Highlights from today...
- Jon Gruden is very, very short. I would pay money to see him interview on the NFL Network with his former player, Lincoln Kennedy, then have Kennedy bust his balls about being short. Making Lollipop Guild jokes, asking him where the Yellow Brick Road is, wondering where his Mommy is. I would pay $400 to see that on live TV. I would pay $300 to see him say that to Rich Eisen.
- Carson Palmer's kid brother is here. His name is Jordan. He looks exactly like Carson. He cuts his own hair, just like Carson. And the team of reporters that was there (at least 37,154 people from a TV station in Cincinnati) just kept pummeling him with questions about Carson. Poor guy. This is like Eli and Peyton, only several thousand times worse, because no one has any confidence in Jordan.
- I got trapped in the men's room today after dropping a colossal deuce. The past few days have been murder on my colon. The freakin' door would not unlock, so I ended up having to basically rip it off the hinges. And that sucked.
- Also, I realized at about noon that I had a toothpaste stain on my pants that looked like a pecker track. I was worried about that the rest of the day. Then again, since most everyone was wearing stained sweatshirts and jeans, I don't know that it really matters.
- The scuttlebutt amongst the Steelers experts here is that they should draft Anthony Spencer of Purdue. Spencer was a defensive end in college, but he's light enough and fast enough to replace Porter or Haggans. Two different left tackles (Ryan Harris of Notre Dame and Levi Brown of Penn State) said that he was the best end in the draft and the best player they faced.
- There seem to be only two guys that are "can't miss" prospects in this draft: Joe Thomas and Calvin Johnson. Anyone else is a crapshoot.
- Two guys that I think will fall before draft day (or surprise the shit out of Mel Kiper when they don't get taken sooner): Gaines Adams of Clemson (who I still think the Steelers should take if he falls to 15) and Akobi Okoye.
- Last night, I had to sit at the bar and listen to this jackass with a guitar cover a bunch of Mellencamp and CCR tunes. Very badly. Then he sang some original stuff. Then I thought, "Why doesn't this guy shut up? Who cares? He's really just doing this for his own fulfillment." Then I realized that that's what this blog is really all about. Then I drank more.
- I'm really glad that I don't have to fuck around with quarterbacks and low character guys. That cuts through a lot of dead weight. It's nice to cover the Steelers (and the Cardinals, who wouldn't take even a questionable character guy like Santonio Holmes).
- Just once, I want to hear someone say, "I don't want to play for the Lions. They suck balls and Matt Millen is dumber than my retarded cousin." Everyone doesn't seem to care where they play. That's why I was glad last year when someone in Santonio's entourage had a Terrible Towel. One dude here has season tickets to the Browns. I'll try not to hold that against him.
- Saw Len Pasquarelli today of ESPN.com. I forgot to ask him if anyone aside from me and my brother refer to him as the "Oracle of Central Catholic."
- I finally slipped and fell this morning. Cut up my hand, hurt my tailbone. I'm pissed at the sidewalks here.
Saturday, February 24, 2007
Friday, February 23, 2007
LIVE FROM THE COMBINE! Part II
Forgot to post these two things yesterday:
1. This is what theurinals look like at the combine:
1. This is what theurinals look like at the combine:
They're HUGE, right? When I first saw them, I thought, "Well, they must be this big for the massive athletes that use them at the Combine." It had never occurred to me that they're that big because they're handicapped urinals. Yup. I'm dumb.
2. My favorite exchange from yesterday:
Editor: Hey, who described this prospect as "gregarious"?
Writer (who happens to be from Irwin): I did. Why?
Editor: Why did you say gregarious?
Writer: Because. The kid was gregarious. What do you want from me?
Editor: Why didn't you use talkative or outgoing?
Writer: Because he wasn't talkative or outgoing. He was fucking gregarious!
I thought it was funny. First time in my life I heard the words "fucking" and "gregarious" used in the same sentence.
Highlights from today:
- Tom Coughlin looks like he's older than my Grandfather. And Marv Levy. Combined. I swear, the man has aged 30 years since December. And, while it may not look like it in the transcript (and possibly not on film), Coughlin got pretty damn heated when he was talking about Tiki Barber.
- Which brings me to my next point: Sarcasm doesn't pick up at all in a transcript, barely gets picked up on audio, and isn't done justice on video. There was a guy from WVU yesterday that had the greatest wry wit and it was totally lost by the time you got to the video. This makes me think that Bill Parcells is the most sarcastic human on the planet.
- I talked to Maurice Carthon today, who is the Running Backs Coach for the Cardinals. That was pretty awesome. He refused to make eye contact with me and used about 38 different cliches, but it was still awesome.
- I interviewed a running back from Kansas today named Jon Cornish. I started the interview and immediately realized that something was wrong. Not anywhere near the level of yesterday when I realized I had accidentally walked into a gay bar, but I could definitely tell that something was off. Then, I heard him say that he was raised in British Columbia.
That's when it clicked. He sounds like a hockey player! I then came to the startling realization that all hockey players don't sound alike because they're hockey players, they all sound alike because they're Canadian. Major breakthrough there.
- Earlier tonight, I saw John Clayton on TV. I kept waiting for the left side of his face to go numb and for him to say something like, "I'm seeing spots! Get me a medic, Stu!"
- Garrett Wolfe gave the best interview I've seen yet/heard yet. The kid was honest, engaging, candid, humble, funny, and insightful. He also talked a little shop without getting too technical. He's a running back and he's shorter than my wife and weighs less (okay, he weighs more, a lot more, she reads this so I don't want to get divorced because of some running back from Northern Illinois University).
