Have you ever been at a department store (Wal-Mart is the most frequent offender) and you see some 9 year-old kid arguing with his Mom about a toy he wants? Except that the 9 year-old is probably a little too intelligent for his own good, so instead of stamping his feet and shouting, he's actually presenting a pretty logical and cogent argument? So the Mom walks away, thinking that if she just ignores the kid, he'll eventually lose interest and put the toy down. Except that the kid follows her down the aisle, still holding the toy and still arguing.
Nine times out of ten, the Mom gives in and puts the toy in the cart. What I'd like to see sometime is for the Mom to haul off and smack the kid across the face and say, "I'm bigger than you and I'm stronger than you. I clothe, feed, and shelter you. I suggest that you put that toy down and shut up. And, before you say anything smart, remember that I drove you here." Rest assured, that kid will put the toy down, follow his Mom through the remaining aisles, and not even start to fuss when they have to wait 6 hours in the check-out (I hate Wal-Mart).
That's what we need to do to the Bengals. They seem all big and imposing. If we listen hard enough and we start to believe that they're a better team than we are, we'll eventually give in and let them win on Sunday.
However, if we smack them in the mouth, they'll follow us around for the rest of the day and not put up a fuss. They're not tough enough to win this game if we take the fight to them. They just aren't.
And, given that they're in the AFC North with us and the hated Ravens, they're trying to act like they're tough, but it really just comes off like that dude in middle school that didn't shave for three weeks just so he could have a little bit of a moustache. They need to find their identity, establish it, and assert their will over the other team.
When I say that, I don't mean that they need to bash people around, play suffocating defense, and rush for 200 yards. They need to do what they did to the hated Ravens on Thursday Night Football earlier this year. Throw the ball all over the field to set up something of a running game, run the no huddle, and control the tempo of the game by doing what they do best: Throwing the football.
They've tried to win too many games by playing defense, running the ball, and playing tough, smart football. And that's why they're only 8-7. Hopefully soon to be 8-8.
They'll be 8-8 if we bust one soundly across their chops. Seriously. That's all we need to do. We need to show them who's boss, make them our bitch, and the rest will take care of itself.
If we can do that, it will put the proper ending on this season. It's been rough, no question, but I don't know if we even deserve to be 8-8 with the way we've played, the two games we honked against Atlanta and Oakland, and the two games where we played well against great teams but lost it all when it mattered (San Diego and Jacksonville).
And, if we're able to come out running, control the line of scrimmage, and smack the Bungles around all game, we'll get close to establishing the kind of physical play that made us 26-6 the previous two seasons. I don't know if it's that Bettis retired, Cowher retired and forgot to tell everyone, or that the offensive line just isn't playing as well this year, but we don't seem to have that intensity, that physical edge.
Maybe it's Max Starks. I'm not going to pin a whole season of goal-to-go ineptitude on one guy (especially a right tackle), but he made a comment before the Cleveland game that really annoyed the shit out of me. He said that we'd struggled to run the football at some points this year because defenses were showing them an eight man front. Haven't the Steelers always faced an eight man front? Haven't they always just said, "screw it, we're running anyway, just try to stop us"?
And I think that loss of identity on offense (and somewhat on defense) is the biggest culprit this season. The last time we had a problem like this? 2003. Remember how that ended? 6-10. So, we ended up a little better in the long run, I guess.
This game isn't about playing spoiler (well, maybe a little), it's not about pride, and it's not about finishing out the season strong. It's about re-establishing our identity as a team. It would've been nice if we could've done this against a real team like the hated Ravens instead of kicking the shit out of some smarmy nine year-old, but I'll take what I can get.
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Merry Friggin' Christmas
Well, I guess I should have clarified my "What the Steelers Need to Do to Make the Playoffs" post. See, they needed to win out. And that didn't happen. What did happen was that they got their asses handed to them by the hated Ravens. And that blows.
I actually didn't watch the game, which ended up being a good thing. On top of that, I lost my Fantasy Football Super Bowl. It was a disappointing Christmas on many levels.
But, seriously, I can't understand why people are so down on the Steelers this year. I must've heard the question, "Why do the Steelers suck this year?" a hundred times this season. They're 7-8, probably going to finish 7-9 and the best they can hope for is to break even at 8-8. And they're not making the playoffs. Even though that's disappointing after last season (and really, who expected a repeat performance of last year's magical run?), it's still not terrible. It's still not as bad as they were in the 80s. And nowhere near as bad as they were for forty frickin' years before the great teams of the 70s rolled around.
It breaks down to this: The Steelers are 71-39-1 in this century. And they won a Super Bowl, three division titles, went to the AFC Championship game three times, and are generally considered to be one of the best teams of the decade. Regardless of what happened this year, we still have a great young quarterback, an exciting young running back, a defense that will always be at least solid, and talented receivers.
We'll have all that stuff next year. The question will be whether or not Cowher is still coaching and whether or not the outside linebackers and the offensive line can rebound from a pretty horrible year.
With the salary cap and the talent level in the NFL the way it is, there isn't too much that separates the Chargers and, say, the Raiders. Ultimately, it comes down to execution, turnovers, and coaching.
Tackling sucked for the Steelers this year, they were minus-415 in the turnover ratio, and Cowher was a shadow of his former self. Porter and Haggans didn't rush the passer well at all, the offensive line lost a great deal of its toughness and general intelligence, and the secondary got exposed for what it is: average. It's no worse this year than it was last year, it's just that the linebackers and the defensive line weren't getting pressure on the quarterback. In our defense, we spend all our money on the linebackers and the nose tackle and try to get by as well as we can with whatever we can afford in the secondary.
