their front four and playing it safe in the back seven. The Chargers held them to 21 points by playing some zone, some man, and switching it up often enough that Tom Brady actually had to think a little bit when he looked at the field and tried to figure out the coverage scheme. The more he has to think, the longer the front four has to pressure him. The more pressure he sees, the more likely he'll make a mistake. And, really, the G-Men need to hope for another three interception effort.
But, the thing about the Giants secondary is that it really isn't as crappy as I thought and they're significantly helped by the fact that their front four generates a ton of pressure (league-high 53 sacks). Defensive coordinator Steve Spagnuolo is a smart dude and this is a disciplined bunch of guys. The key is pressuring Brady, mixing up coverages and, above all, tackling people.
The Patriots offense is really, really, really simple. Everyone talks about how brilliant Brady is, but he's really just exceptionally good at working the clutch on the Ferrari that he's driving. He's got the best #1 receiver in the league and the best slot guy in the league. His #2 and #4 guys aren't bad -- the #4 guy was the #2 guy on the Patriots last year, before all the trades -- but they're made better by the fact that no one's paying any attention to them.
If you put everyone in the end zone and try to keep the play in front of you, Brady will throw underneath stuff to Wes Welker and Kevin Faulk, with occasional screens to Donte Stallworth and Randy Moss. When he throws that underneath stuff, the first guy in needs to tackle the receiver. Pure and simple. It's not like there have been a ton of missed tackles in the games I've watched of the Patriots, it's just that everyone on their offense is dangerous with the ball in their hands. So, in order to win, the Giants need to tackle better than anyone, including themselves in Week 17, has tackled thus far this year. As soon as someone on the Patriots catches the ball, they need to go to the turf.
In the previous game between these two teams, the Giants took away the deep ball, so Brady threw a bunch of dinky passes to Welker, Faulk, and Stallworth. Once the Giants secondary started creeping up to stop this, Brady went deep to Moss. And, bottom line, if you don't protect your safeties and make them think too much, the Patriots will downright fucking kill you. We didn't protect Anthony Smith and look what happened. If the safeties are allowed to think for themselves, they're done for. Plain and simple. No mater how much crap Brady completes in front of them, don't move them up. Tell them to stay the fuck back and run in whatever direction Moss is running in. The Giants failed to do this in the first game and Moss was open deep on back-to-back plays. He cashed in the second for a touchdown after dropping the first.
Out of every team that played the Patriots this year, the Chargers did the best job of covering deep, tackling short, and mixing up coverages to make Brady think. And they still lost. While I really think that, if they stick with something similar to what San Diego did, the Giants can have similar success, it still means that Eli Manning and the offense need to score more than 21 points.
And, really, it comes down to whether or not center Shaun O'Hara can block nose tackle Vince Wilfork one-on-one. Wilfork's a huge, athletic, powerful dude. Think of how good Casey Hampton was in 2005, then add a little more speed. That's what we're talking about. Remember how we couldn't run the ball up the middle on the Patriots? That's because Sean Mahan's a hack and would need six dudes and a chainsaw to stop Wilfork. See how much trouble Jacksonville had? Their center, Brad Meester, despite his bad-ass first name, is not much better than Mahan.
Two guys in the NFL can win a one-on-one battle with Wilfork about half the time (which is really all you can hope for): Jeff Saturday of the Colts and... wait for it... Shaun O'Hara of the Giants. If O'Hara can handle Wilfork by himself (if not most of the time, all of the time), the Giants can score more than 21 points. If he can't, they can't.
If he can, that means their guards can bust through the line and go kill senior citizens Junior Seau, Tedy Bruschi, and Rodney Harrison. All three of those guys are great players and they're very smart, but they can only get beat on so long before they start taking chances, taking bad angles, and attempting to "run around" blockers so they don't get hit. They're old, slow, and can only take so much of a pounding. They won't give up, they'll just start being stupid.
That means the running game will be successful for New York. If the running game is successful, that means that Eli can use the playaction passing that he runs so effectively. If the passing game and the running game are both working, then the offense will click. When the Giants offense clicks, they can score lots and lots of points on anyone... just not as many as, say, the Patriots offense when it is clicking, so the defense needs to make sure the Patriots offense isn't clicking.
If O'Hara doesn't stop Wilfork one-on-one, the Aged Three will be able to play their game: shoot the gaps, take the shortest distance to the ballcarrier, make the tackle on the first try and, in Harrison's case, jump onto the pile late with your elbows and cleats flying and not get flagged.
