1. This is what theurinals look like at the combine:
They're HUGE, right? When I first saw them, I thought, "Well, they must be this big for the massive athletes that use them at the Combine." It had never occurred to me that they're that big because they're handicapped urinals. Yup. I'm dumb.
2. My favorite exchange from yesterday:
Editor: Hey, who described this prospect as "gregarious"?
Writer (who happens to be from Irwin): I did. Why?
Editor: Why did you say gregarious?
Writer: Because. The kid was gregarious. What do you want from me?
Editor: Why didn't you use talkative or outgoing?
Writer: Because he wasn't talkative or outgoing. He was fucking gregarious!
I thought it was funny. First time in my life I heard the words "fucking" and "gregarious" used in the same sentence.
Highlights from today:
- Tom Coughlin looks like he's older than my Grandfather. And Marv Levy. Combined. I swear, the man has aged 30 years since December. And, while it may not look like it in the transcript (and possibly not on film), Coughlin got pretty damn heated when he was talking about Tiki Barber.
- Which brings me to my next point: Sarcasm doesn't pick up at all in a transcript, barely gets picked up on audio, and isn't done justice on video. There was a guy from WVU yesterday that had the greatest wry wit and it was totally lost by the time you got to the video. This makes me think that Bill Parcells is the most sarcastic human on the planet.
- I talked to Maurice Carthon today, who is the Running Backs Coach for the Cardinals. That was pretty awesome. He refused to make eye contact with me and used about 38 different cliches, but it was still awesome.
- I interviewed a running back from Kansas today named Jon Cornish. I started the interview and immediately realized that something was wrong. Not anywhere near the level of yesterday when I realized I had accidentally walked into a gay bar, but I could definitely tell that something was off. Then, I heard him say that he was raised in British Columbia.
That's when it clicked. He sounds like a hockey player! I then came to the startling realization that all hockey players don't sound alike because they're hockey players, they all sound alike because they're Canadian. Major breakthrough there.
- Earlier tonight, I saw John Clayton on TV. I kept waiting for the left side of his face to go numb and for him to say something like, "I'm seeing spots! Get me a medic, Stu!"
- Garrett Wolfe gave the best interview I've seen yet/heard yet. The kid was honest, engaging, candid, humble, funny, and insightful. He also talked a little shop without getting too technical. He's a running back and he's shorter than my wife and weighs less (okay, he weighs more, a lot more, she reads this so I don't want to get divorced because of some running back from Northern Illinois University).
But, there's something about him that makes me think, "I want this kid on my team." So, if the NFL expands to 33 teams, awards the franchise to me and gives me total control over football operations, I'm going to sign him. Just remind me that I wrote this when that happens.
- I'm going to be part of a panel interview that covers Whisenhunt tomorrow. I'm excited.
- One other thing because, sadly, I think I'm going to go to sleep (it's only 9:40 and it's a Friday):
Spending two straight days with a bunch of male sportswriters and sweaty dudes in shorts has a more profound effect on your ability to judge the attractiveness of a woman than 10 beers.
I was interviewing this running back from Florida (DeShaun Wynn - good late round pick for the Steelers) and I saw that there was this blonde woman tagging along with him. Looking back, I can now recall that she was about 38 years old, WAY too tan (like, orange tan), and was sagging in bad places well before her time. When I saw her this afternoon, though, I thought she was the most beautiful creature ever to walk upright and use her thumbs to operate machinery.
Like I said, it fucks with your mind. To add to all this, I also stared for 20 solid seconds at a girl who was wearing a sweatshirt suit (at least that's what it looked like).
But... I'm having fun!
And I may jerk off to that blonde later...
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