The last 8 games of last season, the pass rush covered up the deficiencies in the secondary very well. This season, it didn't. The last 8 games of last season, the offensive line dominated the line of scrimmage and set the tempo for the game. This season, it didn't.
But, I really don't think you can pin this season on the defense. They were stuck with a short field for most of the year because of turnovers and poor special teams play. At some point, you knew they'd have to deflate. I guess that point was in the Baltimore game. And, if you decide to watch the Cincinnati game, you'll see more of the same.
I'll still take a Super Bowl and 32 games over .500 for the decade. Think of those poor bastards in Detroit and Arizona.
And be thankful.
I actually didn't watch the game, which ended up being a good thing. On top of that, I lost my Fantasy Football Super Bowl. It was a disappointing Christmas on many levels.
But, seriously, I can't understand why people are so down on the Steelers this year. I must've heard the question, "Why do the Steelers suck this year?" a hundred times this season. They're 7-8, probably going to finish 7-9 and the best they can hope for is to break even at 8-8. And they're not making the playoffs. Even though that's disappointing after last season (and really, who expected a repeat performance of last year's magical run?), it's still not terrible. It's still not as bad as they were in the 80s. And nowhere near as bad as they were for forty frickin' years before the great teams of the 70s rolled around.
It breaks down to this: The Steelers are 71-39-1 in this century. And they won a Super Bowl, three division titles, went to the AFC Championship game three times, and are generally considered to be one of the best teams of the decade. Regardless of what happened this year, we still have a great young quarterback, an exciting young running back, a defense that will always be at least solid, and talented receivers.
We'll have all that stuff next year. The question will be whether or not Cowher is still coaching and whether or not the outside linebackers and the offensive line can rebound from a pretty horrible year.
With the salary cap and the talent level in the NFL the way it is, there isn't too much that separates the Chargers and, say, the Raiders. Ultimately, it comes down to execution, turnovers, and coaching.
Tackling sucked for the Steelers this year, they were minus-415 in the turnover ratio, and Cowher was a shadow of his former self. Porter and Haggans didn't rush the passer well at all, the offensive line lost a great deal of its toughness and general intelligence, and the secondary got exposed for what it is: average. It's no worse this year than it was last year, it's just that the linebackers and the defensive line weren't getting pressure on the quarterback. In our defense, we spend all our money on the linebackers and the nose tackle and try to get by as well as we can with whatever we can afford in the secondary.
The last 8 games of last season, the pass rush covered up the deficiencies in the secondary very well. This season, it didn't. The last 8 games of last season, the offensive line dominated the line of scrimmage and set the tempo for the game. This season, it didn't.
But, I really don't think you can pin this season on the defense. They were stuck with a short field for most of the year because of turnovers and poor special teams play. At some point, you knew they'd have to deflate. I guess that point was in the Baltimore game. And, if you decide to watch the Cincinnati game, you'll see more of the same.
I'll still take a Super Bowl and 32 games over .500 for the decade. Think of those poor bastards in Detroit and Arizona.
And be thankful.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Lots of Stuff
First and foremost, here's what needs to happen for the Steelers to make the playoffs:
Steelers need to win out.
Jets: Need to lose one of their next two. Doesn't matter who they beat and who they lose to. We win the tiebreaker based on records vs. common opponents either way.
Buffalo: Need to lose 1 of next 2. They're 7-7. That would make them 8-8 and you need to be at least 9-7 to make the playoffs this year.
Tennessee: Same deal.
Jacksonville: Need to lose their next two. This could actually happen because they play New England at home, then go to face Kansas City at Arrowhead.
Denver: Need to lose their next two, including this week's game against the Bungles and next week's game against the 49ers.
Cincinnati: Beat Denver, lose to us. And, I'm pretty sure they need to lose to us by at least 8. Hopefully more.
Kansas City: Need to win out. And, they play Oakland, then host Jacksonville, so that Jax-KC game is pretty much going to be our season, provided we take care of business and beat the Bungles.
However, the Bungles are the team that is going to give us the most trouble. As long as Jacksonville and Denver lose out, the hope is that Cincinnati somehow gets eliminated in a three-way tie and we advance because of that. We hold tiebreakers over Kansas City, Tennessee, Buffalo, and the Jets, so Jacksonville and Denver need to finish 8-8 and be out of the picture. If we win in Cincinnati in the last game of the season (and we also have to beat the hated Ravens this Sunday), then we're 1-1 against them. Head-to-head is the first tiebreaker. If that's a tie, we go to conference record.
The Bengals have a better conference record than we do, so let's hope that it doesn't come to a decision of tiebreakers between us and them. I'm pretty sure that the NFL, which looks to spread the wealth and doesn't want two Wild Card teams from the same division, will pit us against other teams in the conference before they pit us against the Bengals. And, I forget where, but the Bengals will be eliminated at some point and we hold a tiebreaker over everyone else.
Everybody got that? So, it's still possible, but very, very, very unlikely. And, I don't think it's going to happen.
IF IT DOES, we'll officially be the "team no one wants to play" when we go in as the 6th seed.
Cowher:
At this point, I just want an answer. I was fine with him not talking about it, with him trying to keep it from being a distraction.
Suddenly, he's talking to the national media about it and waxing philosophic. And then when the local media tries to question him about it, he clams up.
I feel like a woman on the wrong side of thirty that has been living with her non-committal boyfriend for the past five years. Either buy a ring or tell me to find a roommate because you're leaving and moving to North Carolina. And, in the meantime, STOP TALKING ABOUT HOW HOT THE OTHER CHICKS IN THE BAR ARE!
At this point, he's posturing, he's using the media to get what he thinks he wants, and he's trying to milk the Rooneys for $7 million a year. And I don't think it's going to happen.
And I'm very much starting to look forward to the Russ Grimm era. Seriously.
