Steelers Draft Review

Steelers First Round:

After the Steelers took Rashard Mendenhall, I got a text message that said, "What do you think?" Well, at that point, I really wasn't sure. At this point? Still not 100% sure.

For all the lip service Kevin Colbert and company have paid to the fact that Mendenhall was one of the top guys on their board and that he was one of the few prospects that would keep them in the first round if he was available, I still can't shake the feeling that something is wrong with Fast Willie. Maybe it's that they don't trust the injury. Maybe it's that they feel he's not the guy to carry the load with 300+ carries a year.

Maybe it's just that, like the Vikings last year when they drafted Adrian Peterson even though they already had Chester Taylor, Colbert, Rooney, and Tomlin said, "Holy shit! He's still there! We gotta take him."

Whatever the reasons, I think he works much better as a complimentary guy right off the bat. He's not really an accomplished receiver and he didn't need to block at all at Illinois, so he definitely can't step in and play every down right away. Which is why he doesn't make any sense for the Bears (in addition to the fact that there were still plenty of good tackles available when they picked and Angelo didn't want to admit he was wrong for drafting Benson). But, given the fact that he was the 13th-rated player on the Steelers' board, all the good offensive tackles (and even some of the crappy ones) were taken, all the good defensive ends were taken, and there weren't any receivers worth taking in the first round, it was a good choice.

And, at that point, everyone that wanted to get back into the first round had done so and gotten the guy they wanted. I doubt we would've gotten enough in return to trade out.

One final note: Dunderwood, Weidman, and I watched the game at Buffalo Wild Wings in Monroeville. As the first round started to unfold, Weidman and I decided that the only guys we wanted the Steelers to take in the first round were "Fat Otah" (no idea where nickname came from, but I think it's fairly funny even if you don't know the source) or Aqib Talib. He has character issues, but he's a hell of a player. I figured the Steelers would take him if he fell in their laps (like Mendenhall), but that they wouldn't trade up for him. Weidman and I determined that "Aqib" sounds like a male queef. So, we just took to calling him "Penis Fart" from about 12th overall until about 22nd overall. Once Fat Otah and Penis Fart were gone, we wanted no part of the first round.

Bears First Round:

I said they should take either Otah or Chris Williams and they took Chris Williams. The one knock on the big man from Vanderbilt is that he may not have enough of a mean streak and he's too much of a technician, which means he'll be a better left tackle than a right tackle. So, move Tait over, put Williams in there, and move on with your life.

Steelers Second Round:

One of the reasons I didn't mention Limas Sweed in my preview is that I didn't think he'd be available. I thought that at least some of the teams in the NFL would disagree with me and think that there was a wide receiver worth taking in the first round. None were chosen for the first time since 1990 and the run on receivers started in the second round.

Both the Steelers and the Bears wisely avoided receivers in the first (and the Bears also in the second), but got good dudes later on that ordinarily would've had higher grades. Most of the mock drafts I saw had Sweed going in the first round. I think I even saw one that had him going to the Steelers. Colbert had a first round grade on him. When he was still sitting there, they were overjoyed. Kinda like when Mendenhall was still available.

Here's the thing: I'm glad the Steelers are happy, but we really needed to get an offensive lineman in the first two picks. Tomlin had a good counterpoint to that: There are two ways to fix your offensive line: draft more linemen, or get more weapons. That's an oversimplification of what he said, of course, which is why I didn't use quotation marks. But, the point remains that teams will blitz us less and Ben will need less time to throw now that we have better skill position guys. I don't necessarily buy it, but I do believe that, with us being four guys deep at receiver and three guys deep at running back, we'll have much fresher legs come December than most other offenses. That bodes well for us, provided that Ben doesn't get carried off on a stretcher come October.

Bears Second Round:

I heard some draft analysts saying this was a bad pick and a reach. However, since I mentioned Matt Forte as a guy that the Bears could take in the second round, I think it's a great pick. Besides, the wheels kind of came off on my picks after this one, so I'm going to revel in it.

Chicago will be happy with Forte. He has good hands, he's a capable blocker (two things Benson isn't), and he runs with authority and conviction, especially after contact. Kind of reminds me of Edgerrin James in the way he runs. He's not going to bust a big run, but he'll get 8 when you think he's going to get 2, he'll get 15 when you think he's going to get 6. Stuff like that.

Steelers Third Round:

I have to say that I'm confused by this pick. I've read nothing but good things about this kid, but I can't say for sure that he's a 3-4 rush linebacker and I can't say for sure that he's a 4-3 end.

If he turns out to be a good player, then we might be able to use him in both situations. If he doesn't, he's the next Alonzo Jackson. I just have a bad feeling he's Option B.

Bears Third Round:

I like Earl Bennett (another guy from Vandy) and I really do think he's going to be a good replacement for Berrian in a couple of years. While I think the passing game is boned this year because Chicago has simply lost too many receivers, I think Bennett and seventh round pick (almost Mr. Irrelevant) Marcus Monk are going to make the Bears a lot better in a couple of years.

I don't trust Marcus Harrison. At all. In 2007 he dodged not one, but two bullets. He was supposed to be suspended indefinitely for marijuana and meth possession, but the Razorbacks realized they needed him, so he was only suspended for the opener. He tore his MCL in April of last year, but he was perfectly fine to start by the second game of the season. Sure, he's talented, but he's already used up all his luck and he hasn't used up all his "I'm gonna do dumb shit because I'm young" energy. He's Tank Johnson and a half.

