Lots of Stuff

First and foremost, here's what needs to happen for the Steelers to make the playoffs:

Steelers need to win out.
Jets: Need to lose one of their next two. Doesn't matter who they beat and who they lose to. We win the tiebreaker based on records vs. common opponents either way.
Buffalo: Need to lose 1 of next 2. They're 7-7. That would make them 8-8 and you need to be at least 9-7 to make the playoffs this year.
Tennessee: Same deal.
Jacksonville: Need to lose their next two. This could actually happen because they play New England at home, then go to face Kansas City at Arrowhead.
Denver: Need to lose their next two, including this week's game against the Bungles and next week's game against the 49ers.
Cincinnati: Beat Denver, lose to us. And, I'm pretty sure they need to lose to us by at least 8. Hopefully more.
Kansas City: Need to win out. And, they play Oakland, then host Jacksonville, so that Jax-KC game is pretty much going to be our season, provided we take care of business and beat the Bungles.

However, the Bungles are the team that is going to give us the most trouble. As long as Jacksonville and Denver lose out, the hope is that Cincinnati somehow gets eliminated in a three-way tie and we advance because of that. We hold tiebreakers over Kansas City, Tennessee, Buffalo, and the Jets, so Jacksonville and Denver need to finish 8-8 and be out of the picture. If we win in Cincinnati in the last game of the season (and we also have to beat the hated Ravens this Sunday), then we're 1-1 against them. Head-to-head is the first tiebreaker. If that's a tie, we go to conference record.

The Bengals have a better conference record than we do, so let's hope that it doesn't come to a decision of tiebreakers between us and them. I'm pretty sure that the NFL, which looks to spread the wealth and doesn't want two Wild Card teams from the same division, will pit us against other teams in the conference before they pit us against the Bengals. And, I forget where, but the Bengals will be eliminated at some point and we hold a tiebreaker over everyone else.

Everybody got that? So, it's still possible, but very, very, very unlikely. And, I don't think it's going to happen.

IF IT DOES, we'll officially be the "team no one wants to play" when we go in as the 6th seed.

Cowher:

At this point, I just want an answer. I was fine with him not talking about it, with him trying to keep it from being a distraction.

Suddenly, he's talking to the national media about it and waxing philosophic. And then when the local media tries to question him about it, he clams up.

I feel like a woman on the wrong side of thirty that has been living with her non-committal boyfriend for the past five years. Either buy a ring or tell me to find a roommate because you're leaving and moving to North Carolina. And, in the meantime, STOP TALKING ABOUT HOW HOT THE OTHER CHICKS IN THE BAR ARE!

At this point, he's posturing, he's using the media to get what he thinks he wants, and he's trying to milk the Rooneys for $7 million a year. And I don't think it's going to happen.

And I'm very much starting to look forward to the Russ Grimm era. Seriously.

Pro Bowl:

Troy should not have been voted in. He's this year's Joey Porter. A lot of guys make it on reputation (although that's getting better, as evidenced by the fact that Tony Romo, Frank Gore, and our man Fast Willie Parker got invited this year). They say that you first make the squad two years after you should and that you still make the squad two years after you shouldn't. Porter's two year grace period is over. Now begins Troy's grace period.

Casey Hampton isn't underrated anymore and he really isn't the best NT in the AFC anymore. That would be Jamal Williams. Anyone who watched the San Diego game on Monday Night earlier this year knows what I'm talking about. But, if they're playing a 3-4 defense, then it makes total sense. Hampton's the 2nd best NT in the conference.

And Willie Parker is the third best running back in the conference. He can't compete with Tomlinson and Larry Johnson and probably never will. Cowher will never give him the carries.

But, I'm really looking forward to seeing what he can do in the Pro Bowl. Running behind the best line in the conference. Yeah. We're in for a treat on that one.

Alan Faneca deserves to be the starting left guard in the Pro Bowl until further notice. He's still the best in the league at pulling, trapping, and countering. He can play guard or tackle equally well. And he looks like a chubby viking. That's awesome.

Penguins:

I have no idea how they're going to unfuck this situation. It seemed to me that the IOC deal was a no-brainer. I guess we'll just wait and see.

Steelers vs. the Hated Ravens:

Hey, this is just a game between two teams that hate each other and never know what the other one is going to do on Sunday. The Ravens have their playoff seed pretty much wrapped up. We might see Kyle Boller.

The big issue last game was that the Ravens treated it like a playoff game and we treated it like an exhibition against a beauty college. If we can cover the biltz and run the ball, we'll be okay. If we can't do that and we don't score early, we'll lose all hope and the second half will be filler.

We need to treat this like a playoff game. If we do that, we win. If we don't, we lose.