Steelers vs. Hated Ravens Preview

Well, first and foremost, I'm going to the game. I'm not going to point out my record when viewing the Steelers live, because the last person to publicly claim their might in Pittsburgh was arrogant asshole and known cocksucker Brian Billick. While I'm all about sucking some good cock, I don't like to be thought of as arrogant. I prefer... understandably confident.

I wish I could say that I was understandably confident about Monday night's game (killer segue there, right? Right? Killer, right?). However, consider the following...

1. Mike Tomlin has not fared well in prime time. Granted, there's only the one game against Denver, but precedents are set early. Cowher didn't lose on Monday night until 1998.
2. The hated Ravens just had a bye. I'm thinking that they didn't spend that extra time to prepare for the same old shit they always do against us. I'm thinking they focused on all kinds of new shit to throw at us.
3. I'm not going to bring up the two games from last year. They kicked the shit out of us and made Ben make a face like Barbara from Night of the Living Dead every time he lined up. So, I brought them up. I'm not going into details.
4. Jonathan Ogden has had two weeks to rest his injured toe. Now, before you say, "Injured toe, huh? Did he also strain his vagina?" bear this in mind: You try being 6'9", 345, and see how you like putting all that on a gimpy toe, running around all week like an asshole. I'm just saying. And, Ogden's a big, scary-looking dude. I'm not going to talk any shit on him. Not even indirectly.
5. Steve McNair has been at practice this week. I can't say if I prefer him or Kyle Boller, but what I do know is that we'll have to prepare for both of them. (Side note: It always cracks me up when they list one injury for McNair on the injury report. He always has 10 things wrong with him. Not to mention the strained vagina. See? Now there's a callback! I should stop drinking now.)
6. People (including Ray Lewis) have been bitching about Billick's offense again. Every time that happens (especially if there's a big game coming up, like, say, a Monday night game against a division rival for first place), they drop 30+ points on someone and run all kinds of wacky shit that shouldn't work, but does.
7. We beat Cincy, we beat the hated Ravens, we beat Cleveland, we own the division. Seems too easy, right?
8. When was the last time Fast Willie had a big game against the hated Ravens? Can't think of one? Me, either. We're 15-1 when he rushes for 100 or more yards and... well, the record's not good when he doesn't.

But, enough extra-curricular nonsense. That's not usually what these games are about. It doesn't matter if they're 0-13 and we're 13-0. Bye weeks, Billick's hair, double-homicide charges for Ray Lewis. It doesn't matter.

What it usually comes down to is intimidation. I'm taking out the 2005 Halloween game, because there were 8,153,049 passes attempted in that game and Anthony Wright was the leading passer on both teams.

When they've been able to say, "We've got the baddest frickin' defense on the planet," like in '00, '03, and '06, we've gotten slaughtered. When we've said, "Isn't that cute? Let's run anyway and then use our defense to expose the fact that you guys have a crappy offense," like in '01, '02, '04, and kinda in '05, we've sl... well, we've beaten them.

That's the thing with the history between us and the hated Ravens: They've been able to embarrass us, but we haven't been able to embarrass them.

Until, possibly, now.

(And fuck you and your 2003 opener. I think we've established that that game was a fluke.)

Even with Ogden back, their offensive line blows. If they make the mistake of trying to run the ball early, we'll crush them. Willis McGahee does not concern me. Against the Bengals, Kenny Watson was our 8th or 9th priority and he still only rushed for 88 yards. Their secondary ain't what it used to be. Ed Reed is freelancing too much, Dawan Landry ain't Will Demps, Samari Rolle and Chris McAllister are slowing down, can be fooled by playaction and double-moves, and really aren't anywhere near as reliable as they once were in man coverage.

We can beat this team. We can beat this team huge. And we can make a statement to the rest of the league that the Patriots aren't the only fuckers out there that can run up the score.

Provided, that is, we can do one thing: BLOCK THE FUCKERS.

Sure, the defense let up some points in the two match-ups last year. Sure, the hated Ravens did some good things on offense. But, the real story from last season was that they were able to intimidate us. And make Ben look like a vegetable. And from there is was simple math. Too many guys to block plus not enough guys open equals scared white girl babbling about zombies and candy.

Protect Ben (even if it means keeping guys in the backfield - their guys can't cover our guys). That's it. Protect Ben and you blow out the hated Ravens at home on Monday night in front of the entire country.

Don't protect Ben and... well, I'm sure you saw the games from last year.