He signed for four years, $13.6 million. Wow. I mean... just... wow. That's amazing. If we're looking at him to be our featured back for the next four years, this is a bargain. If we're looking at him to be our featured back for the next two years, it's still a bargain. Look at it this way: If Randle-El signed the same deal last off-season, would anyone have been upset? I, for one, would've done the Snoopy Dance. If we had let Willie play out this year, he would've signed with someone else for 5 years and $30 million, even if he pretty much tanked the season. After all, Randle-El only caught 35 passes last year and the Redskins gave him $27 million.
Next off-season, he would've been too expensive. Just like Randle-El this off-season, just like Ike Taylor's going to be next off-season. Unless we somehow, miraculously, get him signed. And we should've extended him last off-season. But that's a story for another time.
I had maintained that the Steelers would not dump Duce Staley with Parker being a possible free agent at the end of this season. Now, with Parker signed through 2009 (though really 2008, but that's a story for another time) Staley's situation is more complicated. I think he stays, but that's just one man's opinion. So, while we're at it, here's who I think makes the 53 man roster.
Quarterbacks: Rothlisberger, Batch, Boyd. Omar Jacobs gets immediately signed to the practice squad, if he clears waivers.
Running Backs: Parker, Haynes, Krieder, Staley, Humes. They're going to keep Staley because Cowher likes him and he feels bad about not getting Duce a carry in the Super Bowl. He's actually more expensive to dump at this point than to keep. If he's inactive most of this season like last season, they'll dump in after the season. However, the smart money is on Humes to be inactive every week.
Tight Ends: Miller, Tuman, Charles Davis. The two guys who are guaranteed to make the team and the most recently drafted guy. Pretty standard.
Wide Receivers: Washington, Ward, Wilson, Reid, Holmes, Morey. Quincy Morgan and Lee Mays ain't gonna make it. Washington has improved (though there's NO WAY they're going to give him the #2 job), Wilson and Ward are Wilson and Ward. Holmes, Reid, and Morey are going to be involved on special teams. And we didn't draft Reid and Holmes to cut them.
Offensive Linemen: Smith, Faneca, Hartings, Simmons, Starks, Essex, Kemoeatu, Colon, Philips, Okobi. Barrett Brooks was cut before camp started. He's the only one that's really in play, because the other guys were either drafted recently and play multiple positions, or have naked pictures of Kevin Colbert and Bill Cowher with a donkey (yes, that was directed at Chukky Okobi).
Gardocki's your punter, Reed's your place kicker. That puts us at 29 out of 53.
Cornerbacks: Coclough, McFadden, Taylor, Townshend. They may keep another guy, but I don't know who that is. Especially since there are so many good...
Safeties: Polamalu, Ryan Clark (going to be the starting FS), Smith, Carter, Logan. They spent too much on Clark to not start him. Polamalu's set. The other two free safeties (Smith and Carter) will contribute on special teams (anyone see the hit Smith had in the Philly game as a Gunner? AWESOME!). And Logan will be active in the Dime, Penny, and Nickel packages.
Defensive Linemen: Keisel, Hampton, Smith, Nua, Kirschke, Hoke. Here's where they could possibly throw another guy in the mix and put him on special teams. Someone like the guy they drafted out of Miami. But, you've got the three starters and their three back-ups.
Linebackers: Haggans, Porter, Farrior, Foote, Harrison, Frazier... And, uh, three other guys. Maybe only two. Possibly Rian Wallace in there. I love Wallace, I think he's good for the Steelers, but they don't seem to share that opinion. So there's that. I'm nervous about the fact that there are only six linebackers I think we should keep. And, it's really, really, really, really weird that the one position we're thin at is linebacker. Then again, our starters haven't missed a lot of regular season time in the last few years, so we may be okay if Frazier or Harrison has to step in for a few games. At least I hope so.
I also hope that we keep 7 linemen and 8 linebackers because we've got more talent in the line, but Cowher might stick with tradition on this one. I guess we'll find out Saturday.
Oh, and We Have a Pre-Season Game Coming Up:
I don't care what happens. I think the 53-man roster is already set (obviously, since I just set it). But I would really like for us to win. Just so that we win one in the pre-season and get it out of the way. We're not playing too many starters, the starters that will be in aren't going to be in for long, and I think our 2nd and 3rd string guys are better than the 2nd and 3rd string guys on every other team in the league. Like I said, we've got a deep team.
If our 1st team plays as long as their 1st team, and so on with the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th teams, I say we win. And that's all that really matters.
Well, that and that no one gets hurt.
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Big News
I think it's interesting that the biggest things most Steelers related Web site are talking about is whether or not we're going to have three quarterbacks on the roster and how well Chukky Okobi is recovering from his neck injury. I mean, we're talking about the third string QB and the back-up center.
Anyone remember what we were talking about last year going into the regular season? We were talking about the secondary, how Ike Taylor would do in his first year as a starter, the fact that we couldn't find anyone better than Deshea Townshend (i.e. we didn't sign Ty Law). We were talking about how Willie Parker shouldn't be counted on to handle the majority of carries throughout an entire season and the playoffs (how silly were we? Oh wait, a lot of people still have doubts). And, we were worried about the fact that the first team offense looked absurdly sluggish and failed to score a touchdown in four pre-season games.
But the big thing everyone was worried about was whether or not Ben would come back down to Earth (like he did against the Pats in the AFC Championship Game) or if he'd be the player he was through the first half of the 2004 season.
Think back to two pre-seasons ago. Ben held out, we weren't sure if our offensive line was any good, Hartings kept complaining about his knees, Cowher had that relieved look in his eyes after his contract got extended. And everyone was hoping that we didn't waste a first round pick on Ben and Polamalu and that we could withstand the loss of Dwayne Washington. Hopefully, Tommy could turn things around and give us a decent season.
I'm going to let that sink in for a moment...
Okay. I do have a point.
A lot of times, we as sports fans worry about a lot of useless shit so that we can take our minds off the fact that football season still hasn't started yet. And the sportswriters enable us by giving us story after story, preview after preview. Training Camp visit after Training Camp visit. I mean, some Web sites even offer analysis of every team and every division and how they think the divisions are going to "play out"! Can you believe that? After all, let's just forget that we're at war, bad things are happening in the Middle East, and New Orleans still ain't right one year later.
In the sports world, the US just beat Japan in the Little League World Series. Tiger Woods has been professionally golfing for 10 years. We're about 2 months from the World Series and hockey season starting. The US is playing the rest of the world in a basketball cage match. AND ALL ANYONE CAN TALK ABOUT IS THAT T.O. NEEDS TO BUY AN ALARM CLOCK!
I feel better now. Really. I do.
I just get a little edgy the first few days before football season starts. I'm like an eight year-old the week before Christmas. I understand that Santa is my parents, but that doesn't mean I don't want gifts. A couple months beforehand, I made a list of everything I wanted that year. Then I kinda forgot about it and went back to watching cartoons and giving my sister Indian burns. Then the Advent Calendar went up. Then I thought, "Hey, it's still four weeks away. That's a lifetime." Now, the presents are piled up under the tree. Mom's buying the turkey. I'm starting to take the really cool stuff out of the pockets and velcrowing it to the cloth tree. And there's nothing I can do to make Christmas get here faster. I just have to wait.
The articles suck. Even this one. Nothing to do but wait.
I wonder if T.O. has done anything since I started writing this.
Anyone remember what we were talking about last year going into the regular season? We were talking about the secondary, how Ike Taylor would do in his first year as a starter, the fact that we couldn't find anyone better than Deshea Townshend (i.e. we didn't sign Ty Law). We were talking about how Willie Parker shouldn't be counted on to handle the majority of carries throughout an entire season and the playoffs (how silly were we? Oh wait, a lot of people still have doubts). And, we were worried about the fact that the first team offense looked absurdly sluggish and failed to score a touchdown in four pre-season games.
But the big thing everyone was worried about was whether or not Ben would come back down to Earth (like he did against the Pats in the AFC Championship Game) or if he'd be the player he was through the first half of the 2004 season.
Think back to two pre-seasons ago. Ben held out, we weren't sure if our offensive line was any good, Hartings kept complaining about his knees, Cowher had that relieved look in his eyes after his contract got extended. And everyone was hoping that we didn't waste a first round pick on Ben and Polamalu and that we could withstand the loss of Dwayne Washington. Hopefully, Tommy could turn things around and give us a decent season.
I'm going to let that sink in for a moment...
Okay. I do have a point.
A lot of times, we as sports fans worry about a lot of useless shit so that we can take our minds off the fact that football season still hasn't started yet. And the sportswriters enable us by giving us story after story, preview after preview. Training Camp visit after Training Camp visit. I mean, some Web sites even offer analysis of every team and every division and how they think the divisions are going to "play out"! Can you believe that? After all, let's just forget that we're at war, bad things are happening in the Middle East, and New Orleans still ain't right one year later.
In the sports world, the US just beat Japan in the Little League World Series. Tiger Woods has been professionally golfing for 10 years. We're about 2 months from the World Series and hockey season starting. The US is playing the rest of the world in a basketball cage match. AND ALL ANYONE CAN TALK ABOUT IS THAT T.O. NEEDS TO BUY AN ALARM CLOCK!
I feel better now. Really. I do.
I just get a little edgy the first few days before football season starts. I'm like an eight year-old the week before Christmas. I understand that Santa is my parents, but that doesn't mean I don't want gifts. A couple months beforehand, I made a list of everything I wanted that year. Then I kinda forgot about it and went back to watching cartoons and giving my sister Indian burns. Then the Advent Calendar went up. Then I thought, "Hey, it's still four weeks away. That's a lifetime." Now, the presents are piled up under the tree. Mom's buying the turkey. I'm starting to take the really cool stuff out of the pockets and velcrowing it to the cloth tree. And there's nothing I can do to make Christmas get here faster. I just have to wait.
The articles suck. Even this one. Nothing to do but wait.
I wonder if T.O. has done anything since I started writing this.
Monday, August 28, 2006
AFC North Predictions
Here's how it'll happen (or, at least, how I think it'll happen) last to first:
Cleveland Browns:
I really think they'll be a better team. I do. It's just that they don't have enough pieces in place at this point, they play a tougher schedule this year (since they have to play the NFC South and the AFC West), and everyone in the division either got better or stayed about the same. While the Browns got better this off-season, they were sooooooo much worse than everyone else in the division last year, they're unlikely to make a quantum leap in performance.
Maybe in two years. If Charlie Frye works out. And they can keep the team together without losing 30 people a season to IR. And Braylon Edwards and Kellen Winslow live up to their potential. And if they can possibly start playing decent defense. If it's not too much trouble.
You wanna know the worst part, though? They're still going to play us tough. The only easy games we've had against this incarnation of the Browns were the first game we ever played against them and the most recent one. All the ones inbetween have been way more competitive than they should have been. And don't get me started on the 2002 Wild Card game. Maybe they should've kept Kelly Holcomb...