But, there's something about him that makes me think, "I want this kid on my team." So, if the NFL expands to 33 teams, awards the franchise to me and gives me total control over football operations, I'm going to sign him. Just remind me that I wrote this when that happens.
- I'm going to be part of a panel interview that covers Whisenhunt tomorrow. I'm excited.
- One other thing because, sadly, I think I'm going to go to sleep (it's only 9:40 and it's a Friday):
Spending two straight days with a bunch of male sportswriters and sweaty dudes in shorts has a more profound effect on your ability to judge the attractiveness of a woman than 10 beers.
I was interviewing this running back from Florida (DeShaun Wynn - good late round pick for the Steelers) and I saw that there was this blonde woman tagging along with him. Looking back, I can now recall that she was about 38 years old, WAY too tan (like, orange tan), and was sagging in bad places well before her time. When I saw her this afternoon, though, I thought she was the most beautiful creature ever to walk upright and use her thumbs to operate machinery.
Like I said, it fucks with your mind. To add to all this, I also stared for 20 solid seconds at a girl who was wearing a sweatshirt suit (at least that's what it looked like).
But... I'm having fun!
And I may jerk off to that blonde later...
Thursday, February 22, 2007
LIVE FROM THE COMBINE!
Well, I'm here in Indianapolis for the 2007 NFL Scouting Combine. I somehow got credentials and I'm trying to keep it a secret, but for some reason feel the need to make a massive post to the ol' blog. So here goes...
One quick disclaimer: Apparently, there isn't a law set in place in Indy that requires people to clear sidewalks of ice and snow. I have had several near-death experiences and about 3,584 moments of "Sludge, sludge, sludge, squish, crush, slip, DEATH!" while walking in downtown Indy. This may explain why I hate walking from one place to another and definitely explains certainly lapses in judgement...
- First and foremost, I have had numerous "celebrity" sightings here at the Combine. There have been several moments where I've said, "Holy shit! It's XXXXX!" None of these people are actually famous and may only be important to themselves, their family, and losers like me that read their sports columns on a regular basis, but it was still a thrill.
Highlights:
Gil Brandt of NFL.com looks like he's about 36o years old. He's still a legend and I'll still read his stuff like it's bible verse, but MAN he's old.
ESPN's John Clayton (graduate of Duquesne) looks and acts just like Mr. Kelly, the former theater director of Penn State - Beaver and my old director (you may remember me from such plays as Our Town and Cinderella). I swear to God that the man was perfectly functional at the beginning of every rehearsal. However, throughout three hours of yelling at us and looking like his head was going to explode, I believe he had a minor stroke every night because after rehearsal, he seemed to lose all feeling in the left side of his body (his left arm would cease to function, he'd walk with a limp, everything). Clayton seems the exact same way. I seriously thought he'd start slurring his words and start calling me "Mammy" by the end of the day.
Adam Shefter is really short. Like, really short.
Mike Martz looks like he's aged about 35 years since the Rams lost to the Patriots in the Super Bowl.
I also saw Michael Smith, but that wasn't significant because he looks exactly the same in person as he does on TV. It's uncanny.
- The set-up is a depressing ballroom with two podiums on either side. Pavlov wasn't fucking around. When a hot draft prospect enters the room, everyone scatters, scrambles to find their tape recorders and cameras, and sprints to the podium. You'd think they erected a stripper pole and said that Anna Nicole was doing "one more from beyond the grave." Crazy.
- Today, I saw the largest humans I have ever seen in my life. Mostly offensive linemen (obviously) and all just simply gigantic. To put it in perspective, I saw a guy that was 6'5", 300 and thought he looked small. This could possibly be because I also saw a guy that was almost 6'7", 324 and had the most massive hands I have ever seen in my life. They looked like he could rest the bottom of his palm on my chin and touch the bald spot on the back of my head with his pinky. Just... huge. That guy's name is Doug Free and I have a man-crush on him. I think the Steelers should draft him, put him in a cage on the sidelines, and throw a baby lamb into the cage every time they're behind, just so the other team will be demoralized as they watch him rip it limb from limb and devour it. The guy's that intimidating.
- There's a pretty shocking disparity in the interview styles between the Big Time prospects and the "guys that are just happy to be there." There was one guy from a Division III school in the North West (Michael Allan) that was very lucid, candid, and almost philosophical. All the top tackle prospects (Joe Staley, Joe Thomas), were very positive, used a lot of cliches, dodged tough questions, and said a lot without really saying anything. Almost like they were already NFL players. It was pretty interesting.
And, while we're at it, it's weird to interview football players and have them respect you. These guys haven't gotten fed up with the media yet, aren't jaded, and actually think you're there to help. It's refreshing, but kinda depressing. It almost makes me feel bad to say things like Joe Thomas seems like more of a banker than a tackle; and would you really trust a banker to protect your quarterback's blind side?
Almost.
- I'm not sure that I like sportswriters. I don't usually like people the first 24 hours that I knowt them, so the jury's still out. They just seem a little too angry, a little too bitter, and a little too negative for a group of guys that get to sit around and bullshit about football all day. And they get paid for it! I dunno. I hope that one day I can be bitter, angry, and negative about that.
- A few tidbits I found out about the Steelers:
1. Cowher was a ladies man. A serious ladies man. Not only did he search, he found. And took back to the hotel. And had crazy sex with. So much to the point that one guy said, "I feel bad for his wife and his girls." I was pretty shocked to hear that.
