Have you ever been at a department store (Wal-Mart is the most frequent offender) and you see some 9 year-old kid arguing with his Mom about a toy he wants? Except that the 9 year-old is probably a little too intelligent for his own good, so instead of stamping his feet and shouting, he's actually presenting a pretty logical and cogent argument? So the Mom walks away, thinking that if she just ignores the kid, he'll eventually lose interest and put the toy down. Except that the kid follows her down the aisle, still holding the toy and still arguing.
Nine times out of ten, the Mom gives in and puts the toy in the cart. What I'd like to see sometime is for the Mom to haul off and smack the kid across the face and say, "I'm bigger than you and I'm stronger than you. I clothe, feed, and shelter you. I suggest that you put that toy down and shut up. And, before you say anything smart, remember that I drove you here." Rest assured, that kid will put the toy down, follow his Mom through the remaining aisles, and not even start to fuss when they have to wait 6 hours in the check-out (I hate Wal-Mart).
That's what we need to do to the Bengals. They seem all big and imposing. If we listen hard enough and we start to believe that they're a better team than we are, we'll eventually give in and let them win on Sunday.
However, if we smack them in the mouth, they'll follow us around for the rest of the day and not put up a fuss. They're not tough enough to win this game if we take the fight to them. They just aren't.
And, given that they're in the AFC North with us and the hated Ravens, they're trying to act like they're tough, but it really just comes off like that dude in middle school that didn't shave for three weeks just so he could have a little bit of a moustache. They need to find their identity, establish it, and assert their will over the other team.
When I say that, I don't mean that they need to bash people around, play suffocating defense, and rush for 200 yards. They need to do what they did to the hated Ravens on Thursday Night Football earlier this year. Throw the ball all over the field to set up something of a running game, run the no huddle, and control the tempo of the game by doing what they do best: Throwing the football.
They've tried to win too many games by playing defense, running the ball, and playing tough, smart football. And that's why they're only 8-7. Hopefully soon to be 8-8.
They'll be 8-8 if we bust one soundly across their chops. Seriously. That's all we need to do. We need to show them who's boss, make them our bitch, and the rest will take care of itself.
If we can do that, it will put the proper ending on this season. It's been rough, no question, but I don't know if we even deserve to be 8-8 with the way we've played, the two games we honked against Atlanta and Oakland, and the two games where we played well against great teams but lost it all when it mattered (San Diego and Jacksonville).
And, if we're able to come out running, control the line of scrimmage, and smack the Bungles around all game, we'll get close to establishing the kind of physical play that made us 26-6 the previous two seasons. I don't know if it's that Bettis retired, Cowher retired and forgot to tell everyone, or that the offensive line just isn't playing as well this year, but we don't seem to have that intensity, that physical edge.
Maybe it's Max Starks. I'm not going to pin a whole season of goal-to-go ineptitude on one guy (especially a right tackle), but he made a comment before the Cleveland game that really annoyed the shit out of me. He said that we'd struggled to run the football at some points this year because defenses were showing them an eight man front. Haven't the Steelers always faced an eight man front? Haven't they always just said, "screw it, we're running anyway, just try to stop us"?
And I think that loss of identity on offense (and somewhat on defense) is the biggest culprit this season. The last time we had a problem like this? 2003. Remember how that ended? 6-10. So, we ended up a little better in the long run, I guess.
This game isn't about playing spoiler (well, maybe a little), it's not about pride, and it's not about finishing out the season strong. It's about re-establishing our identity as a team. It would've been nice if we could've done this against a real team like the hated Ravens instead of kicking the shit out of some smarmy nine year-old, but I'll take what I can get.
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Merry Friggin' Christmas
Well, I guess I should have clarified my "What the Steelers Need to Do to Make the Playoffs" post. See, they needed to win out. And that didn't happen. What did happen was that they got their asses handed to them by the hated Ravens. And that blows.
I actually didn't watch the game, which ended up being a good thing. On top of that, I lost my Fantasy Football Super Bowl. It was a disappointing Christmas on many levels.
But, seriously, I can't understand why people are so down on the Steelers this year. I must've heard the question, "Why do the Steelers suck this year?" a hundred times this season. They're 7-8, probably going to finish 7-9 and the best they can hope for is to break even at 8-8. And they're not making the playoffs. Even though that's disappointing after last season (and really, who expected a repeat performance of last year's magical run?), it's still not terrible. It's still not as bad as they were in the 80s. And nowhere near as bad as they were for forty frickin' years before the great teams of the 70s rolled around.
It breaks down to this: The Steelers are 71-39-1 in this century. And they won a Super Bowl, three division titles, went to the AFC Championship game three times, and are generally considered to be one of the best teams of the decade. Regardless of what happened this year, we still have a great young quarterback, an exciting young running back, a defense that will always be at least solid, and talented receivers.
We'll have all that stuff next year. The question will be whether or not Cowher is still coaching and whether or not the outside linebackers and the offensive line can rebound from a pretty horrible year.
With the salary cap and the talent level in the NFL the way it is, there isn't too much that separates the Chargers and, say, the Raiders. Ultimately, it comes down to execution, turnovers, and coaching.
Tackling sucked for the Steelers this year, they were minus-415 in the turnover ratio, and Cowher was a shadow of his former self. Porter and Haggans didn't rush the passer well at all, the offensive line lost a great deal of its toughness and general intelligence, and the secondary got exposed for what it is: average. It's no worse this year than it was last year, it's just that the linebackers and the defensive line weren't getting pressure on the quarterback. In our defense, we spend all our money on the linebackers and the nose tackle and try to get by as well as we can with whatever we can afford in the secondary.
The last 8 games of last season, the pass rush covered up the deficiencies in the secondary very well. This season, it didn't. The last 8 games of last season, the offensive line dominated the line of scrimmage and set the tempo for the game. This season, it didn't.
But, I really don't think you can pin this season on the defense. They were stuck with a short field for most of the year because of turnovers and poor special teams play. At some point, you knew they'd have to deflate. I guess that point was in the Baltimore game. And, if you decide to watch the Cincinnati game, you'll see more of the same.
I'll still take a Super Bowl and 32 games over .500 for the decade. Think of those poor bastards in Detroit and Arizona.
And be thankful.
I actually didn't watch the game, which ended up being a good thing. On top of that, I lost my Fantasy Football Super Bowl. It was a disappointing Christmas on many levels.
But, seriously, I can't understand why people are so down on the Steelers this year. I must've heard the question, "Why do the Steelers suck this year?" a hundred times this season. They're 7-8, probably going to finish 7-9 and the best they can hope for is to break even at 8-8. And they're not making the playoffs. Even though that's disappointing after last season (and really, who expected a repeat performance of last year's magical run?), it's still not terrible. It's still not as bad as they were in the 80s. And nowhere near as bad as they were for forty frickin' years before the great teams of the 70s rolled around.
It breaks down to this: The Steelers are 71-39-1 in this century. And they won a Super Bowl, three division titles, went to the AFC Championship game three times, and are generally considered to be one of the best teams of the decade. Regardless of what happened this year, we still have a great young quarterback, an exciting young running back, a defense that will always be at least solid, and talented receivers.
We'll have all that stuff next year. The question will be whether or not Cowher is still coaching and whether or not the outside linebackers and the offensive line can rebound from a pretty horrible year.
With the salary cap and the talent level in the NFL the way it is, there isn't too much that separates the Chargers and, say, the Raiders. Ultimately, it comes down to execution, turnovers, and coaching.
Tackling sucked for the Steelers this year, they were minus-415 in the turnover ratio, and Cowher was a shadow of his former self. Porter and Haggans didn't rush the passer well at all, the offensive line lost a great deal of its toughness and general intelligence, and the secondary got exposed for what it is: average. It's no worse this year than it was last year, it's just that the linebackers and the defensive line weren't getting pressure on the quarterback. In our defense, we spend all our money on the linebackers and the nose tackle and try to get by as well as we can with whatever we can afford in the secondary.
The last 8 games of last season, the pass rush covered up the deficiencies in the secondary very well. This season, it didn't. The last 8 games of last season, the offensive line dominated the line of scrimmage and set the tempo for the game. This season, it didn't.
But, I really don't think you can pin this season on the defense. They were stuck with a short field for most of the year because of turnovers and poor special teams play. At some point, you knew they'd have to deflate. I guess that point was in the Baltimore game. And, if you decide to watch the Cincinnati game, you'll see more of the same.
I'll still take a Super Bowl and 32 games over .500 for the decade. Think of those poor bastards in Detroit and Arizona.
And be thankful.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Lots of Stuff
First and foremost, here's what needs to happen for the Steelers to make the playoffs:
Steelers need to win out.
Jets: Need to lose one of their next two. Doesn't matter who they beat and who they lose to. We win the tiebreaker based on records vs. common opponents either way.
Buffalo: Need to lose 1 of next 2. They're 7-7. That would make them 8-8 and you need to be at least 9-7 to make the playoffs this year.
Tennessee: Same deal.
Jacksonville: Need to lose their next two. This could actually happen because they play New England at home, then go to face Kansas City at Arrowhead.
Denver: Need to lose their next two, including this week's game against the Bungles and next week's game against the 49ers.
Cincinnati: Beat Denver, lose to us. And, I'm pretty sure they need to lose to us by at least 8. Hopefully more.
Kansas City: Need to win out. And, they play Oakland, then host Jacksonville, so that Jax-KC game is pretty much going to be our season, provided we take care of business and beat the Bungles.
However, the Bungles are the team that is going to give us the most trouble. As long as Jacksonville and Denver lose out, the hope is that Cincinnati somehow gets eliminated in a three-way tie and we advance because of that. We hold tiebreakers over Kansas City, Tennessee, Buffalo, and the Jets, so Jacksonville and Denver need to finish 8-8 and be out of the picture. If we win in Cincinnati in the last game of the season (and we also have to beat the hated Ravens this Sunday), then we're 1-1 against them. Head-to-head is the first tiebreaker. If that's a tie, we go to conference record.
The Bengals have a better conference record than we do, so let's hope that it doesn't come to a decision of tiebreakers between us and them. I'm pretty sure that the NFL, which looks to spread the wealth and doesn't want two Wild Card teams from the same division, will pit us against other teams in the conference before they pit us against the Bengals. And, I forget where, but the Bengals will be eliminated at some point and we hold a tiebreaker over everyone else.
Everybody got that? So, it's still possible, but very, very, very unlikely. And, I don't think it's going to happen.
IF IT DOES, we'll officially be the "team no one wants to play" when we go in as the 6th seed.
Cowher:
At this point, I just want an answer. I was fine with him not talking about it, with him trying to keep it from being a distraction.
Suddenly, he's talking to the national media about it and waxing philosophic. And then when the local media tries to question him about it, he clams up.
I feel like a woman on the wrong side of thirty that has been living with her non-committal boyfriend for the past five years. Either buy a ring or tell me to find a roommate because you're leaving and moving to North Carolina. And, in the meantime, STOP TALKING ABOUT HOW HOT THE OTHER CHICKS IN THE BAR ARE!
At this point, he's posturing, he's using the media to get what he thinks he wants, and he's trying to milk the Rooneys for $7 million a year. And I don't think it's going to happen.
And I'm very much starting to look forward to the Russ Grimm era. Seriously.
Pro Bowl:
Troy should not have been voted in. He's this year's Joey Porter. A lot of guys make it on reputation (although that's getting better, as evidenced by the fact that Tony Romo, Frank Gore, and our man Fast Willie Parker got invited this year). They say that you first make the squad two years after you should and that you still make the squad two years after you shouldn't. Porter's two year grace period is over. Now begins Troy's grace period.
Casey Hampton isn't underrated anymore and he really isn't the best NT in the AFC anymore. That would be Jamal Williams. Anyone who watched the San Diego game on Monday Night earlier this year knows what I'm talking about. But, if they're playing a 3-4 defense, then it makes total sense. Hampton's the 2nd best NT in the conference.
And Willie Parker is the third best running back in the conference. He can't compete with Tomlinson and Larry Johnson and probably never will. Cowher will never give him the carries.
But, I'm really looking forward to seeing what he can do in the Pro Bowl. Running behind the best line in the conference. Yeah. We're in for a treat on that one.
Alan Faneca deserves to be the starting left guard in the Pro Bowl until further notice. He's still the best in the league at pulling, trapping, and countering. He can play guard or tackle equally well. And he looks like a chubby viking. That's awesome.
Penguins:
I have no idea how they're going to unfuck this situation. It seemed to me that the IOC deal was a no-brainer. I guess we'll just wait and see.
Steelers vs. the Hated Ravens:
Hey, this is just a game between two teams that hate each other and never know what the other one is going to do on Sunday. The Ravens have their playoff seed pretty much wrapped up. We might see Kyle Boller.
The big issue last game was that the Ravens treated it like a playoff game and we treated it like an exhibition against a beauty college. If we can cover the biltz and run the ball, we'll be okay. If we can't do that and we don't score early, we'll lose all hope and the second half will be filler.
We need to treat this like a playoff game. If we do that, we win. If we don't, we lose.
Steelers need to win out.
Jets: Need to lose one of their next two. Doesn't matter who they beat and who they lose to. We win the tiebreaker based on records vs. common opponents either way.
Buffalo: Need to lose 1 of next 2. They're 7-7. That would make them 8-8 and you need to be at least 9-7 to make the playoffs this year.
Tennessee: Same deal.
Jacksonville: Need to lose their next two. This could actually happen because they play New England at home, then go to face Kansas City at Arrowhead.
Denver: Need to lose their next two, including this week's game against the Bungles and next week's game against the 49ers.
Cincinnati: Beat Denver, lose to us. And, I'm pretty sure they need to lose to us by at least 8. Hopefully more.
Kansas City: Need to win out. And, they play Oakland, then host Jacksonville, so that Jax-KC game is pretty much going to be our season, provided we take care of business and beat the Bungles.
However, the Bungles are the team that is going to give us the most trouble. As long as Jacksonville and Denver lose out, the hope is that Cincinnati somehow gets eliminated in a three-way tie and we advance because of that. We hold tiebreakers over Kansas City, Tennessee, Buffalo, and the Jets, so Jacksonville and Denver need to finish 8-8 and be out of the picture. If we win in Cincinnati in the last game of the season (and we also have to beat the hated Ravens this Sunday), then we're 1-1 against them. Head-to-head is the first tiebreaker. If that's a tie, we go to conference record.
The Bengals have a better conference record than we do, so let's hope that it doesn't come to a decision of tiebreakers between us and them. I'm pretty sure that the NFL, which looks to spread the wealth and doesn't want two Wild Card teams from the same division, will pit us against other teams in the conference before they pit us against the Bengals. And, I forget where, but the Bengals will be eliminated at some point and we hold a tiebreaker over everyone else.
Everybody got that? So, it's still possible, but very, very, very unlikely. And, I don't think it's going to happen.
IF IT DOES, we'll officially be the "team no one wants to play" when we go in as the 6th seed.
Cowher:
At this point, I just want an answer. I was fine with him not talking about it, with him trying to keep it from being a distraction.
Suddenly, he's talking to the national media about it and waxing philosophic. And then when the local media tries to question him about it, he clams up.
I feel like a woman on the wrong side of thirty that has been living with her non-committal boyfriend for the past five years. Either buy a ring or tell me to find a roommate because you're leaving and moving to North Carolina. And, in the meantime, STOP TALKING ABOUT HOW HOT THE OTHER CHICKS IN THE BAR ARE!
At this point, he's posturing, he's using the media to get what he thinks he wants, and he's trying to milk the Rooneys for $7 million a year. And I don't think it's going to happen.
And I'm very much starting to look forward to the Russ Grimm era. Seriously.
Pro Bowl:
Troy should not have been voted in. He's this year's Joey Porter. A lot of guys make it on reputation (although that's getting better, as evidenced by the fact that Tony Romo, Frank Gore, and our man Fast Willie Parker got invited this year). They say that you first make the squad two years after you should and that you still make the squad two years after you shouldn't. Porter's two year grace period is over. Now begins Troy's grace period.
Casey Hampton isn't underrated anymore and he really isn't the best NT in the AFC anymore. That would be Jamal Williams. Anyone who watched the San Diego game on Monday Night earlier this year knows what I'm talking about. But, if they're playing a 3-4 defense, then it makes total sense. Hampton's the 2nd best NT in the conference.
And Willie Parker is the third best running back in the conference. He can't compete with Tomlinson and Larry Johnson and probably never will. Cowher will never give him the carries.
But, I'm really looking forward to seeing what he can do in the Pro Bowl. Running behind the best line in the conference. Yeah. We're in for a treat on that one.
Alan Faneca deserves to be the starting left guard in the Pro Bowl until further notice. He's still the best in the league at pulling, trapping, and countering. He can play guard or tackle equally well. And he looks like a chubby viking. That's awesome.
Penguins:
I have no idea how they're going to unfuck this situation. It seemed to me that the IOC deal was a no-brainer. I guess we'll just wait and see.
Steelers vs. the Hated Ravens:
Hey, this is just a game between two teams that hate each other and never know what the other one is going to do on Sunday. The Ravens have their playoff seed pretty much wrapped up. We might see Kyle Boller.
The big issue last game was that the Ravens treated it like a playoff game and we treated it like an exhibition against a beauty college. If we can cover the biltz and run the ball, we'll be okay. If we can't do that and we don't score early, we'll lose all hope and the second half will be filler.
We need to treat this like a playoff game. If we do that, we win. If we don't, we lose.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Steelers vs. Panthers Review
We beat a good team in their stadium. And, really, we kicked the crap out of them. When it was 17-3 at halftime, I was fully confident that they were never, ever going to come back to beat us.
