Steelers vs. Hated Ravens Preview

Well, first and foremost, I'm going to the game. I'm not going to point out my record when viewing the Steelers live, because the last person to publicly claim their might in Pittsburgh was arrogant asshole and known cocksucker Brian Billick. While I'm all about sucking some good cock, I don't like to be thought of as arrogant. I prefer... understandably confident.

I wish I could say that I was understandably confident about Monday night's game (killer segue there, right? Right? Killer, right?). However, consider the following...

1. Mike Tomlin has not fared well in prime time. Granted, there's only the one game against Denver, but precedents are set early. Cowher didn't lose on Monday night until 1998.
2. The hated Ravens just had a bye. I'm thinking that they didn't spend that extra time to prepare for the same old shit they always do against us. I'm thinking they focused on all kinds of new shit to throw at us.
3. I'm not going to bring up the two games from last year. They kicked the shit out of us and made Ben make a face like Barbara from Night of the Living Dead every time he lined up. So, I brought them up. I'm not going into details.
4. Jonathan Ogden has had two weeks to rest his injured toe. Now, before you say, "Injured toe, huh? Did he also strain his vagina?" bear this in mind: You try being 6'9", 345, and see how you like putting all that on a gimpy toe, running around all week like an asshole. I'm just saying. And, Ogden's a big, scary-looking dude. I'm not going to talk any shit on him. Not even indirectly.
5. Steve McNair has been at practice this week. I can't say if I prefer him or Kyle Boller, but what I do know is that we'll have to prepare for both of them. (Side note: It always cracks me up when they list one injury for McNair on the injury report. He always has 10 things wrong with him. Not to mention the strained vagina. See? Now there's a callback! I should stop drinking now.)
6. People (including Ray Lewis) have been bitching about Billick's offense again. Every time that happens (especially if there's a big game coming up, like, say, a Monday night game against a division rival for first place), they drop 30+ points on someone and run all kinds of wacky shit that shouldn't work, but does.
7. We beat Cincy, we beat the hated Ravens, we beat Cleveland, we own the division. Seems too easy, right?
8. When was the last time Fast Willie had a big game against the hated Ravens? Can't think of one? Me, either. We're 15-1 when he rushes for 100 or more yards and... well, the record's not good when he doesn't.

But, enough extra-curricular nonsense. That's not usually what these games are about. It doesn't matter if they're 0-13 and we're 13-0. Bye weeks, Billick's hair, double-homicide charges for Ray Lewis. It doesn't matter.

What it usually comes down to is intimidation. I'm taking out the 2005 Halloween game, because there were 8,153,049 passes attempted in that game and Anthony Wright was the leading passer on both teams.

When they've been able to say, "We've got the baddest frickin' defense on the planet," like in '00, '03, and '06, we've gotten slaughtered. When we've said, "Isn't that cute? Let's run anyway and then use our defense to expose the fact that you guys have a crappy offense," like in '01, '02, '04, and kinda in '05, we've sl... well, we've beaten them.

That's the thing with the history between us and the hated Ravens: They've been able to embarrass us, but we haven't been able to embarrass them.

Until, possibly, now.

(And fuck you and your 2003 opener. I think we've established that that game was a fluke.)

Even with Ogden back, their offensive line blows. If they make the mistake of trying to run the ball early, we'll crush them. Willis McGahee does not concern me. Against the Bengals, Kenny Watson was our 8th or 9th priority and he still only rushed for 88 yards. Their secondary ain't what it used to be. Ed Reed is freelancing too much, Dawan Landry ain't Will Demps, Samari Rolle and Chris McAllister are slowing down, can be fooled by playaction and double-moves, and really aren't anywhere near as reliable as they once were in man coverage.

We can beat this team. We can beat this team huge. And we can make a statement to the rest of the league that the Patriots aren't the only fuckers out there that can run up the score.

Provided, that is, we can do one thing: BLOCK THE FUCKERS.