2. Russ Grimm is a heavy drinker and it's probably why he didn't get the head job with the Steelers. I was shocked to hear that, but Weidman wasn't, saying, "Look at him. It looks like he likes to party." Huh. Never saw it.
3. Whisenhunt apparently likes to talk too much. It's been said that he needs to get over that if he's going to succeed in Arizona.
Other Highlights:
I got back from the Combine, changed, and realized that I needed a lighter (tired of using matches in high wind to light my cigarettes), a travel sized toothpaste (my ghetto-ass hotel gave me a bunch of "packets" of toothpaste that are only good for one brush), and a notepad (because I felt weird about borrowing one from someone else). The lady at the front desk said that there was a Walgreen's about eight blocks away. I started walking, followed the directions, and found out about 20 minutes later that she had seriously underestimated what 8 blocks meant on freezing sidewalks in a strange city. I saw a sign for a bar in the distance and made tracks for it.
It was called "Tavern" and looked okay from the outside. I walked in, saw that they had ashtrays (you apparently can't smoke anywhere in downtown Indy, even though it's not a law), and ordered a beer. I never noticed the music. I never looked up at the TVs. When I listened and looked, my blood ran cold. The music was techno and the TVs were playing a montage of still shots with dudes with their shirts off, dudes with big biceps, dudes biting other dudes' nipples, and dudes barely covering their junk. My GayDar is about as faulty as they come, but I still should've known when I walked in.
I then spent the next 6 minutes deciding exactly how quickly I should drink my beer (while drinking it, obviously). I didn't want to be rude, but I definitely wanted to distance myself from the third most strangely erotic moment of my life - the second being when I walked into a gay bar in New Orleans with Weidman and my brother (it's worse when you walk into a gay bar with other guys) and the worst being when a buddy of mine imitated the tagline for the bar Whiskey Dick's (the tagline being: "Whiskey Dick's: Where at least the drinks are always stiff" but the person that said the tagline was a woman that sounded like a drag queen and my buddy tried to imitate a women that sounded like a drag queen while pretending to flirt with me - just altogether strange and uncomfortable).
So... I ended up walking about 2 miles on icy sidewalks through various parts of downtown Indy, trying to forget that I ended up in a gay bar and didn't immediately leave (not that there's anything wrong with that), and somehow ended up three blocks from my hotel (three real blocks - as in I could see it from where I ended up). I found a bar that didn't have shirtless dudes on plasma TVs, served food, and had Miller Lite (my default beer - what I order when I realize that not every city in America serves Iron City and Yeungling). I hunkered down there for a while and watched Super Bowl 360.
All of that brought me back to normal, since there was a lot of footage of football, Indy's cheerleaders (especially nice close-ups when the rain started coming down), and no actual shots of Prince. Good times.
That's all for today. More to come tomorrow!
One quick disclaimer: Apparently, there isn't a law set in place in Indy that requires people to clear sidewalks of ice and snow. I have had several near-death experiences and about 3,584 moments of "Sludge, sludge, sludge, squish, crush, slip, DEATH!" while walking in downtown Indy. This may explain why I hate walking from one place to another and definitely explains certainly lapses in judgement...
- First and foremost, I have had numerous "celebrity" sightings here at the Combine. There have been several moments where I've said, "Holy shit! It's XXXXX!" None of these people are actually famous and may only be important to themselves, their family, and losers like me that read their sports columns on a regular basis, but it was still a thrill.
Highlights:
Gil Brandt of NFL.com looks like he's about 36o years old. He's still a legend and I'll still read his stuff like it's bible verse, but MAN he's old.
ESPN's John Clayton (graduate of Duquesne) looks and acts just like Mr. Kelly, the former theater director of Penn State - Beaver and my old director (you may remember me from such plays as Our Town and Cinderella). I swear to God that the man was perfectly functional at the beginning of every rehearsal. However, throughout three hours of yelling at us and looking like his head was going to explode, I believe he had a minor stroke every night because after rehearsal, he seemed to lose all feeling in the left side of his body (his left arm would cease to function, he'd walk with a limp, everything). Clayton seems the exact same way. I seriously thought he'd start slurring his words and start calling me "Mammy" by the end of the day.
Adam Shefter is really short. Like, really short.
Mike Martz looks like he's aged about 35 years since the Rams lost to the Patriots in the Super Bowl.
I also saw Michael Smith, but that wasn't significant because he looks exactly the same in person as he does on TV. It's uncanny.
- The set-up is a depressing ballroom with two podiums on either side. Pavlov wasn't fucking around. When a hot draft prospect enters the room, everyone scatters, scrambles to find their tape recorders and cameras, and sprints to the podium. You'd think they erected a stripper pole and said that Anna Nicole was doing "one more from beyond the grave." Crazy.
- Today, I saw the largest humans I have ever seen in my life. Mostly offensive linemen (obviously) and all just simply gigantic. To put it in perspective, I saw a guy that was 6'5", 300 and thought he looked small. This could possibly be because I also saw a guy that was almost 6'7", 324 and had the most massive hands I have ever seen in my life. They looked like he could rest the bottom of his palm on my chin and touch the bald spot on the back of my head with his pinky. Just... huge. That guy's name is Doug Free and I have a man-crush on him. I think the Steelers should draft him, put him in a cage on the sidelines, and throw a baby lamb into the cage every time they're behind, just so the other team will be demoralized as they watch him rip it limb from limb and devour it. The guy's that intimidating.