Steelers Fourth Round:

After waiting the better part of four rounds to draft an offensive lineman, they take this guy.

Tony Hills started out as a tight end. He screwed up his knees so badly in high school that he got something called "drop foot" though he apparently recovered from it somehow. Even if he is recovered (and, reading that article I linked to, you have to wonder how many times his girlfriend had to blow the doctor to get him to pass Hills for the physical), the assumption has to be that putting your 330 pound body on your drop foot every day and running around on it and having other huge guys roll up on it and cut block you... that can't be good for your drop foot.

I guess my point is that, if he starts, he'll play with more pain than Jeff Hartings from 2002-2004. Then again, Hartings didn't retire until after the 2006 season. I just think it's a mistake to draft someone that already has legs as bad as a 34 year-old center. Moving on.

Fourth Round Bears:

I'm really not familiar with this Craig Steltz kid, but he played for LSU, so he's been involved in big games and they've had some great defenses. He played around some really talented players (Russell, Buster Davis, Dwayne Bowe, LaRon Landry last year, Glenn Dorsey, Early Doucet, Jacob Hester, Matt Flynn this year).

And, from what I've read about him today, he seems like he'd be a really good fit playing that free safety/center field position in the Cover 2.

Fifth Round Steelers:

My buddy Laszlo asked me what I thought about Dennis Dixon yesterday (the Steelers drafted him as Laszlo and I were sitting at the bar watching the Penguins game). I said that he was a taller Kordell Stewart with a stronger arm.

And I stand by that. One of the things that doomed Kordell was that he had 15 coordinators in five years and no one ever taught him to throw the ball away. I think he just didn't know that rule existed. And he didn't know that you could throw the ball more than six yards down the field. Maybe Kevin Gilbride (or maybe it was Ray Sherman, too many coordinators to keep track of) didn't understand that. He was actually effective when the coordinator let him go out there and play -- Mularky actually had some success when he let Kordell run the Statue of Liberty play and quarterback draws.

Here's what I know: If Kordell didn't have at least some success, the Falcons never would've drafted Michael Vick first overall and the Titans never would've taken Vince Young third overall. They both would have been drafted, just not as high.

My point is this: Dixon has WAY more upside than any of the jokers the Steelers have drafted in the fifth round the last ten years -- which includes Tee Martin, the incomparable Brian St. Pierre, and Omar Jacobs. And, there's one added bonus. In my mind, the biggest key to Steve McNair's development from athlete that could throw and game-changing quarterback came when he had all those injuries in 2003. He had to watch Billy Volek take the snaps and drop back and really just sat there and was able to watch the play develop. He never had to think about where his feet were supposed to go throughout the course of his career, so that let him focus on making something happen by throwing the ball. And it was the most important thing he learned in his career.

If Dixon can rest his knee, watch Ben work from the pocket the same way, and watch the progression of the play, he'll be ready by the time Batch retires. Remember, we do have a couple of years, after all.

If not, I say we draw up a bunch of gadget plays and have Dixon go all Kordell/Randel-El on the other team.

Bears Fifth Round:

Zack Bowman, cornerback, Nebraska. Fast as hell, dumb as a sack of hammers, went to Nebraska, can't stay healthy. Gunner!

This dude's going to help the Bears a lot on special teams. And that's about it.

Tight end Kellen Davis is really tall (6'6") and fast (4.6 in the 40), but I keep thinking this... if he's so awesome, why didn't he start many games at Michigan State and why did he only tally up 60 receptions in four years in East Lansing? He was also suspended for four games in 2006 for assault. So there's that.

But hey, he's tall and fast!

Steelers Sixth Round:

I must say that I'm very pleased that they traded back in the fourth and got the extra pick in the sixth.

You know what I love about the late round guys the Steelers draft? Every other team goes for Marcus Harrison's more sadistic cousin -- a guy that is always in trouble, gets hurt a lot, but is a really good athlete and could be a great player if he could just stop beating up his girlfriend/smoking crack/throwing sharp objects at his coaches.

The Steelers take guys like Mike Humpal and Ryan Mundy. Humpal is a try-hard guy that is probably too small to play linebacker in the NFL. And he's too slow to play in the Cover 2. But, he'll do well on special teams, he'll be a good teammate, and he may even pull a Larry Foote and end up being a decent player.

Mundy went to WVU, but I'm sure he's okay.

Bears Seventh Round:

Lightning round...

Earvin Baldwin: Bigger than your average Bears lineman. Hopefully, Lovie Smith doesn't put him on Atkins and just trusts him to play football.

Chester Adams: Probably would've gotten drafted earlier if he didn't switch to right tackle in 2007 after playing guard for his first three seasons at Georgia. I think he's going to be a good back-up for them and could be a starter in a couple of years. At least the Bears drafted an offensive lineman that doesn't have drop foot.

Joey LaRocque: He's got a cool name, but he's too small and not fast enough for how small he is. Special teams!

Kirk Barton: Good enough to get by at Ohio State with his athletic ability, but probably can't get by in the NFL... which is why they took him in the seventh round. At least the Bears drafted an offensive lineman that doesn't have drop foot.

Marcus Monk: I think this is a really great pick. Monk is going to, if nothing else, get a roster spot and give the Bears some depth at wide receiver. That's worst case. Best case is that he turns into the next Marques Colston.

