Steelers vs. Browns Preview

I know we're both 3-6. I know that neither of us has a chance of making the playoffs. I know that the season is lost. But, it's the BROWNS, for God's sake. Can't lose to the Browns. When we got to the playoffs in 2002, no one expected much. It was going to be Tennessee or Oakland that went to the Super Bowl. That much was common knowledge. However, it was VITALLY important that we at least freakin' beat Cleveland in the playoffs.

And beat them we did. And we're going to beat them again on Sunday.

Have you ever heard of the Charlie Frye Drinking Game? Well, probably not, because I made it up. My point is that Frye makes so damn many mistakes throughout the course of the game, that the best way to track them is by drinking.

• Every time he throws the ball away, have a sip of beer.
• Every time he drops back to pass, stops for an instant, then sprints off like a cat on speed in a random direction for no apparent reason, that's two sips.
• Every time he comes to the line, looks at the defense, then starts looking around at the rest of the offense, wild and confused, like each member of the defense had their backs turned to him and part of a sailboat painted on their asses, that's three sips.
• Every sack is a chug.
• Every fumble is two chugs.
• A fumble lost is a shot.
• Interceptions don't count. Especially if you have to drive. And you have to work the next day.

I guarantee that you'll be drunk by halftime. If I followed these rules during the 41-0 stomping we handed them last season, I'd have been seeing my dead Grandmother crawling up my leg with a hunting knife in her teeth halfway through the first quarter.

My point is that he sucks. He still looks dazed, confused, and generally like a four year-old trying to assemble a book shelf.

I understand that Kellen Winslow and Braylon Edwards are fantastically talented athletes. I understand that they've got a lot of upside. There's just a big hole through the middle of them. Could you see Winslow picking dirt out of his helmet? Or Edwards blocking down on a defensive lineman or a linebacker? I sure couldn't. And I wouldn't want to follow these pretty boys into battle.

Ted Washington and Willie McGinest are a combined 314 years old and weigh a combined 7,358 pounds (most of that's Washington). The rest of the guys on defense are either rookies or fourth string defensive backs that are starting because of injury.

Seriously. If we lose to this team, it might be worse than losing to the Raiders. I want another 45-7 or 41-0 whitewashing. They are the Browns, they're from Cleveland, and they must be punished for that.

Our receivers match up fantastically against their cornerbacks. They can't play run defense, given that Washington is three days older than dirt and about as effective. They're small. They're not physical. Romeo Crennell will keep these guys playing hard, but I can't shake the feeling that they'll fold up their tents, go get their shineboxes, and go home if we hit them hard enough long enough.

I feel a big game from Ben, Hines, maybe Fast Willie, and DEFINITELY Joey Porter. As long as we don't turn the ball over, we're cool. We just need to let Charlie Frye work his magic. Hopefully, we'll be showing our collective tits and having our friends hold our hair back by halftime.

Prediction: Steelers 34, Browns 17