- There's a pretty shocking disparity in the interview styles between the Big Time prospects and the "guys that are just happy to be there." There was one guy from a Division III school in the North West (Michael Allan) that was very lucid, candid, and almost philosophical. All the top tackle prospects (Joe Staley, Joe Thomas), were very positive, used a lot of cliches, dodged tough questions, and said a lot without really saying anything. Almost like they were already NFL players. It was pretty interesting.
And, while we're at it, it's weird to interview football players and have them respect you. These guys haven't gotten fed up with the media yet, aren't jaded, and actually think you're there to help. It's refreshing, but kinda depressing. It almost makes me feel bad to say things like Joe Thomas seems like more of a banker than a tackle; and would you really trust a banker to protect your quarterback's blind side?
Almost.
- I'm not sure that I like sportswriters. I don't usually like people the first 24 hours that I knowt them, so the jury's still out. They just seem a little too angry, a little too bitter, and a little too negative for a group of guys that get to sit around and bullshit about football all day. And they get paid for it! I dunno. I hope that one day I can be bitter, angry, and negative about that.
- A few tidbits I found out about the Steelers:
1. Cowher was a ladies man. A serious ladies man. Not only did he search, he found. And took back to the hotel. And had crazy sex with. So much to the point that one guy said, "I feel bad for his wife and his girls." I was pretty shocked to hear that.
2. Russ Grimm is a heavy drinker and it's probably why he didn't get the head job with the Steelers. I was shocked to hear that, but Weidman wasn't, saying, "Look at him. It looks like he likes to party." Huh. Never saw it.
3. Whisenhunt apparently likes to talk too much. It's been said that he needs to get over that if he's going to succeed in Arizona.
Other Highlights:
I got back from the Combine, changed, and realized that I needed a lighter (tired of using matches in high wind to light my cigarettes), a travel sized toothpaste (my ghetto-ass hotel gave me a bunch of "packets" of toothpaste that are only good for one brush), and a notepad (because I felt weird about borrowing one from someone else). The lady at the front desk said that there was a Walgreen's about eight blocks away. I started walking, followed the directions, and found out about 20 minutes later that she had seriously underestimated what 8 blocks meant on freezing sidewalks in a strange city. I saw a sign for a bar in the distance and made tracks for it.
It was called "Tavern" and looked okay from the outside. I walked in, saw that they had ashtrays (you apparently can't smoke anywhere in downtown Indy, even though it's not a law), and ordered a beer. I never noticed the music. I never looked up at the TVs. When I listened and looked, my blood ran cold. The music was techno and the TVs were playing a montage of still shots with dudes with their shirts off, dudes with big biceps, dudes biting other dudes' nipples, and dudes barely covering their junk. My GayDar is about as faulty as they come, but I still should've known when I walked in.
I then spent the next 6 minutes deciding exactly how quickly I should drink my beer (while drinking it, obviously). I didn't want to be rude, but I definitely wanted to distance myself from the third most strangely erotic moment of my life - the second being when I walked into a gay bar in New Orleans with Weidman and my brother (it's worse when you walk into a gay bar with other guys) and the worst being when a buddy of mine imitated the tagline for the bar Whiskey Dick's (the tagline being: "Whiskey Dick's: Where at least the drinks are always stiff" but the person that said the tagline was a woman that sounded like a drag queen and my buddy tried to imitate a women that sounded like a drag queen while pretending to flirt with me - just altogether strange and uncomfortable).
So... I ended up walking about 2 miles on icy sidewalks through various parts of downtown Indy, trying to forget that I ended up in a gay bar and didn't immediately leave (not that there's anything wrong with that), and somehow ended up three blocks from my hotel (three real blocks - as in I could see it from where I ended up). I found a bar that didn't have shirtless dudes on plasma TVs, served food, and had Miller Lite (my default beer - what I order when I realize that not every city in America serves Iron City and Yeungling). I hunkered down there for a while and watched Super Bowl 360.
All of that brought me back to normal, since there was a lot of footage of football, Indy's cheerleaders (especially nice close-ups when the rain started coming down), and no actual shots of Prince. Good times.
That's all for today. More to come tomorrow!
Monday, February 12, 2007
Smokin' Aces Review
I've got to say that the draft isn't even on my radar at this point. The Steelers never sign any free agents and the ones that they do sign end up being like Cedric Wilson and Duce Staley.
So, I'm going to write a review of the movie I saw tonight: Smokin' Aces.
This movie isn't going to be relevant in 10 years (probably not even in 3). It's not going to win any awards. It isn't doing terribly well at the box office. It's not a movie that you see to make yourself think. It's a movie that's all about Senseless Violence. And I loved it.
Now, there are three types of violence. There's Saving Private Ryan Violence, which makes you see the horror and the... well, senselessness of it all. There's Lion's Gate Violence (Saw I-III, The Descent) where you understand how much pain, gore, and suffering goes along with violence because they show it to you in obsessive detail and make sure that they drive the point home. Then, there's Senseless Violence, which might even inspire you to laugh at some points and is always expected, yet surprising.
I don't think that there has been a film in the last 15 years that has made the distinction between all these types of violence than Natural Born Killers. Some people may think that this is a stupid observation. Well, some people are stupid themselves and they don't write this blog. So there.