Thoughts on the Bears:

I think the Bears had the best draft of anyone outside of the Chiefs and Dolphins -- and the Chiefs and Dolphins both had a shitload of picks in the first 90 selections overall. The first 90 picks were where the really great players were, but there were some good guys to be had after that. The Bears found a lot of them and they grabbed Matt Forte and Chris Williams -- two guys who I think are going to be great NFL players -- in the first two rounds.

Marcus Harrison should not be trusted. Under any circumstances. I don't trust his knees and I don't trust his arrest record.

Grade: A

Thoughts on the Steelers:

On Monday, I was agreeing with all of the draft gurus that said the Steelers got great value in the first round. I believed in what Tomlin had to say about helping out your offensive line by adding playmakers. I thought they did a good job. Then I talked to Keith.

He called me last night (everything fifth round and beyond was written on Tuesday, everything before the fifth round was written on Monday, but I didn't change anything tonight -- after I changed my mind -- because I wanted it to be a living record of how my opinion shifted. And, ya know, because I was too lazy). Here's the conversation we had.

Keith: So... are you pissed?
Me: About what?
Keith: The Steelers had a terrible draft. I figured you'd be pissed.

So, I tried to tell him about the fact that we got two guys with first round grades, one of which we had rated 13th overall, at 23 and 55. I talked about upside and getting the best athlete available. I quoted Tomlin. And I didn't realize, until I was quoting him, how dumb what he said sounded when spoken out loud. You don't get better on the offensive line by drafting more skill position guys. You get better by drafting offensive linemen that don't have drop foot. And it's that simple.

I think Keith said it best: "The Steelers didn't draft any defensive or offensive linemen worth mentioning. Those were their two biggest weaknesses last year. You can have all the greatest skill position guys you want, but if you don't have anyone to control the line of scrimmage, you're screwed. Just look at Arizona and Detroit -- a bunch of great skill position guys and no linemen. And look how they've done the last few years."

So... crap. Here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna agree with the draft gurus and commend the Steelers for drafting for value, for not reaching, and for getting a bunch of great skill position guys for now and for the future. And, I'm gonna say that they've reached in the past two or three drafts -- not always in the first round, but they have -- but they definitely didn't this time. They trusted their board, they took the best guy that was sitting there, and they're happy.

And, since Kevin Colbert and company get paid a lot of money to do what they do and I write a free blog that eight people read, I'm gonna say that they know better.

But, I'm not pleased and, I really feel that the coaching staff is going to have to make chicken salad (a cohesive, decent offensive line) out of chicken shit (a bunch of sub-talented or oft-injured dudes, which includes, but is not limited to, the seven million dollar man Max Starks).

Official stance, weighing all perspectives and with an eye towards the future, also completely ignoring drop foot: In three years, this is going to be looked at as a great draft. This season and next? Not so much. Right now? Definitely not.

Grade: C-

Pens Content to Muddy the Waters

All of you that are checking last minute to see what my thoughts are on the NFL Draft... Fuck your asses!

LET'S GO PENS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I cannot believe that they overcame that deficit and went on to win. I feel that they can do anything at this point, considering the fact that, as Dan pointed out, they are the greatest offensive team of all time.

I'm looking forward to the rest of the series. Hopefully, it's as exciting as tonight's game, but I also hope the end score is not as close.

Also, every time I see an interview with Evgeni Malkin, I flash back to Mr. Baseball with Tom Selleck. Malkin and his interpretor seem to laugh a lot at shit that isn't funny.

Well, I've taught myself Russian and have translated an actual exchange from tonight's post-game interview:

Reporter: That was some game. How do feel?
Malkin: I crawled through foul-smelling shit like Andy Dufresne that you can't imagine to get here. You can all suck my big, fat, Russian cock. (Laughs boisterously.)
Interpretor: Obviously Evegeni is happy that the team won. (Chuckles.) And he loves all of his new American friends. Glastnost, bitches!

Steelers Draft Preview

First and foremost...

You've been warned: This fucker took forever to put together and to write, so it's going to take forever to read. Maybe you want to read it in sections. Some was written sober at work, some was written sober at home, some was written drunk at home, some was written drunk at work.

The important thing to keep in mind is that everything in this bastard was written with love. So, smile.

Also, bear in mind that I think Casey Hampton might get traded on draft day. I don't care that it hasn't been reported anywhere. I just have a feeling.

I also have some bonus draft coverage for the Chicago Bears for my buddy Keith. He promised he'd read my blog if I put it up and I'm an attention whore, so I put it up. If you're not interested, skip past it, but I'm sure I'll put some funny shit in there, too.

Steelers Team Needs:

The Steelers need a lot of shit. We need a linebacker (4-3, not 3-4), a defensive end (4-3 end, not a 3-4 end, since we're making the switch to Tomlin's defense over the course of 2008 and fully in 2009), possibly a defensive tackle, two offensive linemen (preferably a guard and a tackle), a running back, a cornerback, a safety, a fullback, a tall wide receiver, and a quarterback (Batch can't hang around forever, Ben misses at least two games a year, and Steelers West signed St. Pierre).

For those of you counting at home, that's 11 guys. The Steelers have six picks. Good times! The good news is that the pick they're missing is in the seventh round.

Bears Team Needs:

Sadly, they need more shit. Luckily, through compensatory selections (first year I can remember that we didn't have any of these, but the loss of Faneca, Haggans, and especially Brian St. Pierre will get us some next year) they have 11 selections total.

They have four picks in the first 90 selections, so they're actually in pretty good shape, as long as they don't go straight defense like they have the past ten years or so other than Grossman and Cedric Benson... then again, that didn't work out so well for them. Moving on.

