Roster Cut-down

By tomorrow at 10 a.m., the Steelers need to get their roster down to 53 guys. While there aren't as many open jobs as the bobbleheads in the media would like you to believe, there will be some surprising cuts and omissions. Here we go...

Quarterbacks (3): Some guy named Roethlisberger, some dude from Homestead, and the venerable Brian St. Pierre. There is the slightest possibility that they'll try to go into the season with 2 QBs, but I doubt it. Given what happened the last two years and the fact that Ben isn't very durable and Batch isn't very young, I think they'll keep St. Pierre on the roster. Also, I'm pretty sure they can't hide him on the practice squad.

Running Backs (5): Fast Willie, Najeh Davenport, Dan Kreider, Verron Haynes, Carey Davis. Gary Russell gets waived, then immediately signed to the practice squad. Although they haven't used Kreider much this pre-season and probably won't use him much during the regular season, I think they let him play out his contract and sign with someone else next year. Keeping him on the roster means that no one in the division and especially Steelers West (aka, the Arizona Cardinals) will sign him before the season starts. It's a shitty thing to do to a good guy that has done right by the Steelers since 2000, but thems the breaks. Haynes is too valuable as a 3rd down back and has been absolutely amazing this pre-season, proving he's healthy. So, he stays. They like Davenport as a "closer" and someone that can also play 3rd downs if Haynes gets injured (which will probably happen). Davis did well enough and he's been around the league long enough that he'll make the roster. He can also play fullback, which doesn't hurt his case at all.

Wide Receivers (6): Hines Ward, Cedrick Wilson, Santonio Holmes, Nate Washington, Willie Reid, Walter Young. And none of those dudes helps on special teams. I miss Sean Morey. I feel like I'm missing someone. But, then again, I forgot about Dallas Baker ever making this team when they drafted him. If I'm missing someone, please let me know. I'm not changing my prediction, I'd just like to be informed that I'm a jackass. And, further proof that people actually read this blog is that I wasn't able to steal Santonio Holmes late in the draft. I guess I should've thought the matter through, given that 90% of the readers of this blog are in Fantasy Football leagues with me.

Tight Ends (3): Heath Miller, Matt Spaeth, Jerame Tuman. Poor, poor little Josh Boyd.

Offensive Linemen (9): Marvell Smith, Alan Faneca, Sean Mahan, Kendall Simmons, Willie Colon, Trai Essex, Max Starks, Chris Kemoeatu, Marvin Philip. Chukki Okobi is getting cut, Starks will play out the rest of his contract (ends after this season) "just in case" Colon either sucks or gets hurt, and everyone else is just filler. Essex can play guard or tackle, Philip can play either guard or center, Kemoeatu can play both guard positions. Even though they've only got 4 reserves, these nine guys give them a lot of options. I also think that Starks is going to get the Ike Taylor Treatment this year. He may end up being the starter by the end of the season, but I'm betting that Colon opens as the starter, then gets the hook if he sucks and/or Tomlin thinks Starks has been humbled enough to come back. Starks is to damn tall to play right tackle for the Steelers, anyway. I like Colon. He's a mean dude.

Kickers (2): Jeff Reed and The Sepulverizer (aka, Danny Vulva).

Linebackers (9): James Harrison, Larry Foote, James Farrior, Clark Haggans, LaMar Woodley, Lawrence Timmons, Arnold Harrison, Clint Kriewaldt, Rian Wallace. Wallace, Timmons, Harrison, and Kriewaldt help considerably on special teams, you've got the four starters, and Woodley can come in as a pass rush specialist on 3rd downs (seeing as how he used to be an end). I'm not crazy about the outside guys and I question the depth, but that's what happens when you let Joey Porter go and neglect to sign a suitable replacement for Clark Haggans. Haggans is gone next year and Timmons and Woodley are most likely your starters, with Harrison or Wallace possibly replacing Farrior. Assuming, of course, that they don't move to the 4-3 by next year.

Defensive Linemen (6): Aaron Smith, Casey Hampton, Brett Kiesel, Chris Hoke, Shaun Nua, Nick Eason. Everybody starts, everybody has a back-up. They may end up keeping only 5 d-linemen and keeping 10 o-linemen. Or, they may end up keeping more than 10 defensive backs. Speaking of which...

Defensive Backs (10): Ike Taylor, Anthony Smith, Troy Polamalu, Deshea Townsend, Ryan Clark, Tyrone Carter, Ricardo Coclough, Bryant McFadden, Anthony Madison, and... William Gay. Carter contributes on special teams, you've got the four starters, Madison and McFadden are great nickel and dime guys and McFadden may end up starting by season's end. Clark adds depth and can jump in if Smith can't handle being the starter (he'll be the starter at FS, btw). Coclough, while he BETTER NOT RETURN PUNTS, contributes on special teams and also fills in well in nickel and dime packages.

But, the biggest surprise of this cut-down might be that Coclough ends up getting cut and they keep either Chidi Iwuoma or (very unlikely, but possible) Jovon Johnson. Chidi has a long, distinguished history on special teams and would really help out. Moreso than Coclough. And, with a new regime, you never know who's safe and whose head could potentially be on the chopping block.

