Training Camp is Open for Business

Well, Troy got his new deal, Faneca showed up, and there were no embarassing rookie holdouts. All in all, a very productive and fortuitous start to Camp.



Now, once again, I'm not real big into Training Camp. To me, the most important part of it is that it means that football season is not far away. I keep telling myself that I should go out and watch a practice, that it's my duty as a Steelers fan. But... it's all the way out in Latrobe, it's usually hot out, there's a chance of rain, and it's not that big of a deal. Right?



Ah, who am I kidding? That's like a Muslim saying, "Well... we could go to Mecca this year, but there's all that time in the car with the wife and kids and what if we're out in the desert and the AC dies. Plus which, if you don't get there early, you have to pray so far away that you can hardly see the temple."


(The good news is that I'm not going to hell for that because I'm Catholic. The bad news is that Al Jezeera just printed up my picture and made a dart board out of it. And, while we're here: Is it just me, or does Al Jezeera sound like a guy that got voted class clown in his high school yearbook? Okay, Allah is pissed. Time to move on.)

Important stuff is happening and it should not be ignored. Here are the highlights.

1. Big Ben, once again, looks like he's tearing things up in Training Camp. He's got a great rapport with his coordinator, he has an excellent grasp of the system and helped designed it, and he's ready to take the reigns as the leader of this offense. Trouble is, we thought that last off-season and he ended up making me do a Google search to see what the single season record for interceptions is (don't worry, he had 23 and the record is 42). So... I'm skeptical, but I really do think that he's going to explode this year. Much more on this topic in later posts, but if he's there in the 8th round or so in your fantasy draft, you take him. My big thing is that he's unlikely to be involved in a motorcycle crash this offseason and he's already had his appendix out. Now, if we could just do something about him playing the Ravens...
2. Tomlin had an entire practice devoted to special teams. The emphasis on the kicking game is going to make up for the fact that we lost our two best guys in that area (James Harrison is now playing Joey Porter's position and Sean Morey signed with Steelers Lite - aka the Arizona Cardinals). This means something. This is important. Three months from now when you're making mashed potato sculptures of Clint Kriewaldt, you'll look back on this and know I was right.
3. Faneca is going to have a big year. He's an All-Pro player in a contract season. Seriously, he should just start buying sports cars and concubines right now. He's good for it. Next offseason, when he signs a $70 million contract, I'll be happy for him. Right now, I'm just happy that he's suiting up and is going to start punishing anyone that gets in his way.
4. I'm happy for Troy and his new contract. And, I'm happy about the fact that he sounded almost ashamed after he signed it. Like, "Aw, well, ya know. I play football and I guess I'm good, so they gave me this money. I think it might be too much, but... how late is the bank open?" One thing: We spent that much on a safety? Really? I realize that he's the most dynamic playmaker on that side of the ball, but if you're going to throw a shitload of greenbacks at the second most replaceable position on an NFL team, you might as well reward another All-Pro at the first most replaceable position (yes, that would be guard, more specifically left guard). Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy that the Rooneys and Omar Khan didn't panic and give him the sky, but I'm just saying that safeties are very replaceable.
5. I'm stoked about the fact that Brett Kiesel is going to be moved around like the Ravens did with Adalius Thomas last year. With him and Troy roving around, that's really going to fuck with everyone.
6. I'm getting an extremely bad "Alonzo Jackson" vibe from Lawrence Timmons. I have not yet given up on him, but the similarities are pretty shocking. Same school, the Steelers reached on both guys because of need at the position, same position, both are/were green and trying to get used to playing a position that they really aren't made for, and both had or are having seriously disappointing camps. Just something to bear in mind when we finally cut him three years from now.

Training Camp is Coming Soon!

Holy shit. I guess it's a good thing, but the offseason certainly seemed to breeze by, didn't it?

Okay, it was torture. And I couldn't think of anything to write. And I made, like 2 1/2 posts from the draft through today. BUT, there is the small, little, almost insignificant fact that

TRAINING CAMP STARTS IN LESS THAN A WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, people that get paid to write about these sorts of things are much more into Camp than I am. That could also be because they actually get access to the field and get to watch practices and talk to players and coaches and what not, but that's neither here nor there.

The important thing to remember is that we are, in fact, about 7 weeks away from football games that matter and about 3 weeks away from football games that don't.

I will say that, heading into the start of Training Camp, I don't think we're as boned as everyone else seems to think we are. I am concerned about two big things heading into camp: Lack of quality depth and who replaces Jeff Hartings at center.

I'll admit that I'm a little afraid of starting the James Harrison era at weakside linebacker. Joey Porter did so well for so long at that position (except last year, of course), that's it's hard for me to imagine someone playing the position better. Most importantly, I think that the defense as a whole will miss Porter's energy on the field and his mouth. We have found no one to replace Peazy's mouth.

Leaving intangibles aside (which is a dumb thing to do), I will focus on the two issues listed above:

1. Lack of Quality Depth: We're fucked. That's all there is to it. If someone gets hurt, there is very little quality depth anywhere on this team except at quarterback and safety. The o-line is thin and Faneca's still pissed off, the d-line still has the same three dependable guys as starters and a bunch of scrubs (Chris Hoke aside, but he plays in the third down defense, so he doesn't count), linebacker lost Porter and gained two rookies, Ike Taylor went from richly paid starter to ball bitch last season and there's not a whole lot behind him and Townshend (assuming either McFadden or Coclough doesn't start instead of Deshea), no one behind Fast Willie and Verron Haynes (assuming he's healthy). So... stay healthy everyone!
2. Since Mike Webster took over the position in 1974 there have been three different starters at the position (Iron Mike, Dirt Dawson, and Hartings). 23 season, three guys. Now, it's between three guys: Sean Mahan, Chukki Okobi, and Marvin Philip. Yeah. Those three guys are nowhere near as good as the three guys that came before them. And, when you've got three guys competing for a job, you really have no guys competing for that job. Let's just hope that Bruce Arians' offense doesn't count on the center as much as Whisenhunt's did.