They need two wide receivers (lost both Berrian and Muhammad), a quarterback of the future, a defensive end, a running back, two offensive tackles (John Tait is a hundred years old and False Start Fred Miller was released), at least one defensive tackle, and a safety. For those of you counting at home, that's nine guys. So they're in good shape numbers-wise. Unfortunately, four of their picks come in the 7th round. Not too many QBs of the future or quality offensive tackles sitting around there.

Editor's Note: I included full names of all prospects mentioned in case anyone wants to Google any of these guys. You can use the Google Toolbar and everything!

Steelers First Round:

I've seen a lot of varying opinions on this first round selection. At first, everyone seemed to think that we were going to take Pitt's Jeff Otah. Then everyone was convinced that we would take Virginia's Branden Albert, but it was decided that he was too good of a player and actually projected to play at tackle, so the thinking is that he'll be gone by the time we pick.

All along, I have been sure of one thing: We don't need a quarterback in the first round. Isn't that nice? Keith? I can't hear you... isn't that... oh, yeah. Kyle Orton. Neckbeard.

Further analysis has led me to the conclusion that I would not take any of these positions in the first round of the 2008 draft, no matter what team I was looking out for: I would not draft a tight end, a wide receiver, or a safety. The pickings on those three positions are so slim that it doesn't really matter where you draft them. And, since the receivers are all basically rated the same (some are lower because they're slower, shorter, skinnier, or have drug, alcohol, firearm or beating-up-their-girlfriend problems), you just need to take a guy where you think he's worth it that fits your system. For me, that's not first round stuff. That's second round stuff at the earliest.

If Otah or Chris Williams is still available, we should take them and count our blessings. Albert won't be there, but if he is, he can keep on dropping. That dude is too tall, too spread out, and not powerful enough to play any offensive line position for the Pittsburgh Steelers. I might take him in the second round. Maybe.

If one of the top four corners are available: Dominique Rogers-Cromartie, Leodis McElvin, Aqib Talib, or Mike Jenkins, take them. I might even be convinced to take Brandon Flowers at this point. He's a Steelers guy.

The scuttlebutt is that Jonathan Stewart will be there. If he is, it's a Heath Miller situation. He has a toe injury and teams are scared to take him. He'll be healed by training camp and he's the best back in this draft outside of Darren McFadden (anyone that doubts this guy, re-watch the Arkansas-LSU game because he took it over). I could accept it if the Steelers take him, but I still believe Fast Willie is coming back strong and we can get someone later in the draft that's almost as good because this is a really deep tailback class.

At any rate, I'm avoiding the inevitable. I think we're going to take Gosder Cherilus. He's a right tackle through and through. If we're going to pay fucking Max Starks seven fucking million fucking dollars this year, we should play him at left tackle, kick Willie Colon inside, and let Marvel Smith rest his swollen vagina, or whatever his ailment for the season is, and put Cherilus on the right side.

(Aside: Signing Starks to the transition tag was the worst decision Kevin Colbert has ever made in his life. This includes ALL THREE tequila nights, even the one where he actually ended up in Mexico. It also includes the time he left his son at the park in Casa de Pedderass, a Gated Community for Sex Offenders. I think my wife could hit my TV with a sledgehammer and I'd be less pissed off.)

But, I'd like to go on record as saying, if the guys I want are gone, the Steelers should trade out of the first round to a team looking to take Joe Flacco, Chad Henne, or Brian Brohm, and try to land Cherilus in the second round even if they have to trade up to do it.

Bears First Round:

Fuck Rashard Mendenhall. That's all I have to say. Otah or Williams should be available. You should take one of those guys. If Lovie Smith pulls another one of his bullshit, "best athlete available is on defense" maneuvers, you have my permission to shoot him.

Choosing Mendenhall here would be an admission by Jerry Angelo that he screwed the proverbial pooch when he took Cedric Benson fifth overall (a pick I agreed with and still regret it, by the way). I don't think he's up for that, since he doesn't strike me as the kind of guy that can admit when he's wrong.

And I know you need a receiver, but the first round, especially where you're selecting, ain't where to take one. Stay tuned for Round 2.

Steelers Second Round:

I'm just going to make a selection. I want the Steelers to take Jordy Nelson here. He caught 122 balls for Kansas State last year. One hundred and twenty-two. In 12 games. The next closest guy had 57 catches. That means that, every week, opponents in the Big 12 knew he was the only guy they had on offense. And he still caught ten balls a game. He's kind of raw, since he started out as a defensive back, but he's a big receiver (6'3", 217) like Ben wants and he's fast enough. And check out this YouTube clip of him destroying Talib, who just happens to be one of the big cornerback names in this year's draft.

Watch the film, check out the production, fuck the workouts. The workouts say he doesn't have deep speed. He's a self-made guy and the Steelers should love him. I already have a man-crush, so there's that.

If not him and we didn't take one of the Big Four corners in the first round, then Penn State's Justin King. He's from Monroeville and he's fast as hell.

Bears Second Round:

Other than Jordy Nelson? I say they take Malcolm Kelly of Oklahoma because he's still available. The guy's big, he's been productive, but he had an absolutely shitty Pro Day and a bad offseason, so he's a dead man walking. That and he threw the Oklahoma staff under the bus, saying that they tried to sabotage his draft stock by making him run on a shitty field for his 40. My feeling is that he's a good kid, he's just like anyone else that is trying to conduct a job search after college. He's trying hard, he's going on interviews, he's trying to do right by his potential employers, but nothing goes right, so he bitches. But, instead of bitching to his roommates while hammered at 2 a.m., he's bitching in front of a group of reporters with microphones and it's all over the Internet. He's not a bad kid, he's just a dumbass that got frustrated.