Sure, the defense let up some points in the two match-ups last year. Sure, the hated Ravens did some good things on offense. But, the real story from last season was that they were able to intimidate us. And make Ben look like a vegetable. And from there is was simple math. Too many guys to block plus not enough guys open equals scared white girl babbling about zombies and candy.

Protect Ben (even if it means keeping guys in the backfield - their guys can't cover our guys). That's it. Protect Ben and you blow out the hated Ravens at home on Monday night in front of the entire country.

Don't protect Ben and... well, I'm sure you saw the games from last year.

Steelers vs. Bengals Review

I seriously haven't been slacking on this. I just can't think of anything interesting to say about this game.

Sure, we won. That's awesome. 5-2, one game ahead of the hated Ravens and the Browns (to me, the real story is that the freakin' Browns are over .500 and are legitimately in the division race). If we win the next two games (both home dates against the hated Ravens and the Browns), that pretty much wraps up the division.

We'd be 4-0 in the division, 7-2 overall, having beaten every team on the road (except Baltimore). So, we'd have a home game against Cincy (who we'll probably shit-stomp much worse when the game is here in Pittsburgh) and a game in Baltimore to end the season (at which point we'll probably have our playoff seed clinched - provided we win these next two games - so who really cares?)

I have to admit that I wasn't really worried coming into the game and that I wasn't worried when they came out with the level of desperation that they did (seriously, they played that first quarter like it a was a playoff game). As soon as we scored that second touchdown I thought, "Well, that's it, then." I never thought they were coming back. As Cowher would say, we took their best shot in the first quarter-and-a-half and ended up with a 14-3 lead. What else did they have left?

A lot of people have been saying that Marvin Lewis' decision to kick a field goal instead of going for it on fourth and 1 at the 2 yard line. I think the game was over before then. Once the Bengals realized they weren't going to jump out to a quick, early lead, it was over.

Here's where I think we failed: As much as I hate the Patriots for the way they're running up the score on the rest of the league, they really do an excellent job of putting teams away, burying them, then pissing on the grave, defacing the headstone, and enslaving the other teams' surviving relatives. They're very thorough about how they dismantle people and they don't take any prisoners. They... just... take slaves.

At any rate, the point is that I really thought we were going to continue beating on the Bengals in the second half. I think that, as soon as Ben threw that interception (which happened right after the defense made the Bengals go three-and-out to start the half), Tomlin got scared and decided he was going to "hang on" for the victory.

We can hang on against most of the league. Just hanging on against the likes of the Patriots or the Colts ain't gonna cut it. I'm still looking for that signature, complete game from this team, like the Chiefs game last year, the Bears or the Cleveland game from 2005, or the Patriots or Eagles game from 2004.

And, the more I think about it, the more this year's team reminds me of the 2004 team: Lower expectations coming, kinda sneaking up on the rest of the league half-way through the season, capable of beating most teams, but not capable of beating anyone at any time.

Then again, I'm going off of history. Bill Cowher is not walking through that door. The thing is, I'm still waiting for Tomlin to walk through it. All the lip service that the players and coaches have paid Tomlin, saying that this is his team now and he's fully in charge is just that... lip service.

I think he needs to prove that he's truly in charge and that this is really his team. No better way to do that than on Monday Night Football against the hated Ravens.

Steelers vs. Bengals Preview

Guess what we have this week? We're playing a pretty crappy team on the road that's pissed off and wounded.

Rudi Johnson might not play. If their two tackles (Willie Anderson and Levi Jones) do play, they're going to be playing hurt, so Clark Haggans and James Harrison might actually be able to get to Carson Palmer. The Bengals have had so many injuries at linebacker that they've almost taken to calling everyone in the Cincinnati phone book with the last name Johnson and seeing if they get lucky. He he. I put "Johnson" and "get lucky" in the same sentence.