Pro Bowl:
Troy should not have been voted in. He's this year's Joey Porter. A lot of guys make it on reputation (although that's getting better, as evidenced by the fact that Tony Romo, Frank Gore, and our man Fast Willie Parker got invited this year). They say that you first make the squad two years after you should and that you still make the squad two years after you shouldn't. Porter's two year grace period is over. Now begins Troy's grace period.
Casey Hampton isn't underrated anymore and he really isn't the best NT in the AFC anymore. That would be Jamal Williams. Anyone who watched the San Diego game on Monday Night earlier this year knows what I'm talking about. But, if they're playing a 3-4 defense, then it makes total sense. Hampton's the 2nd best NT in the conference.
And Willie Parker is the third best running back in the conference. He can't compete with Tomlinson and Larry Johnson and probably never will. Cowher will never give him the carries.
But, I'm really looking forward to seeing what he can do in the Pro Bowl. Running behind the best line in the conference. Yeah. We're in for a treat on that one.
Alan Faneca deserves to be the starting left guard in the Pro Bowl until further notice. He's still the best in the league at pulling, trapping, and countering. He can play guard or tackle equally well. And he looks like a chubby viking. That's awesome.
Penguins:
I have no idea how they're going to unfuck this situation. It seemed to me that the IOC deal was a no-brainer. I guess we'll just wait and see.
Steelers vs. the Hated Ravens:
Hey, this is just a game between two teams that hate each other and never know what the other one is going to do on Sunday. The Ravens have their playoff seed pretty much wrapped up. We might see Kyle Boller.
The big issue last game was that the Ravens treated it like a playoff game and we treated it like an exhibition against a beauty college. If we can cover the biltz and run the ball, we'll be okay. If we can't do that and we don't score early, we'll lose all hope and the second half will be filler.
We need to treat this like a playoff game. If we do that, we win. If we don't, we lose.
Steelers need to win out.
Jets: Need to lose one of their next two. Doesn't matter who they beat and who they lose to. We win the tiebreaker based on records vs. common opponents either way.
Buffalo: Need to lose 1 of next 2. They're 7-7. That would make them 8-8 and you need to be at least 9-7 to make the playoffs this year.
Tennessee: Same deal.
Jacksonville: Need to lose their next two. This could actually happen because they play New England at home, then go to face Kansas City at Arrowhead.
Denver: Need to lose their next two, including this week's game against the Bungles and next week's game against the 49ers.
Cincinnati: Beat Denver, lose to us. And, I'm pretty sure they need to lose to us by at least 8. Hopefully more.
Kansas City: Need to win out. And, they play Oakland, then host Jacksonville, so that Jax-KC game is pretty much going to be our season, provided we take care of business and beat the Bungles.
However, the Bungles are the team that is going to give us the most trouble. As long as Jacksonville and Denver lose out, the hope is that Cincinnati somehow gets eliminated in a three-way tie and we advance because of that. We hold tiebreakers over Kansas City, Tennessee, Buffalo, and the Jets, so Jacksonville and Denver need to finish 8-8 and be out of the picture. If we win in Cincinnati in the last game of the season (and we also have to beat the hated Ravens this Sunday), then we're 1-1 against them. Head-to-head is the first tiebreaker. If that's a tie, we go to conference record.
The Bengals have a better conference record than we do, so let's hope that it doesn't come to a decision of tiebreakers between us and them. I'm pretty sure that the NFL, which looks to spread the wealth and doesn't want two Wild Card teams from the same division, will pit us against other teams in the conference before they pit us against the Bengals. And, I forget where, but the Bengals will be eliminated at some point and we hold a tiebreaker over everyone else.
Everybody got that? So, it's still possible, but very, very, very unlikely. And, I don't think it's going to happen.
IF IT DOES, we'll officially be the "team no one wants to play" when we go in as the 6th seed.
Cowher:
At this point, I just want an answer. I was fine with him not talking about it, with him trying to keep it from being a distraction.
Suddenly, he's talking to the national media about it and waxing philosophic. And then when the local media tries to question him about it, he clams up.
I feel like a woman on the wrong side of thirty that has been living with her non-committal boyfriend for the past five years. Either buy a ring or tell me to find a roommate because you're leaving and moving to North Carolina. And, in the meantime, STOP TALKING ABOUT HOW HOT THE OTHER CHICKS IN THE BAR ARE!
At this point, he's posturing, he's using the media to get what he thinks he wants, and he's trying to milk the Rooneys for $7 million a year. And I don't think it's going to happen.
And I'm very much starting to look forward to the Russ Grimm era. Seriously.
Pro Bowl:
Troy should not have been voted in. He's this year's Joey Porter. A lot of guys make it on reputation (although that's getting better, as evidenced by the fact that Tony Romo, Frank Gore, and our man Fast Willie Parker got invited this year). They say that you first make the squad two years after you should and that you still make the squad two years after you shouldn't. Porter's two year grace period is over. Now begins Troy's grace period.
Casey Hampton isn't underrated anymore and he really isn't the best NT in the AFC anymore. That would be Jamal Williams. Anyone who watched the San Diego game on Monday Night earlier this year knows what I'm talking about. But, if they're playing a 3-4 defense, then it makes total sense. Hampton's the 2nd best NT in the conference.
And Willie Parker is the third best running back in the conference. He can't compete with Tomlinson and Larry Johnson and probably never will. Cowher will never give him the carries.
But, I'm really looking forward to seeing what he can do in the Pro Bowl. Running behind the best line in the conference. Yeah. We're in for a treat on that one.
Alan Faneca deserves to be the starting left guard in the Pro Bowl until further notice. He's still the best in the league at pulling, trapping, and countering. He can play guard or tackle equally well. And he looks like a chubby viking. That's awesome.
