Happy June!

I understand that it has been a while. I understand that, while I was away doing... whatever it was I was doing, the football world was brought to its knees and the course of Pittsburgh sports was changed forever.

Oh wait. That didn't happen. It's Pittsburgh sports in May and June. Nothing happens. We wait for training camp, we wait for the Pirates to be mathmatically eliminated from the post-season, and we wait to see how much the local sportswriters can freak out about someone missing a voluntary mini-camp.

Alan Faneca is not going to be a Steeler after this season. He is, however, going to be one this season. And he's in a contract year. And the salary cap keeps going up. And someone's going to throw waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much money at him next off-season.

That's next off-season. As of right now, he's a Steeler. It's difficult to let go, I know. I have trouble, too. But, bear this in mind: Rod Woodson, John Jackson, possibly Plaxico Burress. Those are all the free agents that left Pittsburgh and had success. You could conceivably drop Thomas Everett in that conversation, but probably not. He just went on to be a pretty decent safety on a team that would have won a championship with or without his help.

Everyone else, from Eric Green, to Neil O'Donnell, to Kordell, to Randle-el busted out and became nothing. Or, at least nothing in comparison to the fat contracts they signed to leave the Steelers.

The Rooneys are not going to give Faneca the $60 million he's asking for. Some other team will. And I wish him well. Even though he's getting to be a bit of bitch, he'll calm down once the season starts and go about his business. He can't jeopardize the big payday that awaits him at season's end because he feels "insulted" by Pittsburgh's offer.

In the end, you suck it up and deal, put on your hat, and go to work. That's what we'll have to do and that's what Faneca will have to do.

And, to belabor the point: HE'S A GUARD! We'll find someone to replace him. There's probably someone waiting in the wings.

Speaking of the offensive line, their coach should be fired. Seriously. If Kaiser Goodell is going to suspend players before they're even convicted, Zerlein should be fired.

Tank Williams just got 8 games. Chris Henry got 4 (or was it 8? I can't remember). Pac Man got suspended for the entire season for throwing a bunch of money into a pile of strippers.

If you're going to declare marshal law and arbitrarily suspend people that may or may not actually be guilty, then you've got to go all out. You need to require that the Steelers fire someone for sending porn to the commish.

And you need to suspend Michael Vick right away. The knee needs to jerk. That's all there is to it.

I'm not saying that I want this to happen, I'm just taking it to its logical conclusion. If the people are starving, you need to cook up some Irish babies. And pronto. But maybe I'm being too modest.

Soprano's Prediction:

Okay, my predictions. They are listed in order from most lame to least lame:

1. We find out that either Tony or Carmella is living in Tommy Westphall's universe and that everyone's in his snow globe. I'm just gonna throw this out there: Watch the preview for next week. It's snowing. (Yes, I realize that I made a Jonathan Swift reference and a Tommy Westphall reference in the same blog entry. Just bear with me. It's been a while).
2. Tony gets whacked. It would be nice for shock value, but kind of a cop-out. Why spend 7 years building a character, then kill him? Seems like such a waste. And, given the fact that Tony has a lot of stress, is prone to depression, and is on a tremendous cold streak at the moment, wouldn't killing him, in some ways, be doing him a favor and setting him free? Plus which, if they're gonna whack him, it needs to happen early in the episode, so everything can be resolved by the end of it. There's only one way (aside from an Autistic kid with a snow globe) that they can tie up all loose ends in one episode.
3. And... that's by doing this, the least lame of all the endings. Tony goes all Michael Corleone and kills the heads of all five families. He becomes the Don of New York and New Jersey. Most of the episode is just a set up. Then, people start getting clipped left and right. At the end, Tony calls Melfi and says, "Thanks for nothing. Now I'm kind of the motherfuckin' world!" Then he calls Carmella and tells her it's safe to come home. Last shot is someone meeting with him as Don of New York and New Jersey. He's happy as shit at first, then realizes that Paulie's his right-hand man and that he's now in deeper and more screwed than ever before. So, really, that'd be a fate worse than death.