I Am Now a Blackhawks Fan

Before any of my readers flips out (both of you), I am not saying that I have forsaken the Penguins. I was born a Pens fan and I shall die a Pens fan. That's not the issue.

The issue is that a number of folks have e-mailed/texted me about which side I'm going to take the in the Stanley Cup Final. On the one side, you have the Hossa Curse and our desire to keep it in play. Marian Hossa left the Pens following their 2007-8 loss in the Final to the Red Wings to go to Detroit because he wanted to play for a team that could win the Cup. That stung, that sucked, but we got our sweet revenge when we hoisted the Cup on Detroit's ice last June. Hossa then signed a long term contract with the Blackhawks. The Blackhawks made the Final.

Thus, the Hossa Curse is still in play. For the third straight season, this championship whore might again watch as another team pours champagne into Lord Stanley's Cup. As a fan whose team was slighted by this man, you need to root against him, right?

Well, usually. Unless, of course, his team -- and there are a bunch of other guys on the Chicago payroll besides Hossa -- plays the hated Ravens of the NHL.

If you asked me to choose my top five most-hated teams, regardless of sport, the list would look like this:

Hated Ravens
New England Patriots
Flyers
Atlanta Braves
Dallas Cowboys

So, there's three NFL teams on there, which lets you know that hockey is not my primary sport. But, the Flyers are just below the Hated Ravens and the New England Patriots -- they're really a 2a, not a 3 -- and if you know how much I hate the first two teams, then you have some idea of how much I hate the Flyers. Also, if you know how much I hate the Braves and Cowboys, then it says something that the Flyers rank third.

I first started my hatred of the Flyers in the mid-90s in the playoffs when Eric Lindros intentionally shot a puck at full speed at mid-ice at Mario Lemieux's head with Philly ahead by four goals. In the mid-90s, a four goal lead was the equivalent of a 15 goal lead in today's hockey. Lindros was a thug. The Flyers were brawlers and jerks. I hated them. As they have evolved and as my interest in hockey as evolved, so has my hatred for them.

I hate their smug, entitled, over-confident and immune to criticism fans. I hate the fact that they think that Jesus has a loft on Broad Street because they won a championship recently. Big whoop. Since 1989, Philly has two championships across five sports (including Arena Football) and Pittsburgh has five across three. But, any time a Pittsburgh fan brings up the three Stanley Cups and six Super Bowls, we're being pretentious. Hell, we won as many championships in 2009 alone as they've won since Reagan's first term.

I hate the fact that the Phillies stole the heart of my brother and his future wife with their awesomeness, great fans, and winning ways. I wish he was still suffering in baseball purgatory with me, the rest of the Pirates fans, and the cast of Lost.

I hate Andy Reid's mustache.

I hate the way Philly smells. I hate Philly cheese steak. I hate the way they say "water". I hate the fact that it's always hotter there. I hate that they call themselves The Sixth Borough, but they'd get super offended if anyone from New York called them that.

But, I hate Eric Lindros and the crappy tradition of the Broad Street Bullies most of all. Them and their high-falutin' HBO documentary.

So, Marian Hossa didn't leave on good terms. Do we hate the Giants because of Barry Bonds? The Mets because of Bobby Bonilla? The Jaguars because of John Jackson? The 49ers because of Rod Woodson? The Jets because of Alan Faneca, Kimo von Olhoffen, and Santonio Holmes? The Seahawks because of Franco Harris?

My friend Laszlo actually inspired this post, because he texted me earlier today and asked me who I was rooting for. I texted back that I hate the Flyers more than Hossa. Hell, I hate Lindros more than Hossa and Lindros and he's been retired for three years. Laszlo said that the Hossa needs to teach a lesson to all the other mercenaries that are out there that being a mercenary doesn't pay due to the Hossa Curse.

Well, I'm a superstitious person, but if someone offered me a 12-year contract worth $62.8 million, I would throw superstition out the window. In fact, having watched three huge superstitions debunked -- my undefeated record watching the Steelers play live, the fact that me sitting in the same seat in the same bar didn't help the US beat Canada in the Olympics, and the fact that me sitting in the same seat in the same bar didn't keep me undefeated in Game 7s -- in the past two years, I would take $14 and six pack of Michelob Light for my superstitions.

So there's that.

For now, I can't hold onto my bitterness towards Hossa, but I most certainly can hold onto my hatred for the Flyers.

LET'S GO HAWKS!

I still feel dirty.