And, shit, who really knows? With Cowher, we could predict these things with some degree of certainty. Tomlin could keep 6 running backs, or 10 offensive linemen (opting to take a shot at John Capizzi or keeping Okobi), or 4 tight ends, or 10 linebackers. I, honestly, don't have any idea.

I think my arguments make sense, but the Steelers refuse to listen to me. Which is probably for the best.

Tonight's Game

I keep trying to think of something to write about this. I've been attempting to come up with some reason to watch or some bit of information we'll gather from the game tonight.

And... I'm coming up with nothing.

I doubt that tonight will tell us anything about the new offense or who the starting 5 on the o-line will be. It could go a long ways in deciding which running backs they keep and whether or not Josh Boyd is going to make the 53-man roster or the practice squad.

I mean, tonight will decide who the fifth running back on the roster is! Imagine the excitement!

Also, I'll be in the middle of a Fantasy Football draft when kickoff happens, so there's not much that I'll be getting out of the game since I'm going to miss it.

However, I'm still going to put up the 53-man roster tomorrow. Predictions galore. Then again, there are really only 2 or 3 jobs up for grabs. So there you go. I'm not saying there won't be surprises, but I'm also saying that Mike Tomlin already knows who is staying and who is going.

Here's a bonus for you, though: Josh Boyd is screwed. There's no way that Jerame Tuman isn't making the 53-man roster. None.

Here's another bonus for you: I bet you didn't know who Josh Boyd was before you read this. And then you Googled him. You're welcome.

Eagles Pre-Season Review

I'd have to say that we didn't learn a damn thing from last night's game except two positives we took out of last week's game:

1. William Gay rose above his name once again (I saw that he was given credit for the 77 yard fumble return for a touchdown in the 4th quarter at one point, but Jovon Johnson - whoever the hell that is - actually picked the ball up and scored the ball and scored the touchdown. So, Gay got his hand on the ball, popped it up to Johnson, and Johnson scooped the ball and scored. Good thing we got that straight.)
2. A win is a win and damnit, we won.

Other than that, Arians still didn't open up the offense (we haven't seen the full extent of it yet, which is pretty scary considering that he's already done a lot of things that go against what the Steelers have been about for the past 38 years or so). We still sucked in the red zone. I'm willing to concede that fumble by Fast Willie, by the way. In an actual game, either they would've whistled the play dead or Tomlin would've challenged it. I mean, the Eagles still would've gotten the ball in all likelihood, but it just would have played out differently.

And, the mistakes of last year are still holding us back. We outgained them 297-89 in the first half and still were clinging to a 13-3 lead. Turnovers and inefficiency in the red zone. It killed us last year, it's killing us now. I just hope that the "secret" part of the offense that Arians has yet to show us is the plays that actually work inside the 20. That'd be awesome. Highly unlikely, but it would be awesome.

The defense, once again, showed up ready to play. I'd still like to see how they stack up to a team that comes onto the field with a full gameplan and the intent to play their starters for all 60 minutes, but they have looked damn good. I also stand by my assertion that the early intensity we're seeing will eventually flame out later in the game or later in the season and that we're going to be in for a lot of 31-24 games this year.

But... they have looked damn good so far, haven't they?

Especially William Gay. He's been all over the field this pre-season, having forced a fumble last night that clinched the game and intercepting a pass against Washington that clinched the game. Granted, since he's seeing a lot of action in the 4th quarter thus far, we're probably not going to see him in the starting line-up during the regular season. But, he'll make the roster. He might just be a nickel or dime guy while he's getting the hang of things, but I'm looking forward to the future. I'm looking forward to people struggling with whether or not to buy a Gay jersey.

As of this moment, it's up to either him or Randall Gay of the Patriots to do well enough that people will actually consider buying a jersey with the word "gay" on it. I still don't think you'll ever see them in stores, but it'd be interesting to see how online sales do.

(Randall Gay also plays cornerback. He covers wide receivers. Sometimes, he'll be on the other team's tight end. I couldn't remember his first name, so I Googled, "Patriots roster," because I didn't want to Google, "Gay Patriots" and accidentally find out that Paul Revere liked to dress in drag. Let's move on.)

The biggest news, though, from last night's game is that there's no news (or, at least no decision) on who the starting five are for the offensive line. Starks came out with the first team, then was replaced by Colon, then Starks came back in. It looks as though every position on the line is set, though, with Smith, Faneca, Mahan, and Simmons having locked up their positions. I suggest that Coach Tomlin makes a decision before the game against the Panthers.

Whatever he sees in the game on Thursday will not have any effect on who starts and who doesn't. I have the feeling that he has already made up his mind, but he refuses to let us in on it.

So... shit or get off the pot already. I've gotta figure out whether or not to draft Fast Willie and Ben and that's really holding things up.

Eagles Pre-Season Preview

We're on the home stretch here, folks. Soon, the games will matter. Soon, the statistics amassed by the players on the field will count towards your Fantasty Football standings. And, eventually, Mike Tomlin will decide on a starting five for his offensive line.

But not just yet.

It looks as though the starters will be playing about three quarters on Sunday, so this will be our last, good look at them (assuming LeBeau and Arians - particularly Arians don't hold anything back) before they play one series or less in the pre-season finale against the Panthers.