It's true that Chris Weinke was their quarterback for most of the game. It's true that they're currently dealing with the same issues that the Steelers were dealing with earlier in the season. But still, Weinke and a psychologically shattered team still shouldn't have gotten beat 37-3 yesterday. They've got too much talent. They have too many good players. They're too much like... the Steelers.
And, even though the Panthers are still mathematically alive in the playoff hunt, their season is just as over as ours. The key for them will be how they react to it. The Steelers reacted to a 27-0 thumping at the hands of the hated Ravens by going on a three game win steak in which they outscored their opponents 84-13. What will the Panthers do? How will they respond? I guess it'll be fun to watch.
The most important test of the season is going to be Sunday against the Ravens. We got crushed the last time we played them, we're still technically fighting for our playoff lives, and, if we win on Sunday, we're at least guaranteed that we'll finish .500 for the season.
The last three games were great. They were a big boost for a team and a fan base that had pretty much given up hope. I'd just like to see what the newly re-vitalized Steelers can do when they actually play a good team that has something left to play for.
We're still not making the playoffs, but I will most definitely say that the Steelers are "back" if they win on Sunday.
It's true that Chris Weinke was their quarterback for most of the game. It's true that they're currently dealing with the same issues that the Steelers were dealing with earlier in the season. But still, Weinke and a psychologically shattered team still shouldn't have gotten beat 37-3 yesterday. They've got too much talent. They have too many good players. They're too much like... the Steelers.
And, even though the Panthers are still mathematically alive in the playoff hunt, their season is just as over as ours. The key for them will be how they react to it. The Steelers reacted to a 27-0 thumping at the hands of the hated Ravens by going on a three game win steak in which they outscored their opponents 84-13. What will the Panthers do? How will they respond? I guess it'll be fun to watch.
The most important test of the season is going to be Sunday against the Ravens. We got crushed the last time we played them, we're still technically fighting for our playoff lives, and, if we win on Sunday, we're at least guaranteed that we'll finish .500 for the season.
The last three games were great. They were a big boost for a team and a fan base that had pretty much given up hope. I'd just like to see what the newly re-vitalized Steelers can do when they actually play a good team that has something left to play for.
We're still not making the playoffs, but I will most definitely say that the Steelers are "back" if they win on Sunday.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Steelers vs. Panthers Preview
I have no idea how this game is going to end up.
Both these teams have hugely talented rosters and were early picks by some "experts" to meet in the Super Bowl. They're now both 6-7 and their seasons are kinda lost. Well, Carolina plays in the NFC, so they're probably the third seed, or something, but the Steelers season is done.
One more time. The Steelers are not going to the playoffs. I don't care what the mathematicians say. It's not happening. Okay? Let's move on.
So, you've got two really good teams on paper that are both fighting for their playoff lives (in theory), but they've both been consistently inconsistent all season and haven't found their respective identities. Okay, so we ran all over Cleveland and Tampa. They're Cleveland and Tampa. If we can run effectively against a good team with a good defense, I'll say that we found our identity back, okay?
The Panthers had Chris Weinke throw SIXTY-ONE PASSES in their last game. Chris Weinke. Sixty-one passes. One game. That's ridiculous.
This could be a 38-35 shoot out. It could be a 4-3 snoozer (yes, two safeties). Could be a boring, generic 20-17 game. Could be turnover free. Could be 18 turnovers between the two teams. I really have no idea.
All I know is that Steve Smith has to have a good game because he's on my Fantasy team. I want the Steelers to win, but I'm hoping for the 38-35 shoot out and for Smith to get 4 TDs. I'm in the semi-finals in the playoffs. This is important. It's for money.
So, Go Steelers! But, also, go Steve Smith.
Both these teams have hugely talented rosters and were early picks by some "experts" to meet in the Super Bowl. They're now both 6-7 and their seasons are kinda lost. Well, Carolina plays in the NFC, so they're probably the third seed, or something, but the Steelers season is done.
One more time. The Steelers are not going to the playoffs. I don't care what the mathematicians say. It's not happening. Okay? Let's move on.
So, you've got two really good teams on paper that are both fighting for their playoff lives (in theory), but they've both been consistently inconsistent all season and haven't found their respective identities. Okay, so we ran all over Cleveland and Tampa. They're Cleveland and Tampa. If we can run effectively against a good team with a good defense, I'll say that we found our identity back, okay?
The Panthers had Chris Weinke throw SIXTY-ONE PASSES in their last game. Chris Weinke. Sixty-one passes. One game. That's ridiculous.
This could be a 38-35 shoot out. It could be a 4-3 snoozer (yes, two safeties). Could be a boring, generic 20-17 game. Could be turnover free. Could be 18 turnovers between the two teams. I really have no idea.
All I know is that Steve Smith has to have a good game because he's on my Fantasy team. I want the Steelers to win, but I'm hoping for the 38-35 shoot out and for Smith to get 4 TDs. I'm in the semi-finals in the playoffs. This is important. It's for money.
So, Go Steelers! But, also, go Steve Smith.
Steelers vs. Browns Review
I just talked to my brother. I haven't talked to my brother in about two weeks. That's a long time for us. I called him out of the blue and the first thing he asked me was why I hadn't updated my blog. So, I guess someone reads it.
Here's the quick and dirty version of the Review...
WOW. That game was just an old fashioned beat-down. Seriously. That's one of those games where you watch it and you think, "MAN. If only they played that way all season." Yeah. If only we got to play the Browns every game. If only.
That was the most dominant performance by this team this year. I understand that we beat KC by more and it looked like a better game, but seriously, the Browns never had a chance. When we went in at the half, up 10-o, we may as well have been up 100-0. I just knew they weren't coming back.
Part of that was how well the defense played. Part of that was just how freakin' bad the Browns offense is. If you were upset about the fact that you couldn't play the Charlie Frye Drinking Game, you could've taken a sip of beer for each dropped pass and been completely annihilated midway through the first quarter. Poor Dennis Northcutt. That guy couldn't catch AIDS in Haiti if he tripped and landed on 15 used needles and a $2 hooker. Holy crap. That guy just sucks.
And Braylon Edwards, the 46 yard touchdown catch after the game was already decided aside, didn't do anything. And he dropped passes. And Kellen Winslow is useless. I hate that guy. I'm glad Porter called him what he called him.
And, Porter's apology has to be one of the greatest apologies in the history of time, the universe, and everything. "I'm sorry if I offended anyone with my comments. I only meant to offend Kellen Winslow." Winslow's gonna be around for a while, if nothing else because he has so much potential that he has to realize it sometime, right? And, well, the Browns are dumb. They'll keep him way longer than they should. He'll be around and this will be a fun rivalry for a long time. I mean, we'll always kick their asses, but it will still be a fun rivalry.
Quick Strategy Note:
I don't think LeBeau even called defenses. I'm serious. There were almost no blitzes and the coverages seemed pretty simple. Mostly man coverage, mostly, "That's your guy. If he gets open, I'm pulling you. Because these guys suck." It's almost as though he told the players to go out, have fun, don't worry about it too much, and make sure they remembered to get off the field on third down. Not too much strategy here. Then again, the Browns offense sucks. Bad. Very, very bad.
How about the fact that Ike Taylor was Ball Bitch on the kickoff team? The wind kept blowing the ball off the tee and Ike Friggin' Taylor came over and held the ball so Reed could kick it. From up-and-coming star after the 2005 season, to a $21 million extension in the off-season, to getting SCORCHED by Javon Walker, to getting benched, to possibly winning his job back, to BEING THE GODDAMN BALL BITCH. Wow. Just a crazy last 12 or 13 months for Ike.
Offensive Strategy:
I was blown away by the fact that the Steelers actually had a game plan and stuck with it. Before the game, I heard an interview with Max Starks where he said that the running game was stalling because teams came out with a lot of eight man fronts and that was a problem for the offensive line. Really? Eight man fronts? That was the issue? You're sure? I mean, it couldn't possibly be that the line has sucked sweaty elephant balls all year. Couldn't be that. It must be that other teams were putting eight guys in the box. I mean, it's not like THAT'S BEEN THE OPPOSING TEAM'S STRATEGY SINCE RICHARD FREAKIN' NIXON WAS IN OFFICE.
When have we not faced eight in the box? Possibly the first couple of games last year, where the Titans and Texans had seven guys in there because they were afraid Fast Willie would blow by them. Possibly in 2003, when Tommy was inexplicably throwing the ball 45 times a game. And, I think we can all agree that the 2003 season never happened. It's better that way.
So, eight guys in the box. How do you get past that? You do what the Steelers did Thursday. And, really, what they've done since the Nixon administration, but whatever.
You counter. You trap. You pull. Starks pulled from his right tackle spot to pick up a block behind Faneca at left guard. That's some serious shit. Hartings was pulling, Smith was pulling, even Simmons was pulling. And when you pull and trap as well as they did on Thursday and you run counters behind that, you get a record breaking perfomance by Fast Willie.
Let's see if they keep doing that. The game against Carolina would be an excellent time to keep it up.
Part of it was that the line had a really good night, part of it is that Fast Willie's a really good running back (and, really, he's more quick than fast - you don't get caught from behind on long runs as much as he does if you're fast - just watch Vince Young play and you'll see what I mean), and the Browns suck.
I'd say 40% great line, 40% great running back, 20% Browns suck. With that game plan and the way the line was coming off the ball, they could've run for 300+ yards on a lot of teams.
But, they're not gonna do that to the Panthers.
Here's the quick and dirty version of the Review...
WOW. That game was just an old fashioned beat-down. Seriously. That's one of those games where you watch it and you think, "MAN. If only they played that way all season." Yeah. If only we got to play the Browns every game. If only.
That was the most dominant performance by this team this year. I understand that we beat KC by more and it looked like a better game, but seriously, the Browns never had a chance. When we went in at the half, up 10-o, we may as well have been up 100-0. I just knew they weren't coming back.
Part of that was how well the defense played. Part of that was just how freakin' bad the Browns offense is. If you were upset about the fact that you couldn't play the Charlie Frye Drinking Game, you could've taken a sip of beer for each dropped pass and been completely annihilated midway through the first quarter. Poor Dennis Northcutt. That guy couldn't catch AIDS in Haiti if he tripped and landed on 15 used needles and a $2 hooker. Holy crap. That guy just sucks.
And Braylon Edwards, the 46 yard touchdown catch after the game was already decided aside, didn't do anything. And he dropped passes. And Kellen Winslow is useless. I hate that guy. I'm glad Porter called him what he called him.
And, Porter's apology has to be one of the greatest apologies in the history of time, the universe, and everything. "I'm sorry if I offended anyone with my comments. I only meant to offend Kellen Winslow." Winslow's gonna be around for a while, if nothing else because he has so much potential that he has to realize it sometime, right? And, well, the Browns are dumb. They'll keep him way longer than they should. He'll be around and this will be a fun rivalry for a long time. I mean, we'll always kick their asses, but it will still be a fun rivalry.
Quick Strategy Note:
I don't think LeBeau even called defenses. I'm serious. There were almost no blitzes and the coverages seemed pretty simple. Mostly man coverage, mostly, "That's your guy. If he gets open, I'm pulling you. Because these guys suck." It's almost as though he told the players to go out, have fun, don't worry about it too much, and make sure they remembered to get off the field on third down. Not too much strategy here. Then again, the Browns offense sucks. Bad. Very, very bad.
How about the fact that Ike Taylor was Ball Bitch on the kickoff team? The wind kept blowing the ball off the tee and Ike Friggin' Taylor came over and held the ball so Reed could kick it. From up-and-coming star after the 2005 season, to a $21 million extension in the off-season, to getting SCORCHED by Javon Walker, to getting benched, to possibly winning his job back, to BEING THE GODDAMN BALL BITCH. Wow. Just a crazy last 12 or 13 months for Ike.
Offensive Strategy:
I was blown away by the fact that the Steelers actually had a game plan and stuck with it. Before the game, I heard an interview with Max Starks where he said that the running game was stalling because teams came out with a lot of eight man fronts and that was a problem for the offensive line. Really? Eight man fronts? That was the issue? You're sure? I mean, it couldn't possibly be that the line has sucked sweaty elephant balls all year. Couldn't be that. It must be that other teams were putting eight guys in the box. I mean, it's not like THAT'S BEEN THE OPPOSING TEAM'S STRATEGY SINCE RICHARD FREAKIN' NIXON WAS IN OFFICE.
When have we not faced eight in the box? Possibly the first couple of games last year, where the Titans and Texans had seven guys in there because they were afraid Fast Willie would blow by them. Possibly in 2003, when Tommy was inexplicably throwing the ball 45 times a game. And, I think we can all agree that the 2003 season never happened. It's better that way.
So, eight guys in the box. How do you get past that? You do what the Steelers did Thursday. And, really, what they've done since the Nixon administration, but whatever.
You counter. You trap. You pull. Starks pulled from his right tackle spot to pick up a block behind Faneca at left guard. That's some serious shit. Hartings was pulling, Smith was pulling, even Simmons was pulling. And when you pull and trap as well as they did on Thursday and you run counters behind that, you get a record breaking perfomance by Fast Willie.
Let's see if they keep doing that. The game against Carolina would be an excellent time to keep it up.
Part of it was that the line had a really good night, part of it is that Fast Willie's a really good running back (and, really, he's more quick than fast - you don't get caught from behind on long runs as much as he does if you're fast - just watch Vince Young play and you'll see what I mean), and the Browns suck.
I'd say 40% great line, 40% great running back, 20% Browns suck. With that game plan and the way the line was coming off the ball, they could've run for 300+ yards on a lot of teams.
But, they're not gonna do that to the Panthers.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Steelers vs. Browns Preview
Here's the deal. You know that D'Giorno commerical with the vampire and the girl in the peasant dress? The vampire comes up, goes in to suck her blood, then she offers him pizza and he freaks out because it's garlic pizza. Then he completely drops the vampire character, she drops the "girl in a peasant dress in a trance" and the commerical goes on. There's something about delivery or D'Giorno, then they're back in character, then they break it again. Then it's over.
My point is that they tried to do 6,315 different funny things in this commercial and all of them failed. Whereas when I watch a Vonage commercial, I laugh every time someone gets beaned by the Vonage box and the "Woo-hoo" music comes on. Even though I know what to expect, it's still satisfying.
When we play Cleveland, we know what to expect. Even though they've turned over their entire roster in the last three years, they're still Cleveland and we can expect them to deliver unlimited calls to the US and Canada for only $24.99 a month (Vonage! Sign up today!).
We know to expect that they'll try to run the ball and fail. We know they'll start to throw the ball after that. We know that we don't have anyone that can cover Winslow and Edwards. We know that they're going to trot out a back-up quarterback that no one had heard of to start against us behind a shitty offensive line.
Somehow, oddly, they never seem to know this. We therefore need to blitz the hell out of this Derek Anderson kid (I think that's his name, not sure. I did, after all, refer to Samkon Gado as Sakmon Kado last year). We need to let Porter loose. We need to tell him that we'll re-negotiate his contract and he'll make the Pro Bowl if he goes out and kills this kid on Thursday.
We need to do what Baltimore did to us. We need to do what we failed to do the first time we played the Browns. We need to do what we started doing, but then stopped, against Tampa. We need to pressure from the outside, then back off, then send delayed blitzes up the middle. We need to send Anthony Smith and Tyrone Carter on the blitz (yes, those are the starting safeties for the game). Bring more than they can block. Kill the head and the body will die.
If we hurt Anderson bad enough, either they'll send in Charlie Frye and all the lucky fans at home can play the Charlie Frye Drinking Game, or they'll put in Ken Dorsey. Anyone remember this crybaby from "Da U"? Man. I'd like to punch him in the head. And, the fact that I just threatened to punch him in the head made him wet himself. He's a sissy. Totally mamby pamby mama's boy. Anyone catch the BCS Game against The Ohio State University in 2002? He heard footsteps in the tunnel. Well, it makes sense that he would've heard footsteps in the tunnel. He also heard them on the sidelines. And in the shower. And in the sensory depravation chamber. He's soft. He needs to rub some dirt in it. Walk it off.
Wait. Then he'd hear footsteps.
In all seriousness, though, we need to crush these fuckers. I can't take another 21 point fourth quarter where we barely come back. Willie Parker should be able to get yards against a front seven that still doesn't have the proper personnel to run the 3-4. And, even though we're working with Sean Morrey as our third receiver, Ben should have a big day throwing against a secondary that's even more banged up than our receivers.
This is the game that defines the season. You knew we'd come back and beat up an overmatched Tampa team at home after we got humilated against the Hated Ravens. The real test is going to be whether or not we can beat a depleted Browns team with their back-up quarterback on four days rest.
The playoffs are a distant memory. I saw Cowher spitting a little on the sidelines in the Tampa game. If we can come out and kick hell out of Cleveland, we might be able to wake him up from his season-long slumber. When the year has ended (in December, not January or February), he'll look back on this game and smile. And spit. And he'll re-up his contract for another 5 years.
If not, well, I guess... Ken Whisenhunt has the respect of the players? God. I hope we hire Russ Grimm.
My point is that they tried to do 6,315 different funny things in this commercial and all of them failed. Whereas when I watch a Vonage commercial, I laugh every time someone gets beaned by the Vonage box and the "Woo-hoo" music comes on. Even though I know what to expect, it's still satisfying.
When we play Cleveland, we know what to expect. Even though they've turned over their entire roster in the last three years, they're still Cleveland and we can expect them to deliver unlimited calls to the US and Canada for only $24.99 a month (Vonage! Sign up today!).
We know to expect that they'll try to run the ball and fail. We know they'll start to throw the ball after that. We know that we don't have anyone that can cover Winslow and Edwards. We know that they're going to trot out a back-up quarterback that no one had heard of to start against us behind a shitty offensive line.
