Yet Another Fleury of Updates

I'm going to get better about this now that it's football season. I promise. Well, I promise I'll try. Or your money back.

It was brought to my attention that it had been two weeks since my last post. In those two weeks:

1. The Steelers played a game and won.
2. Michael Vick got signed by a team. That team was not the Steelers.
3. Brett Favre unretired again. Jesus.
4. The Buccos swept the Brewers.

I'd have to say that #4 is the most amazing development of the list. Also, I hate Lastings Miledge and have a huge man-crush on Andrew McCutcheon. And my buddy Keith told me not to trust Garrett Jones, so I won't. But he kinda-sorta endorses the man-crush, so I'm going to roll with it.

That does it for the Pirates. On to important stuff...

Steelers:

1. Pass protection was surprisingly awesome. No sacks. Good times.
2. Run blocking not so awesome.
3. Is it too early for me to embrace Trai Essex and leave the DFS Era behind me? I say no. Coaches agree (kinda). That's pretty much the battle to watch on the offensive line.
4. Holy crap was that guy with the Eastern European name hard to watch playing center. I never thought I'd say this, but I cannot wait for Justin Hartwig to return.
5. We need Fast Willie back. Mendenhall was not terrible, but neither was GI Joe.
6. How about Issac Redman? He runs too high, I have no idea where Bowie State is (I think somewhere in Maryland, judging by the name), and I can't see him taking carries away from Moore, Parker, or Mendenhall between the 10s, but damn did he look good. My favorite player, Max Starks, was asked what the odds are of a non-name kid from Bowie State making the roster as an undrafted free agent. He said, "About the same as a non-name kid from North Carolina making the roster." That quote is worth $4 million to me. I'm glad they signed him for four years and $22 million. I think they got a bargain. If he talks about running a train on Hines Ward's wife or the possibility of sentient breasts, I'm going to knock five million per off that total. At some point, I hope he ends up owing the Rooneys money.
7. So, the Steelers keep five backs: Moore, Parker, Mendenhall, Davis (fullback), and Redman. I'm okay with that. He has consistently won the goal line drill against the first team defense. I don't think I need to remind you that the first team defense has been the number one defense in the NFL two years running, so they don't suck so much.
8. The Roethlisberger suit looks like it's going to go away. So that's nice.
9. Limas Sweed actually looked halfway decent, making not one, but two nice catches. I'm not ready to call him the next Randle-El (after all, he doesn't return kicks or throw touchdown passes to Super Bowl MVPs), but he was impressive enough for Laszlo to send me the following sarcastic text: "Who is this #14? I don't recognize him." If he continues to not be recognized as the guy that choked his way through 2008, that is a very good thing.
10. Speaking of 2008 draft picks that were choke artists, Bruce Davis looked pretty good.
11. So did Arnold Harrison. I don't mean to jinx him, but this looks like the year he makes the roster. He has been hurt a lot, so hopefully he dodges that (and my jinx). He was having a fantastic game before he finally made the stat sheet. At that point, he could be judged to have had a very fantastic game, so that's my judgment.
12. The refs took away the greatest play of Anthony Madison's career with that bogus pass interference penalty. I'm not bitter. I'm not complaining. I just feel bad for Anthony Madison.
13. Speaking of cornerbacks, Joe Burnett is the shit. I told you about this, you know this, but I'm just pointing out that I was right. Sure, he doesn't get that interception if Kurt Warner is throwing to Anquan Boldin, but he has great instincts and great return skills.
14. However, I don't feel good about our cornerback depth. I love Burnett, I think Keiwan Ratliff is a good player, but I won't feel safe if anything happens to Ike, Deshea, or Gay. The last two years, I would have been fine if anything happened to Ike, Deshea, or McFadden, because Gay would rise above his name. We don't have a Gay on the roster at this point. And there is something wrong with that.
    
15. Speaking of depth, we're stocked at linebacker and safety. We are also good to go at running back, quarterback (even if Dennis Dixon puts too much air under the ball), wide receiver (although Shaun McDonald seems to be fighting the ball), and offensive line (more of slight against the starters than an endorsement of the back-ups).
    
16. Mike Wallace is really, really fast. He reminds me of Willie Reid, but without the fragile-like-Samuel-L-in-Unbreakable downside and with the might-go-all-the-way-every-time-he-touches-the-ball upside. I'm okay with him just returning kicks.
17. Mike Wallace playing a game where the clock runs for 60 minutes. And there's even Dan's grumpy brother Andy in the mix. These jokes just write themselves.
18. I like Jon Gruden. And not just because he spent the game showering the Steelers with compliments. He had a great line on Ron Jaworski. Jaws said that he has watched every game in the NFL the last thirty years, but he can't watch Super Bowl XV. Gruden said, "I don't know what you mean. I watch the Super Bowl that I was in twice a day. What gives?" I always love it when someone busts Jaws' balls.
19. Not sold on Ziggy Hood. But I'm getting there. And anyone that thinks that he will replace Casey Hampton when Big Snack leaves after this season is out of their mind.
20. Speaking of defensive line depth, the average age of our defensive linemen is death. And we don't have adequate reserves. If anything happens to Kiesel, Smith, or Hampton, we're boned.
21. VULVA IS BACK! And he looked great. The Sepulverizer reminded Steeler fans of what they were missing and helped them to forget the dark days of Bitch Merger. We would've beat the Giants with a decent punter and gone 13-3 last year. Remember that. But, we maybe should've lost to Dallas at home and to the hated Ravens in Baltimore, so remember that.
    
22. Above all else, though, remember the fact that we won Super Bowl XLIII and became the first team in NFL history to capture six Lombardi Trophies. I think I may have mentioned that somewhere along the line.
    

I Told You So:

1. Michael Vick signed with the Eagles, not the Steelers. Best of luck with that. Then again, the last time Philly signed a controversial player, they went to the Super Bowl. So what do I know?
2. Joe Burnett is awesome. I will keep telling you so. Still don't trust him like I trusted my Gay, but I'm getting there.
3. Brett Favre will assassinate the Vikings season. I didn't tell you that before, but I'm telling you now. In fact...

Brett Favre:

The Vikings do not need Brett Favre. Tavaris Jackson was sufficient. Sage Rosenfels is Brett Favre without an arm. Brett Favre may not have an arm at this point. He is a gunslinger carrying a Derringer.

Minnesota has enough talent on the roster that they only needed a game manager with upside. The term "game manager" for a quarterback is often used as an insult, but it isn't. The Steelers did quite well with Neil O'Donnell, the quintessential game manager, for years. Kordell Stewart was a gunslinger with running back skills and a Derringer. Stewart never had the arm, never had the ability to carry a team. He's not as bad as people remember, but not good enough to go all the way.

A game manager with upside could have taken the Vikings to the Super Bowl. At that point, who knows? Crappy teams have won the Super Bowl. Teams with talented rosters and game managers with upside have won the Super Bowl. You just need to get there.

Tavaris Jackson can throw the 15-yard out. Tavaris Jackson does not turn the football over. Tavaris Jackson can make plays with his feet. Tavaris Jackson is a game manager with upside.

Brett Favre at this point is trying to write checks that his arm cannot cash. John Elway had the good sense to walk away. Dan Marino eventually got the message. So did Bradshaw and Unitas, although he tried to hang on too long on reputation. All Favre has is his legacy and his reputation. Both of those are about to be tainted.