Really, there are two things about this game that strike me as important:

1. We might get a better look at the new offense that Arians has installed, but really hasn't shown much of since the first quarter of the Hall of Fame Game.
2. In theory, we'll know who the starters are on the offensive line when the offense takes the field for the first time.

As far as #1 is concerned, I think we'll see them open it up for the first couple of series. I don't believe that Arians has seen enough of his personnel in the new offense to go into the season with any degree of confidence. Most likely, we'll get a good look at it on the first three series and if they're forced to go to a 2 minute offense at the end of the first half.

We'll see them out there for at least an entire half and at most three entire quarters, with the truth probably lying somewhere in the middle. The other bright side of things is that the Eagles have been shit-kicking everyone thus far and McNabb looks good, so they might not try to accomplish too much on Sunday night. That'll make it easier for us to operate, but obviously won't be as good of a test of the offense's and the defense's prowess.

For #2, it's still anyone's guess. I say they start Smith, Faneca, Mahan, Simmons, and Colon, then cut Okobi, but probably not Starks. Historically in the NFL, the guys that start on the offensive line for the next-to-last pre-season game are your starters for Opening Day barring injury. That means that, if the starting five I predict come out there on Sunday, those are the starters you'll see on September 9th.

Will that actually be the case? Well, really, only Mike Tomlin knows that and he's become scary good at coach-speak. I swear he could talk for 15 solid minutes and not actually say anything. Remind me not to have him give my eulogy.

At any rate, I predict that we'll win and be guaranteed to have a winning pre-season record. For... whatever that's worth. I think the defense will come out fired up once again, the offense will get in just enough plays with the actual scheme that Arians will use once it counts, and that the Eagles will kind of go through the motions and pray that no one gets hurt.

And really, that's all we're hoping for in this game. Good showing by the offense and defense, no one gets hurt. And be sure to have easy access to liquor.

Redskins Pre-Season Review

The Steelers won and William Gay rose above his name.

That's about all the good news I can pull from Saturday's game.

I was at a wedding in Williamsport, Pennsylvania (birthplace of Little League Baseball!), so I missed the first seven or eight minutes while we were saying goodbye to my in-laws and trying to find a bar that had the game on. We were 200 miles from Pittsburgh and 200 miles from DC and the CBS affiliate was showing the Rams vs. the Chargers.

Twenty miles down the road in Lockhaven, it was on CBS. Go figure.

As a result, I didn't get to see Fast Willie play, but I would have to assume that he didn't do all that well. He'll do better. He's going to have a good year. I've seen too much of the first team offense running out of that three wide receiver formation to think otherwise. He may have a bunch of 2 or 3 yard runs that used to be 4 or 5 yard runs, but he'll also have a bunch of 30 or 40 yard runs that used to be 6 or 7 yard runs. I will take that trade-off.

It seems as though they only bring out the actual offense that Arians is going to employ once the season starts in emergency situations. We kicked a lot of ass between the 20s when we had to move the ball (specifically at the end of the first half when Santonio Holmes proved that he is going to be a fantasy sleeper this year - buying the jersey on Thursday, btw). Then, we couldn't punch it in. I can't be sure if that's because we didn't have the right personnel out on the field, or if it's because they didn't want to show anything too fancy in the pre-season. On the last drive of the game, they probably would've scored if they threw to a tight end off of playaction on second down. Maybe they didn't trust St. Pierre. Maybe they didn't want to show that part of the offense (though playaction in the red zone is not really all that fancy). Maybe they wanted to see if they could just punch it in with third stringers when the other team knew they were going to run it.

I'm not really sure. It's a new administration and they're handling pre-season very differently than Cowher did, so who knows.

What I do know is that four field goals (especially when they're 28, 22, 21, and 19 yards respectively) ain't gonna get it done in the regular season. They need to finish these drives and score touchdowns. They haven't scored a touchdown since the Saints game and that's very, very disconcerting.

The good news is that we've got two more games to sort all of this out. The other good news is that William Gay looks like he's actually going to make the roster and be a pretty decent player. He'll also force the Steelers to make some tough decisions when it comes time to cut the roster to 53.

But, more on that later.

Redskins Pre-Season Preview

There are two big things about this game:

1. Willie Parker will play. Probably not much, but he'll play.
2. This will most likely be the most we'll see of the starters until the season kicks off against Cleveland.

And... that's pretty much it.

If Fast Willie is in there for a quarter or two, then we'll certainly get to see how well he works with the new offense. Like I mentioned on the Najeh Davenport play in the Green Bay game, he would've blown by that cornerback and scored. It could very well be that Parker will find a lot of good running lanes with everything spread out.

Of course, this means that, if the Steelers are successful running the ball out of the three wide receiver set, that Dan Krieder's days are numbered. That's tragic and upsetting, but I will say this: I love Dan Krieder, but I love the Steelers more. If they can win more games and run the ball better with Fast Willie picking his lane in a more spread out formation, more power to them. It sucks that Krieder takes the fall for this, but I'd rather have another Lombardi Trophy in the South Side than a happy fullback. And yes, I have reached the Acceptance phase. That's the best thing for me, really. It will make things easier when they cut him to get down to 53 on September 1st.