Ladies and gentlemen... your 2008 second round selection for the Bears! He's too talented to get much further. If he's still there in Round 2 for the Steelers and so is Jordy Nelson, I say take him instead.

Steelers Third Round:

A few possibilities here, depending on who is taken.

First choice: John Greco, Toledo. He can play guard or tackle and is one of those "sleeper" guys that the Steelers always seem to grab in the third round, even if they totally fuck up the second round. He's a great athlete, really could play inside or outside, and has the kind of mentality (and locality, being from near the Pittsburgh area) that the Steelers are looking for.

Second choice: Duane Brown, Virginia Tech. He played tight end for a while, but was too damn fat, so they moved him to tackle. He's got the feet and athletic ability to play the position. He's just raw. But, in theory, the Steelers have Colon, Smith, and the Seven Million Dollar Man (fuck, I'm going to be pissed about that for a long time) at tackle, so Brown can get on-the-job training.

Third choice: Marcus Howard, Georgia. This guy is a prototypical end in the Cover 2. He's a Robert Mathis kind of guy. Put Lamar Woodley in at the other end position, slide Aaron Smith to tackle oppostite Chris Hoke, and check out the pass rush. I think it's going to be good.

Fourth choice: Philip Wheeler, Georgia Tech. I don't think he'll be here. If he is, we should take him, because he's an ideal outside linebacker in Tomlin's scheme once LeBeau is phased out.

Bears Third Round:

I say there's a real good chance that Notre Dame's Trevor Laws is still available. I think some mock drafts have him going in the second round (and early in the second round), but I have a list I trust that rates him as the 78th player overall in this draft. The Bears pick 70th. So there. Laws is still available and I think he's a good fit.

If not him, Cliff Avril could very well still be available, as could Darrell Robertson. Both would be excellent defensive end prospects for Chicago. But, since they haven't taken a defensive tackle yet and they need one, they should take one here.

If they take Avril, Robertson, or Tulane running back Matt Forte (really like him for the Bears because, unlike Benson, he's a good receiver) with the 70th selection, they can take Laws or maybe Maryland's Dre Moore with the 90th selection (second selection in the third round resulting from a trade with San Diego).

The other option, even though they need a lot of shit, is to use these two third rounds to move into the second round. I have a feeling that a second tier tackle or end like Philip Merling or Kentwan Balmer is going to slide into the top of the second round. Some combination could result where they have two picks in the second and none in the third as opposed to two in the third and one in the second. That's what I'm trying to say here.

Steelers Fourth Round:

So, say for the sake of argument, that the Steelers took someone not name Gosder Cherilus for their first pick, took Nelson in the second round (because they somehow got Flowers or one of the four top corner prospects), and took Greco in the third. That means they still need a running back, a linebacker, and a defensive end with their last three picks. And, really, they should probably take another offensive lineman instead of a linebacker. I think that, with the guys they currently have (including Keyaron Fox, who's a Cover 2 linebacker if I've ever seen one), they need defensive linemen more than they need linebackers, even if Clark Haggans went to Steelers West, James Harrison has anger management issues surrounding the resurrection of Jesus, and James Farrior is about a hundred years old. Okay. So they need linebackers, too. Maybe Dan Connor falls to them somehow in Round 2 or Keith Rivers or Jerod Mayo in Round 1 -- though the chances of that happening are about as good as signing Starks to a long term contract given that he can make seven fucking million fucking dollars for being a back-up this season, then either hits the free agent market or the Steelers are forced to franchise him.

Defensive end: I really like Jason Jones of Eastern Michigan here. He's big enough to hold his own (6'5", 275) and add a little weight just in case we stick with the 3-4. The list I have shows him as a sixth round guy, but I've seen him drafted all over the place. I am therefore making an executive decision and saying he's a fourth rounder, because I have concrete plans for the rest of the selections.

Linebacker: I like South Florida's Ben Moffitt, if for no other reason than I like the name Moffitt. Sounds cool, right? Also, he's fast as hell and he'll be a perfect middle linebacker in the Cover 2. Well, not Urlacher or Ruud perfect, but pretty damn good, especially for a 4-3 linebacker.

Safety: Shit. We need one of these, too. I like Jamie Silva of Boston College. He ran an absolutely crappy 40 (something like seven or eight seconds) at the Combine, but Rod Woodson likes him, he's got long hair (good sign for a Stillers safety, no?), and, well, JFGI. His stats the last couple of years have been insane. And he has coverage skills. And he plays faster than his 40 time. I seriously think he's only going to last this long because he's white and ran a really, really, atrociously shitty 40 at the Combine.

Running back: Tim Hightower. Another great name. A big dude who can break a lot of tackles and be a good change-of-pace guy for Fast Willie. If not him, Jalen Parmele, who's another big dude. This is assuming, of course, that we don't take Stewart in the first round.

Offensive Line: Mackenzy Bernadeau, Bentley College -- big, angry, mauling, angry dude that eats babies. I think he'll do well as a guard for the Steelers. Cody Wallace. Sissy name, but a decent center. However, he struggles with big guys and isn't real strong, so he'll be a bad center in a division where most teams have big nose tackles right over the center. However, he's quick and athletic enough to play guard. What do you want from me? It's the fourth round. I'd rather take a baby eater named Mackenzy, but he might be gone by then.