Penguins:
I have no idea how they're going to unfuck this situation. It seemed to me that the IOC deal was a no-brainer. I guess we'll just wait and see.
Steelers vs. the Hated Ravens:
Hey, this is just a game between two teams that hate each other and never know what the other one is going to do on Sunday. The Ravens have their playoff seed pretty much wrapped up. We might see Kyle Boller.
The big issue last game was that the Ravens treated it like a playoff game and we treated it like an exhibition against a beauty college. If we can cover the biltz and run the ball, we'll be okay. If we can't do that and we don't score early, we'll lose all hope and the second half will be filler.
We need to treat this like a playoff game. If we do that, we win. If we don't, we lose.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Steelers vs. Panthers Review
We beat a good team in their stadium. And, really, we kicked the crap out of them. When it was 17-3 at halftime, I was fully confident that they were never, ever going to come back to beat us.
It's true that Chris Weinke was their quarterback for most of the game. It's true that they're currently dealing with the same issues that the Steelers were dealing with earlier in the season. But still, Weinke and a psychologically shattered team still shouldn't have gotten beat 37-3 yesterday. They've got too much talent. They have too many good players. They're too much like... the Steelers.
And, even though the Panthers are still mathematically alive in the playoff hunt, their season is just as over as ours. The key for them will be how they react to it. The Steelers reacted to a 27-0 thumping at the hands of the hated Ravens by going on a three game win steak in which they outscored their opponents 84-13. What will the Panthers do? How will they respond? I guess it'll be fun to watch.
The most important test of the season is going to be Sunday against the Ravens. We got crushed the last time we played them, we're still technically fighting for our playoff lives, and, if we win on Sunday, we're at least guaranteed that we'll finish .500 for the season.
The last three games were great. They were a big boost for a team and a fan base that had pretty much given up hope. I'd just like to see what the newly re-vitalized Steelers can do when they actually play a good team that has something left to play for.
We're still not making the playoffs, but I will most definitely say that the Steelers are "back" if they win on Sunday.
It's true that Chris Weinke was their quarterback for most of the game. It's true that they're currently dealing with the same issues that the Steelers were dealing with earlier in the season. But still, Weinke and a psychologically shattered team still shouldn't have gotten beat 37-3 yesterday. They've got too much talent. They have too many good players. They're too much like... the Steelers.
And, even though the Panthers are still mathematically alive in the playoff hunt, their season is just as over as ours. The key for them will be how they react to it. The Steelers reacted to a 27-0 thumping at the hands of the hated Ravens by going on a three game win steak in which they outscored their opponents 84-13. What will the Panthers do? How will they respond? I guess it'll be fun to watch.
The most important test of the season is going to be Sunday against the Ravens. We got crushed the last time we played them, we're still technically fighting for our playoff lives, and, if we win on Sunday, we're at least guaranteed that we'll finish .500 for the season.
The last three games were great. They were a big boost for a team and a fan base that had pretty much given up hope. I'd just like to see what the newly re-vitalized Steelers can do when they actually play a good team that has something left to play for.
We're still not making the playoffs, but I will most definitely say that the Steelers are "back" if they win on Sunday.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Steelers vs. Panthers Preview
I have no idea how this game is going to end up.
Both these teams have hugely talented rosters and were early picks by some "experts" to meet in the Super Bowl. They're now both 6-7 and their seasons are kinda lost. Well, Carolina plays in the NFC, so they're probably the third seed, or something, but the Steelers season is done.
One more time. The Steelers are not going to the playoffs. I don't care what the mathematicians say. It's not happening. Okay? Let's move on.
So, you've got two really good teams on paper that are both fighting for their playoff lives (in theory), but they've both been consistently inconsistent all season and haven't found their respective identities. Okay, so we ran all over Cleveland and Tampa. They're Cleveland and Tampa. If we can run effectively against a good team with a good defense, I'll say that we found our identity back, okay?
The Panthers had Chris Weinke throw SIXTY-ONE PASSES in their last game. Chris Weinke. Sixty-one passes. One game. That's ridiculous.
This could be a 38-35 shoot out. It could be a 4-3 snoozer (yes, two safeties). Could be a boring, generic 20-17 game. Could be turnover free. Could be 18 turnovers between the two teams. I really have no idea.
All I know is that Steve Smith has to have a good game because he's on my Fantasy team. I want the Steelers to win, but I'm hoping for the 38-35 shoot out and for Smith to get 4 TDs. I'm in the semi-finals in the playoffs. This is important. It's for money.
So, Go Steelers! But, also, go Steve Smith.
Both these teams have hugely talented rosters and were early picks by some "experts" to meet in the Super Bowl. They're now both 6-7 and their seasons are kinda lost. Well, Carolina plays in the NFC, so they're probably the third seed, or something, but the Steelers season is done.
One more time. The Steelers are not going to the playoffs. I don't care what the mathematicians say. It's not happening. Okay? Let's move on.
So, you've got two really good teams on paper that are both fighting for their playoff lives (in theory), but they've both been consistently inconsistent all season and haven't found their respective identities. Okay, so we ran all over Cleveland and Tampa. They're Cleveland and Tampa. If we can run effectively against a good team with a good defense, I'll say that we found our identity back, okay?
The Panthers had Chris Weinke throw SIXTY-ONE PASSES in their last game. Chris Weinke. Sixty-one passes. One game. That's ridiculous.
This could be a 38-35 shoot out. It could be a 4-3 snoozer (yes, two safeties). Could be a boring, generic 20-17 game. Could be turnover free. Could be 18 turnovers between the two teams. I really have no idea.
All I know is that Steve Smith has to have a good game because he's on my Fantasy team. I want the Steelers to win, but I'm hoping for the 38-35 shoot out and for Smith to get 4 TDs. I'm in the semi-finals in the playoffs. This is important. It's for money.