I am going to assume that the defense will, once again, come out fired up and that Dick LeBeau will continue to experiment with different sets, formations, and blitzes. They threw a lot of exotic shit at Favre last week, so expect them to try and downright confound Jason Campbell this week.

I am also going to assume that, provided we keep the offensive starters in for more than two seconds, we're going to see a return of the shitty, vanilla offense that we were subjected against the Packers. Lots of crossing patterns, short passes, and bland stuff to behold as Arians tries to see how well the offense does with the worst, most stripped down version of the playbook imaginable. And, that's the way it should be. He saw that both Ben and Batch can complete long passes for big plays when needed, so he really doesn't have to see any more along those lines. Plus which, if the offense is set up to fail in the pre-season, things will seem that much easier when they're set up to succeed during the regular season.

I like the way Tomlin is handling this. The offense doesn't need any more confidence, but the defense needs all it can muster. There may be a new guy at the helm, but most of the personnel are still the same players that Cowher coached. And all those guys feed off of emotion and momentum. Since Porter isn't there anymore to provide it and Tomlin is pretty damn stoic on the sidelines, they need this early confidence and momentum heading into the season. It remains to be seen how long that'll last, but we definitely need every last ounce we can get.

Packers Pre-Season Review

We lost and that sucks and it looked like, perhaps we were going to come back and assert ourselves, but we didn't. I'm gonna say that it doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things.

It's the pre-season. Leave us not forget that. And leave us not forget that, as opposed to last year, we're actually trying to win these games. Giving your best and falling short won't cut it when the games start to count, but it's worth something now.

So... what did we learn?

Most Importantly:

1. We learned that Dan Kreider is the runt of the litter. Do you know how to spot the runt? They're the ones that are left out when there aren't enough teets to suckle on. As a result, they don't get nourished and they're smaller. Kreider was listed in the official starting line-up, but didn't play a snap. The Steelers played mostly three wide receivers and probably only 15 or so snaps with a fullback - Kreider's back-up. The Rooneys are out of teets to suckle and Kreider will shrink into the background. They'll probably keep him around long enough that he can't catch on with anyone else in the division, maybe even through this season, but he's not part of the new regime's plans. And that pisses me off. Because I love Dan Kreider. I almost bought a Kreider jersey on Saturday night. I couldn't find one, which was probably a sign. I also nearly pulled the trigger on a Santonio Holmes jersey.
2. And that's my next jersey. This kid is a bad ass. I'm going to buy the jersey, keep the sales receipt, and show it to everyone in December. When he's tearing up the league to the tune of 75/1,100/10, I'll show everyone the receipt and say, "I knew he was going to be awesome in August." In the second quarter, he got behind three Packers. When I first saw the 50 yard completion that Batch threw to him, I thought Batch was gambling by throwing into triple coverage. I didn't realize until I saw the replay that Holmes got behind three guys to catch a pass that would've been a touchdown if Batch had taken just a little bit off of it. Draft him in all fantasy formats in the 8th round. I'm telling you. He might even be there in the 10th.
3. The defense was fired up. They've got quite a streak going these past two games against the other team's first string. If they can keep up this intensity (which, admittedly, Tomlin seems to foster), they're not going to be as worthless as I thought. Maybe. I still need to see them keep it up for more than a half.
4. I was listening to the radio and someone mentioned that the big thing everyone on the team was worried about was the poor play on special teams, especially the blocked extra point. I gotta say that they shouldn't give two shits about the blocking on extra points if they're going to make the Packers look like the '85 Bears out there. Steeler quarterbacks were sacked five times by the friggin' Packers. Imagine what'll happen if we have to line up against the hated Ravens or the Patriots this season. Oh, that's right. We do. Granted, two of those sacks were the fault of Max Starks, who looked completely lost at left tackle, but Marvell Smith got humiliated as well. If they're looking for something to fix, something to practice, they should start with trying to keep the quarterback upright.

Less Important, But Still Pretty Important:

1. Watching this game made me realize how much we miss Willie Parker. Remember when Najeh Davenport made that old-fashioned Steelers move, going inside-out, breaking off left tackle, and stiff-arming the balls off that poor, helpless Packer cornerback? I was fired up when I saw that play until I watched it again and realized that Parker would've blown right by that poor, helpless cornerback and scored a 55 yard touchdown. I hate to say that it looks as though spreading things out, going to three wide receivers, and letting Willie go inside-out by design instead of by chance might be a good idea. And that means no Dan Kreider. I'm going to move on.
2. Either the Packers completely changed their defensive philosophy - playing exclusively Cover 2 and putting as many guys as possible deep when Ben was in and switching to man-to-man and stacking the line of scrimmage for Batch - or Arians didn't open things up when Ben was in the game, instead waiting to see what Batch could do. Those are the two options. For the sake of my sanity, I'm going with Arians calling things conservative while Ben was in the game.
3. Brandon Jackson is winning the starting tailback job in Green Bay. Write it down. He started the game, was in there against the first team and he finished the game, because they wanted to see what he could do against his peers and what he could do against scrubs. He passed both tests.
4. Chris Hoke is more important to the team than I thought. When he got hurt, I was happy to have easy access to liquor. When I found out it was just a hyper extension and not a ligament tear, I was happy to have easy access to liquor. Maybe I'm just more of an alcoholic than I thought.
5. Sean Mahan and Marvin Phillip are going to be the two centers on the roster when we cut down to 53. Chukki Okobi was noticeably absent on Saturday and he'll be noticeably absent from the roster when the season starts. Who gets groomed for a starting position for six years? I just keep thinking that, even under Cowher and his favoritism of veterans, Okobi could've won that job over Hartings (especially with the huge cap number that Hartings had every year) if he was any good. He's weak, he doesn't have the feet to play center for this team, and he wasn't hungry enough to either beat out an old man with no knees, or demand that he be traded somewhere else. Now, he's an unemployable 28 year-old that's on the wrong side of a regime. Welcome to the NFL, rook.