Bears Fourth Round:

If they've listened to me thus far, they have either Otah or Williams, Malcolm Kelly and possibly Kentwan Balmer, or Trevor Laws. Let's just say, for the sake of argument, they've drafted a defensive tackle, an offensive tackle, a defensive end, and a running back with their four picks in the first three rounds.

That leaves them open to take Andre Woodson as their quarterback of the future. Everyone else is down on Woodson, but I think Chicago's a good situation for him. He doesn't have to start right away, they have a great defense, and they're committed to running the ball. He can work on his funky delivery. He can build up his confidence. He can learn from Griese and Grossman. He can take his time, develop, and eventually make the most out of his physical abilities.

And, if the bottom falls out of Chicago's season like it did last year, he can get a couple of starts late in the year with no pressure.

Steelers Fifth Round:

I'm just going to select someone here. Even though we've got bigger needs in other places, I want Owen Schmidt from West Virginia. I miss Dan Krieder. I wish he was still in Pittsburgh. I wish we would re-sign him. I hate the fact that Carey Davis is our "fullback" right now. Schmidt is a great blocker, he catches the ball well, is fast enough (remember when he ran for a 57 yard touchdown against Oklahoma? That was against a really good, really fast Sooners defense, not Eastern Kentucky Beauty Polytechnic Western Louisville State), and he's completely out of his friggin' mind. On several occasions, he's played without a helmet. And not, it came off, so he ran around for a little bit and maybe shoved someone, like crazy-ass Jeremy Shockey, the helmet's off, but I'm still trying to drive into you head-first no helmet action. He'll be great on special teams, too.

While we're here, I'd also accept LSU's Jacob Hester at this point. That guy's just a great player. I get pissed when people talk about Early Doucet being a good receiver prospect. That guy wasn't even the third best player on his own offense. In my mind, Hester was the best guy, Matt Flynn was second, Brandon LaFell was third, and Doucet was fourth. If we take that guy, I'm driving down to the South Side complex and taking a shit in the corner.

Bears Fifth Round:

They need a safety, another offensive tackle, and another receiver. At this point, I'd say they should take a safety and I think Silva's still available. So, take him. Seriously, it doesn't get any prettier after the first round at the safety position. They all suck balls, just some suck fewer balls and less passionately than others.

If they haven't taken a running back yet, I could see Cory Boyd or Mike Hart here, even if Mike Hart is basically just a skinnier Cedric Benson. He's being drafted in the fifth round, not fifth overall, so it's okay.

If they go receiver, I say they should take either Nebraska's Maurice Purify (his brother was a great player at Colorado) or Marcus Monk of Arkansas. Both guys have holes in their game, inconsistent hands, and they're not the fastest, most productive dudes on the block, but they're both big, relatively injury free, and they're not criminals.

Steelers Sixth Round:

At this point, provided they've drafted a safety, two offensive linemen, Schmidt or Hester, and a defensive lineman, I don't really care what they do. If they grabbed a running back at some point, then we'll need to fill in the gap on that one. But, hey, it's not like we've done well in the later rounds the past few years. Sure, you could say that's because our roster is so stacked that we can't make room for lesser players. We've had talented rosters in the past, though, and we've managed to sprinkle in late round picks here and there. Fast Willie and James Harrison, both undrafted, spring to mind.

So... I'm just going to throw out another name that I like: King Dunlap. Yes. That's the man's name. He's an offensive tackle prospect that's 6'8" and 315 pounds. The dude is huge... and the only thing he's lacking is tenacity and technique. Small stuff.

That's it for the Steelers selections. We don't have a seventh round pick because of the Allen Rossum Experiment. I said it was a good move and I stand by that. We would've been 10-6 in 2006 if we had a guy that could reliably field a kick. We went 10-6 in 2007 with Rossum. So, suck it. And he also scored a touchdown on a kickoff return. And I witnessed it. And I'm still undefeated at Heinz Field.

There's going to be just a teensy little bit of Steelers stuff after the Bears stuff, so you can scroll past that if you like.

Bears Sixth Round:

You know what? They might actually be able to use King Dunlap.

Two guys that are big, but not really talented enough to step in and play right away (so, assume that John Tait can hold it together for a couple more years) are Tyler Polumbus and Mike Fladell.

Bears Seventh Round:

This is where all the picks come in. They have three compensatory selections in this round, giving them a total of four seventh round picks. That might not be worth too much, but it's better than nothing.

7a. Justin Beaver, running back, Wisconsin-Whitewater. Well, funny name first of all. He was the Division III player of the year and the Wisconsin-Whitewater... Whitefish, or whatever their nickname is... they beat the Mighty Crowing Mount Union... Mounties? for the Division III title in 2007. He had 444 carries in 2007 alone. He's short and skinny, but he's strong. And fast, as he was timed at 4.42 in the 40 at Wisconsin's Pro Day. He's probably going to go undrafted, but the Bears may as well draft him, since they have 53 picks in this round.

7b. Trae Williams, cornerback, South Florida. Too short, too skinny, too slow. That's what scouts say. He's been productive over the course of his career and he didn't disappear in the same defensive backfield as first round prospect Mike Jenkins. Plus which, he's a great Cover 2. If he goes undrafted, the Steelers should pick him up.