So, Go Steelers! But, also, go Steve Smith.
Steelers vs. Browns Review
I just talked to my brother. I haven't talked to my brother in about two weeks. That's a long time for us. I called him out of the blue and the first thing he asked me was why I hadn't updated my blog. So, I guess someone reads it.
Here's the quick and dirty version of the Review...
WOW. That game was just an old fashioned beat-down. Seriously. That's one of those games where you watch it and you think, "MAN. If only they played that way all season." Yeah. If only we got to play the Browns every game. If only.
That was the most dominant performance by this team this year. I understand that we beat KC by more and it looked like a better game, but seriously, the Browns never had a chance. When we went in at the half, up 10-o, we may as well have been up 100-0. I just knew they weren't coming back.
Part of that was how well the defense played. Part of that was just how freakin' bad the Browns offense is. If you were upset about the fact that you couldn't play the Charlie Frye Drinking Game, you could've taken a sip of beer for each dropped pass and been completely annihilated midway through the first quarter. Poor Dennis Northcutt. That guy couldn't catch AIDS in Haiti if he tripped and landed on 15 used needles and a $2 hooker. Holy crap. That guy just sucks.
And Braylon Edwards, the 46 yard touchdown catch after the game was already decided aside, didn't do anything. And he dropped passes. And Kellen Winslow is useless. I hate that guy. I'm glad Porter called him what he called him.
And, Porter's apology has to be one of the greatest apologies in the history of time, the universe, and everything. "I'm sorry if I offended anyone with my comments. I only meant to offend Kellen Winslow." Winslow's gonna be around for a while, if nothing else because he has so much potential that he has to realize it sometime, right? And, well, the Browns are dumb. They'll keep him way longer than they should. He'll be around and this will be a fun rivalry for a long time. I mean, we'll always kick their asses, but it will still be a fun rivalry.
Quick Strategy Note:
I don't think LeBeau even called defenses. I'm serious. There were almost no blitzes and the coverages seemed pretty simple. Mostly man coverage, mostly, "That's your guy. If he gets open, I'm pulling you. Because these guys suck." It's almost as though he told the players to go out, have fun, don't worry about it too much, and make sure they remembered to get off the field on third down. Not too much strategy here. Then again, the Browns offense sucks. Bad. Very, very bad.
How about the fact that Ike Taylor was Ball Bitch on the kickoff team? The wind kept blowing the ball off the tee and Ike Friggin' Taylor came over and held the ball so Reed could kick it. From up-and-coming star after the 2005 season, to a $21 million extension in the off-season, to getting SCORCHED by Javon Walker, to getting benched, to possibly winning his job back, to BEING THE GODDAMN BALL BITCH. Wow. Just a crazy last 12 or 13 months for Ike.
Offensive Strategy:
I was blown away by the fact that the Steelers actually had a game plan and stuck with it. Before the game, I heard an interview with Max Starks where he said that the running game was stalling because teams came out with a lot of eight man fronts and that was a problem for the offensive line. Really? Eight man fronts? That was the issue? You're sure? I mean, it couldn't possibly be that the line has sucked sweaty elephant balls all year. Couldn't be that. It must be that other teams were putting eight guys in the box. I mean, it's not like THAT'S BEEN THE OPPOSING TEAM'S STRATEGY SINCE RICHARD FREAKIN' NIXON WAS IN OFFICE.
When have we not faced eight in the box? Possibly the first couple of games last year, where the Titans and Texans had seven guys in there because they were afraid Fast Willie would blow by them. Possibly in 2003, when Tommy was inexplicably throwing the ball 45 times a game. And, I think we can all agree that the 2003 season never happened. It's better that way.
So, eight guys in the box. How do you get past that? You do what the Steelers did Thursday. And, really, what they've done since the Nixon administration, but whatever.
You counter. You trap. You pull. Starks pulled from his right tackle spot to pick up a block behind Faneca at left guard. That's some serious shit. Hartings was pulling, Smith was pulling, even Simmons was pulling. And when you pull and trap as well as they did on Thursday and you run counters behind that, you get a record breaking perfomance by Fast Willie.
Let's see if they keep doing that. The game against Carolina would be an excellent time to keep it up.
Part of it was that the line had a really good night, part of it is that Fast Willie's a really good running back (and, really, he's more quick than fast - you don't get caught from behind on long runs as much as he does if you're fast - just watch Vince Young play and you'll see what I mean), and the Browns suck.
I'd say 40% great line, 40% great running back, 20% Browns suck. With that game plan and the way the line was coming off the ball, they could've run for 300+ yards on a lot of teams.
But, they're not gonna do that to the Panthers.
Here's the quick and dirty version of the Review...
WOW. That game was just an old fashioned beat-down. Seriously. That's one of those games where you watch it and you think, "MAN. If only they played that way all season." Yeah. If only we got to play the Browns every game. If only.
That was the most dominant performance by this team this year. I understand that we beat KC by more and it looked like a better game, but seriously, the Browns never had a chance. When we went in at the half, up 10-o, we may as well have been up 100-0. I just knew they weren't coming back.
Part of that was how well the defense played. Part of that was just how freakin' bad the Browns offense is. If you were upset about the fact that you couldn't play the Charlie Frye Drinking Game, you could've taken a sip of beer for each dropped pass and been completely annihilated midway through the first quarter. Poor Dennis Northcutt. That guy couldn't catch AIDS in Haiti if he tripped and landed on 15 used needles and a $2 hooker. Holy crap. That guy just sucks.
And Braylon Edwards, the 46 yard touchdown catch after the game was already decided aside, didn't do anything. And he dropped passes. And Kellen Winslow is useless. I hate that guy. I'm glad Porter called him what he called him.