Packers Pre-season Game Preview

I just realized that the game we have coming up with the Packers is tomorrow.

Like I've mentioned, the pre-season is a painful time in all our lives, but it brings the promise of football season being close at hand. And that, my friends, makes it all worth it.

One of the big reasons I'm even posting something is in the hopes that me posting this will make my buddy Joel's response to the Barry Bonds post come up. If not, I'm driving to Mountain View, CA and cock-punching both Larry Page and Sergey Brin.

(I find it ironic that, since I couldn't remember who founded Google... I had to Google it.)

If it doesn't come up, it's somehow available here.

At any rate, I am actually looking forward to this game. Partly because I missed the first one and I feel as though it's my duty as a Steeler fan to watch every game, no matter how insignificant. Partly because, from what I heard of the last game, these aren't your Cowher's pre-season Steelers.

Arians had Ben go deep on his first (and only) series. In the third and fourth quarters, they were still trying to advance the ball and score, as opposed to just sitting on the lead. And, apparently, this Carey Davis kid is the second coming of Jim Brown, so I need to look at him.

We probably will see about half a quarter of the starters, maybe even an entire quarter. I'm interested in seeing what Arians has up his sleeve, since he doesn't seem content to hide his playbook from the rest of the league, exhibition game or not.

The Packers will most likely take Brett Favre out of his wheelchair for a series or two, then let Aaron Rogers experience what it's like to hold a football. I'm interested, too, for fantasy purposes, to see who they roll out as the starting running back. With no Ahman Green or Najeh Davenport (since, ya know, he's now a Steeler and all), I'd like to see how they figure this out.

Things to watch for:

1. Will Fast Willie suit up and how much will he play?
2. If he suits up and plays, what's the over/under on how many screen passes he fields? 3? 5? 10? I guess it depends on how long he's out there. (Side Note: I heard a reputable sports writer from the Tribune-Review say on a radio show that the screen pass run by Carey Davis was the first decent screen pass the Steelers have executed since 2004. This, of course, is wrong. We executed three or four in the 2005 regular season game against the Bears alone. There was the perfectly executed and perfectly timed screen pass against the Bengals in the 2005 playoff game. And Fast Willie and Najeh Davenport both scored on long screen passes last year. I think Fast Willie had more than two such touchdowns. As a matter of fact, anytime he scored last season, he scored on a screen pass. So, he scored on three well executed screen passes last season.)
3. Two tight ends or i-formation? Whisenhunt seemed to come to his senses towards the end of last season and left Dan Krieder in there, but Arians and Tomlin both seem to love using two tight ends. Probably why they drafted one way too early in the 3rd round.
4. The Supulverizer will be back in action. How many times will we see him?
5. Even though Brett Favre is 600 years old, he's still pretty good. And so is the Packers' offense. It'll be interesting to see how well our first team holds up against their second team. If they fail to suck serious balls, I will have hope for the coming season.
6. If they suck serious balls, I have a bad feeling we're looking at a lot of 31-28 games this year, regardless of who wins.

Most importantly, I will be watching this game at a bar. That way, I'll have lots of access to hard liquor if someone gets seriously injured.

"Barry Bonds is My Favorite Player"

This is a response to the Bonds post from my buddy Joel. He and I have had a long history of baseball debates.

In fact, we were trying to settle an argument about Rogers Hornsby one night and decided that we'd look on the Internet to determine who was right. This was in 1998 (or possibly earlier), so the Internet was still in its early stages and we were using dial-up. Just to give perspective.

We went to mlb.com and found that it was a site for a law firm called Miller, Lauman, and Brohm. There was a link at the bottom that said, "Looking for Major League Baseball? Click here." At that point, we weren't as concerned with Hornsby anymore as we were with the fact that someone in the marketing department really dropped the ball. Later, we found the answer on majorleaguebaseball.com.

But not before we sent this to Miller, Lauman, and Brohm through their "Contact Us" submission form (which seemed really high-tech at the time):

"Hi. We don't need any legal services, but we had a question. Do you know what Rogers Hornsby batted in 1925? Thanks. It's a biggie."

I realize that this long-winded story is delaying your enjoyment of his response, but I just wanted to let you know where he's coming from...

Basically it's not real to me, the Bonds thing . That's true for a number of reasons. First of all I'm a manic reader about Baseball's Past. I love baseball and I love history, so baseball history, as you might expect, holds a very very special place in my heart.