At any rate, Smokin' Aces is full and I mean chocked full of senseless violence. Several moments where you see a car drive by and think, "The dudes that are standing by joking with each other are so dead," then are still surprised when they do actually get blown away. You see a bunch of hyper neo-Nazis crammed in an elevator with hatchets and chainsaws and think, "Wow. This will end badly." Yet, you're still surprised and amused when it does.
Really, I'm curious as to why more movies like this aren't made. I mean, sometimes you just need to watch a bunch of people be crazy, depraved, and psychotic, right? I spent the entire day wanting to put at least 6 people through a wall at work. I couldn't do that, obviously, but I wanted to see pain and suffering. I wanted to see blood. I wanted to see violence. I wanted to see some poor son of a bitch get shot for no reason because, somehow, he deserved it.
I'm sure other people feel this way. Why haven't they embraced it? They have those charity events where you get to bash a car with a baseball bat or drop your boss into a tub full of pig entrails by throwing a ball.
Do these events serve a purpose? Do they make us better, more evolved people?
Hell no. But, they're fun. They're a release. They're a way to live in a world without consequence where you can enjoy watching someone slip and acidentally sit on a chainsaw. These things would happen if you took morality and sanity out of the equation.
And, let's be honest, isn't that how Hollywood started? The Oscars have taken entertainment and willing suspension of disbelief and completely shat all over it. Hollywood is taking itself too seriously and they need to be stopped.
The only way to do that is to keep making films like Smokin' Aces, Crank, The Transporter, pretty much any movie with Jason Statham or John Cena.
I wasn't blown away by Smokin' Aces, but I was entertained. I felt like I got my money's worth. I went out looking for a lot of explosions, hatchet play, and absurd discharges of ammunition.
And I was not disappointed.
So, I'm going to write a review of the movie I saw tonight: Smokin' Aces.
This movie isn't going to be relevant in 10 years (probably not even in 3). It's not going to win any awards. It isn't doing terribly well at the box office. It's not a movie that you see to make yourself think. It's a movie that's all about Senseless Violence. And I loved it.
Now, there are three types of violence. There's Saving Private Ryan Violence, which makes you see the horror and the... well, senselessness of it all. There's Lion's Gate Violence (Saw I-III, The Descent) where you understand how much pain, gore, and suffering goes along with violence because they show it to you in obsessive detail and make sure that they drive the point home. Then, there's Senseless Violence, which might even inspire you to laugh at some points and is always expected, yet surprising.
I don't think that there has been a film in the last 15 years that has made the distinction between all these types of violence than Natural Born Killers. Some people may think that this is a stupid observation. Well, some people are stupid themselves and they don't write this blog. So there.
At any rate, Smokin' Aces is full and I mean chocked full of senseless violence. Several moments where you see a car drive by and think, "The dudes that are standing by joking with each other are so dead," then are still surprised when they do actually get blown away. You see a bunch of hyper neo-Nazis crammed in an elevator with hatchets and chainsaws and think, "Wow. This will end badly." Yet, you're still surprised and amused when it does.
Really, I'm curious as to why more movies like this aren't made. I mean, sometimes you just need to watch a bunch of people be crazy, depraved, and psychotic, right? I spent the entire day wanting to put at least 6 people through a wall at work. I couldn't do that, obviously, but I wanted to see pain and suffering. I wanted to see blood. I wanted to see violence. I wanted to see some poor son of a bitch get shot for no reason because, somehow, he deserved it.
I'm sure other people feel this way. Why haven't they embraced it? They have those charity events where you get to bash a car with a baseball bat or drop your boss into a tub full of pig entrails by throwing a ball.
Do these events serve a purpose? Do they make us better, more evolved people?
Hell no. But, they're fun. They're a release. They're a way to live in a world without consequence where you can enjoy watching someone slip and acidentally sit on a chainsaw. These things would happen if you took morality and sanity out of the equation.
And, let's be honest, isn't that how Hollywood started? The Oscars have taken entertainment and willing suspension of disbelief and completely shat all over it. Hollywood is taking itself too seriously and they need to be stopped.
The only way to do that is to keep making films like Smokin' Aces, Crank, The Transporter, pretty much any movie with Jason Statham or John Cena.
I wasn't blown away by Smokin' Aces, but I was entertained. I felt like I got my money's worth. I went out looking for a lot of explosions, hatchet play, and absurd discharges of ammunition.
And I was not disappointed.
Friday, February 09, 2007
A Few Thoughts
First and foremost, I'd be scared shitless right about now if I were a Colts fan. Have you read interviews with Dungy recently? He's been using that tired, old, "The past 3-4 years, I've been taking it one year at a time," speech. He even mentioned in one press conference that he's looking forward to next season and even asked reporters if they thought he looked "tired" or "burned out." I seriously had to read the quote again and confirm that the quote was attributed to Dungy the day after this year's Super Bowl and not Cowher after last year's Super Bowl.
So, if I were a Colts fan I'd be scared shitless for two reasons: One, Dungy's retiring after this season. Two, at the end end of the season, Colts fans will be bitching about the fact that Dungy retired in March of 2007 and forgot to tell anyone. Just a heads-up.
Then again, I was completely mistaken about the Cowher-to-Dallas thing.
If I had to bet right now, here's how I'd lay the odds (and it isn't pretty):
Cleveland: 3-2
San Diego: 4-1
Baltimore: 10-1
Jacksonville: 15-1
New York Giants: 30-1
Dallas: 100-1
Notice how Dallas is still on that list. Jerry Jones talked to Cowher. They had a meeting. But, I'm convinced that Cowher wasn't going to coach this year for all the money in the world. Now, if Jones offers him all the money in the world next year, I think he'll take it.
