Highlights from today...
- Jon Gruden is very, very short. I would pay money to see him interview on the NFL Network with his former player, Lincoln Kennedy, then have Kennedy bust his balls about being short. Making Lollipop Guild jokes, asking him where the Yellow Brick Road is, wondering where his Mommy is. I would pay $400 to see that on live TV. I would pay $300 to see him say that to Rich Eisen.
- Carson Palmer's kid brother is here. His name is Jordan. He looks exactly like Carson. He cuts his own hair, just like Carson. And the team of reporters that was there (at least 37,154 people from a TV station in Cincinnati) just kept pummeling him with questions about Carson. Poor guy. This is like Eli and Peyton, only several thousand times worse, because no one has any confidence in Jordan.
- I got trapped in the men's room today after dropping a colossal deuce. The past few days have been murder on my colon. The freakin' door would not unlock, so I ended up having to basically rip it off the hinges. And that sucked.
- Also, I realized at about noon that I had a toothpaste stain on my pants that looked like a pecker track. I was worried about that the rest of the day. Then again, since most everyone was wearing stained sweatshirts and jeans, I don't know that it really matters.
- The scuttlebutt amongst the Steelers experts here is that they should draft Anthony Spencer of Purdue. Spencer was a defensive end in college, but he's light enough and fast enough to replace Porter or Haggans. Two different left tackles (Ryan Harris of Notre Dame and Levi Brown of Penn State) said that he was the best end in the draft and the best player they faced.
- There seem to be only two guys that are "can't miss" prospects in this draft: Joe Thomas and Calvin Johnson. Anyone else is a crapshoot.
- Two guys that I think will fall before draft day (or surprise the shit out of Mel Kiper when they don't get taken sooner): Gaines Adams of Clemson (who I still think the Steelers should take if he falls to 15) and Akobi Okoye.
- Last night, I had to sit at the bar and listen to this jackass with a guitar cover a bunch of Mellencamp and CCR tunes. Very badly. Then he sang some original stuff. Then I thought, "Why doesn't this guy shut up? Who cares? He's really just doing this for his own fulfillment." Then I realized that that's what this blog is really all about. Then I drank more.
- I'm really glad that I don't have to fuck around with quarterbacks and low character guys. That cuts through a lot of dead weight. It's nice to cover the Steelers (and the Cardinals, who wouldn't take even a questionable character guy like Santonio Holmes).
- Just once, I want to hear someone say, "I don't want to play for the Lions. They suck balls and Matt Millen is dumber than my retarded cousin." Everyone doesn't seem to care where they play. That's why I was glad last year when someone in Santonio's entourage had a Terrible Towel. One dude here has season tickets to the Browns. I'll try not to hold that against him.
- Saw Len Pasquarelli today of ESPN.com. I forgot to ask him if anyone aside from me and my brother refer to him as the "Oracle of Central Catholic."
- I finally slipped and fell this morning. Cut up my hand, hurt my tailbone. I'm pissed at the sidewalks here.
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