Somehow, oddly, they never seem to know this. We therefore need to blitz the hell out of this Derek Anderson kid (I think that's his name, not sure. I did, after all, refer to Samkon Gado as Sakmon Kado last year). We need to let Porter loose. We need to tell him that we'll re-negotiate his contract and he'll make the Pro Bowl if he goes out and kills this kid on Thursday.
We need to do what Baltimore did to us. We need to do what we failed to do the first time we played the Browns. We need to do what we started doing, but then stopped, against Tampa. We need to pressure from the outside, then back off, then send delayed blitzes up the middle. We need to send Anthony Smith and Tyrone Carter on the blitz (yes, those are the starting safeties for the game). Bring more than they can block. Kill the head and the body will die.
If we hurt Anderson bad enough, either they'll send in Charlie Frye and all the lucky fans at home can play the Charlie Frye Drinking Game, or they'll put in Ken Dorsey. Anyone remember this crybaby from "Da U"? Man. I'd like to punch him in the head. And, the fact that I just threatened to punch him in the head made him wet himself. He's a sissy. Totally mamby pamby mama's boy. Anyone catch the BCS Game against The Ohio State University in 2002? He heard footsteps in the tunnel. Well, it makes sense that he would've heard footsteps in the tunnel. He also heard them on the sidelines. And in the shower. And in the sensory depravation chamber. He's soft. He needs to rub some dirt in it. Walk it off.
Wait. Then he'd hear footsteps.
In all seriousness, though, we need to crush these fuckers. I can't take another 21 point fourth quarter where we barely come back. Willie Parker should be able to get yards against a front seven that still doesn't have the proper personnel to run the 3-4. And, even though we're working with Sean Morrey as our third receiver, Ben should have a big day throwing against a secondary that's even more banged up than our receivers.
This is the game that defines the season. You knew we'd come back and beat up an overmatched Tampa team at home after we got humilated against the Hated Ravens. The real test is going to be whether or not we can beat a depleted Browns team with their back-up quarterback on four days rest.
The playoffs are a distant memory. I saw Cowher spitting a little on the sidelines in the Tampa game. If we can come out and kick hell out of Cleveland, we might be able to wake him up from his season-long slumber. When the year has ended (in December, not January or February), he'll look back on this game and smile. And spit. And he'll re-up his contract for another 5 years.
If not, well, I guess... Ken Whisenhunt has the respect of the players? God. I hope we hire Russ Grimm.
Monday, December 04, 2006
STEELERS DROP A DUCE!!!!!!
Well kids, it finally happened. Duce Staley and his $2.5 million albatross of a base salary are officially out of Pittsburgh. I think we can all breathe a sigh of relief. The Duce has been dropped.
Now all that needs to happen is for Weidman's phone to ring. C'mon, Colbert! He'll work for half what you were paying Duce!
The good news is that they picked up Chidi Iwoma (who they've missed on special teams) and Lee Mays. Guess that means things don't look good for my pal Cedrick Wilson. And, they've placed Willie Reid on IR. Great draft, guys! Maybe yinz should've grabbed a linebacker.
I Finally Figured Out Why the Field Goal in the Tampa Game Bugged Me:
I was at the movies tonight. Afterwards, since it was a good movie (Deja Vu, see it) I had to take a MONSTER piss. I trotted up to the urinal and started going to the bathroom. Two seconds later, another dude walked up to the urinal beside me and started taking a leak.
Now, if the bathroom was full and he wasn't comfortable with going in the sink, this type of behavior would be perfectly understandable. However, the bathroom was EMPTY. AND HE SHOT A PISS IN THE URINAL NEXT TO ME!!!
It's not against any actual rule, but it's a rule among men. He should've gone to the furthest urinal from me or gone to one of the stalls. Like Sunday. Go for the touchdown. Either you get it and the score looks respectable or you don't and you take your medicine.
At which point, you go get your shinebox.
Now all that needs to happen is for Weidman's phone to ring. C'mon, Colbert! He'll work for half what you were paying Duce!
The good news is that they picked up Chidi Iwoma (who they've missed on special teams) and Lee Mays. Guess that means things don't look good for my pal Cedrick Wilson. And, they've placed Willie Reid on IR. Great draft, guys! Maybe yinz should've grabbed a linebacker.
I Finally Figured Out Why the Field Goal in the Tampa Game Bugged Me:
I was at the movies tonight. Afterwards, since it was a good movie (Deja Vu, see it) I had to take a MONSTER piss. I trotted up to the urinal and started going to the bathroom. Two seconds later, another dude walked up to the urinal beside me and started taking a leak.
Now, if the bathroom was full and he wasn't comfortable with going in the sink, this type of behavior would be perfectly understandable. However, the bathroom was EMPTY. AND HE SHOT A PISS IN THE URINAL NEXT TO ME!!!
It's not against any actual rule, but it's a rule among men. He should've gone to the furthest urinal from me or gone to one of the stalls. Like Sunday. Go for the touchdown. Either you get it and the score looks respectable or you don't and you take your medicine.
At which point, you go get your shinebox.
Steelers vs. Bucs Review
That game was lame. The Bucs were only slightly less effective on offense than we were. And, for a change, the other team committed more turnovers than we did. And that's why we won.
And, I just have a feeling that we could've played eight or nine quarters of that game and Tampa still wouldn't have scored (provided, of course, that Gruden didn't pull the dick move of the century and kick a field goal). Man, that was weak.
I actually thought it made sense when I first saw it. I thought it was definitely a move perpetrated by a man with no spine and no soul, but I thought it made sense because I thought it was fourth down. I had assumed that Gruden's instincts just took over and he kicked the field goal on fourth down inside the red zone like anyone would. It wasn't fourth down. It was third down.
Really. Seriously. He wasn't going to win that game. He knew it. As a matter of fact, I thought he was being even more of a stand-up guy when the drive started. The Bucs ran on three or four consecutive downs and didn't really hustle up to the line of scrimmage. I thought they were trying to run the clock out.
Then, they start throwing the ball, they screw it up (like they had been doing all game), and it's third down with four seconds left. I thought I was crocked out of my mind and was hallucinating the fact that Matt Bryant was lined up for the field goal. I just kind of stood there in shock for about 45 seconds after the kick went through.
Who kicks a field goal in that situation? I guarantee Cowher would've gone for the touchdown. He may even have just run the ball to get everyone off the field without an injury. But he DEFINITELY would not have kicked a field goal. Didn't kick one in Jacksonville, didn't kick one in Baltimore. And we got shut out in both those games.
Maybe Gruden's a genius, but he's a pussy, too.
The rest of the game was pretty blah. I really think they struggled on offense because they have a shitty offense, not because we played particularly well on defense. Nice of Joey Porter to show up. I think he has all his stats for the season in Sunday's game, the opener, and the Cleveland game. At the end of the season, everyone will say, "Wow, 10 sacks, three interceptions, another stellar year for Porter." They'll forget that he got all of those stats in four games (still have a game against Cleveland Thursday - and their QB used to play basketball for the Portland Trailblazers). Watch for him to take advantage of a match-up that is heavily stilted in his favor and disappear for the rest of the season, just like he has thus far this season.
I'll be very upset if he goes to the Pro Bowl. I mean, I won't write my Congressman, but I'll be upset.
A win's a win. It would've been more gratifying if it made us 7-5, as opposed to 5-7.
And, I just have a feeling that we could've played eight or nine quarters of that game and Tampa still wouldn't have scored (provided, of course, that Gruden didn't pull the dick move of the century and kick a field goal). Man, that was weak.
I actually thought it made sense when I first saw it. I thought it was definitely a move perpetrated by a man with no spine and no soul, but I thought it made sense because I thought it was fourth down. I had assumed that Gruden's instincts just took over and he kicked the field goal on fourth down inside the red zone like anyone would. It wasn't fourth down. It was third down.
Really. Seriously. He wasn't going to win that game. He knew it. As a matter of fact, I thought he was being even more of a stand-up guy when the drive started. The Bucs ran on three or four consecutive downs and didn't really hustle up to the line of scrimmage. I thought they were trying to run the clock out.
Then, they start throwing the ball, they screw it up (like they had been doing all game), and it's third down with four seconds left. I thought I was crocked out of my mind and was hallucinating the fact that Matt Bryant was lined up for the field goal. I just kind of stood there in shock for about 45 seconds after the kick went through.
Who kicks a field goal in that situation? I guarantee Cowher would've gone for the touchdown. He may even have just run the ball to get everyone off the field without an injury. But he DEFINITELY would not have kicked a field goal. Didn't kick one in Jacksonville, didn't kick one in Baltimore. And we got shut out in both those games.
Maybe Gruden's a genius, but he's a pussy, too.
The rest of the game was pretty blah. I really think they struggled on offense because they have a shitty offense, not because we played particularly well on defense. Nice of Joey Porter to show up. I think he has all his stats for the season in Sunday's game, the opener, and the Cleveland game. At the end of the season, everyone will say, "Wow, 10 sacks, three interceptions, another stellar year for Porter." They'll forget that he got all of those stats in four games (still have a game against Cleveland Thursday - and their QB used to play basketball for the Portland Trailblazers). Watch for him to take advantage of a match-up that is heavily stilted in his favor and disappear for the rest of the season, just like he has thus far this season.
I'll be very upset if he goes to the Pro Bowl. I mean, I won't write my Congressman, but I'll be upset.
A win's a win. It would've been more gratifying if it made us 7-5, as opposed to 5-7.
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Steelers vs. Bucs Preview
I hate to sound like a broken freakin' record, but I really think we're gonna win this one.
Tampa plays the Cover 2 on defense. The one type of defense that we've always seemed to dominate is the Cover 2. And, we've always seemed to do well against Tampa, even when they didn't suck. Even when everyone on defense was young. They're old now. And slow. And they're still really, really small.
We should be able to run on them. Ben should be able to complete lots and lots of passes to Heath Miller over the linebackers, but in front of the safeties. I've said it before and I'll say it again: To beat the Cover 2, you simply need to protect the quarterback. The reason it worked so well in Tampa for all those years and the reason it's working in Indy right now has more to do with personnel than it does Tony Dungy.
You need a penetrating front four that's fast, three linebackers that can run like hell, two decent safeties, and two smart cornerbacks. The Bucs have a fast middle linebacker. Everyone else is just small. Derrick Brooks isn't fast anymore. He can still make big plays every once in a while, but he's like Zach Thomas at this point. Mostly reputation, not so much skill, still small, not fast anymore. Still smart enough to burn you, though. So we had better make sure we punish him.
Speaking of punishment, we need to beat the hell out of Bruce Gradkowski. If Arizona and Houston didn't have the distinction locked down for the next century, Tampa would have the worst offensive line in the NFL. They're either too young, or WAAAAAAY too old up front. Cadillac Williams can't do it all himself.
He's been doing better the last few weeks, but he's still running behind a suspect line and being supported by an anemic passing attack. We should be able to shut the Caddy down. One of the things we can still do is stop the run. For the most part.
What we REALLY need to do is do to Gradkowski what the Ravens did to Ben. Pressure from the outside (if Haggans and Porter are still alive). When the offensive line becomes obsessed with where the outside pressure is coming from, run delayed blitzes with Farrior, Foote, and Tyrone Carter (who's surprising good at rushing the passer). I seriously think we can get 9 sacks. It bums me out, because I have Joey Galloway on my one Fantasy team, but I'll make that sacrifice for the Steelers.
I'm actually not worried about playing this game without Hines and Troy. Troy was having a pretty lousy season before he got hurt and the Steelers receivers are pretty much interchangable at this point. I really just hope that we cut Cedrick Wilson in the off-season. That guy sucks balls.
And, if you look at our free agent acquistions the past three years, it's no wonder the wheels are falling off. Who'd we get? Cedrick Wilson, Duce Staley, and Ryan Clark. I know I was pumped up about the Clark signing, but he doesn't seem to be worth the league minimum, nonetheless $8 million over 4 years. He can't cover anyone, takes terrible angles to the ball, and is a piss poor tackler. So... great signing!
Duce hasn't played any meaningful football since Week 7. Of 2004. And Wilson caught his first regular season TD as a Steeler against the Saints. Crap.
At least we'll win on Sunday. Provided we don't commit 12 turnovers that are returned for touchdowns and Santonio Holmes can keep his hands on the ball.
We won the Super Bowl last season. I really should just suck it up and deal.
Prediction: Steelers 27, Bucs 14.
Tampa plays the Cover 2 on defense. The one type of defense that we've always seemed to dominate is the Cover 2. And, we've always seemed to do well against Tampa, even when they didn't suck. Even when everyone on defense was young. They're old now. And slow. And they're still really, really small.
We should be able to run on them. Ben should be able to complete lots and lots of passes to Heath Miller over the linebackers, but in front of the safeties. I've said it before and I'll say it again: To beat the Cover 2, you simply need to protect the quarterback. The reason it worked so well in Tampa for all those years and the reason it's working in Indy right now has more to do with personnel than it does Tony Dungy.
You need a penetrating front four that's fast, three linebackers that can run like hell, two decent safeties, and two smart cornerbacks. The Bucs have a fast middle linebacker. Everyone else is just small. Derrick Brooks isn't fast anymore. He can still make big plays every once in a while, but he's like Zach Thomas at this point. Mostly reputation, not so much skill, still small, not fast anymore. Still smart enough to burn you, though. So we had better make sure we punish him.
Speaking of punishment, we need to beat the hell out of Bruce Gradkowski. If Arizona and Houston didn't have the distinction locked down for the next century, Tampa would have the worst offensive line in the NFL. They're either too young, or WAAAAAAY too old up front. Cadillac Williams can't do it all himself.
He's been doing better the last few weeks, but he's still running behind a suspect line and being supported by an anemic passing attack. We should be able to shut the Caddy down. One of the things we can still do is stop the run. For the most part.
What we REALLY need to do is do to Gradkowski what the Ravens did to Ben. Pressure from the outside (if Haggans and Porter are still alive). When the offensive line becomes obsessed with where the outside pressure is coming from, run delayed blitzes with Farrior, Foote, and Tyrone Carter (who's surprising good at rushing the passer). I seriously think we can get 9 sacks. It bums me out, because I have Joey Galloway on my one Fantasy team, but I'll make that sacrifice for the Steelers.
I'm actually not worried about playing this game without Hines and Troy. Troy was having a pretty lousy season before he got hurt and the Steelers receivers are pretty much interchangable at this point. I really just hope that we cut Cedrick Wilson in the off-season. That guy sucks balls.
And, if you look at our free agent acquistions the past three years, it's no wonder the wheels are falling off. Who'd we get? Cedrick Wilson, Duce Staley, and Ryan Clark. I know I was pumped up about the Clark signing, but he doesn't seem to be worth the league minimum, nonetheless $8 million over 4 years. He can't cover anyone, takes terrible angles to the ball, and is a piss poor tackler. So... great signing!
Duce hasn't played any meaningful football since Week 7. Of 2004. And Wilson caught his first regular season TD as a Steeler against the Saints. Crap.
At least we'll win on Sunday. Provided we don't commit 12 turnovers that are returned for touchdowns and Santonio Holmes can keep his hands on the ball.
We won the Super Bowl last season. I really should just suck it up and deal.
Prediction: Steelers 27, Bucs 14.
Monday, November 27, 2006
Steelers vs. Ravens Review
Well, so that sucked. It sucked worse than anything has sucked before. I'm sure that, when the Browns beat us 51-0 in 1976, the feeling of suck in the Steel City was more prominent than it is today, but not by much.
It breaks down on defense like this: We couldn't get pressure on McNair and they beat us. It really has nothing to do with the cornerbacks. It does a little, but this defense has always been about how much pressure we can bring. And we're not bringing it this year. And we're getting shredded. Maybe Cowher and Colbert should've drafted some linebackers on the first day of the draft the last few years, huh? Maybe they shouldn't be changing the starting cornerback tandem every game? Could just be they need to change up the starting linebackers. Especially the outside guys. They've sucked a big suck-ass suck all year.
Either they need to play better or we'll get shredded for a bunch of yards every game.
On offense, it's all about the offensive line's inability to block and adjust. You can say the Ravens confused our guys by varying their fronts. You could say that. Only one issue. THE RAVENS USE A 3-4 AS THEIR BASE DEFENSE AND SO DO WE!!!! All game, I knew where the pressure was coming from and who was going to get the first shot at sacking Ben. The Ravens knew that we couldn't block anyone coming off the edge and that Fast Willie can't pass protect. So they brought pressure from the outside. When the entire line was obsessed with who was coming from the outside, they ran delayed blitzes from the inside. At this point, the line looked completely bewildered and Ben was getting hit so much he swore he saw Lee Harvey Oswald picking off cheerleaders from peanut heaven.
From there, they started calling different blitzes of the same variety and all of them worked. They worked because the line didn't know who was coming from where and certainly didn't have any concept of how to block them. If this strategy sounds familiar, it's because the Steelers used it to dismantle the Browns and Colts (and the Bengals in the second half of the Wild Card game) on their way to winning the Super Bowl.
Why didn't we use this tactic to shut out the Browns last week? God only knows. Well, God and Dick LeBeau.
The bottom line is that the Ravens treated it like a playoff game and we didn't. They had a solid game plan that they executed flawlessly and we... looked like a bunch of retards trying to hump a doorknob. And now we're 4-7.
And now the season's over. Even at 4-6, it was a LOOOOOONG shot. The Chiefs made sure we'd face long odds by beating the Broncos Thanksgiving night. Both were 7-4 at that point. You can count on Jake Plummer (even though he's no longer Denver's QB) for honking a late season game and Herm Edwards for mismanaging the game clock at a crucial juncture, but there's no way you could count on either to drop TWO games and there's no way in hell or heaven that you could count on both to drop two. So there's that on top of that.