And that depends on how well Wade Phillips does as head coach. And, my prediction is that Wade Phillips will not do well at all. He'll do better than Norv Turner would've done, but he will not do well at all.
Turner and Phillips have the same problem: They're great coordinators, but they're not great head coaches. It's not their fault. They're just better at Xs and Os than they are with people.
And, it seems to me that being a head coach is like being a CEO. You run the day-to-day operations, you make sure everyone is doing what they're supposed to be doing, and you motivate people to do everything to the best of their ability. On game day, you're pretty much done. If you can do all that, you're a great coach. Schottenheimer's a good example. Scott Leinhan, Jim Mora.
But, the other side of what separates a great coach from an exceptional coach (and this is where Bellichick and Payton have everyone else beat, and Cowher was just starting to find his groove) is game decisions, in-game motivation (where Cowher has everyone else beat), and in-game adjustments. When to go for it on fourth down. When to chew a guy out. When to help him up and slap him on the butt and tell him they'll do better next time. When to change your strategy.
Phillips and Turner are organized. They're smart guys. They're good at running meetings. Turner knows his offense. Phillips knows his defense.
However, Phillips is about as motivational (and I consider Bellichick to be one of the best motivators in the game - i.e. you don't need to spit a lot to motivate people) as a streetlight. Turner doesn't seem to care enough about motivating his players to do it. Neither of them has control of their locker room. Especially not Turner. I was thinking there were going to be some COLLOSAL issues if Turner was hired. Seriously. If Parcells got burned out and overpowered by the personalities on the Cowboys, think of what a pushover like Turner (who got completely abused and let his players run the team and talk shit about him in Oakland) would be.
Maybe Phillips is just keeping the seat warm for Cowher. Or possibly Jason Garrett. I mean, I fail to see how Troy Aikman's back-up would be a good coach, but it's not my call.
Enough about the Cowboys.
One more thing about coaches retiring right after they win the Super Bowl:
I'm glad we hired Tomlin, not Grimm. He's young, he's hungry. He's got a great team (face it, we just threw last season away). Most of the skill position guys on offense are young. The secondary, DeShea Townshend aside, is young. The d-line's getting younger. The 0-line's getting younger. Hines Ward is the only thing keeping the receiving corps from being completely ovarian.
Point is, if he wins a championship young, he'll stick around and win more. Like Bellichick. Holmgren's been hanging around for years trying to win another one. Like Noll. Look at Gruden. He's still too young to quit. Shannahan can't hang around forever.
If we hired Grimm and he won a Super Bowl in his 3rd or 4th year, he'd probably retire. He's got 5 rings at that point (three with the Redskins, two with the Steelers), what more does he have to prove?
Dungy and Schottenheimer are gone after next year. They're too old and they have no other mountains left to climb. They waited too long to win a Super Bowl (Schottenheimer's still waiting) and it took too much out of them. Same with Cowher. I mean, he'll be back for money, but he's accomplished what he set out to accomplish. What's left?
One last thing, then I'll shut up:
This has to be the most excited I've been heading into an offseason ever. New coach, some new assistants, questions about how we'll bounce back from a disappointing season, everyone on the roster set to be a free agent after the 2007 season. New coach.
And, I'm actually interested in who we'll be drafting. I mean, really, we need draft about 4 linebackers and three or four offensive linemen, but I wonder who we'll grab in the first round.
Obviously, I'll obsess about this until the draft in April, so this isn't the last post until August.
And, speaking of August, I'm actually looking forward to the pre-season. And that's a bold statement.
This pre-season, there will be expectations, questions, unfamiliarity, uneasiness. Guys fighting for their jobs. Tomlin will look to impress everyone and it will actually matter to him whether we win or lose. He needs to see what kind of talent he has on the roster. We'll see the starters play more than a series or two. And the playbook won't be completely vanilla.
For the most part, Steeler Nation fears change. The Rooneys fear change. Players are creatures of habit and routine and fear change. But, I think this series of changes will do us good.
And, if not, I say we hire Norv Tuner.
So, if I were a Colts fan I'd be scared shitless for two reasons: One, Dungy's retiring after this season. Two, at the end end of the season, Colts fans will be bitching about the fact that Dungy retired in March of 2007 and forgot to tell anyone. Just a heads-up.
Then again, I was completely mistaken about the Cowher-to-Dallas thing.
If I had to bet right now, here's how I'd lay the odds (and it isn't pretty):
Cleveland: 3-2
San Diego: 4-1
Baltimore: 10-1
Jacksonville: 15-1
New York Giants: 30-1
Dallas: 100-1
Notice how Dallas is still on that list. Jerry Jones talked to Cowher. They had a meeting. But, I'm convinced that Cowher wasn't going to coach this year for all the money in the world. Now, if Jones offers him all the money in the world next year, I think he'll take it.
And that depends on how well Wade Phillips does as head coach. And, my prediction is that Wade Phillips will not do well at all. He'll do better than Norv Turner would've done, but he will not do well at all.
Turner and Phillips have the same problem: They're great coordinators, but they're not great head coaches. It's not their fault. They're just better at Xs and Os than they are with people.
And, it seems to me that being a head coach is like being a CEO. You run the day-to-day operations, you make sure everyone is doing what they're supposed to be doing, and you motivate people to do everything to the best of their ability. On game day, you're pretty much done. If you can do all that, you're a great coach. Schottenheimer's a good example. Scott Leinhan, Jim Mora.