This is a painful realization for me, because I figured the Bengals were having a bad year because everyone finally figured out that they couldn't play defense and they were hurt more than everyone thought they would be by Chris Henry's suspension. As it turns out, it's because they're dealing with a lot of shit.

So, first of all, it's bad because I was totally wrong and needed to look at their depth chart and an injury report to figure that out. Second of all, it's bad because Marvin Lewis isn't going to let this team use the injury report as a crutch. Huh. Two unintentional puns in one blog post. How about that.

And we're the Steelers. And they're the Bengals. And they're at home. And they finally won a game after going into a tailspin shortly after they defeated the hated Ravens. Wounded, pissed off, motivated, at home, and suddenly hopeful. That's a bad combination. You'd have to be a NASCAR driver that takes Ambien to get much worse of a combination.

I know that everything I just mentioned doesn't have shit to do with the match-ups on Sunday, but it does have a lot to do with whether we win or lose this game. We've had the same guys for the past five years or so. They've had the same guys for the past five years or so. We know each other. And, really, the match-ups haven't changed that much since Kimo "swept the leg" on Carson in the 2005 Wild Card Playoff round on our way to winning Super Bowl XL.

Therefore, it's going to come down to emotion. Momentum. Who wants it more and who's willing to take the steps necessary to get there. This has always been an emotional team. There are a lot of manic dudes in the Steelers' locker room. You can't change coaches and expect that to change. At least not right away.

Screw the match-ups. This is really going to come down who's got the mojo.

However, if I were to say something about the match-ups, this is it.

1. Ike Taylor has done well for himself thus far this year since signing a big contract after the 2005 season, getting benched and subsequently becoming the ball bitch on kickoffs last season. That's because they've generally put him on the other team's second best receiver. Trouble is, it's kinda difficult to tell who the second best guy is on the Bengals. So, do you put the ball bitch on Ocho-Cinco, or do you put Deshea Townsend (who got his balls bitched by Little Brandon Stokley against the Broncos) on him? Once you make that decision, who covers Housh (no fucking way I'm actually going to try to spell his name)? Granted, Palmer might spend more time on his back this game than a limbless Chinese hooker and it won't matter, but that's still something to consider.
2. Speaking of Cornhole's Biggest Fan, everyone that took him ahead of Tom Brady this year has to be hating life. One fantastic game against the Browns surrounded by a lot of disappointment. He's pressing. He's making bad decisions. He's trying too hard. He's like Brett Favre circa 2005-2006. No running game, patchwork offensive line, shitty defense, but two great receivers, so he thinks he can win. Hopefully, he'll make some bad decisions against us (like he did his first couple of seasons against us).
3. I was only being mildly sarcastic about their linebackers. They really, really suck. I mean, they were pretty damn awful before all the injuries. Now, they're just pathetic. Remember what we did to the Saints last year? Fast Willie had 7 or 8 runs of 70+ yards? Look for him to bounce a lot of inside runs to the outside, streak past their lead-footed linebackers, and up the sidelines. I expect big things from him in this game. Ya know, provided we aren't scared of an eight man front and start passing.
4. Which brings me to my next point: I don't care if the Bengals hit on an 80 yard bomb on their first play, then force a fumble on the ensuing kickoff and return it for a touchdown and we're down 14-0 in the first minute of the game. We can't come out throwing the ball. This "rivalry" has always been about us being the big brother. The little brother always gets in a few good shots, but the big brother wins because he's bigger, stronger, and knows he will win. Every time we panic when the Bengals scream, "Mom, he's trying to choke me!" bad things happen. Just keep choking that little bastard. I'll help you hide the body. Run the ball, beat them into submission, and they won't have anything left in the fourth quarter. That's how the "rivalry" works.
   