And, Porter's apology has to be one of the greatest apologies in the history of time, the universe, and everything. "I'm sorry if I offended anyone with my comments. I only meant to offend Kellen Winslow." Winslow's gonna be around for a while, if nothing else because he has so much potential that he has to realize it sometime, right? And, well, the Browns are dumb. They'll keep him way longer than they should. He'll be around and this will be a fun rivalry for a long time. I mean, we'll always kick their asses, but it will still be a fun rivalry.
Quick Strategy Note:
I don't think LeBeau even called defenses. I'm serious. There were almost no blitzes and the coverages seemed pretty simple. Mostly man coverage, mostly, "That's your guy. If he gets open, I'm pulling you. Because these guys suck." It's almost as though he told the players to go out, have fun, don't worry about it too much, and make sure they remembered to get off the field on third down. Not too much strategy here. Then again, the Browns offense sucks. Bad. Very, very bad.
How about the fact that Ike Taylor was Ball Bitch on the kickoff team? The wind kept blowing the ball off the tee and Ike Friggin' Taylor came over and held the ball so Reed could kick it. From up-and-coming star after the 2005 season, to a $21 million extension in the off-season, to getting SCORCHED by Javon Walker, to getting benched, to possibly winning his job back, to BEING THE GODDAMN BALL BITCH. Wow. Just a crazy last 12 or 13 months for Ike.
Offensive Strategy:
I was blown away by the fact that the Steelers actually had a game plan and stuck with it. Before the game, I heard an interview with Max Starks where he said that the running game was stalling because teams came out with a lot of eight man fronts and that was a problem for the offensive line. Really? Eight man fronts? That was the issue? You're sure? I mean, it couldn't possibly be that the line has sucked sweaty elephant balls all year. Couldn't be that. It must be that other teams were putting eight guys in the box. I mean, it's not like THAT'S BEEN THE OPPOSING TEAM'S STRATEGY SINCE RICHARD FREAKIN' NIXON WAS IN OFFICE.
When have we not faced eight in the box? Possibly the first couple of games last year, where the Titans and Texans had seven guys in there because they were afraid Fast Willie would blow by them. Possibly in 2003, when Tommy was inexplicably throwing the ball 45 times a game. And, I think we can all agree that the 2003 season never happened. It's better that way.
So, eight guys in the box. How do you get past that? You do what the Steelers did Thursday. And, really, what they've done since the Nixon administration, but whatever.
You counter. You trap. You pull. Starks pulled from his right tackle spot to pick up a block behind Faneca at left guard. That's some serious shit. Hartings was pulling, Smith was pulling, even Simmons was pulling. And when you pull and trap as well as they did on Thursday and you run counters behind that, you get a record breaking perfomance by Fast Willie.
Let's see if they keep doing that. The game against Carolina would be an excellent time to keep it up.
Part of it was that the line had a really good night, part of it is that Fast Willie's a really good running back (and, really, he's more quick than fast - you don't get caught from behind on long runs as much as he does if you're fast - just watch Vince Young play and you'll see what I mean), and the Browns suck.
I'd say 40% great line, 40% great running back, 20% Browns suck. With that game plan and the way the line was coming off the ball, they could've run for 300+ yards on a lot of teams.
But, they're not gonna do that to the Panthers.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Steelers vs. Browns Preview
Here's the deal. You know that D'Giorno commerical with the vampire and the girl in the peasant dress? The vampire comes up, goes in to suck her blood, then she offers him pizza and he freaks out because it's garlic pizza. Then he completely drops the vampire character, she drops the "girl in a peasant dress in a trance" and the commerical goes on. There's something about delivery or D'Giorno, then they're back in character, then they break it again. Then it's over.
My point is that they tried to do 6,315 different funny things in this commercial and all of them failed. Whereas when I watch a Vonage commercial, I laugh every time someone gets beaned by the Vonage box and the "Woo-hoo" music comes on. Even though I know what to expect, it's still satisfying.
When we play Cleveland, we know what to expect. Even though they've turned over their entire roster in the last three years, they're still Cleveland and we can expect them to deliver unlimited calls to the US and Canada for only $24.99 a month (Vonage! Sign up today!).
We know to expect that they'll try to run the ball and fail. We know they'll start to throw the ball after that. We know that we don't have anyone that can cover Winslow and Edwards. We know that they're going to trot out a back-up quarterback that no one had heard of to start against us behind a shitty offensive line.
Somehow, oddly, they never seem to know this. We therefore need to blitz the hell out of this Derek Anderson kid (I think that's his name, not sure. I did, after all, refer to Samkon Gado as Sakmon Kado last year). We need to let Porter loose. We need to tell him that we'll re-negotiate his contract and he'll make the Pro Bowl if he goes out and kills this kid on Thursday.
We need to do what Baltimore did to us. We need to do what we failed to do the first time we played the Browns. We need to do what we started doing, but then stopped, against Tampa. We need to pressure from the outside, then back off, then send delayed blitzes up the middle. We need to send Anthony Smith and Tyrone Carter on the blitz (yes, those are the starting safeties for the game). Bring more than they can block. Kill the head and the body will die.
If we hurt Anderson bad enough, either they'll send in Charlie Frye and all the lucky fans at home can play the Charlie Frye Drinking Game, or they'll put in Ken Dorsey. Anyone remember this crybaby from "Da U"? Man. I'd like to punch him in the head. And, the fact that I just threatened to punch him in the head made him wet himself. He's a sissy. Totally mamby pamby mama's boy. Anyone catch the BCS Game against The Ohio State University in 2002? He heard footsteps in the tunnel. Well, it makes sense that he would've heard footsteps in the tunnel. He also heard them on the sidelines. And in the shower. And in the sensory depravation chamber. He's soft. He needs to rub some dirt in it. Walk it off.