I was reading The Boys of Summer earlier this year, which is about the ' 52 and '53 Brooklyn Dodgers. That story , to me, is real. It's all in books I've read. To me, the top (career) five home run hitters are Aaron, Ruth, Mays, Frank Robinson and (I think) Reggie. It's weird and unfitting that in my lifetime (in the last decade, actually) there have been SEVERAL changes to that list.

It's an odd kind of self-hate that for me, the men of today will never equal those from years gone by. And I can prove it, numerically. I think. That's the beautiful thing about baseball--it will torment you to death with that question "who was best, when," because the nature of the stats make different eras look so seductively comparable.

We know that Ben Roethlisberger, a middle-of-the-pack to lower-tier-great quarterback of today, would swat Bart Starr, one of the two or three best when he played, like a fly . Physically they're practically from different species. Football and basketball are each clearly incomparable sports, historically speaking. Obviously Jim Brown would kill whenever, but apart from him and a few other guys, you can't begin to line up the players of yesterday alongside those of today.

The quality of baseball that I believe makes it the most lovable and poetic is that it's a series of individual confrontations. The ability to stick the tallest or fattest five guys you can find on the field has no appreciable advantage . On top of that, or because of it, it is able to be defined statistically the best of all sports and then we can't help but line these statistics up.

The ability to hit or pitch or field or throw has always probably been fairly consistent , right? But unfortunately there are such stark differences between eras that we know that we're just kidding ourselves.

The balls were mush.
Only white men could play.
The fields were enormous.
PEOPLE DIDN'T USE GLOVES.

Different styles of play were in vogue at different times. Mound height and strike zone size varied.

Basically you can't compare eras in an intellectually honest fashion. Not that well. Of course in spite of this we will continue to try and baseball's records will continue to fall and we'll spend half of our energy comparing the magnitude of the newest feat with its predecessor and the other half deriding its historical value. We can't help it, we purists.

All of that said--Bonds is a magnificent athlete and an all-time player and he's been my favorite since he came up. The fact that he continues to be, or rather that there was never a successor speaks as much to my disaffection and changing relationship with current baseball as I've grown older ('thank yous' go to both Father Time and the Pittsburgh Pirates organization) as to his undeniable continued excellence.

It's always been a matter of pride to me that Bonds was my favorite from Day 1--even when he sucked (brief though that time was). But then he left Pittsburgh and it's never really been the same.

Well, his post-season performance aside-- the Pirates surely haven't been the same. I haven't either. And so now it's so odd, that this far removed from the tucked-away-in-Pittsburgh relationship of me KNOWING that he was great and wishing that the world at large would realize that, he's now great, in fact, the greatest, under the most suspicious of circumstances. Isn't that just the darnedest.

I turned 30 this summer. Barry Bonds broke Hank Aaron's career home run record. I doubt that he cares about the parallel, but for me, this is really about the last vestiges of boyhood dying. The one baseball record I've known and appreciated the longest is broken, by, of all people, my boyhood hero under the most suspicious and tainted and asterisk-ridden of circumstances. If that doesn't grow you up fast, nothing will.

So in a most blatant act of cowardice, I don't care. I just can't. Bonds breaks Aaron's record 30-odd years later in a totally different athletic and moral environment. It'd be like if I wrote a song and somehow, magically, you could definitively say it was "cooler" than "Penny Lane." I mean wouldn't that just be stupid--like this record, no one would believe you.

The game is different. Heck, he's different. Look at the pictures. But because of the nature of baseball, we THINK we can compare and so inevitably we do. And that's why we love it, and perhaps, like all great loves, just the teensiest bit hate it.

So what I'm left with is a retreat. I retreat to the "classics," reading about the 50's Dodgers playing in the ostensible mecca of baseball, and maybe after this, I'll finish that biography of Ted Williams that's hanging around. Maybe I'll dabble some more into Roger Angell's columns about the 60's Mets and Yankees.

I don't have to explain my pursuits to a real baseball person. For us, it's ALL esoteric and arcane effluvia anyways, so who cares about the stigma of digging deeper.

Maybe after that, I'll close my eyes and run down the career home run list. Aaron 755 , Ruth 714, Mays 660, Robinson 586. . . and maybe, JUST maybe , I'll turn on and watch a game. I'll pretend I don't care, can't care, as much as I did back then.

It's the intentional self-delusion that is the most comforting.

We Have a New Home Run King

I thought about this a lot and decided that I needed to post something regarding the mantle being passed from Hank Aaron to Barry Bonds. I read a lot of articles and did some serious introspection.

Next to the Sopranos finale, this was the most significant, jarring, and polarizing event of the summer. And, since I didn't write anything about that (sorry, my bad - by the time I had reconciled it in my brain, it was a dead issue), I felt a responsibility to myself and my readers (both of them) to say something.

As I have mentioned before, I hate Barry Bonds. As much as I hate him, he doesn't deserve an asterisk and he doesn't deserve to be torn apart by the media and the public in general for hitting a ball with a stick for 21 years and doing it better than anyone else on the planet during that period.