5. We need to get pressure from the edges. We need to stop this shit where we blitz 35 guys into a pile with the center and guards. Seriously. Why the hell would that work? We've got defenders running up each other's backs and the interior offensive linemen are laughing their asses off. This defense has always been about the outside linebackers. I appreciate all the hybrid stuff that LeBeau and Tomlin have been able to accomplish. I appreciate the fact that right now we have, by far, the worst outside linebackers we've ever had. But, goddamnit, when you go to the biggest ball of the year, you dance with who brung ya. If they don't want to blitz the linebackers on these crippled tackles, then bring other people. Send LeBeau. I don't give a shit. Just don't send them up the middle.
6. No early turnovers. If they score 21 points in the first half, I want them to earn it. I think we can actually survive 2 or 3 turnovers in this game. They just can't be early.
   

I think we can have a positive outcome on 4 or 5 of these.

I don't see a blowout, but I do think we win. Then again, I thought we were going to win last week. So there's that.

Prediction: Steelers 28, Bengals 24

Steelers vs. Broncos Review

Here's why this is posted a tad late: I couldn't figure out what went wrong. I mean, any asshole could say, "Well, we sucked balls in the first half and did real well in the second half, then we let them score because we were dumb and played prevent defense." That did happen, but I had to think about it a little more to figure out what really happened.

Here's what happened: We had a dumb game plan, didn't adjust well when we realized we had a dumb game plan, then rewarded ourselves for finally figuring out that we had a dumb game plan by running a dumb game plan.

Lack of focus, inability to adjust, and just plain-old being dumb. That's what cost us the game. And, the bitch of it is that we're talented enough that we almost pulled it out. I think that actually makes it worse. If we just got blown out, like we deserved, I think I might feel better about it.

But, hands down, the worst part about it was the reactions and interviews by the players and coaches. Ben is the best in the business at saying, "You know what, guys? I'm totally retarded.
If you're looking for someone to blame, blame me." He didn't say that, though. He said the reason that things got so screwed up in the first half was because they put 8 guys in the box, then ran the Cover 2 on defense.

1. The Steelers have faced 8 in the box since 1972.
2. Cover 2 is the single easiest defense to identify. This is not to mention the fact that we usually shred teams that run the Cover 2.

No one said, "Hey, if Hines doesn't drop 10 passes in the first half, we win." Now, not all of them were easy catches. He did take some hits right after he caught the ball. But, allegedly, the reason that Ward is supposed to be our best receiver is that he always catches those and holds on. If he doesn't have that part of his game, we're in trouble. Just like we were on Sunday night.

Sure, three turnovers hurt. Having a fumble returned for a touchdown hurts. They had turnovers, too. Our heads just weren't in the game.

How many times did Santonio Holmes look like the defensive back on a passing play to his side of the field? I'm not just talking about plays where Ben threw into coverage, I'm talking about plays where it looked like he was trying to cover Dre Bly. On Bly's interception, Bly ran that deep out route better than Holmes.

Everyone seemed to want to pick on Ben for throwing more often than running when the play started to break down. People really need to make up their minds. Do they want Kordell or do they want Ben? Seriously. If you look at all the plays in which Ben shook off a defender, we gained more yards when he threw the ball than when he ran it. You can't look at it as, "When Ben broke a tackle and threw, we were losing. When he broke a tackle and ran, we were kicking ass!" You just can't. We're better off with him looking down the field and trying to throw the ball to make a play. You've seen him throw, right? The guy's got a hell of an arm. Let him use it.

All in all, you really have to put this one on the defense, though. I'm not hanging the entire game on that last drive by Denver (although basically playing a prevent defense was a profoundly idiotic thing to do). They were without their best player on offense. They couldn't block for Travis Henry. That meant that they were going to look for someone else to make a play. Before the game, John Madden told us that Brandon Stokley is more comfortable working in the slot and that he'd be playing from the slot on third down.

Think, I dunno, we should've possibly covered him? He was single-covered by Deshea Townsend the entire night when the Broncos had more than 2 wide receivers on the field. In the second half, when the Broncos had more manageable third downs and were looking to preserve their lead by running, Stokley disappeared. When they needed yards in bunches and went back to the shotgun, he was once again tearing us to shreds.