7c. Matt Sherry, tight end, Villanova. While we're picking small school kids, I think the Bears need another tight end. I think they need a guy that's going to come in hungry, run around like a crazy person, and light a fire under Greg Olsen and Desmond Clark. I think Matt Sherry is that guy. It doesn't matter if the Bears cut him, since he graduated last year and is currently in Villanova's MBA program. I didn't make that up. I actually know that off the top of my head. I need to get a life.

7d. Adarius Bowman, wide receiver, Oklahoma State. He's got an injury history (knee injury, missed 2005) and he's been busted for drugs in the past... and a couple weeks ago. So, most teams aren't going to touch him with a 10 meter cattle prod. But, he's going to get signed as a free agent because he's too damn talented to completely avoid. Since this is a free pick for the Bears, they shouldn't leave picking him up to chance. They should draft him here, bring him into camp, and see if he's worth anything/can stay out of trouble.

Steelers Undrafted Free Agents:

Some guys I like:

Tommy Ellingworth, WR, Augstana
DeCody Fagg, WR, Florida State -- he's currently recovering from a knee injury, but it'd be worth it to have DeCody Fagg and William Gay on the same team
Matt Flynn, QB, LSU
Alley Broussard, RB, Missouri Southern State
Vegas Franklin, DE, Miami (Fla.) -- more than just the name; he's actually a really good DE project for our conversion to the Cover 2
Carlos Feliciano, DT, Maryland
Lamar Myles, OLB, Louisville
James Martin, MLB, NC State -- I don't care if Cowher's not there anymore, we'll still pick up SOMEONE from his alma mater

Other Observations:

1. I think we're going to see guys with drug and criminal histories really take a dive down draft boards. Most of them will not get drafted. I really think character concerns will have a negative effect on Mario Manningham and wouldn't be surprised if he didn't get taken until late Round 3 or early Round 4.
2. I think Casey Hampton gets traded either to Miami for their first second rounder (32nd overall) or Dallas for their second first rounder (28th overall). I really do believe this. I will admit and apologize later for being wrong.
3. Starting the draft at 3 p.m. is dumb for a number of reasons. It takes a huge chunk out of the middle of my day, I'm used to it starting at noon and won't know what to do with myself until it starts, and it will end at midnight, regardless of how they tried to shorten the first day. Also, I bet there's a riot from drunken, rowdy Jets fans that have been drinking since 7 a.m. after the Mangenius passes on Darren McFadden.
4. There's no way Matt Ryan slips down draft boards like everyone thinks he will. The difference between him and Aaron Rodgers, Brady Quinn, and Roethlisberger is that he's the #1 QB prospect in the draft. Someone is going to take him before the hated Ravens are on the clock if not the hated Ravens themselves.

I... think that's it.

More Penguins Stuff

The NFL Draft content is percolating. Trust me. It's going to be a beast and I've been working on it in shifts.

A few thoughts on the Penguins:

• I'm upset that the Flyers won for two reasons: 1. The Flyers won. 2. The Capitals didn't. I wanted Gary Bettman to blow a huge load in his dress slacks at the thought of Ovechkin, Crosby, and Malkin on the same ice together. Plus which, if the Capitals won, they'd have to travel to Pittsburgh, then play their 8th game (including one Game 7) in 15 days. The Pens will have played 4 games in the last 16 days and zero games in the last 9 by the time Friday rolls around.
• From what I understand, the football and baseball playoffs are about getting hot at the right time, the basketball and hockey playoffs are about talent and survival. Both post-season tournaments are so long and basketball and hockey are more individual-focused sports, so any chance that you have to rest your talent, you take it as a blessing. And, in a seven game series, it's okay if you come out rusty for the first and second period of the first game. There are plenty more games to come.
• The Rangers seem really thuggish and a lot like the Flyers. So that's not good.
• They also have Jagr. Jagr might be looking at his last playoff series as a US player. He might be looking to prove something before he goes back to Russia. That's also not good.
• The Rangers beat the Devil in a five game series and, pretty much exactly like the Penguins, they sat around, waiting and resting, ready to pounce on their next opponent.
• As much as I hope that we sweep these fuckers, I'm almost more hopeful that it goes to six or seven games so I don't have to wait a week until I find out who the next opponent is. This post-season has already been taxing on my psyche. I can't imagine how the players feel.
• Scott Burnside, who writes about hockey for ESPN.com is a really good analyst. Okay, well, I think he's a really good analyst because I don't know much about hockey and I like the way he breaks everything down in simple, easy to understand terms. His prediction is Penguins over Rangers. That sounds good to me.
• I'm still learning this wacky hockey thing, but I watched the Caps-Flyers game and the Flames-Sharks game (until it got out of hand) last night. I think I'm starting to catch on. The big issue is that I don't know anything about any team other than the Penguins. And I don't know much about the Penguins...
  

So...

I wrote the previous post this afternoon, but never got a chance to post it until now. And it's two full hours after Game 3 ended.

But, the Pens still won, so quit yer bitchin', eh?

I have to say that my hockey experience tonight wasn't anywhere near as "electric" as it was last night. It was mostly a bunch of canucks picking on me because I told them I was from Pittsburgh.

They shut up real quick, though, once we scored those two quick goals in the third period. By the end of the game, they were good enough to congratulate me.

Therefore, I have decided that Canadians don't suck, but that Winnipeg definitely does.

That is all.