Wait. Then he'd hear footsteps.
In all seriousness, though, we need to crush these fuckers. I can't take another 21 point fourth quarter where we barely come back. Willie Parker should be able to get yards against a front seven that still doesn't have the proper personnel to run the 3-4. And, even though we're working with Sean Morrey as our third receiver, Ben should have a big day throwing against a secondary that's even more banged up than our receivers.
This is the game that defines the season. You knew we'd come back and beat up an overmatched Tampa team at home after we got humilated against the Hated Ravens. The real test is going to be whether or not we can beat a depleted Browns team with their back-up quarterback on four days rest.
The playoffs are a distant memory. I saw Cowher spitting a little on the sidelines in the Tampa game. If we can come out and kick hell out of Cleveland, we might be able to wake him up from his season-long slumber. When the year has ended (in December, not January or February), he'll look back on this game and smile. And spit. And he'll re-up his contract for another 5 years.
If not, well, I guess... Ken Whisenhunt has the respect of the players? God. I hope we hire Russ Grimm.
My point is that they tried to do 6,315 different funny things in this commercial and all of them failed. Whereas when I watch a Vonage commercial, I laugh every time someone gets beaned by the Vonage box and the "Woo-hoo" music comes on. Even though I know what to expect, it's still satisfying.
When we play Cleveland, we know what to expect. Even though they've turned over their entire roster in the last three years, they're still Cleveland and we can expect them to deliver unlimited calls to the US and Canada for only $24.99 a month (Vonage! Sign up today!).
We know to expect that they'll try to run the ball and fail. We know they'll start to throw the ball after that. We know that we don't have anyone that can cover Winslow and Edwards. We know that they're going to trot out a back-up quarterback that no one had heard of to start against us behind a shitty offensive line.
Somehow, oddly, they never seem to know this. We therefore need to blitz the hell out of this Derek Anderson kid (I think that's his name, not sure. I did, after all, refer to Samkon Gado as Sakmon Kado last year). We need to let Porter loose. We need to tell him that we'll re-negotiate his contract and he'll make the Pro Bowl if he goes out and kills this kid on Thursday.
We need to do what Baltimore did to us. We need to do what we failed to do the first time we played the Browns. We need to do what we started doing, but then stopped, against Tampa. We need to pressure from the outside, then back off, then send delayed blitzes up the middle. We need to send Anthony Smith and Tyrone Carter on the blitz (yes, those are the starting safeties for the game). Bring more than they can block. Kill the head and the body will die.
If we hurt Anderson bad enough, either they'll send in Charlie Frye and all the lucky fans at home can play the Charlie Frye Drinking Game, or they'll put in Ken Dorsey. Anyone remember this crybaby from "Da U"? Man. I'd like to punch him in the head. And, the fact that I just threatened to punch him in the head made him wet himself. He's a sissy. Totally mamby pamby mama's boy. Anyone catch the BCS Game against The Ohio State University in 2002? He heard footsteps in the tunnel. Well, it makes sense that he would've heard footsteps in the tunnel. He also heard them on the sidelines. And in the shower. And in the sensory depravation chamber. He's soft. He needs to rub some dirt in it. Walk it off.
Wait. Then he'd hear footsteps.
In all seriousness, though, we need to crush these fuckers. I can't take another 21 point fourth quarter where we barely come back. Willie Parker should be able to get yards against a front seven that still doesn't have the proper personnel to run the 3-4. And, even though we're working with Sean Morrey as our third receiver, Ben should have a big day throwing against a secondary that's even more banged up than our receivers.
This is the game that defines the season. You knew we'd come back and beat up an overmatched Tampa team at home after we got humilated against the Hated Ravens. The real test is going to be whether or not we can beat a depleted Browns team with their back-up quarterback on four days rest.
The playoffs are a distant memory. I saw Cowher spitting a little on the sidelines in the Tampa game. If we can come out and kick hell out of Cleveland, we might be able to wake him up from his season-long slumber. When the year has ended (in December, not January or February), he'll look back on this game and smile. And spit. And he'll re-up his contract for another 5 years.
If not, well, I guess... Ken Whisenhunt has the respect of the players? God. I hope we hire Russ Grimm.
Monday, December 04, 2006
STEELERS DROP A DUCE!!!!!!
Well kids, it finally happened. Duce Staley and his $2.5 million albatross of a base salary are officially out of Pittsburgh. I think we can all breathe a sigh of relief. The Duce has been dropped.
Now all that needs to happen is for Weidman's phone to ring. C'mon, Colbert! He'll work for half what you were paying Duce!
The good news is that they picked up Chidi Iwoma (who they've missed on special teams) and Lee Mays. Guess that means things don't look good for my pal Cedrick Wilson. And, they've placed Willie Reid on IR. Great draft, guys! Maybe yinz should've grabbed a linebacker.
I Finally Figured Out Why the Field Goal in the Tampa Game Bugged Me:
I was at the movies tonight. Afterwards, since it was a good movie (Deja Vu, see it) I had to take a MONSTER piss. I trotted up to the urinal and started going to the bathroom. Two seconds later, another dude walked up to the urinal beside me and started taking a leak.
Now, if the bathroom was full and he wasn't comfortable with going in the sink, this type of behavior would be perfectly understandable. However, the bathroom was EMPTY. AND HE SHOT A PISS IN THE URINAL NEXT TO ME!!!
It's not against any actual rule, but it's a rule among men. He should've gone to the furthest urinal from me or gone to one of the stalls. Like Sunday. Go for the touchdown. Either you get it and the score looks respectable or you don't and you take your medicine.