So, given the fact that they were outclassed and outmanned, we should have just played straight defense and made them beat us. For the most part, we did that on 1st and 2nd down and had success. Then, on third down, we went to that goofy 2-3-6 defense and had all kinds of defensive backs (who should have been covering Stokley) blitzing Cutler. If you held the other team to -4 yards on two plays by playing straight defense, what type of defense should you call on 3rd and 14? The answer is not the goofy 2-3-6 defense. Just a little hint for you.

When we play teams that are better than us (like the Colts and Patriots for example), we can try all the wacky shit we want, because we're the outclassed and outmanned team in that situation. We could try, say, coming out with 8 in the box, then doing something crafty like running the Cover 2. When we beat the Colts on the way to winning Super Bowl XL, we came out throwing and using different looks on defense because that was the exact opposite of the strategy we used when they kicked the hell out of us in the regular season.

We didn't need to be clever in this game, we just needed to line up, play, and make them beat us.

Unfortunately, we couldn't adjust. And we lost.

Steelers vs. Broncos Preview

Well, on paper, this looks like a huge mismatch. It looks like a game where we should shit-kick the Broncos just like we did in the AFC Championship game on the way to winning Super Bowl XL. Did I mention that we won the Super Bowl XL? Well, we did. The trophy is in South Side and everything.

The funny thing is that this is a completely different team than the one that we shit-kicked in the AFC Championship game on the way to winning Super Bowl XL. They've got a different quarterback, they released all the guys on the defensive line that they got from Cleveland, they moved DJ Williams to middle linebacker, they have a different tailback and a new defensive coordinator.

Hell, this is a way different team than the one we played last season. Most of those changes (except the Cleveland defensive line thing) happened since 2006.

They'll be without their best offensive player (Javon Walker, the guy that burned Ike Taylor so bad last season that he still has griddle marks on his back, is out with a knee injury). They might be without their best defensive player (Champ Bailey has an irritated vagina or something).

And, they're last in the league in rush defense, giving up a whopping 187.6 yards per game. The Steelers are second in rush offense and would be first without that crappy performance against Steelers West in Week 4.

We're 4-1 and have outscored our opponents 132-47 (the only team with a better point differential is New England). They're 2-3 and have been outscored 136-75. They've lost two straight, including two consecutive absolutely embarrassing losses to Indianapolis (38-20) and San Diego (41-3). I'd like to add that San Diego slaughtered the Broncos at Mile High, where they posted an 8-0 home record in 2005.

If Bailey can go or if it he can't, it doesn't matter. Hines Ward's production might suffer, but the good thing about the Steelers' receivers is that there isn't a huge talent difference between Ward and Cedric Wilson. We like to think of Hines as being one of the ten best wideouts in the league, but the reality is that he's a slower version of Wilson with better hands and feet. We converted lots of third downs and did just fine without him against the Seahawks las week.

My point on the receivers is not to bash Hines, but to point out that the lack of difference in talent level means that we're afforded a bunch of versatility. And, really, there isn't any difference between Ward, Wilson, and Holmes physically. Add in Heath Miller and we have a lot of options on offense.

The only things that can screw us are X-Factors. Mike Shannahan has had two weeks to prepare for this game. If you think he's not pissed that he got embarrassed two straight weeks (and is really only 2-3 because he won two ugly games to open up the season), you're mistaken. He's been riding his players these two weeks. And they're pissed off. And they're at home. And, even if everyone in Denver is more focused on the Rockies (how about that, right? The World Series could be Cleveland-Colorado. The sound you hear is the marketing department for Fox committing ritual suicide), the Broncos are going to be fired up.