Penguins

I will readily admit that it's official: I have climbed aboard the Penguins bandwagon. Now, in my defense, I started to watch the games in earnest about... hmmmm... when was that? About the time the clock hit all zeroes in the Jacksonville playoff game. So, it's not as though I heard they made it into the playoffs and were kicking ass and suddenly decided to dust off my old Barasso jersey on game days. Not only do I not have a Barasso jersey, it wouldn't fit.

But, it's not like I've followed them for years and I actually know what the fuck a five-hole is, other than it has been known to be used successfully in a pick-up line. At least by me.

(Are you all done bleaching your mind's eye? Okay. Then let's get started.)

I was actually going to post this on Saturday, then I got caught up with other things, then I went to church Sunday morning, then I got on a plane and headed in Winnipeg. That's right. Hockey playoff time and I'm in Canada. And, I must say it is awesome. You know what a Steeler's bar is like on a Sunday? Well, imagine that, then add Canadian accents and mannerisms (so, ya know, eh, they don't throw out no obscenities, 'cause think of the queen, eh... and they're more reserved, but they still yell. Kinda like the yell gets caught somewhere in their esophagus, then manages to fight its way out.) Then imagine that it no one cares what teams are playing. To them, the Steelers are on all the TVs, they're just wearing different colored uniforms.

It was insane. Montreal got beat by Boston and everyone went nuts. New Jersey beat New York... and everyone went nuts. Calgary was trying to come back against San Jose and everyone treated it... like it was Game 7 of the Stanley Cup. Unbelievable. I rarely, if ever, use the term "electric" to describe a crowd, but the scene in that bar was electric. I'm going back there tonight to watch the Pens game.

Notes from what I've seen so far in the playoffs:

• Everyone on Ottawa's roster, coaching staff, and front office owes Martin Gerber five Sloppy Head Vouchers, redeemable at any time. Without him, they'd be getting even more embarrassed. Without him, goals against would be about 15. The guy has been friggin' amazing. And, to explain Sloppy Head Vouchers, that means that whenever Gerber
  feels like getting a hummer, all he needs to do is call one of the Senators and redeem it. Two a.m. on a Sunday? Sorry, start sucking. You're at your kid's fifth birthday party? Shine it, buddy. That's how much they owe him.
  
• I need everyone to back off Marian Hossa. Seriously. Back off. The man has 11 shots on goal thus far this series. The only person with more shots on goal is Malkin. And, really, Hossa wasn't brought in to be the next Malkin. No one expected that from him. It just turns out that none of his shots have made it through yet. Part of that is luck, part of that is the reason Gerber is getting those vouchers. It just hasn't happened yet. But it will. In the meantime, take a good look at his game and admire it. He never loses the puck. He never loses his balance. He's a great passer. Without those three traits, Malone never scores that empty net goal in Game 2. He's a great two-way player. He's exceptional on special teams. And, granted, that's not why the Penguins brought him in, either, but at least it's something. So, really. Just back off. The goals are coming. It's best that we don't waste them in a series that we could've won without him.
• Which brings me to my next point: If you're at a bar and you're chatting up an absolutely stunning girl and getting somewhere, one of the two of you is drunker than you think. So, either the Penguins are going to win the Stanley Cup easily, because they're the best team on the planet, or the Senators are riding shotgun on the "just happy to be here" bus. I'm going with Option B, but that doesn't mean that the Pens aren't going to win it all.
• My buddy Dan said the other night that the 2008 Penguins could very well go down as the
  greatest offensive hockey team in NHL history. In his defense, he was drunk. In the Penguins defense, it's still possible. If Hossa catches fire at the right time, Malkin continues to be unstoppable, we get some good play out of Malone, DuPuis, Sykora, and Gary Roberts, and Sidney Crosby can become more than the world's most talented decoy, then it's possible that, if we run the table and keep scoring goals at this pace, we'll be the greatest offensive hockey team of all time. But, as of right now, I can immediately think of two Penguins teams that were better (the Lemieux, Jagr, and Francis teams of the early 90's and the Kovalev, Jagr, and Lemieux teams of the late '99s/early 00's), not to mention some of the offensive teams the Oilers fielded with Gretzky. But, hey, I have to say I love the enthusiasm.
• And, one of the reasons that enthusiasm exists is because, unlike every other Penguins playoff team in recent memory, these Pens follow the sage advice of Scott Paulsen and
  "shoot the puck, shoot the puck," with the pom pom and the cheering of the fan. Fifty-four shots in Game 2. Fifty. Four. Playoffs or not, I can't recall a Pens team that took that many shots in a game before. And we come back to Gerber. Did I mention how amazing he's been?
• All of this Gerber hype is not taking anything away from The Flower. Everyone seems to be calling him that now from announcers to radio personalities to his teammates, so I feel okay calling him that. He hasn't really been tested yet. I hate to sound negative and to be the one dissenting voice among the new bandwagon members, but beating up on the Senators is kinda like kicking your little brother's ass. Just because it's fun and easy doesn't mean that you can kick anyone else's ass. At the risk of jinxing our beloved Pens, I'm actually really looking forward to playing a good team in the next round. Perhaps the Flyers? That'd be sweet.
• After watching the Flames-Sharks game last night, I have to say they play a faster, better
  brand of hockey in the Western Conference. I just have a feeling that this year's Cup champion is coming out of there, not the Eastern Conference.
• The Pirates still suck. I might re-visit this analysis in May.
• Steelers Draft Review and Preview are forthcoming. I haven't forgotten about you guys, it's just that the offseason is usually my time for rest, relaxation, and reflection. So, I officially hate NFL Network for saying that there is no offseason.