If the Aged Three are able to play their game, this becomes a shoot-out between Brady and Manning and a chess match between Bellichick and Tom Coughlin. In that situation, a 12-point spread starts to look mighty attractive and the smart bet is on the Patriots covering the "over" all by themselves. Eli has come a long way and he's been very efficient in the playoffs, but he hasn't come that far.
I would like to take this opportunity to point out the fact that O'Hara did not play in Week 17 against the Patriots and the Giants still scored 35 points.
Okay. So, say the Giants do the things I mentioned (pressure Brady, mix coverages, O'Hara blocks Wilfork all by himself). Bellichick is going to adjust. He will make the following adjustments:
1. Put 12 tight ends in the game and run three plays - Laurence Maroney left, Laurence Maroney right, and Laurence Maroney middle - for at least a full quarter, or until the Giants flinch.
2. Blitz the shit out of Eli for at least a full quarter, or until Eli is carried off on a stretcher with a dribble cup.
If the Giants can withstand that and win the turnover battle by at least two, they've got a shot. The only issue is they'll still end up facing the fourth quarter with the score close in a playoff game against the Patriots. And, even though they've gotten a little glam-tastic this season, this is still Brady, Bellichick, and all the other big game guys that have won championships for this team for a long time.
Unless the Giants are up by 10 with seven minutes left in the fourth quarter and holding the ball, they shouldn't feel too cocky. New England is too lucky and too clutch in tight situations to leave anything to chance.
Finally, there's a big x-factor in this game: The officials. As much as I hate the pissing and moaning of Seahawks fan, we had a lot of favorable calls in Super Bowl XL (which we won, btw).
The Patriots haven't dominated a good team since they kicked the shit out of us, but they've had more than their fair share of breaks.
1. Trailing against the Giants in Week 17, Tom Brady got sacked on 3rd and 22. Due to an illegal chuck penalty against New York, they got first and 10 and eventually scored a touchdown.
2. Towards the end of the first half of that game, two defenders for the Patriots held Brandon Jacobs down (delay of game on the defense) for eight seconds (which is a big deal, considering there were 38 seconds left in the half when he was tackled), then proceeded to grab him and yell at him when he got up and tried to get lined up for the snap. The officials, standing around and doing nothing, finally reacted... when Eli called a timeout. During the timeout, two separate New England defenders poked Jacobs in the eye and taunted him. End result? A five yard delay of game penalty on the defense and the clock was re-set to 33 seconds. So, instead of two personal foul penalties and a delay of game penalty, the Giants got five yards and lost five seconds. At least they didn't lose their timeout and Brandon Jacobs could still see. Nice of the officials to do that.
3. Mike Vrabel leg-whipped Philip Rivers in the AFC Championship game after Rivers threw the ball on the first series. No flag. Even though Vrabel was lying on his back, Rivers was on his side, then got up limping.
4. New England has not been flagged for offensive holding since Week 16. And that penalty was called on a back-up offensive lineman. While they say that you could realistically call someone for holding on every play, I find it very hard to believe that no referee saw someone on the Patriots that was guilty of holding someone from the other team for three entire games.
5. Rodney Harrison hasn't been called for a personal foul thus far in the playoffs. You could call one on him on any given play -- even when the Pats are on offense -- so it bears watching when the stakes are higher.
In the two playoff games the Patriots have lost in the Bellichick-Brady Era, especially the 2005 Divisional Round game against the Broncos, they were on the losing side of several calls. All their goodwill and karma from that game has been used up at this point. The Giants, meanwhile, have been generally shit upon by fate in the last four games, but they're still 3-1. Just like when the refs made it up to us in the Super Bowl for the flubbed interception by Troy against Indy, it's entirely possible that the favorable calls (and non-calls) New England has been getting all year will come to an end and fall greatly in the Giants favor.
Still, it's Eli Manning against Tom Brady.
Prediction: Patriots 31, Giants 24.
Look at the teams that gave New England trouble this year (not including the Giants, obviously): Philly, Indy, the hated Ravens, and the Chargers. In all other games, the Patriots either had a very comfortable lead and pulled away, or they had a big lead and blew the other team out. All four teams have something in common: They all can run the ball and they all can pressure the quarterback. Lots of analysts have talked about the fact that the hated Ravens, Eagles, and San Diego all did a great job of mixing up coverages, but the fact is that they fucked with Tom Brady by pressuring him. The Eagles and hated Ravens did it by sending five or six guys several plays in a row, then laying off and rushing two or three guys. The Colts and Chargers did it the old fashioned way, by rushing four. I know, I know, people will say the Chargers blitzed on every play because they have a three man defensive line and they were rushing four guys. But, Shawne Merriman rushes the QB so often, he may as well be a lineman.