This'll be the true test of this team. These last five games are winnable. If we finish strong and end up 9-7, it'll be proof that all the high character guys didn't leave the team last year. I figure 8-8 or 7-9. And that sucks. But, with a coach that has ceased to care, an offense that turns the ball over too much and hasn't come together along the offensive line or the wide receiver position, and a defense that got too old and slow to execute the system, that's what we deserve.
We got lucky last year. We won the Super Bowl. Let's focus on that.
Well, that and the fact that, if this year is just like 2003, maybe next year will be like 2004. And maybe, just maybe, we'll get to face off against Cowher's Cowboys in the Super Bowl.
One other thing:
The Cowboys are going to win the Super Bowl. They're coming together at the right time, everyone's contributing, Parcells finally has the right personnel to run his defense, and everyone's smiling and hugging. They're a game up on the Giants, the Redskins are imploding, and the Eagles don't have McNabb. They'll be two games up on the Giants after Sunday.
You're telling me the Bears can beat these guys? The Seahawks? The Panthers? The Saints?
And hey, the Colts couldn't beat them, either.
It breaks down on defense like this: We couldn't get pressure on McNair and they beat us. It really has nothing to do with the cornerbacks. It does a little, but this defense has always been about how much pressure we can bring. And we're not bringing it this year. And we're getting shredded. Maybe Cowher and Colbert should've drafted some linebackers on the first day of the draft the last few years, huh? Maybe they shouldn't be changing the starting cornerback tandem every game? Could just be they need to change up the starting linebackers. Especially the outside guys. They've sucked a big suck-ass suck all year.
Either they need to play better or we'll get shredded for a bunch of yards every game.
On offense, it's all about the offensive line's inability to block and adjust. You can say the Ravens confused our guys by varying their fronts. You could say that. Only one issue. THE RAVENS USE A 3-4 AS THEIR BASE DEFENSE AND SO DO WE!!!! All game, I knew where the pressure was coming from and who was going to get the first shot at sacking Ben. The Ravens knew that we couldn't block anyone coming off the edge and that Fast Willie can't pass protect. So they brought pressure from the outside. When the entire line was obsessed with who was coming from the outside, they ran delayed blitzes from the inside. At this point, the line looked completely bewildered and Ben was getting hit so much he swore he saw Lee Harvey Oswald picking off cheerleaders from peanut heaven.
From there, they started calling different blitzes of the same variety and all of them worked. They worked because the line didn't know who was coming from where and certainly didn't have any concept of how to block them. If this strategy sounds familiar, it's because the Steelers used it to dismantle the Browns and Colts (and the Bengals in the second half of the Wild Card game) on their way to winning the Super Bowl.
Why didn't we use this tactic to shut out the Browns last week? God only knows. Well, God and Dick LeBeau.
The bottom line is that the Ravens treated it like a playoff game and we didn't. They had a solid game plan that they executed flawlessly and we... looked like a bunch of retards trying to hump a doorknob. And now we're 4-7.
And now the season's over. Even at 4-6, it was a LOOOOOONG shot. The Chiefs made sure we'd face long odds by beating the Broncos Thanksgiving night. Both were 7-4 at that point. You can count on Jake Plummer (even though he's no longer Denver's QB) for honking a late season game and Herm Edwards for mismanaging the game clock at a crucial juncture, but there's no way you could count on either to drop TWO games and there's no way in hell or heaven that you could count on both to drop two. So there's that on top of that.
This'll be the true test of this team. These last five games are winnable. If we finish strong and end up 9-7, it'll be proof that all the high character guys didn't leave the team last year. I figure 8-8 or 7-9. And that sucks. But, with a coach that has ceased to care, an offense that turns the ball over too much and hasn't come together along the offensive line or the wide receiver position, and a defense that got too old and slow to execute the system, that's what we deserve.
We got lucky last year. We won the Super Bowl. Let's focus on that.
Well, that and the fact that, if this year is just like 2003, maybe next year will be like 2004. And maybe, just maybe, we'll get to face off against Cowher's Cowboys in the Super Bowl.
One other thing:
The Cowboys are going to win the Super Bowl. They're coming together at the right time, everyone's contributing, Parcells finally has the right personnel to run his defense, and everyone's smiling and hugging. They're a game up on the Giants, the Redskins are imploding, and the Eagles don't have McNabb. They'll be two games up on the Giants after Sunday.
You're telling me the Bears can beat these guys? The Seahawks? The Panthers? The Saints?
And hey, the Colts couldn't beat them, either.
Friday, November 24, 2006
Steelers vs. Ravens Preview
I have to say right off the bat that this game is impossible to predict. Not only have the Steelers themselves been impossible to predict thus far this season, but Steelers/Ravens games are tougher to divine than Steelers/Browns games. And, we haven't had a normal game against the Hated Ravens since the day after Christmas in 2004. Last year, one of the games was started by Tommy Maddox, so that doesn't count. The other one, we threw the ball 38 times. Thirty-eight times. Against the Ravens. And, it was a close game (the Monday night game on Halloween). And it's not like we were down 19-3 midway through the third quarter and had to throw like hell to catch up (ended up winning 20-19).
I was at the game on the day after Christmas in 2004. That's the way a game against the Ravens should go. We jostled back and forth for the first half, went in with a 13-6 lead, then staged a 9 1/2 minute drive to open the second half, where we ran the ball 12 out of 14 plays. It was 20-6 at that point and the game was over.
The first series for both teams is the key to the whole game. If the Ravens score on their first possession, we're screwed. If we can't run the ball on the first possession, we're screwed.
The reason for this is that Cowher and Whisenhunt don't seem to have any patience with the running game when we play the Ravens. They abandon it too quickly and start throwing the ball like crazy when there's even a hint of it not working. If we can't run the ball in the first quarter/series, take a look at Cowher, then (hopefully) they'll show Whisenhunt. Because Whisenhunt ends up looking like a battered spouse about midway through the second quarter. He's got that far-off expression, his hair's all messed up, and it looks like he could weep at any moment.
He'll start calling pass after pass. Instead of weakly claiming that he "fell" he'll call pass after pass. Instead of absent-mindedly dropping dishes while he's unloading the dish washer, he'll call pass after pass. This will continue until Cowher buys him a pair of diamond earrings so he'll stop crying at the dinner table.
The point is that the Ravens are not as talented a football team as the Steelers. Except for possibly 2000, they never have been. It just seems that they play us tougher than any other team in the league. Always have, always will.
If we can run the ball out of the gate and force them into a three-and-out on their first possession, we're golden. If we can't run and they score, we're screwed. We might make it close. It might be close even if we can run the ball and we force them to punt. But, at all costs, we need to stop any Sleeping With the Enemy crap from happening between Cowher and Whisenhunt. If that happens, the game is effectively over.
Prediction:
What the hell, let's say Steelers 17, Ravens 13.
I was at the game on the day after Christmas in 2004. That's the way a game against the Ravens should go. We jostled back and forth for the first half, went in with a 13-6 lead, then staged a 9 1/2 minute drive to open the second half, where we ran the ball 12 out of 14 plays. It was 20-6 at that point and the game was over.
The first series for both teams is the key to the whole game. If the Ravens score on their first possession, we're screwed. If we can't run the ball on the first possession, we're screwed.
The reason for this is that Cowher and Whisenhunt don't seem to have any patience with the running game when we play the Ravens. They abandon it too quickly and start throwing the ball like crazy when there's even a hint of it not working. If we can't run the ball in the first quarter/series, take a look at Cowher, then (hopefully) they'll show Whisenhunt. Because Whisenhunt ends up looking like a battered spouse about midway through the second quarter. He's got that far-off expression, his hair's all messed up, and it looks like he could weep at any moment.
He'll start calling pass after pass. Instead of weakly claiming that he "fell" he'll call pass after pass. Instead of absent-mindedly dropping dishes while he's unloading the dish washer, he'll call pass after pass. This will continue until Cowher buys him a pair of diamond earrings so he'll stop crying at the dinner table.
The point is that the Ravens are not as talented a football team as the Steelers. Except for possibly 2000, they never have been. It just seems that they play us tougher than any other team in the league. Always have, always will.
If we can run the ball out of the gate and force them into a three-and-out on their first possession, we're golden. If we can't run and they score, we're screwed. We might make it close. It might be close even if we can run the ball and we force them to punt. But, at all costs, we need to stop any Sleeping With the Enemy crap from happening between Cowher and Whisenhunt. If that happens, the game is effectively over.
Prediction:
What the hell, let's say Steelers 17, Ravens 13.
Monday, November 20, 2006
Steelers vs. Browns Review
Hey, if I was only going to get one out of two predictions right, I'm glad I got the Steelers-Browns prediction right (even if I was way off on the the score).
We've got one more game against the Browns. I'm glad we won this one, but I'll say it again: I won't get upset about this trainwreck of a season as long as we sweep the Browns. That's the key to the whole season for me at this point. I would like to sweep the Hated Ravens, but I doubt that's gonna happen. More on that later this week.
A few observations:
We've got one more game against the Browns. I'm glad we won this one, but I'll say it again: I won't get upset about this trainwreck of a season as long as we sweep the Browns. That's the key to the whole season for me at this point. I would like to sweep the Hated Ravens, but I doubt that's gonna happen. More on that later this week.
A few observations:
- Cowher still doesn't look like he cares. We were trying to rally to win. Against Cleveland. In Cleveland. We gave up an interception return for a touchdown and a kick return for a touchdown. AND Ben threw three picks. He didn't look upset. I think I yelled more than he did. Just disturbing. And the rumors about him jumping ship and going to be the Coach/GM/President for the Browns next year had better not be true.
- Hines ain't playing against the Ravens. It's probably just a knee bruise or a sprain. He didn't tear anything. But, it also didn't look like he was feeling real good after it happened.
- The receivers need to be more consistent and they need to catch the damn ball. This goes for all of them (even Hines). If they can be consistent, we won't miss Hines as much against the Hated Ravens. They're starting to show flashes of being a really, really solid group with Washington, Holmes, Wilson, and Ward. IF they're able to catch the ball.
- I don't know about anyone else, but I just didn't get the feeling like there was a possible way we could lose that game. The whole time, I was sure we were going to come back and win. And, ordinarily, when we give up two big plays for touchdowns like that, I don't feel that way. Maybe the season's turning around.
- We're still not making the playoffs. I mean, if we finish 10-6, then MAYBE we get in. But, KC finished 10-6 last year and missed the playoffs. So, we'd definitely need some help.
- We got help last year. That's all I'm gonna say.
- Well, that and the fact that the game that turned our fortunes around last year was really the Cleveland game. Everyone thought it'd be close, everyone thought we were overrated, everyone knew that it was a divisional rivalry and you could throw the records out the window... and then we kicked the shit out of them. Big statement. Seriously. Bigger statement than the win over the Bears, which is the generally accepted "turning point" of last season.
- Ben has already thrown 17 interceptions. Jesus in Heaven. That's a lot.
Friday, November 17, 2006
Bonus Prediction!
Okay. I wasn't going to mention anything about the Ohio State-Michigan game. Really. I wasn't. There was too much written about it this week, so I decided to leave it alone.
Then Bo Schembechler died.
I am officially declaring that there is absolutely, positively, no way in Heaven or Hell that Michigan loses this game now. It's not possible. I mean, Bo was at least 1,535,768 times more important to Michigan than Brian Piccollo was to Gale Sayers and the Chicago Bears. And they made a movie out of that. It had James Caan and Lando Calrisian and everything.
No way they lose. There's now officially too much at stake. And, this game, officially, becomes the most important game of the season. The BCS Championship game will pale in comparison to this one. Too much drama.
And the over/under for "montages showing Bo Schembechler through the years" has officially been set at 856.
Then Bo Schembechler died.
I am officially declaring that there is absolutely, positively, no way in Heaven or Hell that Michigan loses this game now. It's not possible. I mean, Bo was at least 1,535,768 times more important to Michigan than Brian Piccollo was to Gale Sayers and the Chicago Bears. And they made a movie out of that. It had James Caan and Lando Calrisian and everything.
No way they lose. There's now officially too much at stake. And, this game, officially, becomes the most important game of the season. The BCS Championship game will pale in comparison to this one. Too much drama.
And the over/under for "montages showing Bo Schembechler through the years" has officially been set at 856.
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Steelers vs. Browns Preview
I know we're both 3-6. I know that neither of us has a chance of making the playoffs. I know that the season is lost. But, it's the BROWNS, for God's sake. Can't lose to the Browns. When we got to the playoffs in 2002, no one expected much. It was going to be Tennessee or Oakland that went to the Super Bowl. That much was common knowledge. However, it was VITALLY important that we at least freakin' beat Cleveland in the playoffs.
And beat them we did. And we're going to beat them again on Sunday.
Have you ever heard of the Charlie Frye Drinking Game? Well, probably not, because I made it up. My point is that Frye makes so damn many mistakes throughout the course of the game, that the best way to track them is by drinking.
And beat them we did. And we're going to beat them again on Sunday.
Have you ever heard of the Charlie Frye Drinking Game? Well, probably not, because I made it up. My point is that Frye makes so damn many mistakes throughout the course of the game, that the best way to track them is by drinking.
- Every time he throws the ball away, have a sip of beer.
- Every time he drops back to pass, stops for an instant, then sprints off like a cat on speed in a random direction for no apparent reason, that's two sips.
- Every time he comes to the line, looks at the defense, then starts looking around at the rest of the offense, wild and confused, like each member of the defense had their backs turned to him and part of a sailboat painted on their asses, that's three sips.
- Every sack is a chug.
- Every fumble is two chugs.
- A fumble lost is a shot.
- Interceptions don't count. Especially if you have to drive. And you have to work the next day.
I guarantee that you'll be drunk by halftime. If I followed these rules during the 41-0 stomping we handed them last season, I'd have been seeing my dead Grandmother crawling up my leg with a hunting knife in her teeth halfway through the first quarter.
My point is that he sucks. He still looks dazed, confused, and generally like a four year-old trying to assemble a book shelf.
I understand that Kellen Winslow and Braylon Edwards are fantastically talented athletes. I understand that they've got a lot of upside. There's just a big hole through the middle of them. Could you see Winslow picking dirt out of his helmet? Or Edwards blocking down on a defensive lineman or a linebacker? I sure couldn't. And I wouldn't want to follow these pretty boys into battle.
Ted Washington and Willie McGinest are a combined 314 years old and weigh a combined 7,358 pounds (most of that's Washington). The rest of the guys on defense are either rookies or fourth string defensive backs that are starting because of injury.
Seriously. If we lose to this team, it might be worse than losing to the Raiders. I want another 45-7 or 41-0 whitewashing. They are the Browns, they're from Cleveland, and they must be punished for that.
Our receivers match up fantastically against their cornerbacks. They can't play run defense, given that Washington is three days older than dirt and about as effective. They're small. They're not physical. Romeo Crennell will keep these guys playing hard, but I can't shake the feeling that they'll fold up their tents, go get their shineboxes, and go home if we hit them hard enough long enough.
I feel a big game from Ben, Hines, maybe Fast Willie, and DEFINITELY Joey Porter. As long as we don't turn the ball over, we're cool. We just need to let Charlie Frye work his magic. Hopefully, we'll be showing our collective tits and having our friends hold our hair back by halftime.
Prediction: Steelers 34, Browns 17
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Steelers vs. Saints Review
There are two reasons I'm posting this late. One is that I was helping my Dad put up a fence in my backyard. The other is that I'm still not sure what to make of this game. I don't know if anyone else is feeling this way, but I'm conflicted. I'm happy that we won, but...
If we have to spend too much time this season with Tyrone Carter at safety and that Madison kid (didn't even know he was on the roster) at cornerback, we're screwed. It could, however, be very good for Porter and Haggans. LeBeau, if he knows he's got a bunch of JV guys in the secondary, might pull out some really exotic stuff from the archives. This means that Porter and Haggans will be coming on pretty much every play, from all angles, doing stunts and slants and stuff that only LeBeau has thought of. So, I'm excited for that. I'm not excited about the prospect of the other team actually blocking what we throw at them and then exploiting the mismatches in the secondary. Especially since we still have to play the Bengals and Panthers.
When the hell did we start winning games 38-31? In previous seasons, if we put up 38 points, I'd say that the other team scored 10, maybe 20. If we scored 38, that meant that we out-and-out dominated. The reason we scored 38 points is because we allowed the Saints to dictate the game to us. Aside from the 45-7 drubbing that we handed KC, we haven't controlled a game this year. And that sucks.
Sean Payton has a bright future in the NFL. That guy is a hell of a coach. Aside from the absolutely idiotic challenge in the third quarter, he did everything right. Here's what he had to work with: A young team that was missing its most consistent weapon in the passing game (Joe Horn), an undersized defense and horrible linebackers, on the road, picked by Vegas to lose the game (I still think Vegas is in more shock than anyone in Steeler Nation about how this season has progressed), an early 14-0 deficit, and the fact that they had been overachieving all season, so they really didn't know what they had. He took all that and was still in a position to dictate the flow of the game to the Pittsburgh Steelers. He had his guys ready to play, they never gave up, and they overcame three turnovers, almost coming back to win the game. That's really impressive.
Also, did you notice what he did in the last two minutes of the game? He knew that he was involved in a shoot-out. Either he was going to lose the game by turning the ball over on downs, or he was going to be the last team to score in regulation, willing to take his chances in overtime. Brilliant. That two minute offense was absolutely flawless (except for the fumble at the end, of course). He kept taking time off the clock, calling running plays to mix it up and keep the defense off balance, and made sure he saved his timeout for when it really counted. Really, just a great job.