But, the other side of what separates a great coach from an exceptional coach (and this is where Bellichick and Payton have everyone else beat, and Cowher was just starting to find his groove) is game decisions, in-game motivation (where Cowher has everyone else beat), and in-game adjustments. When to go for it on fourth down. When to chew a guy out. When to help him up and slap him on the butt and tell him they'll do better next time. When to change your strategy.
Phillips and Turner are organized. They're smart guys. They're good at running meetings. Turner knows his offense. Phillips knows his defense.
However, Phillips is about as motivational (and I consider Bellichick to be one of the best motivators in the game - i.e. you don't need to spit a lot to motivate people) as a streetlight. Turner doesn't seem to care enough about motivating his players to do it. Neither of them has control of their locker room. Especially not Turner. I was thinking there were going to be some COLLOSAL issues if Turner was hired. Seriously. If Parcells got burned out and overpowered by the personalities on the Cowboys, think of what a pushover like Turner (who got completely abused and let his players run the team and talk shit about him in Oakland) would be.
Maybe Phillips is just keeping the seat warm for Cowher. Or possibly Jason Garrett. I mean, I fail to see how Troy Aikman's back-up would be a good coach, but it's not my call.
Enough about the Cowboys.
One more thing about coaches retiring right after they win the Super Bowl:
I'm glad we hired Tomlin, not Grimm. He's young, he's hungry. He's got a great team (face it, we just threw last season away). Most of the skill position guys on offense are young. The secondary, DeShea Townshend aside, is young. The d-line's getting younger. The 0-line's getting younger. Hines Ward is the only thing keeping the receiving corps from being completely ovarian.
Point is, if he wins a championship young, he'll stick around and win more. Like Bellichick. Holmgren's been hanging around for years trying to win another one. Like Noll. Look at Gruden. He's still too young to quit. Shannahan can't hang around forever.
If we hired Grimm and he won a Super Bowl in his 3rd or 4th year, he'd probably retire. He's got 5 rings at that point (three with the Redskins, two with the Steelers), what more does he have to prove?
Dungy and Schottenheimer are gone after next year. They're too old and they have no other mountains left to climb. They waited too long to win a Super Bowl (Schottenheimer's still waiting) and it took too much out of them. Same with Cowher. I mean, he'll be back for money, but he's accomplished what he set out to accomplish. What's left?
One last thing, then I'll shut up:
This has to be the most excited I've been heading into an offseason ever. New coach, some new assistants, questions about how we'll bounce back from a disappointing season, everyone on the roster set to be a free agent after the 2007 season. New coach.
And, I'm actually interested in who we'll be drafting. I mean, really, we need draft about 4 linebackers and three or four offensive linemen, but I wonder who we'll grab in the first round.
Obviously, I'll obsess about this until the draft in April, so this isn't the last post until August.
And, speaking of August, I'm actually looking forward to the pre-season. And that's a bold statement.
This pre-season, there will be expectations, questions, unfamiliarity, uneasiness. Guys fighting for their jobs. Tomlin will look to impress everyone and it will actually matter to him whether we win or lose. He needs to see what kind of talent he has on the roster. We'll see the starters play more than a series or two. And the playbook won't be completely vanilla.
For the most part, Steeler Nation fears change. The Rooneys fear change. Players are creatures of habit and routine and fear change. But, I think this series of changes will do us good.
And, if not, I say we hire Norv Tuner.
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Super Bowl Review
Well, since the Super Bowl ended, there have been about 3,153,876 articles about how Peyton did a great job of "managing the game" and "taking what the defense gave him," how Rex Grossman is suddenly a schlub, despite the fact that he led the Bears to the Super Bowl, and that one of the big reasons the Colts won is because Tony Dungy is very calm and patient.
Most people have been ripping the commercials apart, but almost all of them were better than Apple's 1984 commercial that supposed to be the end-all-be-all of Super Bowl ads. I think that we've come to expect too much, be too jaded, and that the NFL is over-hyping the event itself. Hell, I bought a plasma TV and threw a party for it. Expectations were high.
And, ya know what? This was a solid game. I understand that there were too many turnovers and that Grossman sucked balls, but it was a five point game until the 4th quarter (and even then it was only a 12 point game), there was a kickoff return for a touchdown, numerous 30+ yard plays, a missed extra point, two occasions were there were consecutive fumbles, and one hell of a tight-rope act by the guy that backs up the guy that got stabbed by his wife last year. All in all, good times.
And I've heard people bitching about the fact that Peyton Manning won the MVP. Okay, Domanic Rhodes had a touchdown and 120 yards. And that's impressive. But, he didn't end up with as many touches as Joseph Addai and really got a lot of those yards when the Colts were trying to grind clock in the 4th quarter. I think people are bitching because Manning didn't have one of those big "Peyton Games" where he throws for 350 yards and five touchdowns and looks absolutely invincible.
But here's the thing: He is, was, and always will be the most valuable player on the team. Even though the Colts were winning with him struggling, he's been the one to pick the team up and carry them when they absolutely needed it most. In both the AFC Championship Game and the Super Bowl, the Colts had stretches right before the end of the first half and the beginning of the second half where they went into a zone and could not be stopped. Both times, they ran 30+ plays to 1 or 2 plays from the opposition. That demoralizes a defense and wears them out. And, in both games, Peyton kept the pressure on the defense, whittled them away, and left them exhausted and puzzled as to how they gave up 38 and 29 points respectively.