Cincinnati Bengals:
I'm not saying that, just because they're in third place they'll have a lousy record. I think they'll be 8-8 or 9-7. I'm just not sold on their defense. And, once teams realize that the Bengals can't play defense, that they're soft up the middle, have a marginal front 7 and a secondary that got pretty lucky on a cosistent basis last year, it's all over.
You can consistently win 10 or 11 games a year with an awesome defense. For whatever reason, you can't consistently win 10 or 11 games a year with an awesome offense. I know what you're going to say. Look at the Colts, right? Well, their offense, at its height, had more playmakers and fewer criminals. And Peyton Manning is still better than Carson Palmer (even if they both have two healthy knees). Plus which, the Colts had a plan on defense: Play the Cover 2 and hang on for dear life. And try to stay out of the offense's way. Marvin Lewis has a defensive background and wants his team to have a dominant unit. However, they don't have the personnel and none of their guys seems to have 70 plays a game in them, even if they're not suspended for violating league/team policy/state laws regarding beer and sex acts.
Add to all of this the fact that Palmer's returning from knee surgery, this team probably isn't mature enough yet to accept and retain success gracefully, and there's no conceivable way they're going to "force" 3,913 turnovers like they did last year, and it becomes pretty easy to see them taking at least a three game slide.
Baltimore Ravens:
Just like I'm not saying the Bengals finishing third automatically guarantees a 6-10 season, I'm not saying that the Ravens finishing second guarantees them a 10-6 or 11-5 finish and a spot in the playoffs. They're just going to finish better than the Bengals, but not quite as good as the Steelers.
The defense has one more year. McNair will make the offense better. Jamal Lewis didn't have to rehab an ankle injury in prison this off-season. They still have Todd Heap, Derrick Mason, and Mark Clayton. If the offensive line is as crappy this year as it was last year, though, all bets are off.
Above and beyond everything I just listed, however, is that Brian Billick's back is against the wall. If he takes another dump on the field this year, he's gone. He and his offensive expertise will be sent packing. I would assume he doesn't want that. Therefore, he's going to coach his ass off all year (think Cowher after the 2003 season when the running backs sucked, the offensive line was injured and inefficient, and the defense wore itself out trying to bail out the quarterback, eerily similar, no?). Cowher responded with a 15-1 season in 2004 and went all the way to the AFC Championship game with a new QB and a revitalized running game. Billick doesn't have as much talent on either side of the ball as we had in 2004, but he can still pull a 10-6 or 9-7 season out of thin air and save his job.
Pittsburgh Steelers:
I'm not being a homer on this one. I really believe we're the best team in the division. Everyone else has a hole. While we're not exceptional at a lot of positions, we're two deep at most positions (RB, the secondary, the offensive and defensive lines, QB, WR). The only depth issue we have is at linebacker, where you have the starting four, James Harrison, and a bunch of guys who either weren't drafted or haven't distinguished themselves in any way.
On the whole, though, this is the least nervous I've been about an upcoming Steelers season ever. In fact, the only thing that makes me nervous is the fact that I'm not at all nervous.
Cleveland Browns:
I really think they'll be a better team. I do. It's just that they don't have enough pieces in place at this point, they play a tougher schedule this year (since they have to play the NFC South and the AFC West), and everyone in the division either got better or stayed about the same. While the Browns got better this off-season, they were sooooooo much worse than everyone else in the division last year, they're unlikely to make a quantum leap in performance.
Maybe in two years. If Charlie Frye works out. And they can keep the team together without losing 30 people a season to IR. And Braylon Edwards and Kellen Winslow live up to their potential. And if they can possibly start playing decent defense. If it's not too much trouble.
You wanna know the worst part, though? They're still going to play us tough. The only easy games we've had against this incarnation of the Browns were the first game we ever played against them and the most recent one. All the ones inbetween have been way more competitive than they should have been. And don't get me started on the 2002 Wild Card game. Maybe they should've kept Kelly Holcomb...
Cincinnati Bengals:
I'm not saying that, just because they're in third place they'll have a lousy record. I think they'll be 8-8 or 9-7. I'm just not sold on their defense. And, once teams realize that the Bengals can't play defense, that they're soft up the middle, have a marginal front 7 and a secondary that got pretty lucky on a cosistent basis last year, it's all over.
You can consistently win 10 or 11 games a year with an awesome defense. For whatever reason, you can't consistently win 10 or 11 games a year with an awesome offense. I know what you're going to say. Look at the Colts, right? Well, their offense, at its height, had more playmakers and fewer criminals. And Peyton Manning is still better than Carson Palmer (even if they both have two healthy knees). Plus which, the Colts had a plan on defense: Play the Cover 2 and hang on for dear life. And try to stay out of the offense's way. Marvin Lewis has a defensive background and wants his team to have a dominant unit. However, they don't have the personnel and none of their guys seems to have 70 plays a game in them, even if they're not suspended for violating league/team policy/state laws regarding beer and sex acts.
Add to all of this the fact that Palmer's returning from knee surgery, this team probably isn't mature enough yet to accept and retain success gracefully, and there's no conceivable way they're going to "force" 3,913 turnovers like they did last year, and it becomes pretty easy to see them taking at least a three game slide.
Baltimore Ravens:
Just like I'm not saying the Bengals finishing third automatically guarantees a 6-10 season, I'm not saying that the Ravens finishing second guarantees them a 10-6 or 11-5 finish and a spot in the playoffs. They're just going to finish better than the Bengals, but not quite as good as the Steelers.
The defense has one more year. McNair will make the offense better. Jamal Lewis didn't have to rehab an ankle injury in prison this off-season. They still have Todd Heap, Derrick Mason, and Mark Clayton. If the offensive line is as crappy this year as it was last year, though, all bets are off.
Above and beyond everything I just listed, however, is that Brian Billick's back is against the wall. If he takes another dump on the field this year, he's gone. He and his offensive expertise will be sent packing. I would assume he doesn't want that. Therefore, he's going to coach his ass off all year (think Cowher after the 2003 season when the running backs sucked, the offensive line was injured and inefficient, and the defense wore itself out trying to bail out the quarterback, eerily similar, no?). Cowher responded with a 15-1 season in 2004 and went all the way to the AFC Championship game with a new QB and a revitalized running game. Billick doesn't have as much talent on either side of the ball as we had in 2004, but he can still pull a 10-6 or 9-7 season out of thin air and save his job.
Pittsburgh Steelers:
I'm not being a homer on this one. I really believe we're the best team in the division. Everyone else has a hole. While we're not exceptional at a lot of positions, we're two deep at most positions (RB, the secondary, the offensive and defensive lines, QB, WR). The only depth issue we have is at linebacker, where you have the starting four, James Harrison, and a bunch of guys who either weren't drafted or haven't distinguished themselves in any way.
On the whole, though, this is the least nervous I've been about an upcoming Steelers season ever. In fact, the only thing that makes me nervous is the fact that I'm not at all nervous.
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
AFC East Predicitions
Here's how it looks to me, last to first:
New York Jets:
Okay. This was kinda a toss-up. The Bills and the Jets are both screwed. Buffalo at least has a defense. So they're picked to finish third.
A 35 year-old coach. A QB with a bum shoulder. A running back with two bum knees. And an organization that was so desperate they traded for Kevan Barlow. Here's a winner. They might actually be worse than they were last year. But, I do actually believe that Eric Mangini will be good. Eventually.
Their defense is old, their offensive line has two rookie starters and they TRADED FOR KEVAN BARLOW. I bet Jonathan Vilma can't wait to void his contract fast enough. Did I mention that Dwayne Robertson has underachieved? That they traded Jonathan Abraham, their best defensive player? That they let Ty Law and his 10 interceptions walk? That Curtis Martin's knees have finally failed? That they play in a division with the Patriots and the improved Dolphins? That the Bills actually have a defense? Okay, I mentioned that already. Let's move on.
Buffalo Bills:
They actually have a defense. That's the good news. The bad news is that Dick Jauron and Marv Levy have no idea what they're doing, Lee Evans is all alone, it will take 2 games for Willis McGahee to shut down and call his agent, demanding a trade, and that they have three different guys vying for the starting QB spot. As my friend Corey says, "When you have three guys fighting for one job, you really don't have anyone." And this is at the game's most important position.
Do us all a favor. Start Losman. There's nothing more humiliating than failing to admit you don't have a chance. It's pathetic. Let the boy learn. If he's not the answer, Brady Quinn might be available to you.
Miami Dolphins:
I've heard all the hype. I've heard about Daunte Culpepper and his miraculous recovery from knee surgery. I know Nick Saban is the Second Coming (of Bellichick, not Jesus). I'm just not sold on it.
They have two former head coaches now serving as coordinators/assistant head coaches. Think there's not going to be an issue on 3rd and 1? In either direction? You might as well hire two fomer CEOs to run your shipping department. Sure they're smart, capable guys, but they remember what it's like to sit in your chair. Give the press conferences. Have sex with you wife. I've said too much.
Their receivers don't mesh. Neither do their coordinators. Assistant head coaches. Whatever. Their line is still suspect. Their quarterback looked like the gigantic, black version of the guy from "Operation" 10 months ago. Their defense is old. And slowing. And small.
Think I haven't planned out the Preview for game 1 of the regular season when my beloved Steelers face off against this dysfunctional band of recovering has-beens? Think again. I see their holes. And so do the Patriots.
New England Patriots:
They still have Brady. And Bellichick. Until either (or, preferably both) of those guys is dead, I'm not betting against them. They might take it as a sign of disrespect.
Want a better explanation? Here goes:
New York Jets:
Okay. This was kinda a toss-up. The Bills and the Jets are both screwed. Buffalo at least has a defense. So they're picked to finish third.
A 35 year-old coach. A QB with a bum shoulder. A running back with two bum knees. And an organization that was so desperate they traded for Kevan Barlow. Here's a winner. They might actually be worse than they were last year. But, I do actually believe that Eric Mangini will be good. Eventually.
Their defense is old, their offensive line has two rookie starters and they TRADED FOR KEVAN BARLOW. I bet Jonathan Vilma can't wait to void his contract fast enough. Did I mention that Dwayne Robertson has underachieved? That they traded Jonathan Abraham, their best defensive player? That they let Ty Law and his 10 interceptions walk? That Curtis Martin's knees have finally failed? That they play in a division with the Patriots and the improved Dolphins? That the Bills actually have a defense? Okay, I mentioned that already. Let's move on.
Buffalo Bills:
They actually have a defense. That's the good news. The bad news is that Dick Jauron and Marv Levy have no idea what they're doing, Lee Evans is all alone, it will take 2 games for Willis McGahee to shut down and call his agent, demanding a trade, and that they have three different guys vying for the starting QB spot. As my friend Corey says, "When you have three guys fighting for one job, you really don't have anyone." And this is at the game's most important position.
Do us all a favor. Start Losman. There's nothing more humiliating than failing to admit you don't have a chance. It's pathetic. Let the boy learn. If he's not the answer, Brady Quinn might be available to you.
Miami Dolphins:
I've heard all the hype. I've heard about Daunte Culpepper and his miraculous recovery from knee surgery. I know Nick Saban is the Second Coming (of Bellichick, not Jesus). I'm just not sold on it.