While we're talking about coaches, Cowher has been involved in two consecutive home games with the season on the line. In both of those games, his team committed multiple errors in judgement and six turnovers. There were too many lead changes to count, and his defense was repeatedly shredded, giving up big plays all over the field. There were also struggles on special teams. Ordinarily, the man would look like Michael Ironside in the last scene of Scanners. In the past two games, he looked more like a man whose three year old daughter dressed the family dog like a geisha. There's white powder all over the place, the dog is having a severe allergic reaction, and she ripped up the wife's favorite kimono to make the costume... BUT SHE'S SO DAMN CUTE. He looked like he wanted to yell, but just didn't have it in him. He's lost his fire. Maybe he'll find it back in Dallas next season.
We rushed for 200+ yards, but 150 of that came on two plays. Did I tell you about their shitty linebackers or did I tell you about their shitty linebackers? Every time the Steelers play someone that has no talent on the perimeter, they should run Willie off-tackle all game. He's going to bounce out of the hole, run to the outside, and leave everyone in the dust on at least one occasion in those games. We need to do this. I'd also like to add that Cowher has absolutely no confidence in Najeh Davenport. This was evidenced by the fact that he called a timeout after Willie's second long run. Didn't need to. It probably affected momentum. We probably would've scored if Duce ran out there in his sweats and took the ball. But Cowher wanted to give Willie a breather because he doesn't trust Davenport. That's been haunting us all season and it will come back to haunt us later in the season.
And, even though I thought the Saints played a better game, we've got four easy games coming up on the schedule: Browns, Ravens, Bucs, Browns. Then we play the Panthers. Then the Ravens and then the Bengals (their season might be over by then). We really can run the table. Not saying it will make a difference, but we could do it. And, if we don't finish at least 8-8, this will officially be the worst coaching job of Cowher's career.
If we have to spend too much time this season with Tyrone Carter at safety and that Madison kid (didn't even know he was on the roster) at cornerback, we're screwed. It could, however, be very good for Porter and Haggans. LeBeau, if he knows he's got a bunch of JV guys in the secondary, might pull out some really exotic stuff from the archives. This means that Porter and Haggans will be coming on pretty much every play, from all angles, doing stunts and slants and stuff that only LeBeau has thought of. So, I'm excited for that. I'm not excited about the prospect of the other team actually blocking what we throw at them and then exploiting the mismatches in the secondary. Especially since we still have to play the Bengals and Panthers.
When the hell did we start winning games 38-31? In previous seasons, if we put up 38 points, I'd say that the other team scored 10, maybe 20. If we scored 38, that meant that we out-and-out dominated. The reason we scored 38 points is because we allowed the Saints to dictate the game to us. Aside from the 45-7 drubbing that we handed KC, we haven't controlled a game this year. And that sucks.
Sean Payton has a bright future in the NFL. That guy is a hell of a coach. Aside from the absolutely idiotic challenge in the third quarter, he did everything right. Here's what he had to work with: A young team that was missing its most consistent weapon in the passing game (Joe Horn), an undersized defense and horrible linebackers, on the road, picked by Vegas to lose the game (I still think Vegas is in more shock than anyone in Steeler Nation about how this season has progressed), an early 14-0 deficit, and the fact that they had been overachieving all season, so they really didn't know what they had. He took all that and was still in a position to dictate the flow of the game to the Pittsburgh Steelers. He had his guys ready to play, they never gave up, and they overcame three turnovers, almost coming back to win the game. That's really impressive.
Also, did you notice what he did in the last two minutes of the game? He knew that he was involved in a shoot-out. Either he was going to lose the game by turning the ball over on downs, or he was going to be the last team to score in regulation, willing to take his chances in overtime. Brilliant. That two minute offense was absolutely flawless (except for the fumble at the end, of course). He kept taking time off the clock, calling running plays to mix it up and keep the defense off balance, and made sure he saved his timeout for when it really counted. Really, just a great job.
While we're talking about coaches, Cowher has been involved in two consecutive home games with the season on the line. In both of those games, his team committed multiple errors in judgement and six turnovers. There were too many lead changes to count, and his defense was repeatedly shredded, giving up big plays all over the field. There were also struggles on special teams. Ordinarily, the man would look like Michael Ironside in the last scene of Scanners. In the past two games, he looked more like a man whose three year old daughter dressed the family dog like a geisha. There's white powder all over the place, the dog is having a severe allergic reaction, and she ripped up the wife's favorite kimono to make the costume... BUT SHE'S SO DAMN CUTE. He looked like he wanted to yell, but just didn't have it in him. He's lost his fire. Maybe he'll find it back in Dallas next season.
We rushed for 200+ yards, but 150 of that came on two plays. Did I tell you about their shitty linebackers or did I tell you about their shitty linebackers? Every time the Steelers play someone that has no talent on the perimeter, they should run Willie off-tackle all game. He's going to bounce out of the hole, run to the outside, and leave everyone in the dust on at least one occasion in those games. We need to do this. I'd also like to add that Cowher has absolutely no confidence in Najeh Davenport. This was evidenced by the fact that he called a timeout after Willie's second long run. Didn't need to. It probably affected momentum. We probably would've scored if Duce ran out there in his sweats and took the ball. But Cowher wanted to give Willie a breather because he doesn't trust Davenport. That's been haunting us all season and it will come back to haunt us later in the season.
And, even though I thought the Saints played a better game, we've got four easy games coming up on the schedule: Browns, Ravens, Bucs, Browns. Then we play the Panthers. Then the Ravens and then the Bengals (their season might be over by then). We really can run the table. Not saying it will make a difference, but we could do it. And, if we don't finish at least 8-8, this will officially be the worst coaching job of Cowher's career.
Friday, November 10, 2006
Real Quick
This guy must read my column on a daily basis. I've been talking about this stuff for weeks:
http://msn.foxsports.com/nfl/story/6150854
http://msn.foxsports.com/nfl/story/6150854
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Steelers vs. Saints Preview
First things first: Cowher said he was going to make some "serious changes" this week. And all he did was bench Ike Taylor. I'm thinking that he eventually wants McFadden and Taylor to be his starting corners, Clark and Troy to be his safeties, Okobi to be his center, and Santonio Holmes to figure out how to return punts and be his #2 receiver. He's almost there. All he needs to have happen is for McFadden to do well and Ike to fight his way back into the line-up. When he does, Ike will take Deshea Townshend's place. Problem solved. Then, he needs to put Hartings on IR. Okobi starts the rest of the season by default.
Holmes is already starting to step up in the passing game (which is why Hines and Wilson are doing better as well), he just needs to remember how to return punts. He was really good at it in college... And, seriously, we need to get Willie Reid back. Where the hell is he? He can't be any worse than Holmes. Putting Wilson or Coclough back in there doesn't do anything for this team in the long term, so why do it? The season's shot. The only way someone is going to lose their job is if there's someone younger behind them. Which is why Ryan Clark needs to watch out. It could just be a matter of time before Anthony Smith is back there. Once Cowher forgets that he committed a dumbass penalty in the Broncos game. Oh, wait. Everyone on the team is guilty of those. So, really, that's no big deal.
Speaking of dumbass penalties, I forgot to mention this in the Broncos vs. Steelers Review on Tuesday... In the third quarter of the Denver game, with the Steelers trailing 21-10, Willie Parker caught a screen pass and advanced it to the Denver 32 before he got SMACKED by Al Wilson. Wilson's hit was legal and it was a good one. It was so good, in fact, that he straddled Willie (that sounds dirty) and started walking forward, making it very difficult for Willie to get up (again, dirty). He then proceeded to yell DIRECTLY AT WILLIE PARKER in what I can only assume was a, shall we say, TAUNTING fashion. No flag. No comment from the announcers. ESPN.com actually ran an article the next day that talked about what a bad day the officials had on Sunday, but there was no mention of the non-call on Wilson.
The Sunday before that, the Steelers got flagged not once but TWICE for taunting. Having seen all three plays, and being as unbiased as possible, I don't see how the Porter and Foote could've been flagged against Oakland, but Wilson wasn't flagged on Sunday. That penalty against Denver would've moved the ball up to the Denver 17 and could've changed the game. It's true that Ben threw another pick to Champ Bailey on that drive, but you never know. The real point is that taunting seems to fall under the same, weird, subjective grey area that horse-collar tackles do. If you don't always call it, take it out of the rule book. Troy Brown was flagged for taunting in the Patriots-Colts game for missing the referee and accidentally hitting a Colt when he flipped the referee the ball after a touchdown. It's dumb, it has a profound effect on the outcome of the game, and I want it to stop.
About Them Saints:
The previous two seasons, I'd say we win this game by a lot. The Saints have an explosive offense that's built mostly around speed. They can't play a lick of defense, they turn the ball over too much, and Reggie Bush has more negative plays this year than I can count. Normally, this is a team that we crush by beating them to the perimeter, pressuring their QB into a few costly turnovers, not committing any turnovers ourselves, controlling the clock by running the ball, and waiting for them to self-destruct.
One problem with that strategy this season: Teams are using it on us. And succeeding, apparently, because we're 2-6. I really believe that New Orleans will try this strategy on us. And I really believe that they'll succeed.
Deuce McAllister is rejuvenated this year because New Orleans has three talented wideouts in Colston, Horn, and Henderson. They come out with those three guys, McAllister, and Reggie Bush, and defenses have to keep 7 in the box to avoid getting burned. Plus which, McAllister gets to beat up on a bunch of nickel and dime backs because of the other personnel on the field. The end result is that Deuce, a big, fast man that can wear down a defense, gets a lot of easy carries against a soft defense while they're concentrated on chasing Bush, Colston, Horn, and Henderson.
We can slow them down by keeping Casey Hampton in on first and second down, regardless of what formation they come out in and what personnel group they have on the field. If our line can clog up the middle of the field, they'll have no choice but to start handing the ball to Bush in space and watch him pile up -5 yards on 18 carries. And, I don't care if he hasn't done a whole lot in the Saints offense, we need to put Troy on Reggie Bush and keep him on Reggie Bush. Troy's the only athlete on the defense that can hang with Reggie.
Unless, of course, Cowher demoted Ike so that he could put him on Bush the whole game.
On offense, we just need to hold onto the football. The Saints have a pretty damn good defensive line. I'll give them that. It's also true that they didn't know who two of their three starting linebackers would be when the season started. Two guys eventually "won" jobs and the Saints have been trying to cover it up ever since.
If we get a lead an decide to take the air out of the ball, they'll have no choice but to throw their merry band of underachieving linebackers out there to try and stop us. Since they've got such a high-powered offense, teams tend to gear their offense for a shoot-out. As a result, the Saints have been able to come out in mostly nickel and dime defenses, keeping their sucky-ass linebackers on the sidelines.
If we come out in power formations, we'll force them to either get shredded by having too many small defensive backs out there, or put their worst athletes on the field.
In both situations, we win.
However, in order to win, we need to stop their most explosive playmaker consistently, pressure the quarterback, play half-decent pass defense, and effectively run the ball. We haven't been able to do all those things in one game all season.
Predicition:
Saints 30, Steelers 17
Holmes is already starting to step up in the passing game (which is why Hines and Wilson are doing better as well), he just needs to remember how to return punts. He was really good at it in college... And, seriously, we need to get Willie Reid back. Where the hell is he? He can't be any worse than Holmes. Putting Wilson or Coclough back in there doesn't do anything for this team in the long term, so why do it? The season's shot. The only way someone is going to lose their job is if there's someone younger behind them. Which is why Ryan Clark needs to watch out. It could just be a matter of time before Anthony Smith is back there. Once Cowher forgets that he committed a dumbass penalty in the Broncos game. Oh, wait. Everyone on the team is guilty of those. So, really, that's no big deal.
Speaking of dumbass penalties, I forgot to mention this in the Broncos vs. Steelers Review on Tuesday... In the third quarter of the Denver game, with the Steelers trailing 21-10, Willie Parker caught a screen pass and advanced it to the Denver 32 before he got SMACKED by Al Wilson. Wilson's hit was legal and it was a good one. It was so good, in fact, that he straddled Willie (that sounds dirty) and started walking forward, making it very difficult for Willie to get up (again, dirty). He then proceeded to yell DIRECTLY AT WILLIE PARKER in what I can only assume was a, shall we say, TAUNTING fashion. No flag. No comment from the announcers. ESPN.com actually ran an article the next day that talked about what a bad day the officials had on Sunday, but there was no mention of the non-call on Wilson.
The Sunday before that, the Steelers got flagged not once but TWICE for taunting. Having seen all three plays, and being as unbiased as possible, I don't see how the Porter and Foote could've been flagged against Oakland, but Wilson wasn't flagged on Sunday. That penalty against Denver would've moved the ball up to the Denver 17 and could've changed the game. It's true that Ben threw another pick to Champ Bailey on that drive, but you never know. The real point is that taunting seems to fall under the same, weird, subjective grey area that horse-collar tackles do. If you don't always call it, take it out of the rule book. Troy Brown was flagged for taunting in the Patriots-Colts game for missing the referee and accidentally hitting a Colt when he flipped the referee the ball after a touchdown. It's dumb, it has a profound effect on the outcome of the game, and I want it to stop.
About Them Saints:
The previous two seasons, I'd say we win this game by a lot. The Saints have an explosive offense that's built mostly around speed. They can't play a lick of defense, they turn the ball over too much, and Reggie Bush has more negative plays this year than I can count. Normally, this is a team that we crush by beating them to the perimeter, pressuring their QB into a few costly turnovers, not committing any turnovers ourselves, controlling the clock by running the ball, and waiting for them to self-destruct.
One problem with that strategy this season: Teams are using it on us. And succeeding, apparently, because we're 2-6. I really believe that New Orleans will try this strategy on us. And I really believe that they'll succeed.
Deuce McAllister is rejuvenated this year because New Orleans has three talented wideouts in Colston, Horn, and Henderson. They come out with those three guys, McAllister, and Reggie Bush, and defenses have to keep 7 in the box to avoid getting burned. Plus which, McAllister gets to beat up on a bunch of nickel and dime backs because of the other personnel on the field. The end result is that Deuce, a big, fast man that can wear down a defense, gets a lot of easy carries against a soft defense while they're concentrated on chasing Bush, Colston, Horn, and Henderson.
We can slow them down by keeping Casey Hampton in on first and second down, regardless of what formation they come out in and what personnel group they have on the field. If our line can clog up the middle of the field, they'll have no choice but to start handing the ball to Bush in space and watch him pile up -5 yards on 18 carries. And, I don't care if he hasn't done a whole lot in the Saints offense, we need to put Troy on Reggie Bush and keep him on Reggie Bush. Troy's the only athlete on the defense that can hang with Reggie.
Unless, of course, Cowher demoted Ike so that he could put him on Bush the whole game.
On offense, we just need to hold onto the football. The Saints have a pretty damn good defensive line. I'll give them that. It's also true that they didn't know who two of their three starting linebackers would be when the season started. Two guys eventually "won" jobs and the Saints have been trying to cover it up ever since.
If we get a lead an decide to take the air out of the ball, they'll have no choice but to throw their merry band of underachieving linebackers out there to try and stop us. Since they've got such a high-powered offense, teams tend to gear their offense for a shoot-out. As a result, the Saints have been able to come out in mostly nickel and dime defenses, keeping their sucky-ass linebackers on the sidelines.
If we come out in power formations, we'll force them to either get shredded by having too many small defensive backs out there, or put their worst athletes on the field.
In both situations, we win.
However, in order to win, we need to stop their most explosive playmaker consistently, pressure the quarterback, play half-decent pass defense, and effectively run the ball. We haven't been able to do all those things in one game all season.
Predicition:
Saints 30, Steelers 17
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Steelers vs. Broncos Review
Okay. I'm ready to talk about it now. Yesterday was... too soon.
The season, is, effectively over. I really wish we could hook up Madden 2007 and simulate the rest of it (we might have a decent shot of going 8-8 if we did that), but that's why they play the games.
And, even though it sucks, it's kinda liberating. I mean, really, who cares what happens the rest of the year? I'll still scream at any Steeler that drops an easy pick, fumbles inside the other team's 20 (like that would ever happen), or takes a dumb penalty (ditto). The thing is that the season won't be hanging in the balance. As much as I loved the playoff run last year, it was damn stressful. I needed a break from football until about June. I seriously didn't start thinking about the season until Ben's accident.
This year? I'm going to sit back and watch the scary talent the Steelers possess try to play spoiler against a lot of teams with less talent and better records. I mean, everyone knows that Denver's got a top 5 defense. Going into the Indy game, they had let up two touchdowns all season. And we put up 499 yards on them. It took Ben about 90 attempts, but he threw for over 400 yards. Once again, we outgained them. We're going to finish the season as the best team (statistically) ever to finish 6-10. I don't doubt that we'll be in the top 10 on offense and defense (which is measured in yards per game) at the end of the season.
We've got a lot of talent. But, bad special teams play and turnovers will kill you. And they've been killing us all year. Sunday's game was a microcosm of the whole year. All year, we've been going, "Yes! Yes! Go! Ahhhhhhh, SHIT!" All year. I think I did that 38 times on Sunday. I must have done it 489,153 times this season. They run up and down the field, then they turn it over. Unless they turn the ball over before they get started (like a fumbled snap, a fumbled punt, or an INT at the beginning of a drive).
