NFC North Predictions

Here's my predictions for how the division will shake out, last to first:

Green Bay Packers:

Let me say this first: The only thing I know for sure is that Chicago's winning this division. Even if Griese and Grossman get hurt. They won enough games with that Purdue rummy with the neck beard last year (yes, I do know his name is Kyle Orton). This division has three new coaches. News flash: There are 4 teams in the NFC North. The only team without a coaching change? YOUR 2006 CHICAGO BEARS!

I put Green Bay here, even though I think they're three wins better than they were last year. But, they finished last year 4-12. So there's that. I think Favre's too old to be the gunslinger we all know and love. I think he has another 20+ INT season (although if he's still there in the 10th round of my Fantasy draft, I'm taking him). Their offensive line still hasn't recovered from all the free agent defections of 2005 and they just might open the season with Sakmon Gado as their starting tailback.

And Mike McCarthy, the coordinator of 2005's worst offense is calling the plays. And they lost Jim Bates. And their defense is too young and I don't trust their DBs. In three years, watch out. This year? Don't keep the unrefrigerated cheese out between wins.

Detroit Lions:

I know I already said Chicago was winning the division and I already picked the other two teams, so you're wondering how the hell I have a voice on the Internet given the fact that I expect the division to end up the same in 2006 as it did in 2005. Well, this is a free blog. Talk to me when you're paying for it.

I love Rod Marinelli for this job. They needed a disciplinarian. Marty Mohrningwhig (or however you spell it) wasn't the answer. Ditto Steve Mariucci (I think I spelled that one right). Marinelli and Martz maybe football's equivalent of Oscar and Felix, but they're going to get the job done. Eventually.

Hey, at least Motor City hosted the Super Bowl last season! There's a winner of a choice. Well done, NFL. Choose the one place the boogey man won't take a connecting flight out of to host the biggest event you hold all year. But, the Steelers won. The Super Bowl. I mentioned that, right?

Minnesota Vikings:

One big reason the Vikings won't win the division. They have a new coach. And too many new faces. And a defense that still doesn't scare me in a division where the offense needs to be as scary as Dakota Fanning in eye make-up (which isn't scary to me, but suit yourself. If you want to be scared of both those things, well... let's move on). Brad Johnson retired in 1998 and no one told him. His right arm retired in 1996. Their featured back couldn't unseat a crippled ex-con last year.

Yes. That was more than one reason. But, they won 9 games last year. And, I have a feeling that, with all the talent on the roster, the right systems eventually sinking into the minds of all the new faces, and what is still a weak division (did I mention there are THREE new coaches), the Vikings can pull 9 wins out of their collective G-strings again and cruise into the off-season. Barely missing the playoffs.

Chicago Bears:

It's okay, Bears fans. You can breathe. You return everyone from a suffocating defense (admit it, deep down you knew Mike Brown was gonna get hurt). Rex Grossman has not yet broken his leg tripping over his own shadow. And Angelo finally hired a capable back-up in Brian Griese. And, if all else fails, you've got... Kyle... Orton.

Your receivers are good enough. Your offensive line is awesome. You still don't have a tight end (by the way, in a tight end rich draft, WHAT THE HELL WAS UP WITH PICKING 4 CONSECUTIVE DEFENSIVE GUYS WITH THE FIRST FOUR PICKS?!?!?!?!) You have Thomas Jones and Cedrick Benson.

And you have the toughest man named Lovie to ever prowl the sidelines. As a side note, how humiliating must it be for a losing coach to come up to Smith and say, "Good game, Lovie. You really got us." Kinda like when we got torched by Kelly Holcomb in the 2002 Wild Card game. I was excited that we won, but then I thought, "We got burned for 429 yards by someone named Kelly? KELLY?!?!? Tennessee is gonna murder us." And they did.

The moral of the story? Chicago's the only good team in this division and they get to play everyone else twice. They win.