They have two former head coaches now serving as coordinators/assistant head coaches. Think there's not going to be an issue on 3rd and 1? In either direction? You might as well hire two fomer CEOs to run your shipping department. Sure they're smart, capable guys, but they remember what it's like to sit in your chair. Give the press conferences. Have sex with you wife. I've said too much.
Their receivers don't mesh. Neither do their coordinators. Assistant head coaches. Whatever. Their line is still suspect. Their quarterback looked like the gigantic, black version of the guy from "Operation" 10 months ago. Their defense is old. And slowing. And small.
Think I haven't planned out the Preview for game 1 of the regular season when my beloved Steelers face off against this dysfunctional band of recovering has-beens? Think again. I see their holes. And so do the Patriots.
New England Patriots:
They still have Brady. And Bellichick. Until either (or, preferably both) of those guys is dead, I'm not betting against them. They might take it as a sign of disrespect.
Want a better explanation? Here goes:
- They match up well against the "elite" teams in the conference, except the Broncos.
- Absurd depth on the defensive and offensive lines.
- Corey Dillon. Not good enough? Lawrence Maroney.
- Every linebacker on their roster (roughly 30 at this point) is good enough to start. And versatile. And smart.
- Bellichick and Brady.
- They get to play 6 games this season against teams that suck more than they do that just happen to be in the same division.
- Bellichick and Brady.
I rest my case. Suck it.
AFC South Predictions
Here they are, from last to first:
Houston Texans:
They're not going to finish 2-14 again. I promise. Gary Kubiak will get inside David Carr's head and tell him that it's okay to stand in the pocket. Those other kids that hit you before, they're not coming back. Well, maybe Dwight Freeney, but that's it. Go through your progressions. Read and re-act. Relax. Breathe. That's it. No, no, that's just a tackling dummy! No! David? David! Come back to me...
Their offensive line still blows. But, Kubiak will roll the pocket. He'll max protect. He'll throw 9 guys back to block and send Andre Johnson out to get open. Eric Moulds will help. So will Reggie Bush. Oh wait, they drafted Mario Williams. Well, I'm sure he'll be... good.
The important thing for Texans fans to remember is that the organization is finally, FINALLY molding its schemes around its players. Not vice versa. I love Dom Capers. I have a man-crush on Dom Capers and his fabulous, fabulous zone-blitz package. But, it's not for Houston. Never was, never will be. Gone is the 3-4 defense and "go for broke, oh wait our line sucks, throw the screen!" passing. They're doing it right now. Breathe, Texans fans. It was all a bad front office...
Jacksonville Jaguars:
I'm not doing this just to shake things up and make people scream, "WHAT?!?!?!" Maybe partly.
I'm not sold on Jack DelRio against a tough schedule. I don't trust this defense any farther than Marcus Stroud and John Henderson can throw them. I don't like their back 7. Who will be their ends? Who are their receivers now that Jimmy Smith is gone? And, have you ever seen Byron Leftwich wind up and throw? I could eat a sandwich during his delivery. That's going to end up biting him in the ass some day. And his linemen will have to carry him to safety.
And I don't trust Fred Taylor's groin. Or Greg Jones. Or the fact that they only won 12 games last year because of a cupcake schedule. As much as I hate him and his mullet, I trust Jeff Fisher more.
Tennessee Titans:
They're out of salary cap hell. They have Jeff Fisher. And his lousy, stinky, flowing mullet. He will motivate them. The defense will be better than advertised. They'll win two games because of special teams. And Vince Young will win at least 5 games for this team. Organizations like this don't stay bad like this for long. It's a gut feeling.
And that's pretty much all I'm basing this pick on. So there.
Indianapolis Colts:
Peyton Manning. Marvin Harrison. Reggie Wayne. Elusive tailback that takes advantage of dime and nickel defenses. Improved, fast, young, attacking defense. Blah.
The Colts will win this division. This much is certain. However, they're not going to do anything in the post-season (i.e. make it to or win the Super Bowl) unless Tony Dungy learned something in his playoff loss to the Steelers.
When the Colts are teeing off on overmatched defenses, they look like the best team in football. When a team actually gameplans to stop Peyton Manning, they're screwed. I thought they had learned this in the two playoff losses to the Patriots. I thought a light went on early last season when the passing game was struggling and they had to run the ball. I was wrong.
Until such time as the Colts realize that the way to beat someone that's waiting for you to do something is to do the exact opposite, they will lose when it counts. They can score all the points they want to against creampuff teams, they won't beat a good team that's ready for them until they commit to the run. AND UNTIL TONY DUNGY STOPS LETTING MANNING RUN THE TEAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sit back and think for a moment. It's late in the game. In the playoffs. It's fourth down. Cowher calls the punt team in. Ben frantically gestures them off the field and calls his own play. Imagine now the look on Cowher's face. Is he holding a chainsaw? He is when I picture him.
Dungy needs to get to the playoffs, take the air out of the ball, and prove that he can win against the stiffest competition in the world by smacking the opponent in the face and giving them the, "What? What? WHAT?!?!" look. By the time the other team adjusts, they'll be way ahead. Then Peyton can call all the plays he wants.
Houston Texans:
They're not going to finish 2-14 again. I promise. Gary Kubiak will get inside David Carr's head and tell him that it's okay to stand in the pocket. Those other kids that hit you before, they're not coming back. Well, maybe Dwight Freeney, but that's it. Go through your progressions. Read and re-act. Relax. Breathe. That's it. No, no, that's just a tackling dummy! No! David? David! Come back to me...
Their offensive line still blows. But, Kubiak will roll the pocket. He'll max protect. He'll throw 9 guys back to block and send Andre Johnson out to get open. Eric Moulds will help. So will Reggie Bush. Oh wait, they drafted Mario Williams. Well, I'm sure he'll be... good.
The important thing for Texans fans to remember is that the organization is finally, FINALLY molding its schemes around its players. Not vice versa. I love Dom Capers. I have a man-crush on Dom Capers and his fabulous, fabulous zone-blitz package. But, it's not for Houston. Never was, never will be. Gone is the 3-4 defense and "go for broke, oh wait our line sucks, throw the screen!" passing. They're doing it right now. Breathe, Texans fans. It was all a bad front office...
Jacksonville Jaguars:
I'm not doing this just to shake things up and make people scream, "WHAT?!?!?!" Maybe partly.
I'm not sold on Jack DelRio against a tough schedule. I don't trust this defense any farther than Marcus Stroud and John Henderson can throw them. I don't like their back 7. Who will be their ends? Who are their receivers now that Jimmy Smith is gone? And, have you ever seen Byron Leftwich wind up and throw? I could eat a sandwich during his delivery. That's going to end up biting him in the ass some day. And his linemen will have to carry him to safety.
And I don't trust Fred Taylor's groin. Or Greg Jones. Or the fact that they only won 12 games last year because of a cupcake schedule. As much as I hate him and his mullet, I trust Jeff Fisher more.
Tennessee Titans:
They're out of salary cap hell. They have Jeff Fisher. And his lousy, stinky, flowing mullet. He will motivate them. The defense will be better than advertised. They'll win two games because of special teams. And Vince Young will win at least 5 games for this team. Organizations like this don't stay bad like this for long. It's a gut feeling.
And that's pretty much all I'm basing this pick on. So there.
Indianapolis Colts:
Peyton Manning. Marvin Harrison. Reggie Wayne. Elusive tailback that takes advantage of dime and nickel defenses. Improved, fast, young, attacking defense. Blah.
The Colts will win this division. This much is certain. However, they're not going to do anything in the post-season (i.e. make it to or win the Super Bowl) unless Tony Dungy learned something in his playoff loss to the Steelers.
When the Colts are teeing off on overmatched defenses, they look like the best team in football. When a team actually gameplans to stop Peyton Manning, they're screwed. I thought they had learned this in the two playoff losses to the Patriots. I thought a light went on early last season when the passing game was struggling and they had to run the ball. I was wrong.
Until such time as the Colts realize that the way to beat someone that's waiting for you to do something is to do the exact opposite, they will lose when it counts. They can score all the points they want to against creampuff teams, they won't beat a good team that's ready for them until they commit to the run. AND UNTIL TONY DUNGY STOPS LETTING MANNING RUN THE TEAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sit back and think for a moment. It's late in the game. In the playoffs. It's fourth down. Cowher calls the punt team in. Ben frantically gestures them off the field and calls his own play. Imagine now the look on Cowher's face. Is he holding a chainsaw? He is when I picture him.
Dungy needs to get to the playoffs, take the air out of the ball, and prove that he can win against the stiffest competition in the world by smacking the opponent in the face and giving them the, "What? What? WHAT?!?!" look. By the time the other team adjusts, they'll be way ahead. Then Peyton can call all the plays he wants.
AFC West Predictions
*****THIS JUST IN*****
Pittsburgh was just ranked as America's 8th drunkest city by Forbes Magazine. Cleveland came in 7th. It's on.
***********************
Here's the AFC West, last to first:
Kansas City Chiefs:
It KILLS me to write this because I mortgaged my one Fantasy team on Larry Johnson. But, they're the worst team in the league. Seriously. With Art Shell in the Bay Area, you can't write the Raiders off. All that talent? All that potential? This many suspect defenses in this division? I'm not gonna do it.
They're getting too old on offense. Their star-studded offensive line is going down, one by one. They lost Al Saunders. They still don't have any receivers. Tony Gonzalez might actually have to block this year.
And they still can't play defense. Free agent additions and over-the-hill ex-stars won't save this defense. They've gotta start building through the draft. This is Year One of the great decline. Next comes the salary cap purging and starting over with a bunch of young guys. Don't kill the messenger.
Oakland Raiders:
I like Art Shell. But I don't like him that much. The Raiders are definitely the third best team in the division. They have lots and lots of talent. Loads of characters with bi-polar disorder that have HUGE athletic upside. They have too much talent, too many guys that could rock the world and change the game forever to finish 4-12 again. And they have Art Shell. He may only be good enough to get this team to 6 or 7 wins, but I just have a feeling that he'll make them play to their potential. Otherwise, he'll beat them up. Ever seen Art Shell? I don't want to be trapped in a room with him on his bad side. Ask Jerry Porter.
One other reason I think they're going to finish third: Intangibles. I think that Big Art is going to call Al Davis after every win and say, "Al. What's up? We won! Remember when you fired me ten years ago? Remember when everyone said I lost my mind when I hired some dude that owned a bed and breakfast to run my offense? Yeah. That was wild."
San Diego Chargers:
I don't trust Philip Rivers. I don't care how good he's looked in training camp in 7-on-7 drills against guys who can't hit him. I don't trust their secondary (even though no one except the Raiders has decent receivers). And, above all, I don't think you can build an entire offense around a tailback and a tight end. You need to have someone who strikes fear in the opposition at the flanker position.
All that having been said, I completely trust Marty Schottenheimer to take a team that has no business whatsoever winning ten games and coach them to nine victories.
They're not making the playoffs. They'll get blown out and Rivers will look terrible. But they will most assuredly finish second in this division.