Our defense isn't terrible. We just haven't gotten pressure on the QB, because we miss Kimo and Hampton, Porter and Haggans have either been injured or ineffective, and LeBeau's too afraid to send Foote, Farrior, or Troy on a blitz unless we really really really really need something good to happen. Let me put this in all caps: OUR PASS DEFENSE IS NO WORSE THAN IT WAS LAST YEAR. It's just that we were able to mask the fact that our defensive backs struggle in man coverage by blitzing a lot and playing more zone. This year, I think we assumed that Ike Taylor was suddenly going to be a shutdown corner because we paid him a lot of money and Deshea Townshend was going to keep playing solid forever, just because he was a nice guy and came back for less money. It's not Ryan Clark. It's not Troy. It's not anyone in the defensive backfield. It's the guys up front and their inability to pressure the quarterback.
I'm going to state this again for any new readers (all three of them): When the Steelers struggle on offense, it's the offensive line. When they struggle on defense, it's the linebackers. And that's it. Why then, have we been drafting defensive backs and receivers in the first three rounds the past few years? Okay. I don't have an answer for that one. But I know what position we should draft from with our top 10 pick in next year's draft, and it ain't receiver.
And I'd really like to see some stats on average starting field position for the Steelers this year. Our average start has to be our 23 yard line, whereas the opponent must be starting at about their 45 yard line. If not midfield. Watch the games. Sure, we've given up 176 points in 8 games, but how many of those points have come when the opposing team has a short field to work with? Most them. When teams have to drive 70 or 80 yards on our defense, it hasn't happened. Or, at least, not often.
Then there's the fact that we absolutely SUCK in the red zone. We miss the Fat Man. Davenport may be fat, but he's a poor substitute. Holmes may be short, skinny, and shifty, but he's a poor substitute for Randle-El. I know that I said we weren't going to miss them when Fat Man retired and El signed that huge contract with the Redskins. I remember. But, you have to admit that there's no way you thought our red zone performance would be this bad or that Holmes would be this terrible. There's just no way. In previous seasons, I'd be all excited when we got down by the goal line. When El went back to return a punt, I'd wonder what amazing thing he'd do once he caught the ball. This season, I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's a sickening feeling to watch game living in abject terror, trying to figure out how we're going to screw up a great opportunity so it won't be as shocking when it happens.
All in all, I really think it'd be better if we just knew we had a lousy team. Fans in Cleveland, Oakland, and Detroit are aware that they root for bad organizations with crappy players. They're used to it. With the Steelers, the carpet doesn't match the drapes.
A few other things, while I'm thinking about it:
The season, is, effectively over. I really wish we could hook up Madden 2007 and simulate the rest of it (we might have a decent shot of going 8-8 if we did that), but that's why they play the games.
And, even though it sucks, it's kinda liberating. I mean, really, who cares what happens the rest of the year? I'll still scream at any Steeler that drops an easy pick, fumbles inside the other team's 20 (like that would ever happen), or takes a dumb penalty (ditto). The thing is that the season won't be hanging in the balance. As much as I loved the playoff run last year, it was damn stressful. I needed a break from football until about June. I seriously didn't start thinking about the season until Ben's accident.
This year? I'm going to sit back and watch the scary talent the Steelers possess try to play spoiler against a lot of teams with less talent and better records. I mean, everyone knows that Denver's got a top 5 defense. Going into the Indy game, they had let up two touchdowns all season. And we put up 499 yards on them. It took Ben about 90 attempts, but he threw for over 400 yards. Once again, we outgained them. We're going to finish the season as the best team (statistically) ever to finish 6-10. I don't doubt that we'll be in the top 10 on offense and defense (which is measured in yards per game) at the end of the season.
We've got a lot of talent. But, bad special teams play and turnovers will kill you. And they've been killing us all year. Sunday's game was a microcosm of the whole year. All year, we've been going, "Yes! Yes! Go! Ahhhhhhh, SHIT!" All year. I think I did that 38 times on Sunday. I must have done it 489,153 times this season. They run up and down the field, then they turn it over. Unless they turn the ball over before they get started (like a fumbled snap, a fumbled punt, or an INT at the beginning of a drive).
Our defense isn't terrible. We just haven't gotten pressure on the QB, because we miss Kimo and Hampton, Porter and Haggans have either been injured or ineffective, and LeBeau's too afraid to send Foote, Farrior, or Troy on a blitz unless we really really really really need something good to happen. Let me put this in all caps: OUR PASS DEFENSE IS NO WORSE THAN IT WAS LAST YEAR. It's just that we were able to mask the fact that our defensive backs struggle in man coverage by blitzing a lot and playing more zone. This year, I think we assumed that Ike Taylor was suddenly going to be a shutdown corner because we paid him a lot of money and Deshea Townshend was going to keep playing solid forever, just because he was a nice guy and came back for less money. It's not Ryan Clark. It's not Troy. It's not anyone in the defensive backfield. It's the guys up front and their inability to pressure the quarterback.
I'm going to state this again for any new readers (all three of them): When the Steelers struggle on offense, it's the offensive line. When they struggle on defense, it's the linebackers. And that's it. Why then, have we been drafting defensive backs and receivers in the first three rounds the past few years? Okay. I don't have an answer for that one. But I know what position we should draft from with our top 10 pick in next year's draft, and it ain't receiver.
And I'd really like to see some stats on average starting field position for the Steelers this year. Our average start has to be our 23 yard line, whereas the opponent must be starting at about their 45 yard line. If not midfield. Watch the games. Sure, we've given up 176 points in 8 games, but how many of those points have come when the opposing team has a short field to work with? Most them. When teams have to drive 70 or 80 yards on our defense, it hasn't happened. Or, at least, not often.
Then there's the fact that we absolutely SUCK in the red zone. We miss the Fat Man. Davenport may be fat, but he's a poor substitute. Holmes may be short, skinny, and shifty, but he's a poor substitute for Randle-El. I know that I said we weren't going to miss them when Fat Man retired and El signed that huge contract with the Redskins. I remember. But, you have to admit that there's no way you thought our red zone performance would be this bad or that Holmes would be this terrible. There's just no way. In previous seasons, I'd be all excited when we got down by the goal line. When El went back to return a punt, I'd wonder what amazing thing he'd do once he caught the ball. This season, I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's a sickening feeling to watch game living in abject terror, trying to figure out how we're going to screw up a great opportunity so it won't be as shocking when it happens.
All in all, I really think it'd be better if we just knew we had a lousy team. Fans in Cleveland, Oakland, and Detroit are aware that they root for bad organizations with crappy players. They're used to it. With the Steelers, the carpet doesn't match the drapes.
A few other things, while I'm thinking about it:
- Duce Staley needs to go. If he's not contributing, other than looking FANTASTIC in those sweats, he needs to be cut. The other option would be to have my buddy, Weidman, take his roster spot. Weidman is 6' tall and weighs 300 pounds. He'd be a fat, jolly man on the sidelines and a great cheerleader. I can't speak to how good he looks in sweats, but I'm sure it's not that much different. We're currently paying Duce $2.5 million for this season. Weidman, in a tremendous show of team spirit, is willing to work for half that. Sure, he's still re-habbing from a severe fracture to his ankle, but I'm sure the Steelers' medical staff can see to that. Weidman gets some medical attention, gets to stand on the sidelines, and the Steelers get to save $1.25 million. In addition, if it got out that someone from Pittsburgh made the team after not playing football in high school or college that has a broken ankle, I think the fan base would still root for Weidman more than they would for Duce. The man hasn't dressed for a game since the Super Bowl. It's time to drop the Duce and put Weidman on the payroll.
- The decision to pull Santonio Holmes off the kick return team should've been made after the Kansas City game. Doing it this past Sunday is a case of too little, too late.
- Anyone else think Cowher's situation is a distraction for the players? I sure do. He doesn't seem as passionate, as disciplined, or as angry any more. In his press conferences, he sounds like an insurance agent that adopted a troubled kid from the ghetto... "We keep trying. I keep telling them to hold onto the football. Things happen. The past is the past. We just need to go out and try hard next week. I still believe in them..." GO OUT AND BUST SOME FREAKIN' HEADS! While we're at it, I don't think Cowher believed anything he said in the off-season about "last year being last year." At any rate, the players certainly didn't buy into it. I don't think they've gone out and put maximum effort into any game. Maybe not even the KC game. I think they just expect to go out and dominate because it's their birthright.
- Along those lines, the team seems to go out on the field and wait for the other shoe to drop. Just the looks in their eyes. They don't have the confidence they once had and, judging from Sunday, don't seem to have faith in each other anymore, or faith that they can overcome a bad situation. When they were down by 10 on two separate occasions in the playoff game against Cincy last season, it seemed like we were down by a field goal, or even tied. When we were down by 7 against Denver on Sunday, it seemed like we were down by three touchdowns. It's a weird feeling.
- As much as I hate to say it, we need to put Hartings on IR and let Okobi finish the season. Hartings is going to retire after this season and we need to see what Okobi can do.
- Cowher's going to "retire," after this season, then Parcells is going to leave Dallas, then Dallas is going to sign Cowher to an offer he can't refuse. Just making sure everyone's prepared.
- Given the fact that we got killed on the salary cap the last two years when Ben met every "likely to be earned" incentive, as well as most of the "unlikely to be earned" incentives on his contract, we get a break this year because he's having a bad season. Throw in the $6 million we'll save when Hartings retires, the $2.5 million we'll save when we drop a Duce, the credits from the incentives we thought Ben would earn but didn't, the fact that we won't have to count "likely to be earned" stuff next season, and the fact that the salary cap is going to go up another $10 million, and we'll have plenty of space to sign free agents. And our top 10 draft selection.
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Steelers vs. Broncos Preview
First Things First:
I want to bitch about something that's not related to football. It's okay. Together, we can make it through this.
Remember the "Fun Size" or "Bite Size" candy bars they used to give away during Halloween? Well, they still give them away. But, I had one today and it was about as thick as my thumb and half as long. I remember when they were longer and at least twice as thick.
My point is that the fight against child obesity has gone too far. Candy bars are getting smaller because people are afraid that kids will get too fat. You've seen the commercials. There's a child version of Jared, the Subway guy. Chubby kids are being forced to get into shape.
I know about diabetes and hypertension and heart attacks and all that. The problem is that, when I was a kid, the larger "Bite Size" candy bars required two bites. Sometimes three. This involved work. If I was riding a sugar high, more bites meant more work. Eventually, I'd give up. Plus which, I couldn't cram more than one of the big Bite Size candy bars in my mouth at once. I could get two or three of the smaller ones in my mouth at that age. So, if you're a kid, on a tremendous sugar high, unknowingly re-enacting the Heather Graham/Julianne Moore scene from Boogie Nights (with the only exception being that your Mom would alway answer "Yes" when you asked, "Are you my Mom?"), and you're able to cram this many Fun Size candy bars in your mouth, you're going to eat more candy in a sitting.
And, since the sugar high would get more and more intense until you crashed, you'd eat waaaaay more candy total for the night. Once your body gets used to all that sugar, it craves it. If it involves too much work, you're less likely to do it. This is also why I think condoms are a bad method of birth control. Too much wrapper, too many steps, too fleeting an erection. Why not just go for it? But I digress.
And yes: I'm at least 40 pounds overweight.
Preview, For God's Sake:
I hate to sound like the ultimate homer, but I really think we're going to win this game. And, aside from the fact that I'd give anything to break the three-way tie between us, the Browns, and the freakin' Raiders, I want us to win this game for other reasons.
I want to win this game to rub it in Pat Bowlen's face.
Before the season, Bowlen said that he wouldn't be willing to play the Steelers in the Thursday opener at Heinz Field (the season opener for the NFL season has usually pitted the Super Bowl champion - yep, we won the Super Bowl last year- against whoever they beat in the previous year's championship game). Bowlen said it was "too soon." He didn't want his players to go through that. What is this, an ugly divorce? Was Bowlen thinking about the children? Won't someone please think about the children!?!?
Speaking of children, I thought the NFL was a multi-billion dollar business, not a bunch of grown-ups trying to watch over underprivileged children in the schoolyard. Do they want a do-over? Was the sun in Champ Bailey's eyes when he missed that interception? I'm sure there was a car in the road. Denver didn't want to come back from halftime because dinner was ready and they had to be at a recital later.
Why couldn't the NFL say, "Uh... we want ratings, not to protect the fragile egos of your kids. Play the games on the schedule and GO GET YOUR FUCKIN' SHINEBOX!" Maybe it's just me.
Anyway, I want us to win to shut him up. To show him that we can beat the Broncos in the opener, on the moon, even when we're 2-5. And then they should shine our shoes. Hard work builds character in a child. And, if they worked a little harder, they wouldn't be so obese.
Why We'll Win:
We're actually playing well at home. We're 2-1. And the only loss came in that freakin' game against the Bengals. I'm not saying we won't commit 5 turnovers in this game, because, nowadays, you never know, but we've been playing well at home. The fans will be fired up. Cowher had that "angry drinker face" going all week, like a father under pressure that's had three martinis. His wife just called him a failure, the kids are screaming, his head is spinning, he should have just told the boss to shove it. Eventually, he's going to snap. In the meantime, he's going to be one angry son of a bitch and make the kids mow the lawn six times a day, just because he can.
He'll have the team fired up. They're ready to show everyone that they're not done yet. Ben has hopefully cleared some of the cobwebs. The offensive line (possibly minus Hartings), will show up and be angry. And, when it comes down to it, the offensive line just needs to be angry and determined. It's the same guys every week. They don't shrink or become weaker week to week. It just seems to be a matter of whether or not they want it more than the guy across from them. In Kansas City, they wanted it more. In Atlanta, Jacksonville, and San Diego, they didn't. This week, they will. Or, they should. Damnit, they better.
From a strategic standpoint, they play a lot of man-to-man on defense. They play it better than any other team in the league. Their linebackers run like safeties, cover like cornerbacks, and hit like, well, linebackers. Their safeties cover like linebackers and hit like linemen. And run like an 80 year-old woman with a bad hip. Their corners, led by Champ Bailey, are good.
The big thing, though, is that they play a lot of man-to-man. And our guys, if nothing else, run good routes. Even if the guy covering you is a better player, you still have an edge because at least you know where you're going. Our guys, when the defense mans-up on them, tend to rip the guys covering them apart. See the Atlanta game. And the Cincy game. And the Kansas City game. When Miami went man, we shredded them (ask Heath Miller). It could be that we suck against zone defenses. But I prefer to say that we're really good against man coverage. Zones confuse Ben. Horribly. I think this is a good time to mention that Oakland plays mostly zone. Or, at least they did when we played them.
Denver can't produce a pass rush. Even if they could against other teams, their defensive line consists of a bunch of guys who used to play for Cleveland and weren't good enough to hang on with the Browns. And they don't blitz much, if ever.
When the Broncos have the ball, all they can do is run it. They ran all over Indy, but Indy gives up 158 yards a game on the ground. We don't. When we face a team that can only run the ball, we usually dominate. We need to put the ball in Jake Plummer's hands and wait for him to screw up. It happened in the AFC Championship Game and it will happen on Sunday.
We'll stop the run, confound Plummer (seriously, Rod Smith is 100 years old and I dare you to name another receiver on the roster beyond Javon Walker), and pounce on those few, key turnovers.
Why We Won't Win:
18 turnovers in 7 games. In two of those games (both wins) we comitted a total of two turnovers. That means that, in five losses, we've committed SIXTEEN turnovers. We'll lose if Ben plays like he did against Oakland. Or everyone else plays like they did against Atlanta and Cincy.
Denver's fired up, too. Their defense got beat to hell and back by the Colts last week. Their nose is bloody. The question is whether they'll respond like Skutt Farkas and cry, or respond like Jean-Claude Van Damme and beat the crap out of us. In French.
Here's the worst part. WE'RE THREE POINT FAVORITES! Either Vegas has completely lost their minds, or they're trying to motivate the Broncos. I'm not sure which it is. I do, however, refuse to believe that a rational thinking person thinks we're going to win by three.
I mean, I think we're going to win by ten. So there you go.
Prediction: Steelers 20, Broncos 10
I want to bitch about something that's not related to football. It's okay. Together, we can make it through this.
Remember the "Fun Size" or "Bite Size" candy bars they used to give away during Halloween? Well, they still give them away. But, I had one today and it was about as thick as my thumb and half as long. I remember when they were longer and at least twice as thick.
My point is that the fight against child obesity has gone too far. Candy bars are getting smaller because people are afraid that kids will get too fat. You've seen the commercials. There's a child version of Jared, the Subway guy. Chubby kids are being forced to get into shape.
I know about diabetes and hypertension and heart attacks and all that. The problem is that, when I was a kid, the larger "Bite Size" candy bars required two bites. Sometimes three. This involved work. If I was riding a sugar high, more bites meant more work. Eventually, I'd give up. Plus which, I couldn't cram more than one of the big Bite Size candy bars in my mouth at once. I could get two or three of the smaller ones in my mouth at that age. So, if you're a kid, on a tremendous sugar high, unknowingly re-enacting the Heather Graham/Julianne Moore scene from Boogie Nights (with the only exception being that your Mom would alway answer "Yes" when you asked, "Are you my Mom?"), and you're able to cram this many Fun Size candy bars in your mouth, you're going to eat more candy in a sitting.
And, since the sugar high would get more and more intense until you crashed, you'd eat waaaaay more candy total for the night. Once your body gets used to all that sugar, it craves it. If it involves too much work, you're less likely to do it. This is also why I think condoms are a bad method of birth control. Too much wrapper, too many steps, too fleeting an erection. Why not just go for it? But I digress.
And yes: I'm at least 40 pounds overweight.
Preview, For God's Sake:
I hate to sound like the ultimate homer, but I really think we're going to win this game. And, aside from the fact that I'd give anything to break the three-way tie between us, the Browns, and the freakin' Raiders, I want us to win this game for other reasons.
I want to win this game to rub it in Pat Bowlen's face.