But, those are pretty obvious. I keep thinking about Travis Henry. He's facing a year-long suspension for violation of the league's substance abuse policy (thanks, Travis, btw; I'm glad I drafted you in the first round). Now, will he be trying to get in as many yards as possible and work as hard as possible so that the next three games (his lawyers are hard at work, so he's got about three games until the suspension finally takes effect) will serve as an audition tape for the team that takes a shot at him next year? Because, seriously, he's gotta know that the Broncos are going to cut him in the offseason.

Or, is he going to spend the next few weeks rocking out with his cock out? Is he going to add to his unofficial record of nine kids with nine different women? Is he going to put his condo up for sale and see how much mileage he can get out of his security deposit? What's the NFL going to do? Suspend him for a year and three games? Four games? At that level, who cares?

Plus which, we're 3 1/2 point favorites. You get three points for being at home. If this game were in Heinz Field, we'd be 9 1/2 point favorites. Thanks, Vegas. The guys in Denver weren't pissed enough yet. You wanna call Dre Bly and tell him that Santonio Holmes cut the brake lines in his Mom's car?

But, the biggest x-factor is Henry. If he's in, "Crap. I gotta pay the mortgage next year and I've got all kinds of child support to take care of. I gotta prove myself the next three weeks. The next three weeks are the Super Bowl." mode, then we've got problems. If he's going to go out tonight and see how many different strippers he can try to knock up, we're going to crush these guys.

Jay Cutler doesn't scare me. Jay Cutler doesn't scare anyone. He could beat his kids with an ax handle and they wouldn't be scared of him. The Broncos miss John Elway. Hell, they miss Jake Plummer. Maybe even Brian Greise.

Still, one motivated (yet virile) tailback does not a game make. We're still going to blow them out.

Prediction: Steelers 31, Broncos 10

Super Bowl Re-match Review

So, I've been at war with Verizon over the fact that my DSL still isn't freakin' hooked up after more than a week and I decided that I was going to wait until the Internet was actually working at my house before posting the review for the Super Bowl XL re-match.

However, it's a short season and I'm probably only going to be alive for another 60 years or so, so I figured I'd better write it at work.

The thing is that I was waaaaaay more excited about the win last Monday than I was this Monday. It could be the fact that spending 15 hours on the phone with someone named "Jason" but sounds like he's from Bangalore trying to get my DSL working has sucked all joy from my life, but it's more likely that the win is less impressive since the 0-4 Saints were able to kick the shit out of the Seahawks.

Seriously, Seattle is not good. Weidman left me a message on my phone last Sunday after the game that said, "Uh... weren't we supposed to be worried about these guys? Why were we so worried?" And, I agree.

Actually, I'm more worried that we were only able to beat them 21-0 at home, when the Saints were able to beat them 28-10 in Seattle. Yeah. They're bad. Steelers East and Steelers West might win their respective divisions this year. The AFC West is wide open and it's nice to know that the Browns are one of the "power" teams in our division. I'm not passing out any hats just yet, I'm just saying that we're well positioned to win the division this year.

And, the more I think about it, the more the 2007 Steelers remind me of the 2004 Steelers (instead of the 2005 Steelers). Ben's running around and making plays like he drew them up in the dirt, the receivers are banged up and injuries are mounting, but the reserves are stepping up, and we're winning a lot of games by just beating up on people.

The Big Drive against the Seahawks, which lasted almost the entire third quarter, reminded me of the opening drive in the second game against the hated Ravens in 2004. We took over nine minutes to punch the ball in there, over ten minutes to put it in this time. Both drives featured a lot of key third down conversions, overcoming penalties, and a steady diet of the running game. And, on both occasions, the other team's defense basically said, "You know what, fuck it. I'm going to go sit on the bus. I'm not showering. I just want to go home."

I think it was an important game (and an important drive) to announce that the Steelers of old aren't going anywhere in spirit, they just might be harder to recognize in all these fancy-schmancy schemes that the new regime has installed. This was especially important after we kinda got smacked in the face against Steelers West the week before.