Denver Broncos:
Reasons I love this team:
Pittsburgh was just ranked as America's 8th drunkest city by Forbes Magazine. Cleveland came in 7th. It's on.
***********************
Here's the AFC West, last to first:
Kansas City Chiefs:
It KILLS me to write this because I mortgaged my one Fantasy team on Larry Johnson. But, they're the worst team in the league. Seriously. With Art Shell in the Bay Area, you can't write the Raiders off. All that talent? All that potential? This many suspect defenses in this division? I'm not gonna do it.
They're getting too old on offense. Their star-studded offensive line is going down, one by one. They lost Al Saunders. They still don't have any receivers. Tony Gonzalez might actually have to block this year.
And they still can't play defense. Free agent additions and over-the-hill ex-stars won't save this defense. They've gotta start building through the draft. This is Year One of the great decline. Next comes the salary cap purging and starting over with a bunch of young guys. Don't kill the messenger.
Oakland Raiders:
I like Art Shell. But I don't like him that much. The Raiders are definitely the third best team in the division. They have lots and lots of talent. Loads of characters with bi-polar disorder that have HUGE athletic upside. They have too much talent, too many guys that could rock the world and change the game forever to finish 4-12 again. And they have Art Shell. He may only be good enough to get this team to 6 or 7 wins, but I just have a feeling that he'll make them play to their potential. Otherwise, he'll beat them up. Ever seen Art Shell? I don't want to be trapped in a room with him on his bad side. Ask Jerry Porter.
One other reason I think they're going to finish third: Intangibles. I think that Big Art is going to call Al Davis after every win and say, "Al. What's up? We won! Remember when you fired me ten years ago? Remember when everyone said I lost my mind when I hired some dude that owned a bed and breakfast to run my offense? Yeah. That was wild."
San Diego Chargers:
I don't trust Philip Rivers. I don't care how good he's looked in training camp in 7-on-7 drills against guys who can't hit him. I don't trust their secondary (even though no one except the Raiders has decent receivers). And, above all, I don't think you can build an entire offense around a tailback and a tight end. You need to have someone who strikes fear in the opposition at the flanker position.
All that having been said, I completely trust Marty Schottenheimer to take a team that has no business whatsoever winning ten games and coach them to nine victories.
They're not making the playoffs. They'll get blown out and Rivers will look terrible. But they will most assuredly finish second in this division.
Denver Broncos:
Reasons I love this team:
- Mike Shannahan
- Someone, I don't care if it's some dude in a wheelchair that won a raffle at the stadium, will rush for 1,000 yards for them this year.
- Jake Plummer has finally found the key to regular season success in this system. Or any system with a guaranteed running game for that matter.
Reasons why I don't like this team:
- Mike Shannahan (post John Elway)
- They can't really plug just anyone in at tailback and have them gain 1,000 yards every season can they? I mean, really?
- Jake Plummer
For the first three reasons, I love this team during the season. For the last three (and the fact that their defense has serious holes that are exposed in an unholy manner when faced with playoff competition and gameplanning) I don't like them in the post-season.
They'll win the division. They'll win 12 games. But, they'll take another early exit until Shannahan learns that he needs another Elway (as though someone like that exists) to take his system from regular season success to Super Bowl glory.
And Shannahan's no different than Cowher. Both can pretty much will, scheme, and motivate a team to the playoffs. Even a first round bye. But the players make the plays. And Plummer ain't Elway. He's not even (gasp) Trent Dilfer.
NFC North Predictions
Here's my predictions for how the division will shake out, last to first:
Green Bay Packers:
Let me say this first: The only thing I know for sure is that Chicago's winning this division. Even if Griese and Grossman get hurt. They won enough games with that Purdue rummy with the neck beard last year (yes, I do know his name is Kyle Orton). This division has three new coaches. News flash: There are 4 teams in the NFC North. The only team without a coaching change? YOUR 2006 CHICAGO BEARS!
I put Green Bay here, even though I think they're three wins better than they were last year. But, they finished last year 4-12. So there's that. I think Favre's too old to be the gunslinger we all know and love. I think he has another 20+ INT season (although if he's still there in the 10th round of my Fantasy draft, I'm taking him). Their offensive line still hasn't recovered from all the free agent defections of 2005 and they just might open the season with Sakmon Gado as their starting tailback.
And Mike McCarthy, the coordinator of 2005's worst offense is calling the plays. And they lost Jim Bates. And their defense is too young and I don't trust their DBs. In three years, watch out. This year? Don't keep the unrefrigerated cheese out between wins.
Detroit Lions:
I know I already said Chicago was winning the division and I already picked the other two teams, so you're wondering how the hell I have a voice on the Internet given the fact that I expect the division to end up the same in 2006 as it did in 2005. Well, this is a free blog. Talk to me when you're paying for it.
I love Rod Marinelli for this job. They needed a disciplinarian. Marty Mohrningwhig (or however you spell it) wasn't the answer. Ditto Steve Mariucci (I think I spelled that one right). Marinelli and Martz maybe football's equivalent of Oscar and Felix, but they're going to get the job done. Eventually.
Hey, at least Motor City hosted the Super Bowl last season! There's a winner of a choice. Well done, NFL. Choose the one place the boogey man won't take a connecting flight out of to host the biggest event you hold all year. But, the Steelers won. The Super Bowl. I mentioned that, right?
Minnesota Vikings:
One big reason the Vikings won't win the division. They have a new coach. And too many new faces. And a defense that still doesn't scare me in a division where the offense needs to be as scary as Dakota Fanning in eye make-up (which isn't scary to me, but suit yourself. If you want to be scared of both those things, well... let's move on). Brad Johnson retired in 1998 and no one told him. His right arm retired in 1996. Their featured back couldn't unseat a crippled ex-con last year.
Yes. That was more than one reason. But, they won 9 games last year. And, I have a feeling that, with all the talent on the roster, the right systems eventually sinking into the minds of all the new faces, and what is still a weak division (did I mention there are THREE new coaches), the Vikings can pull 9 wins out of their collective G-strings again and cruise into the off-season. Barely missing the playoffs.
Chicago Bears:
It's okay, Bears fans. You can breathe. You return everyone from a suffocating defense (admit it, deep down you knew Mike Brown was gonna get hurt). Rex Grossman has not yet broken his leg tripping over his own shadow. And Angelo finally hired a capable back-up in Brian Griese. And, if all else fails, you've got... Kyle... Orton.
Your receivers are good enough. Your offensive line is awesome. You still don't have a tight end (by the way, in a tight end rich draft, WHAT THE HELL WAS UP WITH PICKING 4 CONSECUTIVE DEFENSIVE GUYS WITH THE FIRST FOUR PICKS?!?!?!?!) You have Thomas Jones and Cedrick Benson.
And you have the toughest man named Lovie to ever prowl the sidelines. As a side note, how humiliating must it be for a losing coach to come up to Smith and say, "Good game, Lovie. You really got us." Kinda like when we got torched by Kelly Holcomb in the 2002 Wild Card game. I was excited that we won, but then I thought, "We got burned for 429 yards by someone named Kelly? KELLY?!?!? Tennessee is gonna murder us." And they did.
The moral of the story? Chicago's the only good team in this division and they get to play everyone else twice. They win.
Green Bay Packers:
Let me say this first: The only thing I know for sure is that Chicago's winning this division. Even if Griese and Grossman get hurt. They won enough games with that Purdue rummy with the neck beard last year (yes, I do know his name is Kyle Orton). This division has three new coaches. News flash: There are 4 teams in the NFC North. The only team without a coaching change? YOUR 2006 CHICAGO BEARS!
I put Green Bay here, even though I think they're three wins better than they were last year. But, they finished last year 4-12. So there's that. I think Favre's too old to be the gunslinger we all know and love. I think he has another 20+ INT season (although if he's still there in the 10th round of my Fantasy draft, I'm taking him). Their offensive line still hasn't recovered from all the free agent defections of 2005 and they just might open the season with Sakmon Gado as their starting tailback.
And Mike McCarthy, the coordinator of 2005's worst offense is calling the plays. And they lost Jim Bates. And their defense is too young and I don't trust their DBs. In three years, watch out. This year? Don't keep the unrefrigerated cheese out between wins.
Detroit Lions:
I know I already said Chicago was winning the division and I already picked the other two teams, so you're wondering how the hell I have a voice on the Internet given the fact that I expect the division to end up the same in 2006 as it did in 2005. Well, this is a free blog. Talk to me when you're paying for it.
I love Rod Marinelli for this job. They needed a disciplinarian. Marty Mohrningwhig (or however you spell it) wasn't the answer. Ditto Steve Mariucci (I think I spelled that one right). Marinelli and Martz maybe football's equivalent of Oscar and Felix, but they're going to get the job done. Eventually.
Hey, at least Motor City hosted the Super Bowl last season! There's a winner of a choice. Well done, NFL. Choose the one place the boogey man won't take a connecting flight out of to host the biggest event you hold all year. But, the Steelers won. The Super Bowl. I mentioned that, right?
Minnesota Vikings:
One big reason the Vikings won't win the division. They have a new coach. And too many new faces. And a defense that still doesn't scare me in a division where the offense needs to be as scary as Dakota Fanning in eye make-up (which isn't scary to me, but suit yourself. If you want to be scared of both those things, well... let's move on). Brad Johnson retired in 1998 and no one told him. His right arm retired in 1996. Their featured back couldn't unseat a crippled ex-con last year.
Yes. That was more than one reason. But, they won 9 games last year. And, I have a feeling that, with all the talent on the roster, the right systems eventually sinking into the minds of all the new faces, and what is still a weak division (did I mention there are THREE new coaches), the Vikings can pull 9 wins out of their collective G-strings again and cruise into the off-season. Barely missing the playoffs.
Chicago Bears:
It's okay, Bears fans. You can breathe. You return everyone from a suffocating defense (admit it, deep down you knew Mike Brown was gonna get hurt). Rex Grossman has not yet broken his leg tripping over his own shadow. And Angelo finally hired a capable back-up in Brian Griese. And, if all else fails, you've got... Kyle... Orton.
Your receivers are good enough. Your offensive line is awesome. You still don't have a tight end (by the way, in a tight end rich draft, WHAT THE HELL WAS UP WITH PICKING 4 CONSECUTIVE DEFENSIVE GUYS WITH THE FIRST FOUR PICKS?!?!?!?!) You have Thomas Jones and Cedrick Benson.
And you have the toughest man named Lovie to ever prowl the sidelines. As a side note, how humiliating must it be for a losing coach to come up to Smith and say, "Good game, Lovie. You really got us." Kinda like when we got torched by Kelly Holcomb in the 2002 Wild Card game. I was excited that we won, but then I thought, "We got burned for 429 yards by someone named Kelly? KELLY?!?!? Tennessee is gonna murder us." And they did.
The moral of the story? Chicago's the only good team in this division and they get to play everyone else twice. They win.