The Colts held New England to 24 points (and 10 points through the first three quarters) by pressuring with their front four and playing it safe in the back seven. The Chargers held them to 21 points by playing some zone, some man, and switching it up often enough that Tom Brady actually had to think a little bit when he looked at the field and tried to figure out the coverage scheme. The more he has to think, the longer the front four has to pressure him. The more pressure he sees, the more likely he'll make a mistake. And, really, the G-Men need to hope for another three interception effort.
But, the thing about the Giants secondary is that it really isn't as crappy as I thought and they're significantly helped by the fact that their front four generates a ton of pressure (league-high 53 sacks). Defensive coordinator Steve Spagnuolo is a smart dude and this is a disciplined bunch of guys. The key is pressuring Brady, mixing up coverages and, above all, tackling people.
The Patriots offense is really, really, really simple. Everyone talks about how brilliant Brady is, but he's really just exceptionally good at working the clutch on the Ferrari that he's driving. He's got the best #1 receiver in the league and the best slot guy in the league. His #2 and #4 guys aren't bad -- the #4 guy was the #2 guy on the Patriots last year, before all the trades -- but they're made better by the fact that no one's paying any attention to them.
If you put everyone in the end zone and try to keep the play in front of you, Brady will throw underneath stuff to Wes Welker and Kevin Faulk, with occasional screens to Donte Stallworth and Randy Moss. When he throws that underneath stuff, the first guy in needs to tackle the receiver. Pure and simple. It's not like there have been a ton of missed tackles in the games I've watched of the Patriots, it's just that everyone on their offense is dangerous with the ball in their hands. So, in order to win, the Giants need to tackle better than anyone, including themselves in Week 17, has tackled thus far this year. As soon as someone on the Patriots catches the ball, they need to go to the turf.
In the previous game between these two teams, the Giants took away the deep ball, so Brady threw a bunch of dinky passes to Welker, Faulk, and Stallworth. Once the Giants secondary started creeping up to stop this, Brady went deep to Moss. And, bottom line, if you don't protect your safeties and make them think too much, the Patriots will downright fucking kill you. We didn't protect Anthony Smith and look what happened. If the safeties are allowed to think for themselves, they're done for. Plain and simple. No mater how much crap Brady completes in front of them, don't move them up. Tell them to stay the fuck back and run in whatever direction Moss is running in. The Giants failed to do this in the first game and Moss was open deep on back-to-back plays. He cashed in the second for a touchdown after dropping the first.
Out of every team that played the Patriots this year, the Chargers did the best job of covering deep, tackling short, and mixing up coverages to make Brady think. And they still lost. While I really think that, if they stick with something similar to what San Diego did, the Giants can have similar success, it still means that Eli Manning and the offense need to score more than 21 points.
And, really, it comes down to whether or not center Shaun O'Hara can block nose tackle Vince Wilfork one-on-one. Wilfork's a huge, athletic, powerful dude. Think of how good Casey Hampton was in 2005, then add a little more speed. That's what we're talking about. Remember how we couldn't run the ball up the middle on the Patriots? That's because Sean Mahan's a hack and would need six dudes and a chainsaw to stop Wilfork. See how much trouble Jacksonville had? Their center, Brad Meester, despite his bad-ass first name, is not much better than Mahan.
Two guys in the NFL can win a one-on-one battle with Wilfork about half the time (which is really all you can hope for): Jeff Saturday of the Colts and... wait for it... Shaun O'Hara of the Giants. If O'Hara can handle Wilfork by himself (if not most of the time, all of the time), the Giants can score more than 21 points. If he can't, they can't.
If he can, that means their guards can bust through the line and go kill senior citizens Junior Seau, Tedy Bruschi, and Rodney Harrison. All three of those guys are great players and they're very smart, but they can only get beat on so long before they start taking chances, taking bad angles, and attempting to "run around" blockers so they don't get hit. They're old, slow, and can only take so much of a pounding. They won't give up, they'll just start being stupid.
That means the running game will be successful for New York. If the running game is successful, that means that Eli can use the playaction passing that he runs so effectively. If the passing game and the running game are both working, then the offense will click. When the Giants offense clicks, they can score lots and lots of points on anyone... just not as many as, say, the Patriots offense when it is clicking, so the defense needs to make sure the Patriots offense isn't clicking.