That was the magic of this run. It was a war of attrition. In years past, Manning would flinch before the defense. He would wear out before the defense. This year, he kept at it, kept fighting, and eventually broke down the three best defenses in the NFL. In the Super Bowl, he did exactly what the Bears dared him to do by playing their safeties at the goal posts. He called a lot of running plays and threw a lot of underneath stuff.
Bottom line: Thomas Jones had 120 yards, right? The difference in this game wasn't the running game. It was that Rex crapped the bed and Manning didn't. When the Bears had a 3rd and 6, you assumed Rex would get them 4, if that. When the Colts had 3rd and 6, you wondered how much the Colts were going to get, since them getting at least 6 was assumed. And that's why the Colts won. And, since the running backs were pretty well equal, you've gotta go with Manning.
All in all, I had a fun time. I liked the commercials (except the SalesGenie one), Prince was a pleasant surprise (he's drawing the most praise from the Super Bowl and I think that's because expectations were low and he completely exceeded them), and the game had a lot of interesting twists and turns and the outcome was expected, but surprising.
I think the main reason I liked this game is because I had absolutely no stake in it. Last year's Super Bowl was a hellish experience. I'm glad the Steelers won and I wouldn't trade it for anything, but I'm also kinda glad that they didn't go to the playoffs last year. As magical as that run was, it was friggin' stressful.
I enjoyed just taking it easy, having a few beers, and not having to worry about who won or lost. I just focused on the craziness and the back-and-forth action of the game. And that was very nice. Just... watching football. What a concept.
Which is one of the reasons I liked the way CBS presented the game. Not too much fanfare, not too much spectacle, and Phil Simms and Jim Nantz kept it pretty low key. Just a couple guys hanging out in the booth watching a football game. I liked that.
Good times.
It didn't live up to the hype, but then again, how could it possibly live up to the hype?
Most people have been ripping the commercials apart, but almost all of them were better than Apple's 1984 commercial that supposed to be the end-all-be-all of Super Bowl ads. I think that we've come to expect too much, be too jaded, and that the NFL is over-hyping the event itself. Hell, I bought a plasma TV and threw a party for it. Expectations were high.
And, ya know what? This was a solid game. I understand that there were too many turnovers and that Grossman sucked balls, but it was a five point game until the 4th quarter (and even then it was only a 12 point game), there was a kickoff return for a touchdown, numerous 30+ yard plays, a missed extra point, two occasions were there were consecutive fumbles, and one hell of a tight-rope act by the guy that backs up the guy that got stabbed by his wife last year. All in all, good times.
And I've heard people bitching about the fact that Peyton Manning won the MVP. Okay, Domanic Rhodes had a touchdown and 120 yards. And that's impressive. But, he didn't end up with as many touches as Joseph Addai and really got a lot of those yards when the Colts were trying to grind clock in the 4th quarter. I think people are bitching because Manning didn't have one of those big "Peyton Games" where he throws for 350 yards and five touchdowns and looks absolutely invincible.
But here's the thing: He is, was, and always will be the most valuable player on the team. Even though the Colts were winning with him struggling, he's been the one to pick the team up and carry them when they absolutely needed it most. In both the AFC Championship Game and the Super Bowl, the Colts had stretches right before the end of the first half and the beginning of the second half where they went into a zone and could not be stopped. Both times, they ran 30+ plays to 1 or 2 plays from the opposition. That demoralizes a defense and wears them out. And, in both games, Peyton kept the pressure on the defense, whittled them away, and left them exhausted and puzzled as to how they gave up 38 and 29 points respectively.
That was the magic of this run. It was a war of attrition. In years past, Manning would flinch before the defense. He would wear out before the defense. This year, he kept at it, kept fighting, and eventually broke down the three best defenses in the NFL. In the Super Bowl, he did exactly what the Bears dared him to do by playing their safeties at the goal posts. He called a lot of running plays and threw a lot of underneath stuff.
Bottom line: Thomas Jones had 120 yards, right? The difference in this game wasn't the running game. It was that Rex crapped the bed and Manning didn't. When the Bears had a 3rd and 6, you assumed Rex would get them 4, if that. When the Colts had 3rd and 6, you wondered how much the Colts were going to get, since them getting at least 6 was assumed. And that's why the Colts won. And, since the running backs were pretty well equal, you've gotta go with Manning.
All in all, I had a fun time. I liked the commercials (except the SalesGenie one), Prince was a pleasant surprise (he's drawing the most praise from the Super Bowl and I think that's because expectations were low and he completely exceeded them), and the game had a lot of interesting twists and turns and the outcome was expected, but surprising.
I think the main reason I liked this game is because I had absolutely no stake in it. Last year's Super Bowl was a hellish experience. I'm glad the Steelers won and I wouldn't trade it for anything, but I'm also kinda glad that they didn't go to the playoffs last year. As magical as that run was, it was friggin' stressful.
I enjoyed just taking it easy, having a few beers, and not having to worry about who won or lost. I just focused on the craziness and the back-and-forth action of the game. And that was very nice. Just... watching football. What a concept.
Which is one of the reasons I liked the way CBS presented the game. Not too much fanfare, not too much spectacle, and Phil Simms and Jim Nantz kept it pretty low key. Just a couple guys hanging out in the booth watching a football game. I liked that.
Good times.
It didn't live up to the hype, but then again, how could it possibly live up to the hype?
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