So, stay injury free and hope the center's not important. We should be good to go. There's still a bunch of talent on offense, along the defensive line, and four solid guys at cornerback (though none is a can't-lose starter).

I'll just say this: The one thing I'm looking forward to in the pre-season is Daniel Sepulvida (who I am henceforth going to refer to as "Danny Vulva"). He's supposed to be a hell of a punter. I liked watching Josh Miller when he was on his game. Ditto Chris Gardocki.

And that's really freakin' sad.

First Things First

I realize that it's the middle of July and I haven't posted anything since the beginning of June. I know this. Then again, it's the football offseason. What could possibly be happening? As it turns out, lots of shit.



Here's everything that doesn't have to do with the Steelers. If you absolutely must, please scroll down to see what I think about Training Camp (I can't wait either, but we're going to get through this - and the articles will certainly flow once I have something to talk about).

1. I hate Barry Bonds with a passion. I have been pissed at Barry Bonds for more than half my life. In the 1990 NLCS he laid a gigantic egg (went something like 1 for 39) and couldn't throw out Sid Bream in the '91 NLCS. And Bream was slow. My grandmother could get from second to home faster than him. No really. They had a race in 1993. That was before her hip surgery, though... My point is this: Even though I hate Barry Bonds as much as I do, I would like to whip out my cock and slap every sportswriter that's talking about A-Rod and steriods soundly across the face with it. Line up fellas. Won't be the first time. Let the man enjoy the history he is making! Fuck asterics and fuck eras. Would Ruth have dominated like he did if he had to play against superior athletes that were banned from the sport at the time? If he had to hit a slider? Would Aaron have lasted as long as he did and dealt with the media pressure that exists in today's game? Could he hit a split-fingered fastball and compete against the best Latinos and Asians the world has to offer? I have an answer to those questions: I don't give a shit. They played whenever they played and can't be held responsible for the era they lived through. And, while I'm not a fan of steroids and professional sports, I believe that when Bonds saw Brady Fucking Anderson hit 50 home runs, he said to himself, "I got to get me some of that!" Every home run hitter was juiced and no one else hit 73. And Sammy Sosa burned out before he could threaten Aaron. And McGuire's brittle, steroid addled bones gave way before he could. If Griffey Jr. didn't injure every part of his body from 2001-Present, we'd be talking about who was going to break the record first. Shit happens. People use "special creams" and their heads grow six sizes. Deal with it. When Bonds hits 756, I'll be happy for him. When A-Rod hits 757 (or whatever the record ends up being), I'll be happy for him. Someone making baseball history is not a time for bitterness. It's a time to look at a particular accomplishment and note it for the impressive feat that it is. Steroids or no, Bonds has been the best player in baseball year in and year out since 1986. It's time someone took notice.


2. The Pirates suck balls. Weidman and I have taken to coming up with fun nicknames for their players. I call Freddie Sanchez "Dirty Sanchez." He calls Adam Laroche "Stinky Laroche." You figure it out. And John Van Benschoten's name sounds like something some hammered 20 year old would say if asked for a character witness at Oktoberfest. "No, man. You got it all wrong. I know someone here... Heinrich... Van... Benssschotennn." And that dude sucks balls, too. Great first overall pick, guys. I think we should be able to do to McClatchy and Littlefield and Bonifay what the Chinese did to their Health Minister.


3. Michael Vick is facing federal charges. It'll be interesting to see what Kaiser Goodell has to say about that. It's all well and good to suspend cornerbacks and back-ups on a whim to exercise your authority in a new regime. What happens when you have to lay down the law on one of the most popular players in the league? Probably in all of sports?


4. Transfomers is a BAD ASS movie. See it. Twice. Megan Fox made me fly at half mast when she was clothed and not being penetrated or making out with another chick. That's rare company. If you're looking for plot and Oscar nods, this is the wrong movie. If you're looking for a smokin' hot girl and lots of explosions, see it twice.


5. Also see Live Free or Die Hard. If nothing else, so you can see John McClain on the big screen.


6. There's something fishy about the "contract extension" the Michel Therrion signed. I think it's a no-confidence signing. Either the kids develop and anyone can coach them to a cup or they don't, fire Mikey, and get someone who can bring the best out of them. They're renting Therrion and that's not right. I'm not even convinced that he gets an actual extension (read: 4 or 5 years) if they make a deep playoff run. He seems like he's just keeping the seat warm until the Pens can sign a name guy. After all, Mike was coaching the Baby Penguins a couple years ago. Before that, who had heard of him outside Pittsburgh. Now everyone knows that the Pens have a young, talented roster. Someone's gunning for this job in 2009. Someone big. Then again, I don't know anything about hockey. The biggest name I can think of in coaching is Scotty Bowman. Isn't he dead?


7. If you haven't started watching Rock of Love on VH1, start doing so. It's worth it to watch the breast implants bounce across the screen.