If O'Hara doesn't stop Wilfork one-on-one, the Aged Three will be able to play their game: shoot the gaps, take the shortest distance to the ballcarrier, make the tackle on the first try and, in Harrison's case, jump onto the pile late with your elbows and cleats flying and not get flagged.
If the Aged Three are able to play their game, this becomes a shoot-out between Brady and Manning and a chess match between Bellichick and Tom Coughlin. In that situation, a 12-point spread starts to look mighty attractive and the smart bet is on the Patriots covering the "over" all by themselves. Eli has come a long way and he's been very efficient in the playoffs, but he hasn't come that far.
I would like to take this opportunity to point out the fact that O'Hara did not play in Week 17 against the Patriots and the Giants still scored 35 points.
Okay. So, say the Giants do the things I mentioned (pressure Brady, mix coverages, O'Hara blocks Wilfork all by himself). Bellichick is going to adjust. He will make the following adjustments:
1. Put 12 tight ends in the game and run three plays - Laurence Maroney left, Laurence Maroney right, and Laurence Maroney middle - for at least a full quarter, or until the Giants flinch.
2. Blitz the shit out of Eli for at least a full quarter, or until Eli is carried off on a stretcher with a dribble cup.
If the Giants can withstand that and win the turnover battle by at least two, they've got a shot. The only issue is they'll still end up facing the fourth quarter with the score close in a playoff game against the Patriots. And, even though they've gotten a little glam-tastic this season, this is still Brady, Bellichick, and all the other big game guys that have won championships for this team for a long time.
Unless the Giants are up by 10 with seven minutes left in the fourth quarter and holding the ball, they shouldn't feel too cocky. New England is too lucky and too clutch in tight situations to leave anything to chance.
Finally, there's a big x-factor in this game: The officials. As much as I hate the pissing and moaning of Seahawks fan, we had a lot of favorable calls in Super Bowl XL (which we won, btw).
The Patriots haven't dominated a good team since they kicked the shit out of us, but they've had more than their fair share of breaks.
1. Trailing against the Giants in Week 17, Tom Brady got sacked on 3rd and 22. Due to an illegal chuck penalty against New York, they got first and 10 and eventually scored a touchdown.
2. Towards the end of the first half of that game, two defenders for the Patriots held Brandon Jacobs down (delay of game on the defense) for eight seconds (which is a big deal, considering there were 38 seconds left in the half when he was tackled), then proceeded to grab him and yell at him when he got up and tried to get lined up for the snap. The officials, standing around and doing nothing, finally reacted... when Eli called a timeout. During the timeout, two separate New England defenders poked Jacobs in the eye and taunted him. End result? A five yard delay of game penalty on the defense and the clock was re-set to 33 seconds. So, instead of two personal foul penalties and a delay of game penalty, the Giants got five yards and lost five seconds. At least they didn't lose their timeout and Brandon Jacobs could still see. Nice of the officials to do that.
3. Mike Vrabel leg-whipped Philip Rivers in the AFC Championship game after Rivers threw the ball on the first series. No flag. Even though Vrabel was lying on his back, Rivers was on his side, then got up limping.
4. New England has not been flagged for offensive holding since Week 16. And that penalty was called on a back-up offensive lineman. While they say that you could realistically call someone for holding on every play, I find it very hard to believe that no referee saw someone on the Patriots that was guilty of holding someone from the other team for three entire games.
5. Rodney Harrison hasn't been called for a personal foul thus far in the playoffs. You could call one on him on any given play -- even when the Pats are on offense -- so it bears watching when the stakes are higher.
In the two playoff games the Patriots have lost in the Bellichick-Brady Era, especially the 2005 Divisional Round game against the Broncos, they were on the losing side of several calls. All their goodwill and karma from that game has been used up at this point. The Giants, meanwhile, have been generally shit upon by fate in the last four games, but they're still 3-1. Just like when the refs made it up to us in the Super Bowl for the flubbed interception by Troy against Indy, it's entirely possible that the favorable calls (and non-calls) New England has been getting all year will come to an end and fall greatly in the Giants favor.
Still, it's Eli Manning against Tom Brady.
Prediction: Patriots 31, Giants 24.
Monday, January 28, 2008
Championship Sunday
Okay, I have to admit, those were two dumbass picks. I went 0-2 on Championship Sunday and my Super Bowl pairing ended up crapping the bed. I felt like an idiot, but I have not been in hiding. I'm just really not enticed by this Super Bowl match-up.