Finally, any time you can get a defense to turn on an offense, you've done your job. After The Big Drive, the Seahawks went three-and-out on defense. Now, I can't swear to this, but I thought I saw Lofa Tatupu come up to Matt Hasselbeck as he was walking off the field and say, "You guys needed at least one first down. It's a hundred degrees out here and we were on the field for about an hour and a half. We're tired, dude. Me and the guys talked about it and we've agreed that every member of the defense gets one free cock-punch on every member of the offense. Just letting you know."

Looking ahead, the next six games look like a much easier stretch than they did at the beginning of the season:

at Denver (they're tough at home, but they just got beaten like rented red-headed step-mules at Mile High in Week 5. We're both coming off a bye, so that edge is even.)
at Cincinnati (they're looking more like the Browns than the Browns)
vs. Hated Ravens (they're 4-2, but look who they've played and look at how they won)
vs. Browns (they're still the Browns, for God's sake)
at Jets (bad, bad team. We might see Kellen Clemens in this game, which is bad for us, but still not that bad)
vs. Dolphins (0-6 and they just got blown out by the Browns. That should tell you something)

It looks like the only show-stoppers from now until the end of the season are the road date against the Patriots (those guys are really good; they might still be undefeated, so we may catch a break in that they'll be resting their starters at that point) and the home game against the Jaguars (but it's entirely possible that it'll be -3 degrees Kelvin outside and Jacksonville will be in full-on self-destruct mode by then).

Editor's Note: I didn't just write about everything from now until the end of the season because I don't anticipate posting anything until then. Hopefully, Verizon will stop sucking and I can get back on track.

Super Bowl Re-match Preview

So... did you know that the Steelers and Seahawks played each other in Super Bowl XL? And that the Steelers won? Yeah, apparently, Seattle fans are still pretty pissed about some calls that were questionable or something.

At any rate, I hope Sunday's game has the same result as Super Bowl XL (which the Steelers won, btw), but is a better game.

And, I know that a Super Bowl win is kinda like sex or pizza; when you get it, just enjoy it. But, that was a pretty crappy game. In the Super Bowl Review I wrote in February of 2006, I compared it to spending three hours with Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and Jesus. My point was that it was surreal and life-altering. However, I didn't extend the metaphor far enough.

If you actually got to spend three hours with those three individuals, is there a chance in hell that you'd come out of it saying, "I thought Christ would be nicer. And the Easter Bunny gave me dental floss. What's up with that?" No chance. You'd most likely have the reaction of, "Holy shit! I shook Santa's hand a split a plate of nachos with Jesus!"

So, since this is a regular season game, I'm hoping for a good game that the Steelers win. Not a crappy, hotly debated game. Obviously, not a loss.

Here's the weird thing about this game: Even though Super Bowl XL was only played 18 months ago, a lot of stuff has changed for these two teams.

The Steelers are no longer coached by Bill Cowher, no longer have Russ Grimm, Ken Whisenhunt, Kevin Spencer, or Dick Hoak on staff. Bettis and Jeff Hartings retired, Ike Taylor signed a big contract, got benched, and made his way into the starting line-up. Max Starks is no longer the starting cornerback. Kimo, Randle-El, Joey Porter, Chris Hope, and Ben's appendix are gone.

Speaking of Ben, he almost died since then. Speaking of Bob O'Connor, he did die since then. That's right. No one knew who Luke Ravenstahl was when the Stillers got one for the thumb.

For the Seahawks, they no longer employ Steve Hutchinson, center Robbie Tobeck retired, they cut Marquand Manuel (the guy who took that shitty angle against Fast Willie on his record-setting TD run), they signed Julian Peterson and Patrick Kearney and got rid of Grant Wistrom.

And, Jim Mora now coaches the defense in Seattle.

Lots of changes, but the personnel isn't that different. Everything still starts with the running game for both teams. The quarterbacks haven't changed. The offensive lines still have the same stars and the defensive lines are basically untouched.