Saturday, August 19, 2006
NFC South Predictions
Here's how I think the division will end up, last to first:
Atlanta Falcons:
Two reasons for this: I think the Falcons are overrated because of Mike Vick so I'm trying to prove a point, and I really believe that New Orleans is going to be significantly improved this year.
Their receivers are mediocre, their quarterback is inaccurate, and they can't seem to decide who their featured back is. And I'm also really pissed at Jim Mora, Jr. for taking Warrick Dunn out near the goaline. The man screwed my Fantasy team last year.
Their defensive line is fast, but each starter averages about 260 pounds. I'm thinking they won't be able to stop the run. In a division with the Panthers, Reggie Bush, Deuce McAllister, and Cadillac Williams, that's gonna be a problem.
New Orleans Saints:
I said they were going to be better this year, but it's not too hard to improve on a 4-12 record. They'll be better but they still won't be good. Seeing as how Tampa and Carolina are the premiere teams in this division, third place to them ain't so bad after all.
I think Sean Payton is going to get more out of this roster than Jim Haslett ever had, or could have. Haslett's a good guy, he's from Pittsburgh, and he's a great coordinator, but he's not a head coach. Kinda like Ken Whisenhunt, but I digress.
If nothing else, everyone on the team has to be breathing a collective sigh of relief that they get to play 8 home games this year, they know where they're practicing, and the city they represent isn't completely ravaged by a natural disaster. That, combined with Payton, a healthy McAllister, some Pro Bowl QB named Drew Brees, and Reggie Bush should be good enough for 3 more wins.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers:
Tampa's a good team. I finally have some faith in Chris Simms. It looks as though Jon Gruden has stopped calling the AARP every off-season looking for offensive lineman and has started building through the draft. I truly believe that, with the schemes Gruden can devise, the talent they have, and the weak defenses of New Orleans and Atlanta, they're going to be awesome on offense.
The trouble is, their defense is friggin' ancient. I think they take a pretty big step back on defense this year. The biggest thing you need when you run the Tampa 2 is speed on defense. The first thing to go when you get old (after the eyes, of course) is speed. Now that they're half a step (or more) slower on defense, they won't be able to close and cover up the holes in the Tampa 2 zone. They won't get as ferocious a pass rush from the front four. They'll be a shadow of their former selves.
However, their "former selves" were really, really, really damn good. One of the best, most consistent defenses in NFL history over the last 10 years. So, even taking a step back in performance, they're still good enough, when combined with the offense, to get this team to the playoffs.
Carolina Panthers:
They're not beating the Panthers, though. Steve Smith finally has another receiver to take the attention away from him. All their backs are healthy, at least for the moment.
Kris Jenkins is back, Maake Kemoeatu weighs about 900 pounds and moves like a ballerina. Their secondary is among the best in the league. Their linebackers, as long as they can find someone to replace Will Witherspoon, are serviceable. And Julius Peppers is Julius Peppers. So there.
The only thing that could derail this team and keep it from returning to the NFC Championship Game (and possibly the Super Bowl) is injuries. That's gotta be the one thing that keeps John Fox awake at night. There are waaaaaaaay too many guys with long injury histories. Steve Smith, DeShaun Foster, Kris Jenkins, any member of the offensive line, and any of the linebackers could all go on IR before the season ends. If that happens, well, all bets are off.
Atlanta Falcons:
Two reasons for this: I think the Falcons are overrated because of Mike Vick so I'm trying to prove a point, and I really believe that New Orleans is going to be significantly improved this year.
Their receivers are mediocre, their quarterback is inaccurate, and they can't seem to decide who their featured back is. And I'm also really pissed at Jim Mora, Jr. for taking Warrick Dunn out near the goaline. The man screwed my Fantasy team last year.
Their defensive line is fast, but each starter averages about 260 pounds. I'm thinking they won't be able to stop the run. In a division with the Panthers, Reggie Bush, Deuce McAllister, and Cadillac Williams, that's gonna be a problem.
New Orleans Saints:
I said they were going to be better this year, but it's not too hard to improve on a 4-12 record. They'll be better but they still won't be good. Seeing as how Tampa and Carolina are the premiere teams in this division, third place to them ain't so bad after all.
I think Sean Payton is going to get more out of this roster than Jim Haslett ever had, or could have. Haslett's a good guy, he's from Pittsburgh, and he's a great coordinator, but he's not a head coach. Kinda like Ken Whisenhunt, but I digress.
If nothing else, everyone on the team has to be breathing a collective sigh of relief that they get to play 8 home games this year, they know where they're practicing, and the city they represent isn't completely ravaged by a natural disaster. That, combined with Payton, a healthy McAllister, some Pro Bowl QB named Drew Brees, and Reggie Bush should be good enough for 3 more wins.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers:
Tampa's a good team. I finally have some faith in Chris Simms. It looks as though Jon Gruden has stopped calling the AARP every off-season looking for offensive lineman and has started building through the draft. I truly believe that, with the schemes Gruden can devise, the talent they have, and the weak defenses of New Orleans and Atlanta, they're going to be awesome on offense.
The trouble is, their defense is friggin' ancient. I think they take a pretty big step back on defense this year. The biggest thing you need when you run the Tampa 2 is speed on defense. The first thing to go when you get old (after the eyes, of course) is speed. Now that they're half a step (or more) slower on defense, they won't be able to close and cover up the holes in the Tampa 2 zone. They won't get as ferocious a pass rush from the front four. They'll be a shadow of their former selves.
However, their "former selves" were really, really, really damn good. One of the best, most consistent defenses in NFL history over the last 10 years. So, even taking a step back in performance, they're still good enough, when combined with the offense, to get this team to the playoffs.
Carolina Panthers:
They're not beating the Panthers, though. Steve Smith finally has another receiver to take the attention away from him. All their backs are healthy, at least for the moment.
Kris Jenkins is back, Maake Kemoeatu weighs about 900 pounds and moves like a ballerina. Their secondary is among the best in the league. Their linebackers, as long as they can find someone to replace Will Witherspoon, are serviceable. And Julius Peppers is Julius Peppers. So there.
The only thing that could derail this team and keep it from returning to the NFC Championship Game (and possibly the Super Bowl) is injuries. That's gotta be the one thing that keeps John Fox awake at night. There are waaaaaaaay too many guys with long injury histories. Steve Smith, DeShaun Foster, Kris Jenkins, any member of the offensive line, and any of the linebackers could all go on IR before the season ends. If that happens, well, all bets are off.
NFC West Predictions
Here's how I think the division will end up, last to first:
San Francisco 49ers:
Man, it must SUCK to be a 49ers fan. Seriously. I mean, the Steelers were bad after Bradshaw and all the rest of the "old greats" retired, but they weren't this bad. And, as bad as they were last year, they're one of three teams that I think could actually be worse this year (the others being the Bills and the Jets, which I'll cover in a later post).
They finished 4-12 last year and added Antonio Bryant and drafted Vernon Wells. That's it. They lost their two biggest playmakers on defense, Julian Peterson (Seattle) and Andre Carter (Washington). They have a QB with small hands and NO career touchdown passes. They have Kevan Barlow (really, this is the year he breaks out. I'm sure of it.) And... I couldn't name any more guys on their roster if you opened up the team page on their Web site and taught me how to read.
They're going to suck. Badly. I'm not sure if they're going to be better or worse than the Jets or the Bills. Then again, being better than the Jets and Bills is kinda like being the leper with the best dick. Let's move on.
St. Louis Rams:
One thing has always messed with me when I see a movie where a girl dresses up as a guy or a guy dresses up like a girl: The guy smell. Think about it. Guys sweat. We're smelly, smelly animals. Girls have all kinds of creams and lotions and hydrating mists and stuff. They smell good. In these movies, when a girl dresses up like a guy, how does she emulate the "Guy Smell"? When a guy dresses up like a girl, how does he hide it? It's in there on a DNA level. I just don't get it. How can you mistake a big, sweaty Wayans brother for Paris Hilton? How do you do it?
Here's my point: The Rams are Paris Hilton and they're trying to be a big, sweaty Wayans brother. But they don't have the guy smell.
For years, they've been the team that airs it out, plays just enough defense, and doesn't really care if they turn the ball over. Now new coach Scott Linehan wants them to be a power running team that plays physical defense and doesn't turn the ball over. They've got a roster full of Paris Hiltons and they're trying to spritz themselves with L'Oeu de Wayans. It's not gonna work. THEY DON'T HAVE THE PERSONNEL. It's like when a team that has run the 4-3 as its base defense for years tries to switch to the 3-4 and everyone wonders why the defense suddenly went to pot. It's because, when you run the 4-3, you need certain personnel that don't fit into the 3-4. And vice versa.
You can't just flip the "toughness" switch whenever you want. It doesn't work that way. But, if they keep drafting and signing free agents with this philosophy in mind, they'll be good in 3-4 years. Maybe two. But not this year.
Arizona Cardinals:
Partly because someone has to come in third and it ain't gonna be the Seahawks. But mostly because the Cardinals have added Edgerrin James and have a new o-line coach. If Kurt Warner stays healthy (again, BIG if), all they need is the threat of a running game to be successful on offense. They're too loaded at WR and the offensive line is good enough at pass blocking for the passing game not to succeed.
And, their new offensive line coach can teach his players how to block the "stretch" and "slant" plays that Edge runs so well.
The defense just needs to hold the other team to 20 points or so. That shouldn't be too much of a challenge, but they are soft up the middle and have MAJOR holes at 2 out of the 4 positions in the secondary.
They may get a Wild Card bid, but no one's taking this division from Seattle.
Seattle Seahawks:
As much as I hate to do this and as much as I'm still pissed about the continuous whining in the weeks following the Super Bowl, they're one of the five best teams in the league.
They added Nate Burleson and Julian Peterson (an All-Pro guy when healthy). And they only lost a back-up safety and Steve Hutchinson. He's a left guard. It's no big deal. Really. They'll get over it. As much as I love Alan Faneca, we'd still have a great offensive line without him, we'd just have to change the left guard's assignments on a number of running plays (because he really does pull a lot and his replacement might not be able to do that). And that's just what Seattle will do.
The only thing that could de-rail them is them. If they psych themselves out or suffer from the dreaded "Super Bowl Hangover," then it's Arizona's division to lose. If not, they may again represent the NFC in Super Bowl XLI.
San Francisco 49ers:
Man, it must SUCK to be a 49ers fan. Seriously. I mean, the Steelers were bad after Bradshaw and all the rest of the "old greats" retired, but they weren't this bad. And, as bad as they were last year, they're one of three teams that I think could actually be worse this year (the others being the Bills and the Jets, which I'll cover in a later post).
They finished 4-12 last year and added Antonio Bryant and drafted Vernon Wells. That's it. They lost their two biggest playmakers on defense, Julian Peterson (Seattle) and Andre Carter (Washington). They have a QB with small hands and NO career touchdown passes. They have Kevan Barlow (really, this is the year he breaks out. I'm sure of it.) And... I couldn't name any more guys on their roster if you opened up the team page on their Web site and taught me how to read.