He says he plans to play next year, that it's not about the record, but I think this is the last season we see Barry suit up, strap on his body armor, and face a barrage of intentional walks and criticism. Unless (Jesus, if you're listening, please don't let this happen) the Giants let him walk and he signs on with a desperate team in need of a DH. I had ignored the man for most of the season to avoid complete saturation on the topic by the time he got close to the record, so I hadn't seen him play much this year (or the past few years, for that matter). He is in serious decline, can't play defense, and can barely run the bases. He should not play for a National League team next year. He will do them more harm than good.

But, as he proved last night, the man can still hit. He always could. 'Roids or no 'roids, he was always a threat with a bat in his hands. If you add in the fact that he's been choked up one knob on the bat for his entire career, it makes what he's done all the more impressive.

For the last 21 years, he's been better, more consistent, and a bigger threat than anyone else in the league.

As Henry Aaron said in his videotaped speech last night (which, by the way looked like it was going to end with him saying, "They say they're not going to hurt me. Put $2 million non-sequential 20 and 50 dollar bills in an unmarked briefcase...") setting this record is an accomplishment that required, "skill, longevity, and determination."

Would he have hit 756 home runs (and counting) without steroids? Who knows? And, really, now that it's in the books, who cares? Forget the fact he outpaced every other juicer out there, forget that more pitchers were likely juicing during the Steroid Era than hitters, and forget that he denies that he ever touched the stuff to this day.

It's asking a lot, but I'm feeling pragmatic here.

Records were made to be broken. With the high quality of athletes filtering into the game every day, strength, conditioning, medical science, and longevity continuing to improve, and the fact that no one seems to want to be a pitcher anymore, someone's going to break Barry's new record.

Could be A-Rod in six years. Could not. It was supposed to have already been broken by Griffey Junior or Frank Thomas by now, right? When Bonds started, I can assure you that no one figured he'd be the new all-time home run king.

If you want unbreakable records, try rooting against anyone who tries to break Cy Young's all-time wins record (511 - Roger Clemens would need to win 15 games a year until he's 55) or Rickey Henderson's all-time stolen base record (1,406 - Lou Brock is next with 936). Did you know the single-season triples record is 26? The career record is 309! Those are safe.

Besides, home runs are more fun. Really, they're the only exciting part of the game of baseball. They're what everyone watches highlights for. They're as much of a national past time as the sport itself. So, would anyone be as up-in-arms as they are if Bonds was trying to unseat Sam Crawford by hitting his 310th career triple?

Nope. And that's why it's so important that Bonds is so controversial and so reviled.

Aside from a bunch of racist morons that didn't want a black man to break a white man's record, the biggest problem everyone had with Aaron was that he wasn't sexy. He never hit 50 home runs in a season. He won only one MVP (Bonds has seven trophies, in case you're keeping score at home). Like Bonds, he wasn't a media darling.

He wasn't well liked or flashy, he was just... skilled, consistent, and determined.

This time around, the story was about how Aaron was a better hitter and a better man than Bonds. Next time around, the man who unseats Bonds will have it easy - he'll be supplanting a cheater and a curmudgeon. If it's someone with dreamy eyes like A-Rod, women will even pay attention.

The best part of baseball is that the debates are never over, the next story is always more compelling, the next season is your team's chance to win it all, and everything is steeped in history. It's the past and future at constant battle in the present - and no one really seems to care too much about what's currently going on.

You can't compare players across eras, but that doesn't mean you can't try. Statistics are a tool. They're a marker. You can revere them if you like, but they won't revere you back.

We don't need an asterisk. We need another story.

By the Way - Buy 300 on DVD

If you like football and people kicking the shit out of each other, you need to buy this movie. There's a lot of shirtless guys, but some girls with really nice nipples.

Bottom Line:

The movie is worth it to see the blood, the bravado, the bad-assness, and the big dudes from Sparta kicking some Persian ass (the original underdogs).

And, once you buy it, watch the "This is Spartaaaaaaaaaa!" scene in French. Priceless.

How 'Bout That Game?

It seems to me that Steeler Nation is pretty football starved. I say this because four people either came up to me, e-mailed me, or sent me an Instant Message that basically said, "How 'bout that game?"

Well, I didn't see it. And I'm fine with that. The NFL Network is a bunch of commies and they should rot in hell, but I'm fine with that. Not like the game could've been on ESPN or anything so that I could catch it on the plane.

But, to hear most folks tell it, our Steelers are on their way to a 24-0 run (five pre-season games, sixteen regular season, three playoff games including the Super Bowl). From all accounts, they looked real good and Carey Davis is the next Terrell Davis. Even Weidman, who has a unique ability to see the subtle shades of grey in a silver-lined cloud, said they looked pretty good. He did add, though, that these were the Saints.

And, well, they were. And still are, I would assume. Their first string defense isn't any good, so that tells you how good their second and third string guys are. After Ben and the first string scored on their first (and only possession), it was up to the second string and third string to pile on and make sure that the Mike Tomlin area got off to a good start.

Really, though, I'm going to need to see how they fare against a decent defense (like the one Green Bay has) and how the defense does against a good offense (or at least someone near the quality of New Orleans on that side of the ball for more than three minutes). For the season, the defense isn't going to continue to be this good, and the offense isn't as likely to be as consistent.

When the offense isn't consistent, The Supulverizer (Danny Vulva's new nickname, courtesty of Weidman - neither of us thought that Danny Vulva was a good name for him after we saw this) will come to the rescue.

