Thursday, October 25, 2007

Steelers vs. Bengals Preview

Guess what we have this week? We're playing a pretty crappy team on the road that's pissed off and wounded.

Rudi Johnson might not play. If their two tackles (Willie Anderson and Levi Jones) do play, they're going to be playing hurt, so Clark Haggans and James Harrison might actually be able to get to Carson Palmer. The Bengals have had so many injuries at linebacker that they've almost taken to calling everyone in the Cincinnati phone book with the last name Johnson and seeing if they get lucky. He he. I put "Johnson" and "get lucky" in the same sentence.

This is a painful realization for me, because I figured the Bengals were having a bad year because everyone finally figured out that they couldn't play defense and they were hurt more than everyone thought they would be by Chris Henry's suspension. As it turns out, it's because they're dealing with a lot of shit.

So, first of all, it's bad because I was totally wrong and needed to look at their depth chart and an injury report to figure that out. Second of all, it's bad because Marvin Lewis isn't going to let this team use the injury report as a crutch. Huh. Two unintentional puns in one blog post. How about that.

And we're the Steelers. And they're the Bengals. And they're at home. And they finally won a game after going into a tailspin shortly after they defeated the hated Ravens. Wounded, pissed off, motivated, at home, and suddenly hopeful. That's a bad combination. You'd have to be a NASCAR driver that takes Ambien to get much worse of a combination.

I know that everything I just mentioned doesn't have shit to do with the match-ups on Sunday, but it does have a lot to do with whether we win or lose this game. We've had the same guys for the past five years or so. They've had the same guys for the past five years or so. We know each other. And, really, the match-ups haven't changed that much since Kimo "swept the leg" on Carson in the 2005 Wild Card Playoff round on our way to winning Super Bowl XL.

Therefore, it's going to come down to emotion. Momentum. Who wants it more and who's willing to take the steps necessary to get there. This has always been an emotional team. There are a lot of manic dudes in the Steelers' locker room. You can't change coaches and expect that to change. At least not right away.

Screw the match-ups. This is really going to come down who's got the mojo.

However, if I were to say something about the match-ups, this is it.
  1. Ike Taylor has done well for himself thus far this year since signing a big contract after the 2005 season, getting benched and subsequently becoming the ball bitch on kickoffs last season. That's because they've generally put him on the other team's second best receiver. Trouble is, it's kinda difficult to tell who the second best guy is on the Bengals. So, do you put the ball bitch on Ocho-Cinco, or do you put Deshea Townsend (who got his balls bitched by Little Brandon Stokley against the Broncos) on him? Once you make that decision, who covers Housh (no fucking way I'm actually going to try to spell his name)? Granted, Palmer might spend more time on his back this game than a limbless Chinese hooker and it won't matter, but that's still something to consider.
  2. Speaking of Cornhole's Biggest Fan, everyone that took him ahead of Tom Brady this year has to be hating life. One fantastic game against the Browns surrounded by a lot of disappointment. He's pressing. He's making bad decisions. He's trying too hard. He's like Brett Favre circa 2005-2006. No running game, patchwork offensive line, shitty defense, but two great receivers, so he thinks he can win. Hopefully, he'll make some bad decisions against us (like he did his first couple of seasons against us).
  3. I was only being mildly sarcastic about their linebackers. They really, really suck. I mean, they were pretty damn awful before all the injuries. Now, they're just pathetic. Remember what we did to the Saints last year? Fast Willie had 7 or 8 runs of 70+ yards? Look for him to bounce a lot of inside runs to the outside, streak past their lead-footed linebackers, and up the sidelines. I expect big things from him in this game. Ya know, provided we aren't scared of an eight man front and start passing.
  4. Which brings me to my next point: I don't care if the Bengals hit on an 80 yard bomb on their first play, then force a fumble on the ensuing kickoff and return it for a touchdown and we're down 14-0 in the first minute of the game. We can't come out throwing the ball. This "rivalry" has always been about us being the big brother. The little brother always gets in a few good shots, but the big brother wins because he's bigger, stronger, and knows he will win. Every time we panic when the Bengals scream, "Mom, he's trying to choke me!" bad things happen. Just keep choking that little bastard. I'll help you hide the body. Run the ball, beat them into submission, and they won't have anything left in the fourth quarter. That's how the "rivalry" works.
  5. We need to get pressure from the edges. We need to stop this shit where we blitz 35 guys into a pile with the center and guards. Seriously. Why the hell would that work? We've got defenders running up each other's backs and the interior offensive linemen are laughing their asses off. This defense has always been about the outside linebackers. I appreciate all the hybrid stuff that LeBeau and Tomlin have been able to accomplish. I appreciate the fact that right now we have, by far, the worst outside linebackers we've ever had. But, goddamnit, when you go to the biggest ball of the year, you dance with who brung ya. If they don't want to blitz the linebackers on these crippled tackles, then bring other people. Send LeBeau. I don't give a shit. Just don't send them up the middle.
  6. No early turnovers. If they score 21 points in the first half, I want them to earn it. I think we can actually survive 2 or 3 turnovers in this game. They just can't be early.
I think we can have a positive outcome on 4 or 5 of these.

I don't see a blowout, but I do think we win. Then again, I thought we were going to win last week. So there's that.

Prediction: Steelers 28, Bengals 24

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