They're going to suck. Badly. I'm not sure if they're going to be better or worse than the Jets or the Bills. Then again, being better than the Jets and Bills is kinda like being the leper with the best dick. Let's move on.
St. Louis Rams:
One thing has always messed with me when I see a movie where a girl dresses up as a guy or a guy dresses up like a girl: The guy smell. Think about it. Guys sweat. We're smelly, smelly animals. Girls have all kinds of creams and lotions and hydrating mists and stuff. They smell good. In these movies, when a girl dresses up like a guy, how does she emulate the "Guy Smell"? When a guy dresses up like a girl, how does he hide it? It's in there on a DNA level. I just don't get it. How can you mistake a big, sweaty Wayans brother for Paris Hilton? How do you do it?
Here's my point: The Rams are Paris Hilton and they're trying to be a big, sweaty Wayans brother. But they don't have the guy smell.
For years, they've been the team that airs it out, plays just enough defense, and doesn't really care if they turn the ball over. Now new coach Scott Linehan wants them to be a power running team that plays physical defense and doesn't turn the ball over. They've got a roster full of Paris Hiltons and they're trying to spritz themselves with L'Oeu de Wayans. It's not gonna work. THEY DON'T HAVE THE PERSONNEL. It's like when a team that has run the 4-3 as its base defense for years tries to switch to the 3-4 and everyone wonders why the defense suddenly went to pot. It's because, when you run the 4-3, you need certain personnel that don't fit into the 3-4. And vice versa.
You can't just flip the "toughness" switch whenever you want. It doesn't work that way. But, if they keep drafting and signing free agents with this philosophy in mind, they'll be good in 3-4 years. Maybe two. But not this year.
Arizona Cardinals:
Partly because someone has to come in third and it ain't gonna be the Seahawks. But mostly because the Cardinals have added Edgerrin James and have a new o-line coach. If Kurt Warner stays healthy (again, BIG if), all they need is the threat of a running game to be successful on offense. They're too loaded at WR and the offensive line is good enough at pass blocking for the passing game not to succeed.
And, their new offensive line coach can teach his players how to block the "stretch" and "slant" plays that Edge runs so well.
The defense just needs to hold the other team to 20 points or so. That shouldn't be too much of a challenge, but they are soft up the middle and have MAJOR holes at 2 out of the 4 positions in the secondary.
They may get a Wild Card bid, but no one's taking this division from Seattle.
Seattle Seahawks:
As much as I hate to do this and as much as I'm still pissed about the continuous whining in the weeks following the Super Bowl, they're one of the five best teams in the league.
They added Nate Burleson and Julian Peterson (an All-Pro guy when healthy). And they only lost a back-up safety and Steve Hutchinson. He's a left guard. It's no big deal. Really. They'll get over it. As much as I love Alan Faneca, we'd still have a great offensive line without him, we'd just have to change the left guard's assignments on a number of running plays (because he really does pull a lot and his replacement might not be able to do that). And that's just what Seattle will do.
The only thing that could de-rail them is them. If they psych themselves out or suffer from the dreaded "Super Bowl Hangover," then it's Arizona's division to lose. If not, they may again represent the NFC in Super Bowl XLI.
NFC East Predictions
See, the blog is called "Steelers N At" so I can feel free to post whatever I want that's non-Steelers related. However, I'll be sure to keep this to a minimum once the season actually starts.
The NFC East is predicted to be one of the best and most hotly contested divisions in the league for 2006. Therefore, I'm starting with them. Teams are posted in the order in which I believe they'll finish the 2006 season.
Philadelphia Eagles:
I know they were in the Super Bowl as recently as 2004. I understand that they were ravaged by injuries last year. I completely agree that McNabb gives them an exceptional chance to win every week, as long as he's healthy (and he was hurt last year.)
But...
They don't run the ball enough. Or well. Or really even as an afterthought. Westbrook can't hold up for a full 16 games. Beyond Westbrook, who do they have that's a legitimate offensive weapon? Letting T.O. go was a good call. Now, though, they're left with Reggie Brown, Todd Pinkston, and a lot of undrafted guys that are better on special teams than regular teams. They've got a great line and a great quarterback, but they don't have any skill position guys that can help them take advantage of those two strengths.
And the defense is old. They're soft up the middle. They don't have great linebackers. Bryan Dawkins no longer scares the hell out of me. Neither does Michael Lewis. And I always draft either Lito Sheppard or... the other guy in Fantasy Football leagues where you need to take individual players. Reason? A lot of passes are completed on them and they get a lot of tackles as a result. Great for fantasy, not so great for reality.
All this having been said, I still say they improve on last year and win 7 or 8 games. That's good enough for last place in this division.
New York Giants:
I don't trust Eli. Tiki has to run out of gas eventually. Jeremy Shockey is a better talker and showman than he is a player. I have a long and well documented hatred of Plaxico Burress. So... I'm supposed to pick these guys to win the division based on Amani Toomer and Tim Carter? I think not.
Their linebackers are improved. They have one of the best d-lines in football. While it's true that their secondary is suspect (what year did Patrick Surtain retire? I think it was 2002.), the NFC East has always been a division that centered around the power run game (which is why the Eagles will finish last). The Giants are probably going to be beter on defense than offense this year, which is strange considering that have WAY more talent on offense.
At some point, Coughlin is either going to cave into the 38,103 manic personalities he has on offense, or he's going to wig out like a crazy father on a sitcom, start turning out all the lights and say that everyone needs to be in bed by 8:30. No comic books. Neither scenario will work out to the Giants' best benefit.
Dalls Cowboys:
They really should win the division. Seriously. Great coach, loads of talent on both sides of the ball, Parcells finally has the right personnel to run the 3-4 as his base defense, Bledsoe is out to prove that he's not a crybaby and a moron. And the window for this team to make it to the Big Game is closing.
But...
The Cowboys are the only team in the league that should employ a therapist, and interventionist, and a conflict-resolution expert. And an exorcist. They've got Terry Glenn, Mike Vanderjagt, and T.O. on the same roster. AND THEY TRIED TO RE-SIGN KEYSHAWN! ARE THEY COMPLETELY INSANE?!?!?!?! You can only flick lit matches at the powder keg for so long before your luck runs out. I say Parcells has 6 strokes and an aneurism before the season ends.
As a result, I cannot and will not pick this collection of misfits and malcontents to win the division. If I were a Cowboys fan, I'd buy a gallon drum of NyQuil at Sam's Club just so I could sleep at night. This team could go 16-0, blow through the playoffs and the Super Bowl, and win all their games by an average of 36 points. Or, they could finish 3-12 with the last game being stricken from the NFL record books because everyone on the Dallas Cowboys (including the coaches, owner, some fans, the cheerleaders, and the girl that answers the phone at the front desk) was dead.
Washington Redskins:
I stepped into my buddy Weidman's car a few weeks back (he and I carpool to work together) and said, "Dude. Clean Sanchez is trying to ruin the beard mojo." And Weidman knew exactly what I meant. What's my point? Weidman and I have known each other for 7 years. We can complete each other's sentences. When a football team is together for about half that time, they begin to anticipate each other's actions on the field. And when stuff happens as quickly as it does on an average football play, having that extra millisecond to react and attack instead of thinking about what you should be doing is critical.
Since Dan Snyder bought the team, they haven't had that kind of continuity. It seems as though every season the man pulls a Mark Cuban and overhauls his roster. Well, the Mavericks finally made it to the NBA Finals last season. And this is the season the Redskins make it to the Super Bowl.
The primary reason for this is that, for the first time in a long time, they're not breaking in a new head coach and a whole pile of new starters. True, Brandon Lloyd, Antwaan Randle-El, Andre Carter, and Adam Archuleta are all new, but they're complimentary players and situational guys (except Archuleta, he's replacing Ryan Clark). And Joe Gibbs is finally starting to get it.
I'm a big Joe Gibbs guy. I'm sure that, now that he's had time to get used to the "modern game," he's going to conquer it. The man has three rings, won those rings with three different starting quarterbacks (and one of those rings was won with Doug Williams and Jimmy Smits), and he's had success everywhere he's been. He's a Hall of Famer for a reason.
With Gibbs, the new pieces in place, Al Saunders calling the plays, and a stout offensive line that will (hopefully) keep Brunell out of harm's way, it looks like their year. Provided, of course, that Brunell stays healthy. Which is a BIG if, given the fact that the Smithsonian keeps calling him, asking him to ship them his left arm.
The NFC East is predicted to be one of the best and most hotly contested divisions in the league for 2006. Therefore, I'm starting with them. Teams are posted in the order in which I believe they'll finish the 2006 season.
Philadelphia Eagles:
I know they were in the Super Bowl as recently as 2004. I understand that they were ravaged by injuries last year. I completely agree that McNabb gives them an exceptional chance to win every week, as long as he's healthy (and he was hurt last year.)
But...
They don't run the ball enough. Or well. Or really even as an afterthought. Westbrook can't hold up for a full 16 games. Beyond Westbrook, who do they have that's a legitimate offensive weapon? Letting T.O. go was a good call. Now, though, they're left with Reggie Brown, Todd Pinkston, and a lot of undrafted guys that are better on special teams than regular teams. They've got a great line and a great quarterback, but they don't have any skill position guys that can help them take advantage of those two strengths.
And the defense is old. They're soft up the middle. They don't have great linebackers. Bryan Dawkins no longer scares the hell out of me. Neither does Michael Lewis. And I always draft either Lito Sheppard or... the other guy in Fantasy Football leagues where you need to take individual players. Reason? A lot of passes are completed on them and they get a lot of tackles as a result. Great for fantasy, not so great for reality.
All this having been said, I still say they improve on last year and win 7 or 8 games. That's good enough for last place in this division.
New York Giants:
I don't trust Eli. Tiki has to run out of gas eventually. Jeremy Shockey is a better talker and showman than he is a player. I have a long and well documented hatred of Plaxico Burress. So... I'm supposed to pick these guys to win the division based on Amani Toomer and Tim Carter? I think not.
Their linebackers are improved. They have one of the best d-lines in football. While it's true that their secondary is suspect (what year did Patrick Surtain retire? I think it was 2002.), the NFC East has always been a division that centered around the power run game (which is why the Eagles will finish last). The Giants are probably going to be beter on defense than offense this year, which is strange considering that have WAY more talent on offense.
At some point, Coughlin is either going to cave into the 38,103 manic personalities he has on offense, or he's going to wig out like a crazy father on a sitcom, start turning out all the lights and say that everyone needs to be in bed by 8:30. No comic books. Neither scenario will work out to the Giants' best benefit.
Dalls Cowboys:
They really should win the division. Seriously. Great coach, loads of talent on both sides of the ball, Parcells finally has the right personnel to run the 3-4 as his base defense, Bledsoe is out to prove that he's not a crybaby and a moron. And the window for this team to make it to the Big Game is closing.
But...
The Cowboys are the only team in the league that should employ a therapist, and interventionist, and a conflict-resolution expert. And an exorcist. They've got Terry Glenn, Mike Vanderjagt, and T.O. on the same roster. AND THEY TRIED TO RE-SIGN KEYSHAWN! ARE THEY COMPLETELY INSANE?!?!?!?! You can only flick lit matches at the powder keg for so long before your luck runs out. I say Parcells has 6 strokes and an aneurism before the season ends.
