Chargers-Packers would've been cool. Favre dodges a bullet by not drawing the undefeated Pats and cruises to an easy victory. Chargers-Giants would've brought us Eli vs. Philip, the two men involved in the 2004 first round trade fighting to become the second quarterback from that draft class to win the Super Bowl. ('Cause, ya know, Ben was the first, seeing as how the Steelers won Super Bowl XL.) And, Pats-Packers would've been the best pairing for Fox, because roughly 908 billion people would tune in to see if the ol' gunslinger could fell the new juggernaut.
Giants-Pats? Eh. I mean, Redskins-Pats would've been the biggest underdog vs. the biggest favorite... but, the line's already 12. Two of the biggest markets, the scrappy Giants vs. the unbeatable Patriots. I dunno. Aside from the fact that these two teams played a hell of a game in New Jersey about a month ago, I'm finding it tough to get into this one. And that was a home game for the Giants. And they were more fired up for it and less terrified.
I'll have a more detailed analysis later this week (I promise), but, as of right now, it seems like this is gonna be a real stinker.
Around the league:
- Good news! The hated Ravens hired John Harbaugh as their new head coach! You know, John Harbaugh. He's... that guy. That's... Jim Harbaugh's brother. While I understand that owners are starting to hire more and more guys with no previous head coaching experience, going for fresh blood over re-treads in the past few seasons, I really can't riddle my way out of this one. It looks like most of the staff is going to return, but... seriously. John Harbaugh? I don't even know who this guy is! I know more about his brother and his brother's been out of the game for 10 years. I'm fine with it. I'm not complaining. But, what the hell is going on in Baltimore? How did they get to be worse than Cleveland and Cincinnati combined? Just over one year ago today, they were the second seed and picked by many (Weidman included) to go to Super Bowl XLI. The fact that the wheels came off this franchise this quickly -- and this hard -- makes the fact that we lost to them in the finale that much more depressing.
- Miami hired Tony Sparano as their guy. He's Bill Parcells' butt buddy and I had to read his name in print seven times before I realized it wasn't Soprano. And they were 1-15 this year. And they basically pissed away every draft pick the last three years. And they're getting older. Yeah. They're almost as fucked as the 49ers.
- Speaking of the 49ers, they hired Mike Martz as their offensive coordinator. Mike Martz. That's right. The guy that Detroit didn't even want. Consider:
- Frank Gore, a running back, is San Francisco's best player.
- Martz likes to pass a lot and describes his running game as, "a series of short passes" and his short passing game as, "a series of long hand-offs."
- The 49ers offensive line kinda sucks.
- Alex Smith, their quarterback, is injury prone.
- The carnival once came to San Francisco. One of the midgets met Alex Smith there. He shook Smith's hand and said, "Man! You've got some tiny hands, dood!" He fumbles a lot.
- This will be Smith's fourth offensive coordinator in four years.
- And, the Falcons hired Mike Smith. I... guess they get a free pass because Lane Kiffin and Mike McCarthy have done so well. Smith's different than Harbaugh because I had at least heard of Smith before he got hired and he doesn't have a famous brother. If I find out that Ozzie Smith is Mike Smith's half-brother, all bets are off and Atlanta's front office is a bunch of dumbasses.
- Therefore, even though the Stillers got bounced from the playoffs in the first round, we can be thankful that we don't root for any of those teams.
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