AFC South Predictions

Here they are, from last to first:

Houston Texans:

They're not going to finish 2-14 again. I promise. Gary Kubiak will get inside David Carr's head and tell him that it's okay to stand in the pocket. Those other kids that hit you before, they're not coming back. Well, maybe Dwight Freeney, but that's it. Go through your progressions. Read and re-act. Relax. Breathe. That's it. No, no, that's just a tackling dummy! No! David? David! Come back to me...

Their offensive line still blows. But, Kubiak will roll the pocket. He'll max protect. He'll throw 9 guys back to block and send Andre Johnson out to get open. Eric Moulds will help. So will Reggie Bush. Oh wait, they drafted Mario Williams. Well, I'm sure he'll be... good.

The important thing for Texans fans to remember is that the organization is finally, FINALLY molding its schemes around its players. Not vice versa. I love Dom Capers. I have a man-crush on Dom Capers and his fabulous, fabulous zone-blitz package. But, it's not for Houston. Never was, never will be. Gone is the 3-4 defense and "go for broke, oh wait our line sucks, throw the screen!" passing. They're doing it right now. Breathe, Texans fans. It was all a bad front office...

Jacksonville Jaguars:

I'm not doing this just to shake things up and make people scream, "WHAT?!?!?!" Maybe partly.

I'm not sold on Jack DelRio against a tough schedule. I don't trust this defense any farther than Marcus Stroud and John Henderson can throw them. I don't like their back 7. Who will be their ends? Who are their receivers now that Jimmy Smith is gone? And, have you ever seen Byron Leftwich wind up and throw? I could eat a sandwich during his delivery. That's going to end up biting him in the ass some day. And his linemen will have to carry him to safety.

And I don't trust Fred Taylor's groin. Or Greg Jones. Or the fact that they only won 12 games last year because of a cupcake schedule. As much as I hate him and his mullet, I trust Jeff Fisher more.

Tennessee Titans:

They're out of salary cap hell. They have Jeff Fisher. And his lousy, stinky, flowing mullet. He will motivate them. The defense will be better than advertised. They'll win two games because of special teams. And Vince Young will win at least 5 games for this team. Organizations like this don't stay bad like this for long. It's a gut feeling.

And that's pretty much all I'm basing this pick on. So there.

Indianapolis Colts:

Peyton Manning. Marvin Harrison. Reggie Wayne. Elusive tailback that takes advantage of dime and nickel defenses. Improved, fast, young, attacking defense. Blah.

The Colts will win this division. This much is certain. However, they're not going to do anything in the post-season (i.e. make it to or win the Super Bowl) unless Tony Dungy learned something in his playoff loss to the Steelers.

When the Colts are teeing off on overmatched defenses, they look like the best team in football. When a team actually gameplans to stop Peyton Manning, they're screwed. I thought they had learned this in the two playoff losses to the Patriots. I thought a light went on early last season when the passing game was struggling and they had to run the ball. I was wrong.

Until such time as the Colts realize that the way to beat someone that's waiting for you to do something is to do the exact opposite, they will lose when it counts. They can score all the points they want to against creampuff teams, they won't beat a good team that's ready for them until they commit to the run. AND UNTIL TONY DUNGY STOPS LETTING MANNING RUN THE TEAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sit back and think for a moment. It's late in the game. In the playoffs. It's fourth down. Cowher calls the punt team in. Ben frantically gestures them off the field and calls his own play. Imagine now the look on Cowher's face. Is he holding a chainsaw? He is when I picture him.

Dungy needs to get to the playoffs, take the air out of the ball, and prove that he can win against the stiffest competition in the world by smacking the opponent in the face and giving them the, "What? What? WHAT?!?!" look. By the time the other team adjusts, they'll be way ahead. Then Peyton can call all the plays he wants.