As a result, I cannot and will not pick this collection of misfits and malcontents to win the division. If I were a Cowboys fan, I'd buy a gallon drum of NyQuil at Sam's Club just so I could sleep at night. This team could go 16-0, blow through the playoffs and the Super Bowl, and win all their games by an average of 36 points. Or, they could finish 3-12 with the last game being stricken from the NFL record books because everyone on the Dallas Cowboys (including the coaches, owner, some fans, the cheerleaders, and the girl that answers the phone at the front desk) was dead.
Washington Redskins:
I stepped into my buddy Weidman's car a few weeks back (he and I carpool to work together) and said, "Dude. Clean Sanchez is trying to ruin the beard mojo." And Weidman knew exactly what I meant. What's my point? Weidman and I have known each other for 7 years. We can complete each other's sentences. When a football team is together for about half that time, they begin to anticipate each other's actions on the field. And when stuff happens as quickly as it does on an average football play, having that extra millisecond to react and attack instead of thinking about what you should be doing is critical.
Since Dan Snyder bought the team, they haven't had that kind of continuity. It seems as though every season the man pulls a Mark Cuban and overhauls his roster. Well, the Mavericks finally made it to the NBA Finals last season. And this is the season the Redskins make it to the Super Bowl.
The primary reason for this is that, for the first time in a long time, they're not breaking in a new head coach and a whole pile of new starters. True, Brandon Lloyd, Antwaan Randle-El, Andre Carter, and Adam Archuleta are all new, but they're complimentary players and situational guys (except Archuleta, he's replacing Ryan Clark). And Joe Gibbs is finally starting to get it.
I'm a big Joe Gibbs guy. I'm sure that, now that he's had time to get used to the "modern game," he's going to conquer it. The man has three rings, won those rings with three different starting quarterbacks (and one of those rings was won with Doug Williams and Jimmy Smits), and he's had success everywhere he's been. He's a Hall of Famer for a reason.
With Gibbs, the new pieces in place, Al Saunders calling the plays, and a stout offensive line that will (hopefully) keep Brunell out of harm's way, it looks like their year. Provided, of course, that Brunell stays healthy. Which is a BIG if, given the fact that the Smithsonian keeps calling him, asking him to ship them his left arm.
Pre-Season
I know that there's a pre-season game tonight. I won't be able to watch it, and I really don't care. The reason I don't care, obviously, is not that I don't care about the Steelers, but because the pre-season is a gigantic waste of my time.
The gameplans are vanilla, the starters play a maxium of two quarters a game (usually in the third game and they hardly play at all in games 1 and 4), and even the coaches don't really care if they win or lose.
And, by the time it gets to the 3rd and 4th quarters and I'm watching Shane Boyd trying to scramble around and complete a check-down pass to Cedrick Humes, I've already lost interest. And the worst part is that the Steelers charge full price for pre-season games. A buddy of mine once had to spend three weeks in Indianapolis. One night, the Colts were playing a pre-season home game and my buddy's ticket was $15. For $15, he got to see Manning, James, and Harrison for 2 quarters, see the RCA Dome (just to say that he saw it, really, I mean it's an ugly building), and had his entertainment covered for the night.
I'd pay $15 to see a pre-season game. But not $56 or whatever it is now. And I'm pretty sure that the Steelers have charged full price for pre-season games since Heinz Field opened, so it has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that we won Super Bowl XL. Had I mentioned we won the Super Bowl? Well, we did.
The pre-season exists as a revenue stream for the NFL and as a resource for coaches and GMs to figure out what guys are going to be allocated to the practice squad and NFL Europe. In theory, it's also supposed to show what your 2nd stringers are made of, in case one of your starters goes down. That's why I say Cowher should throw all 2nd string guys out at the beginning of the game. He'll really see what they're made of in that situation. And that's what exhibition games are for. You can run crazy scenarios like, "What if all our starters went down with injuries? How would we fare against the rest of the league?" Of course, it's not really an accurate measure, since all the teams you're playing aren't playing to win and using vanilla schemes and 2nd string guys themselves. But I think it'd be fun.
I seriously doubt that Whisenhunt actually drafts up a gameplan for the pre-season games. I imagine Ben in the huddle, saying, "Okay. First and second downs, we run 'Willie right, Willie left.' It's third down? Huh. I thought there were too many receivers in this huddle. Okay. Nate, I want you to run like hell when I say 'hut.' If I see that you beat the guy covering you and he doesn't have help over the top, I'll throw it as far as I can and close my eyes. Cedrick... you just wanna run a post? I've seen you run them in practice. You're good at them. Cool. New guy... beat up his baby's mama... Santonio, right. Run a slant. You're the hot route on this. If they blitz, I'm throwing it to you. Verron, stay back and block in case they blitz. If they don't, hang around. If I start running around like crazy, I might have to flip the ball to you. That's it. Oh yeah! We have four receivers! Dude, you're not making the team, so I don't care what you do. Why don't you get to the middle of the field, then run around in circles, shouting vodoo curses at the defense and waving your arms. That should give Cedrick enough of a distraction to get open. Okay. Break!"
Yeah, the pre-season's the one time the coaches and the league basically say, "Suck it up and deal. This is about money." And I'm fine with the fact that, during this four week window, they turn a deaf ear to the complaints of the fans and players. I mean, it could be worse. It could be hockey (though I'm starting to get stoked about the Penguins. We have a dude that's part of the Russian mafia on our team. Like that's not going to scare the rest of the Russians in the league just a litte.)
Finally, I'm tired of players saying the pre-season's too long. If you're afraid to get hurt YOU SHOULDN'T BE PLAYING FOOTBALL. That's like a dude that juggles knives for a living saying that he's not going to practice anymore because he lost two fingers. YOU'RE JUGGLING FRICKIN' KNIVES!!!!! IT'S DANGEROUS!
If nothing else, make like T.O. and fake an injury. And, player that's already bitching doesn't understand that the pre-season will never, ever get any shorter. Plus which, if you already got injured, wouldn't you now want the pre-season to be longer so you could heal? Finally, Clinton Portis is belly-aching about his shoulder (if that makes any sense) and he got injured on the first play of the first game of the pre-season. Again, he should be hoping the pre-season is longer so that he can get well for the games that really count. Well, the games that really count are in January, not September, but I digress.
And finally (I'll shut up after this, I promise) I have something to say to every football player that complains about the pre-season: You're playing a violent game. People get in hurt when they play this game. It's unavoidable. You're also getting paid millions of dollars to play this game. I sell software and don't get paid millions of dollars. I barely get paid thousands of dollars. Every time I go to make a cold call, I know that I could break my hand while dialing. But you have to take that chance. After all, we're all professionals here.
And, if I had a stripper pole in my basement, I'd want to spend a little down time "healing" before the season starts anyway.
The gameplans are vanilla, the starters play a maxium of two quarters a game (usually in the third game and they hardly play at all in games 1 and 4), and even the coaches don't really care if they win or lose.
And, by the time it gets to the 3rd and 4th quarters and I'm watching Shane Boyd trying to scramble around and complete a check-down pass to Cedrick Humes, I've already lost interest. And the worst part is that the Steelers charge full price for pre-season games. A buddy of mine once had to spend three weeks in Indianapolis. One night, the Colts were playing a pre-season home game and my buddy's ticket was $15. For $15, he got to see Manning, James, and Harrison for 2 quarters, see the RCA Dome (just to say that he saw it, really, I mean it's an ugly building), and had his entertainment covered for the night.
I'd pay $15 to see a pre-season game. But not $56 or whatever it is now. And I'm pretty sure that the Steelers have charged full price for pre-season games since Heinz Field opened, so it has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that we won Super Bowl XL. Had I mentioned we won the Super Bowl? Well, we did.
The pre-season exists as a revenue stream for the NFL and as a resource for coaches and GMs to figure out what guys are going to be allocated to the practice squad and NFL Europe. In theory, it's also supposed to show what your 2nd stringers are made of, in case one of your starters goes down. That's why I say Cowher should throw all 2nd string guys out at the beginning of the game. He'll really see what they're made of in that situation. And that's what exhibition games are for. You can run crazy scenarios like, "What if all our starters went down with injuries? How would we fare against the rest of the league?" Of course, it's not really an accurate measure, since all the teams you're playing aren't playing to win and using vanilla schemes and 2nd string guys themselves. But I think it'd be fun.
I seriously doubt that Whisenhunt actually drafts up a gameplan for the pre-season games. I imagine Ben in the huddle, saying, "Okay. First and second downs, we run 'Willie right, Willie left.' It's third down? Huh. I thought there were too many receivers in this huddle. Okay. Nate, I want you to run like hell when I say 'hut.' If I see that you beat the guy covering you and he doesn't have help over the top, I'll throw it as far as I can and close my eyes. Cedrick... you just wanna run a post? I've seen you run them in practice. You're good at them. Cool. New guy... beat up his baby's mama... Santonio, right. Run a slant. You're the hot route on this. If they blitz, I'm throwing it to you. Verron, stay back and block in case they blitz. If they don't, hang around. If I start running around like crazy, I might have to flip the ball to you. That's it. Oh yeah! We have four receivers! Dude, you're not making the team, so I don't care what you do. Why don't you get to the middle of the field, then run around in circles, shouting vodoo curses at the defense and waving your arms. That should give Cedrick enough of a distraction to get open. Okay. Break!"
Yeah, the pre-season's the one time the coaches and the league basically say, "Suck it up and deal. This is about money." And I'm fine with the fact that, during this four week window, they turn a deaf ear to the complaints of the fans and players. I mean, it could be worse. It could be hockey (though I'm starting to get stoked about the Penguins. We have a dude that's part of the Russian mafia on our team. Like that's not going to scare the rest of the Russians in the league just a litte.)
Finally, I'm tired of players saying the pre-season's too long. If you're afraid to get hurt YOU SHOULDN'T BE PLAYING FOOTBALL. That's like a dude that juggles knives for a living saying that he's not going to practice anymore because he lost two fingers. YOU'RE JUGGLING FRICKIN' KNIVES!!!!! IT'S DANGEROUS!
If nothing else, make like T.O. and fake an injury. And, player that's already bitching doesn't understand that the pre-season will never, ever get any shorter. Plus which, if you already got injured, wouldn't you now want the pre-season to be longer so you could heal? Finally, Clinton Portis is belly-aching about his shoulder (if that makes any sense) and he got injured on the first play of the first game of the pre-season. Again, he should be hoping the pre-season is longer so that he can get well for the games that really count. Well, the games that really count are in January, not September, but I digress.
And finally (I'll shut up after this, I promise) I have something to say to every football player that complains about the pre-season: You're playing a violent game. People get in hurt when they play this game. It's unavoidable. You're also getting paid millions of dollars to play this game. I sell software and don't get paid millions of dollars. I barely get paid thousands of dollars. Every time I go to make a cold call, I know that I could break my hand while dialing. But you have to take that chance. After all, we're all professionals here.
