Talons at Power Preview

"OK, we won a game yesterday. If we win today, it's called 'two in a row'. And if we win again tomorrow, it's called a 'winning streak'... It has happened before!"

-Lou Brown, Major League II

Okay, so - I forgot to write a preview last week until it was too late.  I'm hoping that wasn't the lucky omen that helped the Power win their first game of the season, because I remembered this week.  Our boys traveled to the Big Easy and won a hard-fought battle against the Voodoo.  The game went the distance, they played a full four quarters and they brought home the "W."  Does this mean their problems are solved?

No.  They're still sloppy and have their problems on the offensive line, but they're getting better.  Also, the Voodoo are struggling this season - but a win's a win.  This is largely a symbolic victory.  It wasn't in our division and the majority of Power fans probably didn't even see it since it just aired online....but they won and on the road no less.  The team knows it and they can go into this week strong and not feeling like it's futile.

Hopefully, this meeting won't be as disastrous as it was when we went to their house last year.   Honestly, I don't think that's possible.  Even if it were, they no longer have Willis and Garcia, so those are two big factors taken off the field.  The main weapons that we have to contend with are Jomo Wilson and Dwayne Eley Jr.  Shut them down and things will be a lot easier.

Honestly, the Talons are looking pretty beatable right now.  Their record is the same as ours (1-3) and they've had a change-up at QB.  Last week, they brought in Nick Hill (previously of the Storm.)  Although he's a really good QB, he seemed very confused against the Rattlers last week and the Talons got crushed.  That could easily just be because he had new guy jitters and the Rattlers are still awesome.  However, if he hasn't gotten it together by this week, our defense has a prime opportunity to go pick-crazy again.

I think the Power has just about used up their home-field goodwill in regards to losses.  They need to start stacking up wins, and it needs to happen this week.

Elsewhere in the League

• GotW: Tampa at Spokane.  This one is tough to call.  Tampa doesn't look great, but they don't look terrible, either.  Spokane is one of the only undefeated teams left and this just might be the week they underestimate their opponent.
• On the opposite end of the scale are the hapless Orlando Predators.  I'm still sad to see them struggling like this, but at least we have a better record than someone.  They're winless and have to play the Ratts this week.  They're gonna owe some people money this year...
• I'm looking for the Voodoo to get a critical win this week when they host the struggling Sabercats who ask the question, "Is Garcia washed up?"  Their signing of accountant Russ Michna to a two-year contract seems to say "yes."  Garcia hasn't been able to gel with the San Jose offense's play calling scheme, and it looks like they've decided to move on.  I don't think Michna really expected to come back to the league, and I'm betting that he's going to have a lot of rust to knock off this week.
• The other undefeated team is the Jacksonville Sharks, who travel to the City of Brotherly Love Saturday.  The Soul have gotten pretty roughed up so far this season, but they're really strong at home.  Like the Shock, I'm not sure that the Sharks will make it through this week perfect.
• I can't believe I'm saying this, but after coming up huge against Philly last week and the Blaze only beating us so far...I might actually have to take the Gladiators at home against Utah.
• Finally, the first game of the week is Chicago at Iowa in a rematch of week one.  Wanna know how this game between two bitter rivals is gonna play out?  Flip a coin.

Playoff Beard Rules 2013

I took some flack in years past because these rules make it kind of easy to grow and maintain a playoff beard. That's the way they're intended to be. Really, this post should be called, "A Practical Guide to Growing and Maintaining a Playoff Beard," but that title sucks. So, just keep that in mind.

Note, though, that I didn't say that it was a guide for casual fans, because that's not how we roll here at Steelers N At. You need to go all-in with your fandom, but still remain employed and desirable to the opposite sex. Or, same sex. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

1. If you currently have a beard, it's OK.

I normally have a beard, but I trim it down before the Stanley Cup Playoffs start. The key is to take pride in your growth and the fact that you're supporting your team. As your beard grows, their chances to hoist Lord Stanley's Cup grows.

Addendum: If your team needs an extra-special push in the postseason this year, then you should go the extra mile and shave your current beard off. This is a big time sacrifice for most guys with beards and the hockey gods will reward your sacrifice with playoff victories.

That's why I shaved my beard off before the playoffs started the past two postseasons. The act of not having a beard when you're used to one is a painful process, but not quite as painful as the transitional period between "clean shaven" and "actually having a respectable beard." The hockey gods appreciate that sacrifice as well. You just have to remember that you're contributing to something larger than yourself.

Weidman Addendum: Those of us that maintain beards of three or more inches risk angering the hockey gods by fully shaving the plumage before the playoffs. Our sacrifice instead is resisting the urge this time of year to shed our winter coats and slim down to something sportier like a goatee or conquistador stash. All other rules of trimming and maintenance still apply.

Please note that the Pens got knocked out in the first round the past two postseasons, which means personal sacrifice by fans might not mean much when it comes to affecting the actual results of games.

Doesn't mean I'm not shaving the beard off this year in preparation for the playoffs.

2. Neckbeards are not cool.

Neckbeards are unattractive, itchy, and basically the equivalent of slapping God in the face for giving you a beautiful gift.

The idea is that God gave us power of attorney over the beasts of the land, the sea, and the air. Earth is our sanctuary and our bodies are our temples. If we let hair grow on our necks, nature wins. We need to seize power of attorney and shave it down.

Also, if you look at NHL players, they're not rocking the Kyle Orton Classic. They keep a balance between order and chaos by holding their neck hair in check. They're also handsomely compensated for looking like hobos during the playoffs. I doubt that Pascal Dupuis -- though he seems like a hell of a nice guy -- would risk losing his job or looking like crap so that you could get a promotion.