Chargers-Packers would've been cool. Favre dodges a bullet by not drawing the undefeated Pats and cruises to an easy victory. Chargers-Giants would've brought us Eli vs. Philip, the two men involved in the 2004 first round trade fighting to become the second quarterback from that draft class to win the Super Bowl. ('Cause, ya know, Ben was the first, seeing as how the Steelers won Super Bowl XL.) And, Pats-Packers would've been the best pairing for Fox, because roughly 908 billion people would tune in to see if the ol' gunslinger could fell the new juggernaut.
Giants-Pats? Eh. I mean, Redskins-Pats would've been the biggest underdog vs. the biggest favorite... but, the line's already 12. Two of the biggest markets, the scrappy Giants vs. the unbeatable Patriots. I dunno. Aside from the fact that these two teams played a hell of a game in New Jersey about a month ago, I'm finding it tough to get into this one. And that was a home game for the Giants. And they were more fired up for it and less terrified.
I'll have a more detailed analysis later this week (I promise), but, as of right now, it seems like this is gonna be a real stinker.
Around the league:
Chargers-Packers would've been cool. Favre dodges a bullet by not drawing the undefeated Pats and cruises to an easy victory. Chargers-Giants would've brought us Eli vs. Philip, the two men involved in the 2004 first round trade fighting to become the second quarterback from that draft class to win the Super Bowl. ('Cause, ya know, Ben was the first, seeing as how the Steelers won Super Bowl XL.) And, Pats-Packers would've been the best pairing for Fox, because roughly 908 billion people would tune in to see if the ol' gunslinger could fell the new juggernaut.
Giants-Pats? Eh. I mean, Redskins-Pats would've been the biggest underdog vs. the biggest favorite... but, the line's already 12. Two of the biggest markets, the scrappy Giants vs. the unbeatable Patriots. I dunno. Aside from the fact that these two teams played a hell of a game in New Jersey about a month ago, I'm finding it tough to get into this one. And that was a home game for the Giants. And they were more fired up for it and less terrified.
I'll have a more detailed analysis later this week (I promise), but, as of right now, it seems like this is gonna be a real stinker.
Around the league:
- Good news! The hated Ravens hired John Harbaugh as their new head coach! You know, John Harbaugh. He's... that guy. That's... Jim Harbaugh's brother. While I understand that owners are starting to hire more and more guys with no previous head coaching experience, going for fresh blood over re-treads in the past few seasons, I really can't riddle my way out of this one. It looks like most of the staff is going to return, but... seriously. John Harbaugh? I don't even know who this guy is! I know more about his brother and his brother's been out of the game for 10 years. I'm fine with it. I'm not complaining. But, what the hell is going on in Baltimore? How did they get to be worse than Cleveland and Cincinnati combined? Just over one year ago today, they were the second seed and picked by many (Weidman included) to go to Super Bowl XLI. The fact that the wheels came off this franchise this quickly -- and this hard -- makes the fact that we lost to them in the finale that much more depressing.
- Miami hired Tony Sparano as their guy. He's Bill Parcells' butt buddy and I had to read his name in print seven times before I realized it wasn't Soprano. And they were 1-15 this year. And they basically pissed away every draft pick the last three years. And they're getting older. Yeah. They're almost as fucked as the 49ers.
- Speaking of the 49ers, they hired Mike Martz as their offensive coordinator. Mike Martz. That's right. The guy that Detroit didn't even want. Consider:
- Frank Gore, a running back, is San Francisco's best player.
- Martz likes to pass a lot and describes his running game as, "a series of short passes" and his short passing game as, "a series of long hand-offs."
- The 49ers offensive line kinda sucks.
- Alex Smith, their quarterback, is injury prone.
- The carnival once came to San Francisco. One of the midgets met Alex Smith there. He shook Smith's hand and said, "Man! You've got some tiny hands, dood!" He fumbles a lot.
- This will be Smith's fourth offensive coordinator in four years.
- And, the Falcons hired Mike Smith. I... guess they get a free pass because Lane Kiffin and Mike McCarthy have done so well. Smith's different than Harbaugh because I had at least heard of Smith before he got hired and he doesn't have a famous brother. If I find out that Ozzie Smith is Mike Smith's half-brother, all bets are off and Atlanta's front office is a bunch of dumbasses.
- Therefore, even though the Stillers got bounced from the playoffs in the first round, we can be thankful that we don't root for any of those teams.
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