And, if I had a stripper pole in my basement, I'd want to spend a little down time "healing" before the season starts anyway.
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Recent Events
Well, thank the Sweet Baby Jesus, another football season is upon us. Now, I'm a diehard Steelers fan, but not so much that I think their warts are cute and the fact that they get too conservative when they get a lead is cute. Since I'm starting this a little late in the off-season, I've gotta cover some issues that have been streamed across the Internet as "dire" or "season threatening" as the Black and Gold attempt to defend their title.
First of All:
Has it gotten old for anyone out there to hear the Steelers referred to as "the defending champs"? I know it hasn't for me. Not yet. I'm also quite fond of the fact that every article about Big Ben describes him as the youngest quarterback ever to win the Super Bowl.
Cowher's Contract:
Okay. I understand that it's a big deal that the man has never gone into a season with only two years remaining on his current deal. I understand that Art Rooney II has announced that they're discontinuing negotiations. That's bad. And, I'm thinking that the negotiations went a little something like this:
Kevin Colbert: What would it take to make you happy?
Cowher's Agent: Bill wants to be the highest paid coach in the NFL.
Colbert: How about 4th or 5th highest? Will that work?
(Silence. More silence. Agent shuffles papers, Cowher begins to scowl.)
Agent: I think we're done here.
Here's my thinking: There's absolutely nothing we can do about it. And, the players are definitely not going to give up the chance at a big payday in the future (we've got a number of guys in the last year of their contract) just because they're not sure if Cowher's gonna be around for the 2008 season. And Cowher seems to be very focused on the present and non-committal about the future. I say so what. If he wins another title, he can take a dump in the trophy room and declare that he received "services in exchange for money" from Kordell Stewart on numerous occasions from 1996-2002 and I wouldn't care. If not having a contract focuses him on winning another title, more power to him.
He'll either sign an extension, or he won't. If he doesn't, he'll either retire or go to another team. Again, nothing we can do. I'd like to add for the conspiracy theorists out there that Bill Parcells' contract also expires at the end of the 2007 season. Parcells ain't signing another contract. If there's anyone that will throw gobs of money at a name coach, it's Jerry Jones. I'm sure Cowher would rather die than coach the Cowboys (as would we all), but for $7 million a year, he'd probably have a threesome with Jones and Barbara Bush.
I say we pay him. After all, my argument for signing the man to an extension or whether or not he should be fired remains the same: If he wanted another job after he left the Steelers, how many teams would line up to hire him? I'm thinking lots. And, I'm sure he wants to retire and hang out with his daughters and his wife, but that still leaves him about 49 men short of what he's used to dealing with. He won't stay retired long. He'll go somewhere else. For $7 million a year in Pittsburgh? Get Dan Rooney and Sophie Masloff on the horn and tell 'em to bring some lube!
Injuries to the Offensive Line:
It has been a big deal here in Pittsburgh, but I don't know how big a deal it seems to be nationally. Chukky Okobi got hurt. Barrett Brooks got arrested. The day after Brooks got arrested, my grandfather called me and asked me, "What's up with this Brett Barks? Is he a starter?" I think that right there points out just how important the man is. Him getting arrested just gave us one more reason to cut him and replace him with someone younger, more talented, and cheaper.
Speaking of which, I've been lobbying for the outster of Mr. Okobi for about 3 years now. I even rooted for Gay "Bo" Lacy to take the back-up job from him when we drafted Lacy in 2004. Now remember that Lacy, during the 2004 off-season, was the only center on any NFL roster that snapped the ball with both hands. Marvin Phillip was a two-time All-Pac 10 player at his position. He's big enough, athletic enough, and he doesn't draw $2 million a year in salary. If Okobi really was the "center of the future," he'd have overtaken Hartings and his balky knees by now. Let me point out that the preceeding comment was a slam against Okobi, not in any way a slight against Hartings. That guy's awesome.
Phillips definitely isn't the next Webster or Dawson. Hell, Hartings isn't the next Webster or Dawson. But, he's good enough. And he's better than Okobi. We've spent the last two off-seasons stockpiling young depth and talent along the offensive line. I suggest we use it.
And, lost in all the offensive line worry is the fact that everyone seems to have completely forgotten that Big Ben almost died just over two months ago. Just throwing that out there. Couple of back-up linemen aren't that important in the big picture.
Free Agent Departures:
We lost a guy that had one touchdown reception and 35 total catches last year, a 35 year-old defensive lineman, and Chris Hope. Not that big a deal. Seriously.
Granted, we drafted two guys (Holmes to replace El the receiver and Reid to replace El the returner) to replace Randle-El and really needed to draft a third guy (Brad Smith of Missouri or Michael Robinson of Penn State) to fully replace him, but it's not that huge a loss. In an era of specialization in the NFL, if you do three things well, you're not really good at anything. Holmes just needs to concentrate on receiving (and showing up for court dates) and he'll be better at it than El. Reid just needs to focus on returning punts. And Hines Ward can throw. They just never needed him to. By the way, we've got this guy on the team... wears #7... he's a pretty good thrower. Gets paid for that sort of thing.
As much as I hated to see Kimo go (and I wasn't that shocked to see something since I saw Courtney Cox's breasts in The Longest Yard), Brett Keisel is actually ready. And he's better than Kimo. Maybe not from a technique standpoint (yet), but he's younger, faster, stronger, and a far superior pass rusher.
I really think Ryan Clark is an upgrade over Chris Hope. I have nothing to back this up. All I know is that Hope was asking for too much money to be Troy Polamalu's fluff girl. After all, who makes more, the guy that invented Tide, or the guy that does the laundry? Troy creates and makes a difference, the free safety in the scheme simply cleans up (which makes the fluff girl analogy either unfounded or pretty accurate, depending on how you look at it).
Wow. I got to rambling. More coming soon.
First of All:
Has it gotten old for anyone out there to hear the Steelers referred to as "the defending champs"? I know it hasn't for me. Not yet. I'm also quite fond of the fact that every article about Big Ben describes him as the youngest quarterback ever to win the Super Bowl.
Cowher's Contract:
Okay. I understand that it's a big deal that the man has never gone into a season with only two years remaining on his current deal. I understand that Art Rooney II has announced that they're discontinuing negotiations. That's bad. And, I'm thinking that the negotiations went a little something like this:
Kevin Colbert: What would it take to make you happy?
Cowher's Agent: Bill wants to be the highest paid coach in the NFL.
Colbert: How about 4th or 5th highest? Will that work?
(Silence. More silence. Agent shuffles papers, Cowher begins to scowl.)
Agent: I think we're done here.
Here's my thinking: There's absolutely nothing we can do about it. And, the players are definitely not going to give up the chance at a big payday in the future (we've got a number of guys in the last year of their contract) just because they're not sure if Cowher's gonna be around for the 2008 season. And Cowher seems to be very focused on the present and non-committal about the future. I say so what. If he wins another title, he can take a dump in the trophy room and declare that he received "services in exchange for money" from Kordell Stewart on numerous occasions from 1996-2002 and I wouldn't care. If not having a contract focuses him on winning another title, more power to him.
He'll either sign an extension, or he won't. If he doesn't, he'll either retire or go to another team. Again, nothing we can do. I'd like to add for the conspiracy theorists out there that Bill Parcells' contract also expires at the end of the 2007 season. Parcells ain't signing another contract. If there's anyone that will throw gobs of money at a name coach, it's Jerry Jones. I'm sure Cowher would rather die than coach the Cowboys (as would we all), but for $7 million a year, he'd probably have a threesome with Jones and Barbara Bush.
I say we pay him. After all, my argument for signing the man to an extension or whether or not he should be fired remains the same: If he wanted another job after he left the Steelers, how many teams would line up to hire him? I'm thinking lots. And, I'm sure he wants to retire and hang out with his daughters and his wife, but that still leaves him about 49 men short of what he's used to dealing with. He won't stay retired long. He'll go somewhere else. For $7 million a year in Pittsburgh? Get Dan Rooney and Sophie Masloff on the horn and tell 'em to bring some lube!
Injuries to the Offensive Line:
It has been a big deal here in Pittsburgh, but I don't know how big a deal it seems to be nationally. Chukky Okobi got hurt. Barrett Brooks got arrested. The day after Brooks got arrested, my grandfather called me and asked me, "What's up with this Brett Barks? Is he a starter?" I think that right there points out just how important the man is. Him getting arrested just gave us one more reason to cut him and replace him with someone younger, more talented, and cheaper.
Speaking of which, I've been lobbying for the outster of Mr. Okobi for about 3 years now. I even rooted for Gay "Bo" Lacy to take the back-up job from him when we drafted Lacy in 2004. Now remember that Lacy, during the 2004 off-season, was the only center on any NFL roster that snapped the ball with both hands. Marvin Phillip was a two-time All-Pac 10 player at his position. He's big enough, athletic enough, and he doesn't draw $2 million a year in salary. If Okobi really was the "center of the future," he'd have overtaken Hartings and his balky knees by now. Let me point out that the preceeding comment was a slam against Okobi, not in any way a slight against Hartings. That guy's awesome.
Phillips definitely isn't the next Webster or Dawson. Hell, Hartings isn't the next Webster or Dawson. But, he's good enough. And he's better than Okobi. We've spent the last two off-seasons stockpiling young depth and talent along the offensive line. I suggest we use it.
And, lost in all the offensive line worry is the fact that everyone seems to have completely forgotten that Big Ben almost died just over two months ago. Just throwing that out there. Couple of back-up linemen aren't that important in the big picture.
Free Agent Departures:
We lost a guy that had one touchdown reception and 35 total catches last year, a 35 year-old defensive lineman, and Chris Hope. Not that big a deal. Seriously.
Granted, we drafted two guys (Holmes to replace El the receiver and Reid to replace El the returner) to replace Randle-El and really needed to draft a third guy (Brad Smith of Missouri or Michael Robinson of Penn State) to fully replace him, but it's not that huge a loss. In an era of specialization in the NFL, if you do three things well, you're not really good at anything. Holmes just needs to concentrate on receiving (and showing up for court dates) and he'll be better at it than El. Reid just needs to focus on returning punts. And Hines Ward can throw. They just never needed him to. By the way, we've got this guy on the team... wears #7... he's a pretty good thrower. Gets paid for that sort of thing.
As much as I hated to see Kimo go (and I wasn't that shocked to see something since I saw Courtney Cox's breasts in The Longest Yard), Brett Keisel is actually ready. And he's better than Kimo. Maybe not from a technique standpoint (yet), but he's younger, faster, stronger, and a far superior pass rusher.
I really think Ryan Clark is an upgrade over Chris Hope. I have nothing to back this up. All I know is that Hope was asking for too much money to be Troy Polamalu's fluff girl. After all, who makes more, the guy that invented Tide, or the guy that does the laundry? Troy creates and makes a difference, the free safety in the scheme simply cleans up (which makes the fluff girl analogy either unfounded or pretty accurate, depending on how you look at it).
Wow. I got to rambling. More coming soon.
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