Before the season, Bowlen said that he wouldn't be willing to play the Steelers in the Thursday opener at Heinz Field (the season opener for the NFL season has usually pitted the Super Bowl champion - yep, we won the Super Bowl last year- against whoever they beat in the previous year's championship game). Bowlen said it was "too soon." He didn't want his players to go through that. What is this, an ugly divorce? Was Bowlen thinking about the children? Won't someone please think about the children!?!?
Speaking of children, I thought the NFL was a multi-billion dollar business, not a bunch of grown-ups trying to watch over underprivileged children in the schoolyard. Do they want a do-over? Was the sun in Champ Bailey's eyes when he missed that interception? I'm sure there was a car in the road. Denver didn't want to come back from halftime because dinner was ready and they had to be at a recital later.
Why couldn't the NFL say, "Uh... we want ratings, not to protect the fragile egos of your kids. Play the games on the schedule and GO GET YOUR FUCKIN' SHINEBOX!" Maybe it's just me.
Anyway, I want us to win to shut him up. To show him that we can beat the Broncos in the opener, on the moon, even when we're 2-5. And then they should shine our shoes. Hard work builds character in a child. And, if they worked a little harder, they wouldn't be so obese.
Why We'll Win:
We're actually playing well at home. We're 2-1. And the only loss came in that freakin' game against the Bengals. I'm not saying we won't commit 5 turnovers in this game, because, nowadays, you never know, but we've been playing well at home. The fans will be fired up. Cowher had that "angry drinker face" going all week, like a father under pressure that's had three martinis. His wife just called him a failure, the kids are screaming, his head is spinning, he should have just told the boss to shove it. Eventually, he's going to snap. In the meantime, he's going to be one angry son of a bitch and make the kids mow the lawn six times a day, just because he can.
He'll have the team fired up. They're ready to show everyone that they're not done yet. Ben has hopefully cleared some of the cobwebs. The offensive line (possibly minus Hartings), will show up and be angry. And, when it comes down to it, the offensive line just needs to be angry and determined. It's the same guys every week. They don't shrink or become weaker week to week. It just seems to be a matter of whether or not they want it more than the guy across from them. In Kansas City, they wanted it more. In Atlanta, Jacksonville, and San Diego, they didn't. This week, they will. Or, they should. Damnit, they better.
From a strategic standpoint, they play a lot of man-to-man on defense. They play it better than any other team in the league. Their linebackers run like safeties, cover like cornerbacks, and hit like, well, linebackers. Their safeties cover like linebackers and hit like linemen. And run like an 80 year-old woman with a bad hip. Their corners, led by Champ Bailey, are good.
The big thing, though, is that they play a lot of man-to-man. And our guys, if nothing else, run good routes. Even if the guy covering you is a better player, you still have an edge because at least you know where you're going. Our guys, when the defense mans-up on them, tend to rip the guys covering them apart. See the Atlanta game. And the Cincy game. And the Kansas City game. When Miami went man, we shredded them (ask Heath Miller). It could be that we suck against zone defenses. But I prefer to say that we're really good against man coverage. Zones confuse Ben. Horribly. I think this is a good time to mention that Oakland plays mostly zone. Or, at least they did when we played them.
Denver can't produce a pass rush. Even if they could against other teams, their defensive line consists of a bunch of guys who used to play for Cleveland and weren't good enough to hang on with the Browns. And they don't blitz much, if ever.
When the Broncos have the ball, all they can do is run it. They ran all over Indy, but Indy gives up 158 yards a game on the ground. We don't. When we face a team that can only run the ball, we usually dominate. We need to put the ball in Jake Plummer's hands and wait for him to screw up. It happened in the AFC Championship Game and it will happen on Sunday.
We'll stop the run, confound Plummer (seriously, Rod Smith is 100 years old and I dare you to name another receiver on the roster beyond Javon Walker), and pounce on those few, key turnovers.
Why We Won't Win:
18 turnovers in 7 games. In two of those games (both wins) we comitted a total of two turnovers. That means that, in five losses, we've committed SIXTEEN turnovers. We'll lose if Ben plays like he did against Oakland. Or everyone else plays like they did against Atlanta and Cincy.
Denver's fired up, too. Their defense got beat to hell and back by the Colts last week. Their nose is bloody. The question is whether they'll respond like Skutt Farkas and cry, or respond like Jean-Claude Van Damme and beat the crap out of us. In French.
Here's the worst part. WE'RE THREE POINT FAVORITES! Either Vegas has completely lost their minds, or they're trying to motivate the Broncos. I'm not sure which it is. I do, however, refuse to believe that a rational thinking person thinks we're going to win by three.
I mean, I think we're going to win by ten. So there you go.
Prediction: Steelers 20, Broncos 10
Monday, October 30, 2006
Steelers vs. Raiders Review
I'm going to make this as short as possible, because I'm still really, really bitter about it.
This team has not been focused all year. The Raiders were ready for us, they were fired up, and they were firing off the line of scrimmage on defense. We came out flat, Ben looked confused and tentative most of the day (wouldn't you if you had suffered two concussions in four months?), and, worst of all, we couldn't run the ball.
A lot of folks figured we'd have trouble throwing the ball against the #1 pass defense in the NFL. The Raiders did a great job against Arizona the week before and Arizona's a much better passing team than we are. But they had the 26th ranked run defense coming into the game.
And we outgained them 363-98. And they only converted one of six on third down.
Dumb penalties, special teams yards, and turnovers. Dumb penalties, special teams yards, and turnovers. We had FOUR personal fouls in this game. FOUR! Two taunting penalties, a roughing the passer/late hit call that I thought was pretty bogus, and a horse-collar tackle. I really thought they didn't call the horse-collar anymore, if they ever really did. I'm not complaining. Seriously. Troy got away with one in the Super Bowl. Someone horse-collared Fast Willie in the Atlanta game. I really don't care, I just wish the refs would be more consistent. It's not something subjective like pass interference or holding. Either you grab the guy and pull him down by his shoulders or you don't.
For those of you keeping score at home, those four personal fouls went for a total of 60 yards, or 3/5 of OAKLAND'S TOTAL YARDS FOR THE DAY.
This game reminded me an awful (emphasis on awful) lot of the Texans game in 2002. Tommy was coming off a neck injury and looked like a three year old that just learned you shouldn't touch the stove. Remember how he called a timeout with ONE SECOND remaining in the third quarter, 15 seconds left on the play clock, and the clock running? Ben reminded me a lot of that. He just didn't seem to see defenders, looked like he was afraid to scramble (in 2004, he would've jumped head-first into the end zone on that 4th and goal play at the end of the game), and you could tell that Whisenhunt was calling plays in the red zone with all his fingers and toes crossed and his eyes closed. They just didn't trust him to make a play. And he didn't trust himself. Which begs the question...
WHAT THE HELL WAS HE DOING IN THE GAME, THEN!?!?!?!
Just throwing it out there. You can't bench him against the Broncos or Saints, because, seriously, we still need him. But you can definitely bench him against Oakland. And he should've been sitting down for this game. Or, at least, been the back-up. If the line knows Batch is in there and we're definitely going to be running the ball 40 times in the game, I think they get off to a better start. I also think Batch doesn't throw those two interceptions that were returned for scores (or any picks, really). I really think we would've won with Batch in there.
But, I don't think we stand a chance against Denver and New Orleans without a healthy Roethlisberger. Therein lies the conundrum.
And... the joy of being 2-5. Which basically means that we're screwed for the rest of the season. While it's possible that we could go on a 9-0 run (anything's possible; man landed on the moon), we really need to go 11-5 or at least 10-6 to win the division/make the playoffs.
Even if we make the playoffs, this team doesn't have it in them to do what they did last year. Part of that's the players, part of that's the coaches, but part of it is that there's a freakin' reason no #6 seed has ever won the Super Bowl. It's really tough to do. Everything came together last year and we caught a lot of breaks. We played pretty much mistake free. No dumb ass penalties. Special teams was a difference for us in our favor, not to our detriment. Maybe this team isn't as talented as I thought. Maybe we just got lucky. Playing our best at just the right time and all those cliches.
But, hey, we won the Super Bowl. I'll take it.
A Couple Random Thoughts:
Verron Haynes is gone for the season. So is Arnold Harrison. While neither of these is a huge deal, it also means Davenport or Parker will be the third down back. Or... Duce. Nah, that's crazy talk. I really think we should have Duce clean the toilets at the practice facility or get people Gatorade on game day. Have him do something for the $2.5 million we're paying him.
Harrison will be missed on special teams, but he was undrafted and a back-up for a reason. Haynes really found a niche for himself as the third down back, though. I think that was one of the big things Whisenhunt really missed at the end of the game. There were three or four situations in the fourth quarter where I thought to myself, "This would be a perfect situation to run a slip-screen or a draw play," only to realize that we couldn't, because Parker and Davenport aren't the third down back for a reason.
Jeff Hartings is out for an undisclosed period of time. And, I hate to say it, but his knees were bound to give out eventually. He's in the last year of his contract. We need to get Okobi in there sooner rather than later. Now that this season is shot (though I still think we can go 9-7), we need to put Hartings on IR and throw Okobi in there.
One of the reasons the team has struggled is the attitude and aggression has not been there on the offensive line. The pass blocking has been terrible. Max Starks got abused by Derrick Burgess yesterday. The run blocking has been sporadic, at best. Maybe some new blood along the line will revitalize it.
Then again, those guys are back-ups for a reason...
This team has not been focused all year. The Raiders were ready for us, they were fired up, and they were firing off the line of scrimmage on defense. We came out flat, Ben looked confused and tentative most of the day (wouldn't you if you had suffered two concussions in four months?), and, worst of all, we couldn't run the ball.
A lot of folks figured we'd have trouble throwing the ball against the #1 pass defense in the NFL. The Raiders did a great job against Arizona the week before and Arizona's a much better passing team than we are. But they had the 26th ranked run defense coming into the game.
And we outgained them 363-98. And they only converted one of six on third down.
Dumb penalties, special teams yards, and turnovers. Dumb penalties, special teams yards, and turnovers. We had FOUR personal fouls in this game. FOUR! Two taunting penalties, a roughing the passer/late hit call that I thought was pretty bogus, and a horse-collar tackle. I really thought they didn't call the horse-collar anymore, if they ever really did. I'm not complaining. Seriously. Troy got away with one in the Super Bowl. Someone horse-collared Fast Willie in the Atlanta game. I really don't care, I just wish the refs would be more consistent. It's not something subjective like pass interference or holding. Either you grab the guy and pull him down by his shoulders or you don't.
For those of you keeping score at home, those four personal fouls went for a total of 60 yards, or 3/5 of OAKLAND'S TOTAL YARDS FOR THE DAY.
This game reminded me an awful (emphasis on awful) lot of the Texans game in 2002. Tommy was coming off a neck injury and looked like a three year old that just learned you shouldn't touch the stove. Remember how he called a timeout with ONE SECOND remaining in the third quarter, 15 seconds left on the play clock, and the clock running? Ben reminded me a lot of that. He just didn't seem to see defenders, looked like he was afraid to scramble (in 2004, he would've jumped head-first into the end zone on that 4th and goal play at the end of the game), and you could tell that Whisenhunt was calling plays in the red zone with all his fingers and toes crossed and his eyes closed. They just didn't trust him to make a play. And he didn't trust himself. Which begs the question...
WHAT THE HELL WAS HE DOING IN THE GAME, THEN!?!?!?!
Just throwing it out there. You can't bench him against the Broncos or Saints, because, seriously, we still need him. But you can definitely bench him against Oakland. And he should've been sitting down for this game. Or, at least, been the back-up. If the line knows Batch is in there and we're definitely going to be running the ball 40 times in the game, I think they get off to a better start. I also think Batch doesn't throw those two interceptions that were returned for scores (or any picks, really). I really think we would've won with Batch in there.
But, I don't think we stand a chance against Denver and New Orleans without a healthy Roethlisberger. Therein lies the conundrum.
And... the joy of being 2-5. Which basically means that we're screwed for the rest of the season. While it's possible that we could go on a 9-0 run (anything's possible; man landed on the moon), we really need to go 11-5 or at least 10-6 to win the division/make the playoffs.
Even if we make the playoffs, this team doesn't have it in them to do what they did last year. Part of that's the players, part of that's the coaches, but part of it is that there's a freakin' reason no #6 seed has ever won the Super Bowl. It's really tough to do. Everything came together last year and we caught a lot of breaks. We played pretty much mistake free. No dumb ass penalties. Special teams was a difference for us in our favor, not to our detriment. Maybe this team isn't as talented as I thought. Maybe we just got lucky. Playing our best at just the right time and all those cliches.
But, hey, we won the Super Bowl. I'll take it.
A Couple Random Thoughts:
Verron Haynes is gone for the season. So is Arnold Harrison. While neither of these is a huge deal, it also means Davenport or Parker will be the third down back. Or... Duce. Nah, that's crazy talk. I really think we should have Duce clean the toilets at the practice facility or get people Gatorade on game day. Have him do something for the $2.5 million we're paying him.
Harrison will be missed on special teams, but he was undrafted and a back-up for a reason. Haynes really found a niche for himself as the third down back, though. I think that was one of the big things Whisenhunt really missed at the end of the game. There were three or four situations in the fourth quarter where I thought to myself, "This would be a perfect situation to run a slip-screen or a draw play," only to realize that we couldn't, because Parker and Davenport aren't the third down back for a reason.
Jeff Hartings is out for an undisclosed period of time. And, I hate to say it, but his knees were bound to give out eventually. He's in the last year of his contract. We need to get Okobi in there sooner rather than later. Now that this season is shot (though I still think we can go 9-7), we need to put Hartings on IR and throw Okobi in there.
One of the reasons the team has struggled is the attitude and aggression has not been there on the offensive line. The pass blocking has been terrible. Max Starks got abused by Derrick Burgess yesterday. The run blocking has been sporadic, at best. Maybe some new blood along the line will revitalize it.
Then again, those guys are back-ups for a reason...
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Okay...
I was a little overexcited about the fact that I want the Steelers to kick the holy shit out of the Raiders and I forgot to mention a few things:
- Batch needs to start. Seriously. With everything that has happened to Ben in the last four months, we now need to add that he was the tender roast beef in a 900 pounds-of-man-flesh sandwich. And he was concussed. There's no way he was fine. There's no way he didn't sustain some sort of head trauma. It's not possible. Especially when you factor in that the 900 pounds of man-flesh was moving at 300 miles an hour and covered in Kevlar. Batch went to Steel Valley. He's local. He's thrown 5 TD passes and no INTs in 5 1/2 quarters of play. He's funny in the McDonald's commercials. People like him. MY MOM wants him to start and she thinks good penetration... okay, I'm not going to finish that thought. What needs to happen to Ben for Cowher to not say he looks good in practice? Does he need to tear a ligament? Get his right arm chopped off in a freak garbage disposal incident? I'm beginning to think this is a conspiracy that goes up to the highest levels. I'm thinking the Rooneys have some type of double endemnity clause on Ben where they get $100 million if he survives a bunch of life-threatening accidents and still manages to start 15 games. Bottom line, it's the Raiders. They're one of the worst teams of the last 30 years, definitely the worst team of the century thus far. We can beat them with Batch.
- We need to run the ball a lot early. Out of a three wide receiver formation. When the ball is snapped, Wilson, Ward, and Washington need to find the closest member of Oakland's secondary and punish them. Oakland's secondary prides itself on being physical and our receivers (Ward aside) are considered soft. They won't be as likely to jam our guys at the line of scrimmage if they're still smarting from the hit they took two plays ago. I don't care if it's away from the play. I don't care if it's after the play. Or even if they have to miss their assignment in order to knock some Oakland DB's teeth into his watch pocket. This is important. We need to beat them physically, mentally, emotionally, and on the scoreboard.
- Tom Walsh, Oakland's offensive coordinator, spent the last 11 years running a bed and breakfast in Idaho. I would venture to say that he's forgotten a lot about gameplanning the last decade or so. Dick LeBeau needs to take advantage of this and Oakland's pourous offensive line and pressure the hell out of the quarterback. Hopefully, that quarterback is Andrew Walter.
- I predict a 48-7 victory. If nothing else because I like to think it's possible and I want us to beat the Raiders worse than we beat the Chiefs.
Steelers vs. Raiders Preview
I've been waiting to write this preview all season. I've been looking forward to it. And, I know what you're saying. "Gee, Keller, if you were soooooo looking forward to writing this, why are you posting it on Thursday night?" I have no response. Well, none except for: Eat me. It's a free blog.
There are two reasons I've been looking forward to this game/preview all year.
One, it's the Raiders. I have a special kind of hatred for the Raiders. They're kind of like your dickhead cousin that you only see periodically at family reunions and special events, like when a mutual cousin or a relative that's close to both of you geographically gets married. When you hear about them, you're a little mad. But, at least they're family. When the Raiders went to the Super Bowl, I was pissed, but I was happy that the AFC might stand a chance in the big game. I was wrong there, too, but at least I rooted for family (AFC) rather than seething hatred.
My point is that I don't really hate the Raiders when we're not playing them. There's a deeply rooted hatred for Oakland that beats in the heart of every Steeler fan. However, THAT WAS THIRTY FREAKIN' YEARS AGO. I hate Baltimore and Cincinnati much more because we play them more often and they've beaten us in important games more recently. It's true that the Raiders wiped their collective asses with us in 2002 at Heinz Field. But, they were the team to beat and we were a bad game against the Browns from starting the Tommy Maddox Era. They ended up going to the Super Bowl and getting pasted by a Tampa squad that we owned on Monday Night, and we ended up going to overtime and not beating Atlanta. Do you see the symmetry this year?