I'm sad that I wasn't able to see The Supulverizer kick the ball and kick hell out of New Orleans' punt returner.

There will be time for that later, though. Like during the regular season. And during the next three pre-season games, where the starters are more likely to play at least a quarter. There will be time for that during the playoffs (a lock, since our scrubs beat their scrubs 13-7).

************I noticed that I never closed the asterisk from yesterday*******************

The Five Most Painful Sports Events to Watch list did not golf, tennis, or soccer for several good reasons. I don't understand any of them and that is why it's painful for me to watch them. People who don't understand football don't like it as much as people who do. People who don't get baseball don't see the point.

I'm not going to say it's painful to watch them because I know people that watch golf, tennis, and soccer and enjoy them. If you know what the hell is going on (like why the average soccer player falls down and writhes for ten minutes when he grazes another player), most sports are more enjoyable.

The Pain List was all about sports that I understand but are painful to watch for other reasons. Women's sports because I understand how the game in question is supposed to be played and it's painful to watch sports being played so poorly. Before anyone comes to me with the, "Female athletes have a better understanding of the fundamentals," argument, I am going to say this: That's all they have.

Female basketball players are very good at passing because they all know they can't shoot worth a damn - they're good at rebounding for the same reason. Female softball players are very good at backing up a play - this is a fundamental - but it's a fundamental that only comes into play when someone else does something wrong.

But, I've watched enough of both of these sports to know that they're painful, so they must have been the least painful option out there. I just prefer to watch men play sports - they're better at them and it's more entertaining to watch.

I'm sure everyone understands the other two items on the Pain List.

Hall of Fame Game Preview

Yes, this post is coming a little late, what with the game being in about 7 hours or so, but I've been kinda busy, I'm not really psyched up for the exhibition game of all exhibition games, and I'm still a little too nervous about the upcoming season.

However, I've spent the entire weekend in Provincetown, Massachusetts, which is like San Francisco East for the gay and lesbian community. Needless to say, I've been trying to talk a lot of football to try and even things out.

I'm also going to be on a plane while the game is taking place, so I'm not sure how much of it I'm going to catch. The important thing is that I'm most likely to miss the first few series, so there won't be much point in watching the second half. Unless, of course, I want to see if our fourth string guys are better than the Saints' fourth string guys.

I'm also flying Jet Blue, though, so I'll have access to TV. I'm hoping that they'll have it on one of the stations. (This is not a Jet Blue plug, though I enjoyed the flight out, I'm just stating facts here.)

Two things interest me about this game:

1. Seeing how much of the new offense Bruce Arians unveils.
2. Watching Danny Vulva punt.

I have a sinking suspicion that, since this is the first of five pre-season games for our beloved Steelers, that Arians is going to keep things vanilla enough to make seven or eight banana splits, so I'm not holding out too much hope for that. Still, it will be interesting to see whether or not Tomlin actually wants to win this game. If nothing else, he wants to come out of his first pre-season with a winning record. And, after all, we took the pre-season waaaaaaaaaaaaay too lightly last year and it (among other factors) really screwed us for the regular season.

So, I'd have to say that I'm more excited about this particular pre-season, given that we might actually try to win some of these games, keep the starters in longer than it takes for them to break a sweat, and show off some of the new wrinkles on offense and defense.

But... saying that I'm more excited about this pre-season is like saying that I'm more excited to go to the dentist when I find out that he only needs to fill in one cavity instead of two.

Training Camp and the pre-season are important, I understand this. But, to me, they're only truly important for one reason: They mean that the regular season is not far away.

To put a finer point on it, here is the list of the five most painful sporting events to watch*:

1. Women's softball.
2. Women's basketball.
3. Women's... okay, any women's sports. But the top two are, by far, the worst.
4. Any playoff game after your team has been eliminated.
5. Pre-season football.

Pre-season football is painful to watch because it's tough to get into, the starters barely play, no one uses complicated schemes, the players and coaches could really give two shits who wins or loses, and absolutely everyone is gripped with paranoia that someone important to the team is going to get hurt. It's kind of like watching the playoffs, but without all the promise, the high level of play on both sides, and the finality of it. So... really all you're left with is that feeling of dread in the pit of your stomach, like you're trying to figure out how to fart through a wicker pew.

And, I think it's an idictment of the entire pre-season system that the one thing I'm looking forward to the most is how the new punter does. I actually really want to see him punt. I've heard he has a funky kicking style, his balls have a strange rotation (there was something vaguely dirty about that phrase, but I can't put my finger on it), and he's got a linebacker mentality. As sad as I am to see Gardocki go, I'm excited for the future. Because, honestly, Gardocki had lost a great deal of leg strength and his directional skills were even beginning to fade. Obviously, we still wouldn't have made the playoffs last year if we had a better punter, but I also think that Vulva is going to be very important to the team this season in terms of winning the field position battle.

And we're going to need all the help we can get, having lost Sean Morey and James Harrison from the coverage units. It says something that I was overjoyed that we were able to re-sign Chidi Iwoma.

All pre-season bashing aside, though, I'm still pissed that I'm most likely going to miss it. Because, well, it's football for God's sake.