Additionally, a lot of hockey fans have these things. They're called jobs. A regular beard is usually acceptable, but a neck beard pushes the envelope. I love the Penguins. I love the Steelers. I love the Pirates. I love job security more.

And I'm sure we can all appreciate the relevance of that now.



I'll be shaving my neck once a week, every Sunday, starting this Sunday.


3. The mustache is almost fair game.If I kiss my wife (or significant other) and they make a face like a very small rat crawled up their nose and they need to expel it at all costs, then it's time to do some work on the old mustache.

I'm not saying trim it to douchebag levels (the 1 setting on most trimmers). I'm not saying that you should go all Civil War and just grow chops. I'm not saying you should go all Alternative Rocker and forgo the mustache. I'm saying this... the idea is to support your team in body and spirit, but not destroy your love life in the process.

Therefore, wife wins over hockey.

I'm sorry. I understand that this makes me a pansy. But, I also doubt that Jarome Iginla would make changes in his life that would lead to him having issues banging his wife just for you. Not saying he's a jerk, just putting things in perspective.


4. You are not allowed to make a spectacle of your playoff beard.Don't tell anyone that you're growing one. Don't write blog posts about it (unless, you know, you're writing a guide about it... OK, I made that up to cover myself). Don't bring it up at happy hour.

Hockey is a sport of unwritten rules and silent acceptance. It isn't a sport for showboating or celebrating, which is why Malkin got in trouble for switching from the "arm pump, then hug teammates" paradigm.

The neck beard follows the same rules. Do not waiver from them.

5. You are not allowed to complain about your playoff beard.

Don't say, "Wow. This is getting out of hand. I can't wait until I can trim it or cut it off." Don't say, "I can't wait until the playoffs are over so that I can trim this or cut it off." Don't even say, "I can't wait until the Penguins win the Cup so I can trim this or cut it off."

If you're the kind of person that is superstitious enough to grow a playoff beard, you're the kind of person that is superstitious enough to believe that such statements can sink your team.

I actually said, "I can't wait until the Penguins win the Cup so I can trim this," before the Final started against Detroit in 2008 and I will never forgive myself.

6. No trimming the beard itself.

Last year, I made a special dispensation for someone on Facebook and said that they were allowed to trim their beard between finals. I think that was a mistake. I've given you the slack to not grow a neck beard. I've given you the slack to trim the mustache. If you're allowed to trim the whole thing, then why not just have a regular beard? If you're allowed to just have a regular beard, what makes that a playoff beard, specifically?

So... mustache trim and no neck beard only. No trimming between rounds, no exceptions.

7. Have fun with it.

This is something that many sports fans (myself definitely included) forget. Sports are supposed to be fun. Sports are supposed to be an escape.

It's the playoffs. Not everything is called. Not everything requires a stoppage of play.

But, also remember that your team is counting on you. So, don't blow it.

Power at Rush Preview

When I saw on the schedule that the Power had their bye week this early in the season, I was pretty disappointed.  It felt like a waste to have it before the team had gotten tired out.  However, by the time that week arrived, I'd changed my tune.  The Power really needed a chance to stop, reassess and regroup after taking an absolute drubbing the first two weeks of the season.

The Sharks destroyed the home team pretty much the same way the Blaze did, and for the same reasons.  Pocket collapse, no special teams, blah, blah.  We can only hope that these were addressed in the off week.

What can we expect from the Rush?  They're currently sitting on a 1-2 record, but they've been facing solid teams in the Barnstormers, Shock, and Talons.  They might seem beatable, but they are a historically strong team and we need to face them in Chicago.

The main threats that the Power will face are Rodney Wright, Reggie Gray, J.J. Payne, and Vic Hall.  All four are standouts and any one of them could change the balance of the game.  Wright is off to a strong start as Coffman's favorite yardage target, already putting up 5 touchdowns and 326 yards on the year.  Gray has been targeted for an additional 8 TDs and over 200 yards.  J.J. Payne leads the team in awesome naming, but is also a dual treat on the ground and air.

Honorable mention goes to Nate Forse, who doesn't generally seem like a huge threat, but he played well against the Power last season with Orlando, so I don't trust him.

Finally, there's Vic Hall who is just a scary-good pick artist.  Jefferson has thrown to the wrong team a few times this year, but he hasn't looked as bad as past Power QBs.  However, Hall still has the chance to absolutely break us Sunday - especially with the old tradition of "the pick that turns the game" we had last year.

The key to the game is what is always is:  The Power needs to not beat itself.  Without protecting the QB and without playing a full sixty, they're never going to win a game unless someone underestimates them.  This week, the Rush stands a good chance of getting cocky, but they can turn that around in a heartbeat if we make them bleed a little. 

Elsewhere in the League

•  The marquee game this week is obviously the Hall of Fame game on Saturday night between the Soul and Barnstormers.  The Soul is looking strong this year with one win and one close call.  Likewise, the Barnstormers have been, well, barnstorming.  Should be a good game.
• My choice of the two early games at 8:00 on Friday would be NOLA at Jacksonville.  The Sharks are undefeated on the season, but it's a division game.  Plus, last year, the Voodoo continued to show that they play hard against the Sharks, win or lose.
• Late game is Rattlers at Shock.  It's the second battle-of-the-undefeated in a row for the Rattlers.  Last week, the Sabercats folded like wet cardboard, giving AZ an easy win.  I don't see the Shock doing this - plus, their undefeated season has been all on the road.  This is their home opener, and I see the advantage being all them in this one.