This year, we're a wounded champion and they're a terrible, terrible team. I smell blood in the water. I'm channeling my inner Mike Kruczek and thinking about how the Raiders ruined the best season the Steelers ever could have had ('76, could've won three straight Super Bowls, let up only 26 points over 9 games at one point, only lost in the AFC Championship Game because Franco, Blier, and Lambert were hurt). We need to make these guys pay.
The other reason I'm looking forward to this game is that the Raiders SUCK. True, they finally got off the schneid and beat the hapless Cardinals last week. True, they have Randy Moss. And LaMont Jordan, the biggest cause of Fantasy Football related suicides since Daunte Culpepper. And that's it.
Look at their depth chart, for Christ's sake! Do you recognize any of their linebackers? I know three of their guys on defense. Warren Sapp because he used to be good in Tampa, Derrick Burgess because he had 15 sacks last year, and Michael Huff because he was drafted 7th overall this offseason. On offense, they look like they could use Lincoln Kennedy to roll his chubby ass out of the broadcast booth and suit up to play left tackle. Or right tackle. Or any position on the line, really. It's a good thing Joey Porter is probably going to play. He and Clark Haggans (or even Arnold Harrison or James Harrison) are going to make it a long day for whoever lines up under center for the Raiders.
It' most likely to be Andrew Walter. This kid set an NCAA record for fumbles during his career at Arizona State. He's a big guy (6'6", 245) with a HUGE arm, but he's brittle and his favorite food is the apple turnover. With a side of fumble. And an interception glaze. And he likes a little "agonizingly stupid play that makes everyone in the stands groan" in his coffee. The man makes Aaron Brooks look responsible enough to have sex with your sister.
Heading this 1-5 three ring circus (I know, they're only a game worse than the Steelers, but you just have to trust me) is former Raider and worst coach ever, Art Shell. Shell was hired after absolutely everyone with a pulse and the knowledge that a football is oblong and the thing you kick it through is called "the uprights" interviewed for the job. Did anyone catch the Monday night game against the Chargers on opening weekend? The Raiders couldn't block, couldn't tackle, and were getting completely slaughtered on national television. Shell looked wooden on the sidelines, like he was on the phone with his unsurance agent, listening to the subtle differences between full tort and limited tort coverage. To top it all off, he had his headset off and was talking to Randy Moss on the sidelines with under two minutes to play in the first half and the clock running. Under two minutes. Clock running. Headset off. Talking to Randy Moss. I really wish I was making this up.
We need to absolutely slaughter these guys. Pummel them. The Kansas City Chiefs need to look at the final score and say, "Damn! At least we didn't get beat that bad!" Picture a red-headed step-child. Seated on a rented mule. In a room with no windows. Bill Romonowski and Mike Tyson are there. They have jagged, rusty chains. And they've just had an eightball each and skinny, pale faced redheads have just been slapping them across the face for six straight hours without Romo and Tyson having the ability resist or fight back.
We need to murder these guys. I hate the Raiders. They must suffer.
There are two reasons I've been looking forward to this game/preview all year.
One, it's the Raiders. I have a special kind of hatred for the Raiders. They're kind of like your dickhead cousin that you only see periodically at family reunions and special events, like when a mutual cousin or a relative that's close to both of you geographically gets married. When you hear about them, you're a little mad. But, at least they're family. When the Raiders went to the Super Bowl, I was pissed, but I was happy that the AFC might stand a chance in the big game. I was wrong there, too, but at least I rooted for family (AFC) rather than seething hatred.
My point is that I don't really hate the Raiders when we're not playing them. There's a deeply rooted hatred for Oakland that beats in the heart of every Steeler fan. However, THAT WAS THIRTY FREAKIN' YEARS AGO. I hate Baltimore and Cincinnati much more because we play them more often and they've beaten us in important games more recently. It's true that the Raiders wiped their collective asses with us in 2002 at Heinz Field. But, they were the team to beat and we were a bad game against the Browns from starting the Tommy Maddox Era. They ended up going to the Super Bowl and getting pasted by a Tampa squad that we owned on Monday Night, and we ended up going to overtime and not beating Atlanta. Do you see the symmetry this year?
This year, we're a wounded champion and they're a terrible, terrible team. I smell blood in the water. I'm channeling my inner Mike Kruczek and thinking about how the Raiders ruined the best season the Steelers ever could have had ('76, could've won three straight Super Bowls, let up only 26 points over 9 games at one point, only lost in the AFC Championship Game because Franco, Blier, and Lambert were hurt). We need to make these guys pay.
The other reason I'm looking forward to this game is that the Raiders SUCK. True, they finally got off the schneid and beat the hapless Cardinals last week. True, they have Randy Moss. And LaMont Jordan, the biggest cause of Fantasy Football related suicides since Daunte Culpepper. And that's it.
Look at their depth chart, for Christ's sake! Do you recognize any of their linebackers? I know three of their guys on defense. Warren Sapp because he used to be good in Tampa, Derrick Burgess because he had 15 sacks last year, and Michael Huff because he was drafted 7th overall this offseason. On offense, they look like they could use Lincoln Kennedy to roll his chubby ass out of the broadcast booth and suit up to play left tackle. Or right tackle. Or any position on the line, really. It's a good thing Joey Porter is probably going to play. He and Clark Haggans (or even Arnold Harrison or James Harrison) are going to make it a long day for whoever lines up under center for the Raiders.
It' most likely to be Andrew Walter. This kid set an NCAA record for fumbles during his career at Arizona State. He's a big guy (6'6", 245) with a HUGE arm, but he's brittle and his favorite food is the apple turnover. With a side of fumble. And an interception glaze. And he likes a little "agonizingly stupid play that makes everyone in the stands groan" in his coffee. The man makes Aaron Brooks look responsible enough to have sex with your sister.
Heading this 1-5 three ring circus (I know, they're only a game worse than the Steelers, but you just have to trust me) is former Raider and worst coach ever, Art Shell. Shell was hired after absolutely everyone with a pulse and the knowledge that a football is oblong and the thing you kick it through is called "the uprights" interviewed for the job. Did anyone catch the Monday night game against the Chargers on opening weekend? The Raiders couldn't block, couldn't tackle, and were getting completely slaughtered on national television. Shell looked wooden on the sidelines, like he was on the phone with his unsurance agent, listening to the subtle differences between full tort and limited tort coverage. To top it all off, he had his headset off and was talking to Randy Moss on the sidelines with under two minutes to play in the first half and the clock running. Under two minutes. Clock running. Headset off. Talking to Randy Moss. I really wish I was making this up.
We need to absolutely slaughter these guys. Pummel them. The Kansas City Chiefs need to look at the final score and say, "Damn! At least we didn't get beat that bad!" Picture a red-headed step-child. Seated on a rented mule. In a room with no windows. Bill Romonowski and Mike Tyson are there. They have jagged, rusty chains. And they've just had an eightball each and skinny, pale faced redheads have just been slapping them across the face for six straight hours without Romo and Tyson having the ability resist or fight back.
We need to murder these guys. I hate the Raiders. They must suffer.
Monday, October 23, 2006
Steelers vs. Falcons Review
Well, I guess I feel like an idiot. I predicted a big win. Ah, well.
You can't pin this one on Ben, the officials, the running into the kicker penalty (which I've taken to referring to as the tripping over the Polamalu penalty). You can't blame the run defense just because they folded in the fourth quarter and overtime.
You seriously have to blame Cowher. I mean, special teams have been a problem all year. Holmes muffs another punt and we give up 38,515 return yards. We outgained them and did better on third down. And even the 473-399 edge that we had in total yards is skewed by the fact that they held the ball for all but 25 seconds at the end of the game and piled up 114 yards. So, when it was still tied at 38, we outgained them 453-285. And were tied with them.
You can put dumb penalties and mental errors on the players to some degree. You can even say that they were put in a position to make plays and didn't (lots of missed tackles and dropped passes), but it ultimately comes down to the fact that Cowher has not had this team ready to play all season. We should've lost to Miami. We definitely could've won any of the other games we played this year, but we didn't. And it's because we're not focused, we're taking dumb penalties, doing stupid shit, and turning the ball over way too much. Fourteen times in 6 games. In 1995, we turned the ball over 15 times all year. So that's an issue.
We need to stop giving games away, play for an entire game (not just when we feel like it, like aginst Atlanta, Miami, Cincinnati or for one half, like San Diego, or not at all, like Jacksonville). We need to start showing some discipline for God's sake. I mean, the season might already be over, but we've still got a shot at winning 10 or 11 games.
We still get to play Oakland. I think we'll beat Denver. We still get to play Cleveland and Baltimore (not as good as advertised) twice. And Tampa. I think we'll have a real good shot against the Saints. And, we'll get to play Cincy at Cincy, which seems to work out better for us for some reason.
This is a very, very talented team that can beat anyone in the league. All they need to do is completely overhaul special teams and change their entire mental state. No problem.
Okay. That is a problem.
You can't pin this one on Ben, the officials, the running into the kicker penalty (which I've taken to referring to as the tripping over the Polamalu penalty). You can't blame the run defense just because they folded in the fourth quarter and overtime.
You seriously have to blame Cowher. I mean, special teams have been a problem all year. Holmes muffs another punt and we give up 38,515 return yards. We outgained them and did better on third down. And even the 473-399 edge that we had in total yards is skewed by the fact that they held the ball for all but 25 seconds at the end of the game and piled up 114 yards. So, when it was still tied at 38, we outgained them 453-285. And were tied with them.
You can put dumb penalties and mental errors on the players to some degree. You can even say that they were put in a position to make plays and didn't (lots of missed tackles and dropped passes), but it ultimately comes down to the fact that Cowher has not had this team ready to play all season. We should've lost to Miami. We definitely could've won any of the other games we played this year, but we didn't. And it's because we're not focused, we're taking dumb penalties, doing stupid shit, and turning the ball over way too much. Fourteen times in 6 games. In 1995, we turned the ball over 15 times all year. So that's an issue.
We need to stop giving games away, play for an entire game (not just when we feel like it, like aginst Atlanta, Miami, Cincinnati or for one half, like San Diego, or not at all, like Jacksonville). We need to start showing some discipline for God's sake. I mean, the season might already be over, but we've still got a shot at winning 10 or 11 games.
We still get to play Oakland. I think we'll beat Denver. We still get to play Cleveland and Baltimore (not as good as advertised) twice. And Tampa. I think we'll have a real good shot against the Saints. And, we'll get to play Cincy at Cincy, which seems to work out better for us for some reason.
This is a very, very talented team that can beat anyone in the league. All they need to do is completely overhaul special teams and change their entire mental state. No problem.
Okay. That is a problem.
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Steelers vs. Falcons Preview
We've gotta stop Mike Vick, right? I mean, he's the whole key to the offense, right? Well, sort of. Everybody pays so damn much attention to Michael Vick that they forget about the Jerious Norwoods and Warrick Dunns of the world. Warrick Dunn can flat out kill you. He was Fast Willie before Fast Willie was Fast Willie. Elusive, fast back that could catch passes. Book on him was that he was too small. Couldn't last a whole season. Ten years later? Well, football people are stupid.
I really think we can do a damn good job of containing Vick. Until we decided to stop playing defense in the 2002 game against Vick (that freakin' tie!) we owned Vick. The Falcons have a crappy pass defense, a small defensive line (three guys from that line are on the injury report, btw), and three crybaby receivers that suck more than a crack whore that's two weeks between fixes.
Our outside linebackers are faster and more athletic than your average defensive lineman. The fact that we have two of those guys and one fewer defensive lineman really works to our advantage. The key to beating Vick is by containing him from the outside and forcing him up the middle. Or, ya know, forcing the quarterback to throw the ball, but that's a different story. In that same 2002 game, Porter chased down Vick, caused a fumble, and recovered it. I really hope he plays. Porter and Haggans can at least chase the man down.
The Falcons have the best rushing offense in the NFL. They're averaging 234 rushing yards per game. Averaging 234 rushing yards a game. They've done most of that out of either a straight formation, running the ball between the tackles ocassionally, but mostly running the ball outside and running out of a shotgun-run-option with Vick. The Saints were able to contain this by staying disciplined and stretching the play out. The big issue with running to the outside is that you've got to deal with defenders trying to kill you and you've got to deal with the sideline. We need to force Vick and Dunn to go East-to-West. If they do a lot of North-to-South running, we're in deep, deep shit.
But, I think we can do it. Think of all the stretch, sweep, and off-tackle stuff everyone has run against us this year. They must have about 13 yards on 18 carries. Because our linemen play have such great gap discipline and our linebackers are very quick, it's extremely difficult to stretch us out and run wide on us. Madden and all those other jokers talk about Casey Hampton, Larry Foote, and James Farrior. The whole reason those guys get so many tackles is because teams know they can't run outside the tackles against us at all, so they settle for what they can get between the tackles.
When we have the ball, it's easy. Well, provided that the three guys that are hurt (their three best pass rushers) either are scratched from the line-up or play hurt. They're small anyway. As long as we stick to running the ball, we'll mow their skinny asses down. Football is a game of attrition. Fast guys get tired, big guys don't shrink.
All we have to do is not go pass crazy at the beginning of the game. Run the ball, be patient, run some screen passes and draw plays to Davenport and Fast Willie to slow down the pass rush, then try to victimize their old, slow safeties with deep passes off of playaction.
One issue: All 956 pounds of Grady Jackson. This dude is a load. The only guy on our offensive line that's even close to as big as Jackson is Chris Keameatu (or however the hell you spell that). Chis is fat, angry, and once got suspended for kicking a BYU player in the head. We need to tell him that Jackson played for BYU. That he reads the Book of Mormon every night. And, most importantly since Chris has weight issues, we need to tell him that Jackson has a ham sandwich stashed somewhere on his person.
Overall, we just need to pound on these guys. Vick's small. Dunn's small. Their offensive and defensive lines are small. We need to beat on them until they don't want to get up anymore. You'd think a team that rushes for 230+ yards a game would be physical, but they're not. They're a bunch of doilie-sewing sissies and we need to punish them for that. Beat on them early, win late.
All in all, though, I'm not really worried about this game. I really think we're going to beat them and beat them soundly. Not Kansas City soundly, but soundly. The only thing that worries me is that I'm not at all worried. That and the fact that Michael Vick could pull some craziness out of his ass and win the game all by himself. But not by throwing the ball.
Prediction:
Steelers 24, Falcons 10
I really think we can do a damn good job of containing Vick. Until we decided to stop playing defense in the 2002 game against Vick (that freakin' tie!) we owned Vick. The Falcons have a crappy pass defense, a small defensive line (three guys from that line are on the injury report, btw), and three crybaby receivers that suck more than a crack whore that's two weeks between fixes.
Our outside linebackers are faster and more athletic than your average defensive lineman. The fact that we have two of those guys and one fewer defensive lineman really works to our advantage. The key to beating Vick is by containing him from the outside and forcing him up the middle. Or, ya know, forcing the quarterback to throw the ball, but that's a different story. In that same 2002 game, Porter chased down Vick, caused a fumble, and recovered it. I really hope he plays. Porter and Haggans can at least chase the man down.
The Falcons have the best rushing offense in the NFL. They're averaging 234 rushing yards per game. Averaging 234 rushing yards a game. They've done most of that out of either a straight formation, running the ball between the tackles ocassionally, but mostly running the ball outside and running out of a shotgun-run-option with Vick. The Saints were able to contain this by staying disciplined and stretching the play out. The big issue with running to the outside is that you've got to deal with defenders trying to kill you and you've got to deal with the sideline. We need to force Vick and Dunn to go East-to-West. If they do a lot of North-to-South running, we're in deep, deep shit.
But, I think we can do it. Think of all the stretch, sweep, and off-tackle stuff everyone has run against us this year. They must have about 13 yards on 18 carries. Because our linemen play have such great gap discipline and our linebackers are very quick, it's extremely difficult to stretch us out and run wide on us. Madden and all those other jokers talk about Casey Hampton, Larry Foote, and James Farrior. The whole reason those guys get so many tackles is because teams know they can't run outside the tackles against us at all, so they settle for what they can get between the tackles.
When we have the ball, it's easy. Well, provided that the three guys that are hurt (their three best pass rushers) either are scratched from the line-up or play hurt. They're small anyway. As long as we stick to running the ball, we'll mow their skinny asses down. Football is a game of attrition. Fast guys get tired, big guys don't shrink.
All we have to do is not go pass crazy at the beginning of the game. Run the ball, be patient, run some screen passes and draw plays to Davenport and Fast Willie to slow down the pass rush, then try to victimize their old, slow safeties with deep passes off of playaction.
One issue: All 956 pounds of Grady Jackson. This dude is a load. The only guy on our offensive line that's even close to as big as Jackson is Chris Keameatu (or however the hell you spell that). Chis is fat, angry, and once got suspended for kicking a BYU player in the head. We need to tell him that Jackson played for BYU. That he reads the Book of Mormon every night. And, most importantly since Chris has weight issues, we need to tell him that Jackson has a ham sandwich stashed somewhere on his person.
Overall, we just need to pound on these guys. Vick's small. Dunn's small. Their offensive and defensive lines are small. We need to beat on them until they don't want to get up anymore. You'd think a team that rushes for 230+ yards a game would be physical, but they're not. They're a bunch of doilie-sewing sissies and we need to punish them for that. Beat on them early, win late.
All in all, though, I'm not really worried about this game. I really think we're going to beat them and beat them soundly. Not Kansas City soundly, but soundly. The only thing that worries me is that I'm not at all worried. That and the fact that Michael Vick could pull some craziness out of his ass and win the game all by himself. But not by throwing the ball.
Prediction:
Steelers 24, Falcons 10
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