Since Holmgren is still the head man in Seattle, the same strategy on defense still applies. Stay disciplined in your rush lanes and make sure Shaun Alexander can't cut back. Pressure Hasselbeck with 4 or 5 guys as opposed to trying to blitz the hell out of him (the results are usually baaaaaaaad when teams try to bring 6 or 7 guys). Get into his head early, throw him off his rhythm, and hope that Seattle's receivers drop 2 or 3 critical passes.

On offense, we really just need to be patient. And execute. Those are two things that we didn't do too terribly well against the Cardinals (especially execution). Plus which, we should definitely come out throwing the ball. One because they won't expect it and two because it will open things up for the running game (which also didn't look too swift against Arizona).

Seattle has a very aggressive defense. They like to blitz. Their cornerbacks like to jump routes. We need to take advantage of that by picking our spots and trying to hit a big play deep. I'm thinking that Santonio Holmes will be able to get past the corner and behind the safeties if he does a double-move and Ben freezes the safety with a pump fake.

There will be opportunities. Seattle's probably a worse team than the one we beat 18 months ago. We're probably worse, too, but not as markedly as the Seahawks.

It's another case of us playing a decent team from an inferior conference. We can't come out sluggish, we need to execute, and we need to put the nail in the coffin when we get the chance. Efficiency in the red zone (how about no red zone turnovers this week, okay?) and being able to run the ball as well as hit a couple home run plays will be the key.

If we can beat them down quick enough, we should be good to go. If we let them hang around, we're most likely screwed.

Steelers East vs. Steelers West Review

Okay, okay, I shouldn't have called the Arizona Cardinals "Steelers West." I think I hurt their feelings. I think I pissed them off. And that's why Steelers East lost.

It could also be because Chukki Okobi (who was inactive, btw) told Whisenhunt all the line calls. Or that the Cardinals staff knew exactly how to get inside Ben's head. Or, that thing about Marvel Smith's armpit fat.

Or, it's the fact that they out-executed and out-hustled us on Sunday. That might be it.

I heard people talking on Monday about how Fast Willie sucked (19 carries for 37 yards - one of those carries went for 20 yards, so the rest of his carries amounted to 18 carries for 17 yards). I heard them talking about how Ben sucked and that he looked lost at times.

Really, thinking back on the game, I didn't see the Cardinals miss a tackle. They stayed in their rush lanes on defense, finished their blocks on offense, and executed some of the best blitz pick-ups I've seen in a while. We didn't do any of that. And that's why we lost.

Sure, we gave up a punt return. Sure, we had a first and goal at the four and came away with zero points. The Cardinals played the game damn-near perfect. They were ready for us, they executed, and they beat us.

Ultimately, the last touchdown drive the Cardinals had was the most obvious and pointed statement of how much they outmanned us on Sunday. Third and 8 inside the 10 yard line. And they ran. And they got a first down.

That last drive was 13 plays, 82 yards, and used up seven minutes and thirteen seconds of the fourth quarter. It decided the game, was the final nail in the coffin, and served as a microcosm of the game itself.

I don't even think we played poorly. Ben actually had himself a hell of a game, given the fact that he was getting chased around and beat up all day (our blitz pick-ups were not so good). Willie ran hard, he just didn't have anywhere to go.

Santonio Holmes had a big day without Hines. Heath played well. If I had to nitpick, I'd say I'm disappointed that Nate Washington gave up about halfway through both his chances at a big play (he slowed down during both of those deep passes and tried to catch up with the pass after Ben threw it both times - if he ran hard for the whole route, he would've had a touchdown, maybe two).

They played well. They just didn't play as well as the Cardinals.

My buddy Dan gave me some perspective on this (he's a WVU fan): This loss sucks, but it's not like the season's over. The Steelers can still win the division, still qualify for the playoffs, still win a Super Bowl.

They just can't keep getting beat like this.