At which point, you go get your shinebox.
Now all that needs to happen is for Weidman's phone to ring. C'mon, Colbert! He'll work for half what you were paying Duce!
The good news is that they picked up Chidi Iwoma (who they've missed on special teams) and Lee Mays. Guess that means things don't look good for my pal Cedrick Wilson. And, they've placed Willie Reid on IR. Great draft, guys! Maybe yinz should've grabbed a linebacker.
I Finally Figured Out Why the Field Goal in the Tampa Game Bugged Me:
I was at the movies tonight. Afterwards, since it was a good movie (Deja Vu, see it) I had to take a MONSTER piss. I trotted up to the urinal and started going to the bathroom. Two seconds later, another dude walked up to the urinal beside me and started taking a leak.
Now, if the bathroom was full and he wasn't comfortable with going in the sink, this type of behavior would be perfectly understandable. However, the bathroom was EMPTY. AND HE SHOT A PISS IN THE URINAL NEXT TO ME!!!
It's not against any actual rule, but it's a rule among men. He should've gone to the furthest urinal from me or gone to one of the stalls. Like Sunday. Go for the touchdown. Either you get it and the score looks respectable or you don't and you take your medicine.
At which point, you go get your shinebox.
Steelers vs. Bucs Review
That game was lame. The Bucs were only slightly less effective on offense than we were. And, for a change, the other team committed more turnovers than we did. And that's why we won.
And, I just have a feeling that we could've played eight or nine quarters of that game and Tampa still wouldn't have scored (provided, of course, that Gruden didn't pull the dick move of the century and kick a field goal). Man, that was weak.
I actually thought it made sense when I first saw it. I thought it was definitely a move perpetrated by a man with no spine and no soul, but I thought it made sense because I thought it was fourth down. I had assumed that Gruden's instincts just took over and he kicked the field goal on fourth down inside the red zone like anyone would. It wasn't fourth down. It was third down.
Really. Seriously. He wasn't going to win that game. He knew it. As a matter of fact, I thought he was being even more of a stand-up guy when the drive started. The Bucs ran on three or four consecutive downs and didn't really hustle up to the line of scrimmage. I thought they were trying to run the clock out.
Then, they start throwing the ball, they screw it up (like they had been doing all game), and it's third down with four seconds left. I thought I was crocked out of my mind and was hallucinating the fact that Matt Bryant was lined up for the field goal. I just kind of stood there in shock for about 45 seconds after the kick went through.
Who kicks a field goal in that situation? I guarantee Cowher would've gone for the touchdown. He may even have just run the ball to get everyone off the field without an injury. But he DEFINITELY would not have kicked a field goal. Didn't kick one in Jacksonville, didn't kick one in Baltimore. And we got shut out in both those games.
Maybe Gruden's a genius, but he's a pussy, too.
The rest of the game was pretty blah. I really think they struggled on offense because they have a shitty offense, not because we played particularly well on defense. Nice of Joey Porter to show up. I think he has all his stats for the season in Sunday's game, the opener, and the Cleveland game. At the end of the season, everyone will say, "Wow, 10 sacks, three interceptions, another stellar year for Porter." They'll forget that he got all of those stats in four games (still have a game against Cleveland Thursday - and their QB used to play basketball for the Portland Trailblazers). Watch for him to take advantage of a match-up that is heavily stilted in his favor and disappear for the rest of the season, just like he has thus far this season.
I'll be very upset if he goes to the Pro Bowl. I mean, I won't write my Congressman, but I'll be upset.
A win's a win. It would've been more gratifying if it made us 7-5, as opposed to 5-7.
And, I just have a feeling that we could've played eight or nine quarters of that game and Tampa still wouldn't have scored (provided, of course, that Gruden didn't pull the dick move of the century and kick a field goal). Man, that was weak.
I actually thought it made sense when I first saw it. I thought it was definitely a move perpetrated by a man with no spine and no soul, but I thought it made sense because I thought it was fourth down. I had assumed that Gruden's instincts just took over and he kicked the field goal on fourth down inside the red zone like anyone would. It wasn't fourth down. It was third down.
Really. Seriously. He wasn't going to win that game. He knew it. As a matter of fact, I thought he was being even more of a stand-up guy when the drive started. The Bucs ran on three or four consecutive downs and didn't really hustle up to the line of scrimmage. I thought they were trying to run the clock out.
Then, they start throwing the ball, they screw it up (like they had been doing all game), and it's third down with four seconds left. I thought I was crocked out of my mind and was hallucinating the fact that Matt Bryant was lined up for the field goal. I just kind of stood there in shock for about 45 seconds after the kick went through.
Who kicks a field goal in that situation? I guarantee Cowher would've gone for the touchdown. He may even have just run the ball to get everyone off the field without an injury. But he DEFINITELY would not have kicked a field goal. Didn't kick one in Jacksonville, didn't kick one in Baltimore. And we got shut out in both those games.
Maybe Gruden's a genius, but he's a pussy, too.
The rest of the game was pretty blah. I really think they struggled on offense because they have a shitty offense, not because we played particularly well on defense. Nice of Joey Porter to show up. I think he has all his stats for the season in Sunday's game, the opener, and the Cleveland game. At the end of the season, everyone will say, "Wow, 10 sacks, three interceptions, another stellar year for Porter." They'll forget that he got all of those stats in four games (still have a game against Cleveland Thursday - and their QB used to play basketball for the Portland Trailblazers). Watch for him to take advantage of a match-up that is heavily stilted in his favor and disappear for the rest of the season, just like he has thus far this season.
I'll be very upset if he goes to the Pro Bowl. I mean, I won't write my Congressman, but I'll be upset.
A win's a win. It would've been more gratifying if it made us 7-5, as opposed to 5-7.
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